William Clay Ford and Matt Millen: Draft day strategy

Matt Millen: Dammit, I should have known. He's deep into the Chivas. Here we go again.

William Clay Ford: //drool//

MM: Mr. Ford, sir? I'm here to speak to you about the upcoming NFL draft.

William Clay Ford: //whistle//

MM: Sir? SIR? MR. FORD?!

WCF: //snort//

MM: MR. FORD! THE DRAFT!! THE DRAFT!!

WCF: //wheeze// Huh? Wha?! DRAFT?! What about the God damn draft?! I have an exemption! I'm 4 fucking F, my daddy took care of it! World war my ass! I'm not going to war to support that damn socialist Roosevelt! I couldn't give a shit if some Archduke has been shot! Scotch me, Jeeves! Damn communists are ruining this country! Next thing you know, we'll be dropping the gold standard!

MM: THE NFL DRAFT, YOU DAMN DEAF ASS OLD COOT! Uh, um...That came out wrong, sir. I meant to say, I'm talking about the NFL draft, Mr. Ford.

WCF: Oh, it's you, Russ! How's things with my footballers? You still don't have that drunk alcoholic Texan playing quaterbacker, do you Russ? He's giving my Lions a bad name, with all the late night carousing and whoring! That won't do. That won't do at all. We need another QB, Russ.

MM: No, Mr. Ford, I'm not Russ Thomas, I'm Matt Mill...Whatever you say, sir. Anyway...We traded Bobby Layne in 1958, Mr. Ford. Jon Kitna is our QB now. The coaches all agree that Kitna is their man for next year.

WCF: Who? Johnny Kika? Sounds Jewish to me! You know that won't do, Russ. We need a real quaterbacker, not some jewboy. Now what about this so-called draft. Sounds like a good way to get my footballers a new quaterbacker. OK, it's settled.

MM: Settled? But...

WCF: We'll draft a quaterbacker, as long as he isn't a hippie, a jew, or a colored boy.

MM: Sir, I've talked with the coaches, and we all agree. We're quite happy with our QB situation. We want to take a lineman with our first pick.

WCF: A lineman? A LINEMAN?! //hack// //spit// Christ almighty Russ, what in the HELL are you thinking?! Are you on the drugs? Linemen don't sell tickets! I told you, we NEED a quarterbacker. You're driving me to drink, Russ. JEEVES! SCOTCH! NOW! OR I'M CALLING IMMIGRATION!

MM: But, but, but...Sir, the last time you told me to specifically take a QB, we ended up with Joey Harrington. He set back the franchise 5 years! We became a league laughingstock! We need to build from the inside out, sir. We like Joe Thomas, a offensive tackle from Wiscons...

WCF: A TACKLE!? Didn't you hear me? No one buys tickets to watch some lard ass! You are NOT drafting a..a...TACKLE LINEMAN! That settles that. Now tell me Russ, who are the best quaterbackers coming out of the university system?

MM: There's two QB's that are at the top of our draft board. A stud kid from LSU, Jamarcus Russell, and...

WCF: Jamar-who? Did I hear that right? JAMARCUS? He a colored boy?

MM: Uh...Well...

WCF: Russ, you know that's not going to work. We all know that the coloreds are lazy. It's common knowledge that quaterbacker is too difficult of a position for the coloreds. I WILL NOT have a lazy colored boy as my quarterbacker! Case closed! Now where's my scotch?

MM: I don't know where your scotch is, sir. Since we now don't like Russell, the next QB on the board is a kid from Notre Dame...

WCF: Notre Dame? Are you talking about Hourning? Paul Hourning is available?! 23 skidoo, now there's a clean cut young man! And a Heisman winning Notre Dame lad to boot. He's going to sell lots of tickets, Russ! Say what you will about those damn Catholics, but they sure can produce good footballers! That's who you're drafting, Russ. No ifs, ands, or buts. Discussion over. Now have a drink. GOD DAMMIT! JEEVES, I HAVE IMMIGRATION ON THE PHONE! SCOTCH! NOW!

MM: No sir, his name is Brady Qui...Oh Christ, I give up. Yes, sir. I can draft Paul Hourning for the Lions.

WCF: Now that's what I like in my general manager. A yes man. That's why our family business is doing so well, Russ. What we Fords say, goes. You best remember that, Russ.

MM: Yes, sir. Can I have that drink?

WCF: That's the spirit, boy! //snort// Scotch is the nectar of the Gods, you know. JEEVES!

MM: I hate myself...

Like an addict is to crack, the media is to the Super Bowl

Super Bowl week has started. I'm supposed to be all atwitter, counting down the seconds till kickoff. It's the biggest game of the year. Good Lord, the Worldwide Leader had coverage of the Bears' buses leaving for the airport on Sunday Countdown.

Despite the MSM saying I should, I'm not feeling all that "Super."

Why should I be so damn excited? It's just another football game. A big game, to be sure, but it's not going to live up to the exhausting hype. It rarely does.

You can count the number of close, exciting, competitive Super Bowls on one hand. I'm not anticipating this game to be one of them.

We've already had one week of relentless, breathless, useless media bullshit. For the next 7, count 'em, 7, days, we are going to learn more about the Bears and Colts than even the most rabid fan needs, or cares, to know.

As the media hype machine is going to be in overdrive, we fans are going to hear things that make no sense. But it's Super Bowl week, and there are tons of unnecessary column inches and air time to fill.

For example, we are going to have the starting quarterbacks shoved down our throats. I could give a crap that Peyton Manning finally won a big game. To be honest, play enough big games, you are bound to finally win one of them. At least Manning deserves much of the praise that we'll hear this week. Not all, but most...

But on the other side, Rex Grossman is an awful, awful quarterback. If he's not one of the worst QB's to ever make it to a Super Bowl, he's in the top 3. (I think we can all agree on David Woodley, Trent Dilfer, and Grossman, in any order.) I know it, you know, it, and nothing that the MSM might say is going to convince me otherwise.

So don't even try to tell me that Grossman "Manages the game," or that he "Fits in with what the offense is trying to do." Both are euphemisms for "We have to alter the game plan so he doesn't blow it," and "We don't have anyone better, otherwise his ass would be riding the pine."

Tomorrow is the hated "Media day," where the ink stained wretches, the TV pretty boys, and any damn asshat who could finagle a press pass gets the freedom to ask some of the most stupid, asinine, pointless drivel, masked as questions. Rarely will a player say anything other than the most standard of clichés during the media gang bang.

It's the same damn stories every Super Bowl. The stars will be swarmed, and asked the same routine questions over and over, hope against hope they slip up and say something controversial. You'll have the media interviewing one another. There will be the usual clowns trying to be the center of attention who come from media entities that have no interest in the game itself. There will be the quotes from the backup player who sits off to the side, and some hack things it'll be "Cute" to talk to them. Christ almighty, we've seen and heard it all before...

In other words, it's the same shit, different Super Bowl.

The Super Bowl brings out the worst in sports. The media overkill, pretentious self importance of the NFL, the players being lionized, it's enough to make you want to turn the hype machine off, and forget about the whole God damn thing.

And before you even ask, yes, I'll be watching the game.

Wojo: Bring Bill Cowher to the Lions! TWFE: Been there, done that

I'm convinced that the News' Bob Wojonowski reads TWFE. Why is that, you ask?

By reading his Saturday 1/27 column, "Cowher's available, Mr. Ford."

I championed the cause of Bill Cowher to the Lions exactly 1 month ago, right when it was appearent that Pittsburgh's head coach with the jaw that won't quit was going to resign.

Typical mainstream media, slow on the uptake... To be honest, I'm surprised some of the other ink stained wretches hadn't yet taken up the cause.

So far, here's the "Who takes over the Lions when Millen gets the ziggy" media scorecard.

Bob Wojonowski - Bill Cowher

Drew (Not so) Sharp - The Tuna, Bill Parcells

The Little Fella - Albom's too busy writing overly sappy novellas, and revising history on the fly, to care

Rob Parker - Too busy trying to hitch his sorry ass to the sinking ship that is "Cold Pizza," and making the clueless Skip Bayless look smart, to actually care

Michael Rosenberg - Too busy writing hockey columns covering NHL isssues that bloggers have been bringing up for weeks.

Jerry Green - Too busy writing about how much better sports were in the old days.

Pat Caputo - Who cares, no one reads The Oakland Press anyway

Sometimes you got to do the housekeeping

I need to put a quick stop to the normal TWFE hijinks. For just one post, anyway.

On a more serious note, I wanted to let you all know that there may be some bumps in the blogging road over the next few weeks. I'm soon expecting my personal life to get in the way of the the blogging fun and games.

Due to circumstances out of my control, I will most likely be forced to change my living arraignments soon. To be honest, I'm not expecting it to go super smoothly. I'm going to let you in on something that only a few of you readers know about me. I was diagnosed with both Ankylosing Spondylitis and Osteoarthritis about 10 years ago, and over the last 2 , it's gotten severe enough for me to be declared fully disabled. I still get around, but I depend an inordinate amount upon others, as it's not easy when you no longer drive.

I'm not planning on any big gaps in my posting, not yet anyway. I don't expect much to change for the next 3-4 weeks. After that, unfortunately, I can't guarantee that will continue to be the case.

I'm not sure that it's going to be easy to find decent and affordable housing when on long-term (Or should I say in my case, lifetime) disability. I'm guessing that it'll be hard to get both in a place, it may be just one or the other. I hope I'm wrong, but you know the old saying, the same I've used for the Lions. "Hope for the best, but expect the worst."

I'll do my best to keep everyone in the loop as to my adventures...

On a lighter note, there is the possibility that TWFE will be getting some MSM love soon. You guys and gals will be the first to know when I have more details.

I'll be at the west side TWFE HQ over the next couple of days. If the opportunity presents, I'll get some sort of inane commentary posted. Otherwise, I'll be back Sunday or Monday.

Thanks for reading!

Questions, we have questions...

I have a few questions for everyone, so please pay attention.

OK, I'd like to see who actually watched the NHL All-Star game last night? Be honest... A quick show of hands, please? Anyone? Anyone? Beuller? Thought so.

Another question. Anyone impressed with Tommy Amaker's leading the Michigan Wolverines cagers to a 16-5 record? No one? Just as I thought.

Has anyone seen any of Amaker's players improve over their career, even in the slightest? That's a gimmie...

Since the Wolverines aren't able to beat even the semblance of a good team, last night's whooping by the Badgers being the latest example of ineptitude, does Michigan have anything more than a slim chance to make the make the NCAA tournament? OK, enough with the laughing, I'm not joking! This is a serious question that needs an answer. No one thinks different? Hell, I expected as much.

Mike Furrey signed a 3 year deal with the Detroit Lions yesterday. Will keeping Furrey be the difference in the Lions avoiding another double digit loss season? Awful quiet out there! Hello?

Does Matt Millen have even the slightest clue? HA! Hey, I had to throw an easy one in there. If anyone thinks otherwise, I'll petition for their being committed.

Drew Sharp advocates that the Red Wings should try to acquire a nearly washed up and always injured Peter Forsberg from the Flyers. To me, this looks like another case of a columnist writing about a sport he knows nothing about, thinking that since Forsberg is a big name, trading for him must be a good idea. Do you disagree? Anybody? Wow, 5 for 5 so far.

Even though Peyton Manning is in the Super Bowl, you'd still rather be Tom Brady. The Tom Brady with his 3 Super Bowl rings, and dating models, than the fiveheaded commercial whoring Manning who's continually hanging around, not Victoria's Secret models, but Kenny Chesney, right? If you think different, speak up! It got awful quiet in these parts...

We all hope that Rob Parker passed the "Audition," and will he hired by the Worldwide Leader to take Woody Paige's place on Cold Pizza. No sane person thinks differently, right? Right? Whew, I'm glad we're on the same page! I have to admit, that scenario is in my prayers every night. I'm guessing the odds are damn good, as I'm sure that the Worldwide Leader is required to hire the functionally retarded. That has to be the only explanation as to why Matt Millen is still employed.

Is the Worldwide Leader's Sean Salisbury anything more than a clueless, bigoted, woman harassing ex jock blowhard with a feeling of entitlement who must have something on his bosses that allows him to continue to spew inanities on the airwaves? That's an easy one, no need to explain. He's nothing more than that...

Can anyone explain why in the Hell Salisbury is still employed by the Worldwide Leader? Or for that matter, what they saw in him in the first place? I don't have the answers either. Some things will never be answered.

Bruce Campbell gets it. The NHL doesn't

B-movie God (And Detroit area native) Bruce Campbell talks of "IT" in this brilliant Old Spice ad.



Thing is, Bruce is not just necessarily letting us know who wears Old Spice, he could easily be talking about the National Hockey League. They don't have it, they don't get it, and most likely never will.

The reason I'm agreeing with Bruce is due to some of the strange decision making coming out of the NHL meetings during the All-Star break. (Quick aside... Why on earth is the NHL playing their showcase for their best players, the All-Star game, in the middle of the week? Let alone on a channel no one can find? There is absolutely nothing going on this weekend, and NBC could carry the game on a Saturday afternoon. Instead, the NHL would rather go up against the ratings juggernaut that is "American Idol?" Smart thinking, eh? But I digress...)

The schedule has been a hot topic amongst puck fans recently, especially we fans of the Red Wings. If there is one team that is constantly screwed over in the schedule making process, it's Detroit.

I listed the Red Wings Western Conference conundrum as one of my biggest sports pet peeves very early on in the life of TWFE. As an eastern time zone team playing the vast majority of their games with teams well out of their own time zone, they have been at a competitive disadvantage for years. The Red Wings get jet lagged, while the teams in the east have leisurely commutes in comparison.

Due to the Red Wings being stuck in the west, some of the most loyal and knowledgeable fans in hockey are also screwed over royally by a league that lacks many things other than "IT," including common sense. Their unbalanced schedule denies Wings fans from some seeing the best players in all of hockey.

In Detroit, we hear rumors about mysterious young players who can do amazing things. But they only do so on the Eastern seaboard. I believe their names are Sidney Crosby and Alexander Ovechkin. Not that we Detroiters would know.

I also hear that there are teams that were once fierce rivals of the Wings, who play in such exotic cities as Boston, New York, Toronto, and Montreal. As we NEVER actually see these teams come to town, I honestly think they are just figments of my overactive imagination.

Instead of allowing teams in the west to see some of the great players and legendary teams, the powers that be in the NHL voted to keep the status quo. Wonderful, just wonderful. Another year of seeing Columbus and Nashville 16 God damn times.

What's even stranger is what comes out of the NHL's mouth in regard to the Red Wings schedule. This quote from NHL deputy commissioner Bill Daly is utterly flabbergasting in its total cluelessness.

"I think in a perfect world, they wouldn't want their games starting at a time that's different than the time zone they're in. But that's something they've been dealing with for quite some time now. So it's not as if it's a new burden."

So it's obvious that the NHL realizes that the Red Wings have to deal with more adversity in their schedule than most every other team. They have for years. But since the Wings have had some of the hardest travel requirements in all of sports for so long, the NHL says it's something that they can just "Deal" with? That makes no sense.

I wonder what the Toronto Maple Leafs would say if they had to travel cross country in every playoff series. Let alone the bitching and moaning from a bleary eyed fanbase that would have to stay awake till the wee hours of the morning to just watch their team play. Welcome to Red Wings fandom, folks. If numerous other eastern time zone teams had to travel like the Red Wings (And the Columbus Blue Jackets as well), things would quickly change.

But the cluelessness doesn't stop there. Here's Daly on the idea of the Red Wings moving to the east.

"Detroit would clearly have a strong case, but by the same token, there are other teams in the Western Conference that depend on Detroit being in the Western Conference."

What? The west "Depends" upon the Red Wings? Just read between the lines. I'd interpret that as Daly admitting that many of the teams in the west have such a limited fanbase, they would have trouble surviving without the Red Wings filling their building 4 times a season. If that isn't admitting that your league isn't in the best of shape...

There is an opportunity for the Red Wings to move to the Eastern Conference, but it would be at the expense of another established fan base. Pittsburgh Penguins fans are desperately hoping against hope that some sort of arena deal can be brokered that will keep the Pens from bolting to greener, and likely warmer, pastures. And those pastures are west of the Mississippi.

If the Penguins move west, that opens the east facing door for the Red Wings. It would be necessary for the NHL to realign. There's an easy solution, as you would think that the Red Wings would just trade conferences with the Kansas City/Houston/Whomever gives Mario Lemiux an arena Penguins.

So I have to root for another team to leave their their loyal fans in the lurch, in order for the team I root for to have a fair schedule? That isn't right. I would never want to find myself in the same situation as the Pittsburgh fan.

But...From reading the quotes about how important the Red Wings are to the attendance starved teams in the west, there is no guarantee they go east. Despite what Jimmy Devellano might believe, I'd venture a guess the NHL would have something else in mind. It's even money that the Columbus Blue Jackets would be the team to go east, despite what might be best for the Red Wings. Columbus would then be supported by cornerstone franchises like the Bruins and Rangers, and the Red Wings would continue to be the tent pole in the west.

No matter what happens, could you picture any other supposed major league treating one of their most storied and influential franchises with such a lack of respect?

No. Only in the NHL. The league that'll never have, or get, "IT." Or for that matter, a clue...

TWFE predicted Drew Sharp's Parcells to the Lions column. I also predicted the sun to rise in the east & 'Sheed to lead the league in T's

Yesterday, in my "Bill Parcells is never coming to the Lions" post, I predicted that at least one of the local ink stained wretches would call for the Lions to make a play for the Tuna. As always, Detroit columnists are as uninspired as Michigan's Rose Bowl play calling.

In today's Freep, Drew Sharp, out of fresh ideas, and considering he had a deadline, took the Parcells bait. I'd be convinced that I had some sort of ESP if the resulting column hadn't been so predictable...

Targeting Parcells is common sense -- but, of course, the Fords have long sought immunity from that virus. However, if the Lions endure another miserable season, the Fords inevitably will seek another new beginning, and they'd be smart to make a preemptive strike now.

What a flipping pipe dream. William Clay Ford has never been smart, have never done anything preemptively, and there is absolutely no reason to believe that they are about to start now.

Unfortunately for fans of good football everywhere, Matt Millen is going nowhere. This coulmn might be worth running 10 months from now, when the Lions will be in the midst of their 7th consecutive double digit losing season, and the fans are planing their yearly protest.

Until that time, calling for the Lions to make any front office changes are going to fall upon Ford's senile ears. Sharp's column was a waste of newsprint. What else is new?

Parcells to the Lions? Get real, folks...

As you all know, the Big Tuna, Bill Parcells retired from the Cowboys, and supposedly pro football altogether today. Within minutes after the announcement, you could read message board posts by fans desperately wanting the Lions to give Parcells a call.

That's not Alfred Hitchcock, it's the Tuna

Local sports talk radio pondered just such a scenario as well. I'd expect at least 1 local ink stained wretch of a columnist to call for the Lions to make a pitch for Parcells as well.

My take? As if... Come on people, let get real. It's not going to happen, and believe me it's for the best.

To begin with, rumors had it that the Lions had their shot at Parcells a few years ago, before he ended up in Dallas. Supposedly there was interest from the Tuna in joining the Lions, but he was never seriously considered due to his caustic personality and need for complete control. In other words, Parcells is too much the control freak, a total handful for an owner who doesn't like those who make waves. Parcells would have been a tsunami.

The Fords preferred Matt Millen as their savior. But I digress...

Would the Lions interest Parcells? At this point of his career, not as a coach. As a GM? Possibly. But honestly, I wouldn't want the Tuna as the head coach or GM. Not at 65 years of age. It's become more and more obvious the the NFL is a younger man's game. Witness the success of first year coaches Eric Mangini of the Jets (age 36) and Sean Payton of the Saints (age 43). Lovie Smith was hired at 45, and has the Bears in the Super Bowl 3 years later.

I don't often agree with the Worldwide Leader dot com's Bill Simmons, but he nailed the Parcells age issue with his "Speed Limit Coaching Corollary."

This isn't about age as much as the demands of this particular profession. It's the hardest in sports, an incredibly complex, punishing, thankless job. Just look at the physical effects on head coaches who stick around for extended periods of time. Remember during the Dallas-Seattle game, when NBC ran a split-screen of Parcells and Mike Holmgren from the Packers-Patriots Super Bowl in '97, then followed it up with a live split-screen of them during Saturday's game...and they looked a good 20-25 years older. It was positively creepy, right?

That's why, in Parcells' honor, I'm introducing the Speed Limit Coaching Corollary. If the coach of your favorite team is older than 55, or if your team is about to hire someone who's older than 55, there's a good chance you should start preparing for a frustrating stretch of football.

Yet the Lions have Rod Marinelli. A gimpy 57 year old first time head coach coming off a 3-13 season who's recovering from hip replacement surgery... Yep, that's our forward thinking Lions.

So Parcells isn't coming to Detroit. You know he'd piss off Ford Sr. to no end, and to be perfectly honest, he's well past his prime.

Wouldn't it be nice if the Leo's could actually find the next up and coming great football mind? Someone in his 30's, with a chip on his shoulder, and something to prove? Never happen. This is the same franchise that had assistant coaches of the caliber of a Don Shula and Chuck Knox back in the day, didn't know what they had, and let them leave for much greener pastures.

It's been nothing but retreads, has-been's, and never-were's since William Clay Ford took over. Convincing Bill Parcells to un-retire, to either coach and/or GM the Lions, would be repeating the same mistake.

Why I hate Peyton Manning, and other championship Sunday musings

Is it just me, or was I the only person who found himself rooting for the Patriots last night? It was a great game, and Indy deserves all the credit in the world for coming back to win against such a battle tested team as the Pats. But I was disappointed in the result. Yes, I was disappointed that the big market Patriots, the 00's team of the decade, lost.

To be honest, when it comes to my feelings in regard to the Indianapolis Colts and the Patriots, it's 6 of 1, half dozen of the other. In other words, as a Lions fan, I can't help but be insanely jealous of the success of both franchises.

As for why I ended up rooting the way I did, most of it came down to Tom Brady and his Michigan Wolverines ties. That's even though he has become the iconic "Tom Terriffic," the man whose picture Bill Simmons rubs one out to every night and twice on Sunday.

Despite his massive success, Brady still comes off as regular Joe, or about as regular as a multi-millionaire, good looking, model dating, SNL hosting, Super Bowl winning QB can be. But Bill Belichick, on the other hand... Even though I'll admit that's he's a great coach, he's about as likable as Dick Cheney, with an even pricklier personality, and a much worse wardrobe. Let alone the disgusting fact that Belichick is an adulterer who helped break up a marriage, which in my mind makes him an absolute douchebag.

As for the Colts, Tony Dungy seems like a nice guy who has persevered through some tough times, both personally and professionally. He's a damn good coach, more than a bit holier than thou (I'm not a fan of those who "Thank God" after a win), but without the hubris of a Belichick. Peyton Manning, on the other hand... He's a willing victim of media overexposure, or as the GF told me last night, "Manning's a commercial whore! He endorses everything!"


I'm not sure I can take 2 more weeks of Manning being fluffed by the media, and you know it's going to happen. On top of the MSM man-love for Manning, we will continually be pummeled over the head with Mannning's ads for Gatorade, DirecTv,and that damn MasterCard ad with the,"They're not booing, they're saying "MOOOOVERS!" line. Enough already of that gomer with the fivehead hawking crap on my television, please.

So the thought of having to endure everything that is Peyton Manning overload, which has already begun, by the way, was the tipping point. The obnoxious ubiquitousness of Manning overtly pimping everything under the sun overrode my utter contempt for Belichick.

I'm warning you now, by the time the Super Bowl finally kicks off, you are not going to want to hear the 2 words "Peyton Manning" ever again. EVER again.

As for the NFC game, I'm still attempting to wrap my mind around the fact that a Bears team with Rex Grossman under center is going to the Super Bowl. Rex Grossman? Grossman makes Jon Kitna look like Tom Brady!

So a one dimensional team, the Chicago Bears, won the NFC. The Bears are a throwback team. Well, more like a backwards lateral team, as you only have to go back to the 2000 Baltimore Ravens. Win with defense, and don't F yourself over on offense. Unfortunately for the Lions, they can't win with defense, and do F themselves over on offense.

The Bears are direct competitors with the Motor City Kitties. They somehow went all the way to the Super Bowl, and did so with an extremely flawed team. Which, as a Lions fan, brings a question to mind. Could the Lions build a team with a defense so dominating, they win despite having a below average (Or worse) offense? (Or for that matter, vice versa, win with a Martz era Rams style offense and average defense?) Could the Lions EVER put together a run similar to the Bears'?

No. Never. Can't happen. Don't make me laugh. Are you insane?!

That's how far away our Detroit Lions are from being a contender. We fans can't even envision a scenario where they are in contention.

Quick thoughts on a cold as Hell Detroit afternoon

I just wanted to throw a few of my thoughts out there that don't need a full blown post to themselves...

How quickly does time fly? Ron Artest is coming to town for the first time since the Palace brawl, and it's not HUGE news.

Between 'Sheed hatin' on Worldwide Leader dot com reporters, the drawn out Chris Webber signing, and Kevin Garnett doing his best Carmelo Anthony imitation when Antonio McDyess clenched his fists, Sactown coming to the Palace is almost under the radar. Ron Artest has become, if not a non story, more of a sideshow to the daily Pistons soap opera.

Unfortunately, crazy ass Artest in Detroit gives the WWLiS ample reason to replay the "Malice at the Palace" lowlights endlessly today. That's even though the main combatants are on new teams, the law has closed the book on the matter, and damn near everyone would rather just put it in the past and move on at this point. But give ESPN even a slight opening, and they'll ram through with the video.

Chris Webber is already paying dividends. C-Webb, despite not knowing the offense and being far from top playing shape, still put up a very nice stat line last night. 16 points, 7 boards, and 4 assists in 38 minutes. To be honest, Joe Dumars needed a good signing. After the free agent busts picked up in the off season, getting Webber was a nice recovery.

I won't say that I've lost confidence in Joe D, but the personnel decisions made since the Darko debacle had, at the very least, shaken my faith in the Pistons front office decision making process. So far Webber has looked like a promising addition, restoring luster to Dumars' slightly tarnished reputation as a top notch GM.

I still cannot fathom that a team QB'ed by Rex Grossman is in the NFC championship game. That got to thinking how far the Lions are from being title contenders, when compared to the 4 teams left playing. I thought that would make a nice post, a topic to tackle when I had a little more time, drawing up comparisons between the teams. Then I remembered the Lions have an incompetent boob making their personnel decisions, and realized it would be an exercise in futility. Utter futility.

This off season, the drafting of Mike Williams is continuing to haunt the incompetent boob. With the draft coming up soon, the Lions may have a a difficult decision on their hands. Do they dare take a skill position player with the 2nd overall pick? Knowing how offensive the offensive line has been, will Millen take tackle Joe Thomas? If he does so, Millen will have to pass up taking a possible franchise QB in Jamarcus Russell, or the player that is currently consider the top overall rated player in the draft, wide receiver Calvin Johnson.

Millen takes the lineman, and the Lions may be passing up on absolute offensive studs who may be difference makers for years. Take either skill player, and there will be a chorus of "What in the Hell is he thinking? They need to build from the inside out!"

I would not want to be in his shoes on draft day, as either direction Millen goes, he's going to lose in the eyes of the fans.

Forget "The Young & the Restless" The best soap opera going plays at the Palace

A year ago at this time, the Detroit Pistons were the talk of the basketball world. They had the best record in the NBA, were thought to have a legitimate shot at winning 70 games, and were considered the odds on favorite to win the NBA championship.

We fans thought all was well. The Pistons would be the team to beat in the East, if not the entire NBA, for the foreseeable future. Well, we all know how that blew up in our faces...

But this year? As the the days of the 2007 season slowly plodded along, the Detroit Pistons have become the NBA's "Team Turmoil." There's been an ongoing soap opera at the Palace since the 2006 season ended. "The Young & the Restless" hasn't had as many plot twists as our own team full of drama queens.

Lets take a look at the Pistons' seemingly never ending dramatic story lines, player by player.

Rasheed Wallace: 'Sheed has been the straw that stirs the dramatic drink. The ankle injury suffered during the 2006 playoffs lingered, causing 'Sheed to come to training camp out of shape. He still does not look to be 100% healthy. The NBA crackdown on player outbursts put a bullseye on Wallace's back, giving officials free reign to T him up. They have done so repeatedly, and with malice. There has been continuing speculation, at this point on a daily basis, that the relationship between 'Sheed and Flip Saunders is, at best, strained, and at worst, contemptuous.

Chauncey Billups: His calf injury sent the team into a tailspin from which they have yet to pull out. Billups' upcoming free agency and shot at a max (Or close to it) contract at end of season will determines the Pistons future. If he stays, they remain a threat as Eastern conference contenders. If he leaves, odds are the Pistons, as we know them, are done.

Tayshaun Prince: The quietest Piston voiced to the media his concerns that there are "Chemistry" issues on the team. His concern was a red flag to both the media and fans.

Rip Hamilton: Cut off his braids!

Nazr Mohammed: The playing time for Ben Wallace's replacement has decreased as season has worn on, and has all but asked for a trade if the trend continues. The Pistons appear to be happy to comply with their $30 million mistake.

Flip Murray: The Pistons other big free agent signing has been disappointing on the court, to be generous. Both Murray and Pistons seem to think that this is a marriage of convenience, a one year only signing. Now that Billups is healthy, Murray is widely assumed to be on the trading block.

Dale Davis: Was tasered by Miami police in a highly publicized off season altercation, but was recently found innocent of all charges. Reportedly missed a practice, which is widely assumed to be one of the reasons for Prince's speaking out to the media. Davis has an expiring contract, so has been mentioned in almost every type of trade scenario.

Chris Webber: While the city of Detroit's prodigal son was being bought out of his contract by the 76'ers, rumors ran rampant that the Pistons were going to be where he landed. After Webber did sign, and it was reported that he would replace Mohammed in the lineup, the local media hysteria reached a fever pitch. Columnists and sports talk hosts demanded Webber say something, anything about his role in the Wolverines' Ed Martin scandal. All the media turmoil led to Webber clamming up, as he always has, about Michigan. While this was going on, the fans just want to know if Webber can provide the Pistons a 2004 'Sheed-like shot in the arm.

Carlos Delfino: We read reports every off-season about Delfino's disenchantment with his role, and this year was no different. Before the season started, reports out of Argentina had Delfino once again voicing his displeasure over his role, or lack thereof, with the Pistons. Delfino, when questioned about the reports, claimed, as he always has, that he was happy as a Piston, and that the tone of what he said was lost in the translation.

Lindsey Hunter: Had his annual injury that kept him out for much of the season.

Antonio McDyess: The player who appears happiest to actually be a Piston got off to a slower than normal start, giving concerns that McDyess' chronically bad knees may finally be catching up with him. As his play began to improve, he also been mentioned in many a trade rumor.

Flip Saunders: Reportedly, Ben Wallace's continual beefing with Saunders over his rol in the offensive and Flip's defensive schemes was one of the main reasons Ben Wallace left for Chicago. Saunders has been rumored to be the number one choice for the Minnesota Gophers coaching job. Appears to be at odds with Rasheed Wallace, as his comments to the media saying the Pistons have to become more focused and play hard every night, along with yesterday's that they need to play "Smarter," appear to be thinly veiled verbal shots at 'Sheed.

It appears that Saunders coaching style is generating unrest with the roster. There are still concerns that the veterans will play too many minutes, while the bench, which has some young talent, withers. Jason Maxiel and Delfino bounce in and out of the rotation, even when they play well. He still hasn't come up with a set rotation, and the addition of Webber leaves it even more in flux. The Pistons vaunted shutdown D is little more than a memory, but Saunders' supposed offensive genius has yet to show itself.

Then there is the Rasheed Wallace issue, which is rapidly becoming a "Situation." 'Sheed's recent on-court actions are the most glaring example of a coach that doesn't have the respect of some of his players. You have to wonder if Saunders is lacking front office respect as well, if you go by the silence coming out of the Palace.

Still, the season hasn't yet reached the All-Star break. There is a ton of basketball left to be played. I'm not yet saying that the Pistons are finished. Far from it. It's obvious that Joe Dumars is not going to leave the cantankerous roster as is, a trade or 2 will be made.

In a perfect world, the Pistons would unload their free agent mistakes, Mohammed and Murray, in a deal(s) for some kind of backcourt help. Or for a shiny new ball rack and a bag of microfiber balls. Unfortunately, that's a dream trade that only the most clueless sports talk radio caller would come up with.

Considering Davis is still a serviceable big man, and has that worth it's weight in gold expiring contract, he's likely gone. As may be one of the 2 first round draft picks, which personally, considering the depth of the '07 draft, I'd be loath to unload. As for who else would be dealt, be it McDyess, Delfino, Mohammed, or Murray, your guess is as good as mine.

So as you can see, there will be plenty more turmoil with the tumultuous Pistons. I'd stay tuned for the next shocking twist.

Attention "Cold Pizza" & "1st and Ten" veiwers, the Rob Parker info you seek is here at TWFE

Detroit's own Rob Parker is appearing on the Worldwide Leader's "Cold Pizza" (In its final death throes, according to The Big Lead) and "1st and Ten" this week, which we Detroiters think is one of the upcoming signs of the apocalypse.

As a result of Parker's polluting of our TV's, TWFE is getting plenty of hits from whom I'm guessing are ESPN/ESPN2 viewers, searching for Rob Parker, Rob Parker Detroit, Parker Detroit columnist, and so on...

As a public service to all those poor souls who are having Parker unwittingly inflicted upon them by the WWLiS for the fist time, this post can serve as a one stop shop to all things Rob Parker, or as we like to call him, Wobb Parker, Sooper Geenus.


Want to learn more about the worst columnist in Detroit? Read on. We'll start with this illuminating post...

Who are the biggest hacks in the Detroit media?

"Rob Parker: Long considered Joe Dumars lap dog, as in his mind Joe D can do no wrong. On the flip side, thinks Dave Dombrowski can do no right, despite massive evidence to the contrary. Fond of twisting the facts to suit his needs. Stats or factual events won't back up his POV? Then either ignore them, or use small sample sizes, problem solved. His columns do nothing more than point out the painfully obvious, or are just plain painful. Parker's "Clubhouse Confidential" is often nothing more than a pure slanderous rumor mongering exercise of misstating facts, most pointedly in his mistaken claim that Tom Izzo was keeping Detroit Mercy's Brandon Cotton from getting another year of NCAA eligibility. How this hack has infiltrated TV, radio, and print so ubiquitously is hard to fathom, as I don't know of anyone who takes his opinions seriously."

That's Parker in a nutshell, folks. This is the "Expert" that the Worldwide Leader thinks the 12 of you who watch "Cold Pizza" want to see hanging out with überhack Skip Bayless on a daily basis.

What follows are just a few of the multitude of posts that will explain to the uninitiated what Detroiters think of the utter drivel that Rob Parker spews in print, radio, and TV. You have been warned...

Rob Parker, Pistons apologist

Want to lose IQ points? Listen to Detroit sports talk radio

"Delusional" defined: Wobb Parker thinks he is smarter than Jim Leyland

Wobb Parker, sooper dooper geenus!

Columnists say the darnedest things

Wobb Paker, sooper geenus...;

Reading between the lines

It's almost enough to make you pine for Woody Paige. Almost...

Mitch Albom's rewriting history again

Today, Mitch Albom wrote of his "Questioning" of Chris Webber during the Pistons press conference. Not surprisingly, Mitch gives himself too much credit, while dissing the rest of the media in attendance. Here's the Little Fella's version...

"at a news conference Tuesday where, for the first 10 minutes, the questions were basically light, bright and easy, I asked what I felt, as a journalist, needed to be asked.

I asked about Michigan. And booster Ed Martin. And money."

From reading that, the Little Fella would have you believe while the other members of the media were tossing softball after softball, he went after Webber with his 6-guns blazing, taking no prisoners. Much in the same way the late Joe Falls ambushed Mike Ilitch and Phil Garner with pointed questions about the direction of the Tigers franchise during their introduction of Garner as the new manager.

First off, as Ian mentioned in the comments to yesterday's "Ironic" post, WXYT's Dennis Fithian first broached the subject with Webber, if in a round about way. But as for Albom, here's the actual question Mitch asked, taken directly from the transcript of the presser posted on the Detroit Pistons website.

Chris, welcome back. Do you want to take this opportunity to talk about the Michigan situation? The Ed Martin and everything that happened. Talk about, “when it’s all said and done, well I will tell everything what really went on.” You have a great forum here and a chance to address that. What do you want to say about that and to the people of Michigan?

Mitch proudly claimed he asked about Michigan, Ed Martin, and the money. If fact, if that was true, the question would have come off a little more pointed and confrontational, wouldn't you think?

Perhaps something like...

"Are you ever going to apologize to the university and its fans for your part part in having the Michigan basketball program put on probation, thanks to your taking money from Ed Martin?"

To be honest, I'd bet that is damn close to what Drew Sharp would have asked. He's known for that kind of grandstanding. That sure wasn't what Mitch asked. The Little Fella gave Webber an easy out in the way he worded his "Tough" question.

I think was really gets me about the column is this little nugget.

"as someone who spent the better part of two years all but living around Webber and the Fab Five, I really hope it works out."

As I said yesterday, no other writer had that kind of behind the scenes access during those wild Michigan years. Which begs the question, how does a player take $280K, and a JOURNALIST not notice?

Something else bothers me about the whole Webber/Albom situation. Was the middle of a press conference the right time and place to ask Webber for his mea culpa in regard to the Martin scandal? In my mind, not even close. Webber is a smart guy. If he had been dumb enough to answer the "Question" Mitch asked, a media feeding frenzy would have ensued. It'd have been open season on Webber, and all questioning about his role on the Pistons would have gone out the front entrance of the Palace. NO WAY was Webber going to say anything, and the Little Fella knew it. It was a pure showboat, look-at-me move by a so-called "Media star."

Mitch also whines that Webber has said for years that "It's not the right time." Thing is, Webber has every right to decide when is "The right time." The cynic in me guesses that the "Right time" will be after Webber retires, and follows the path taken by other controversial athletes (Pete Rose and Jose Conseco come to mind), and has a book/website/TV show/product to pimp.

As a Michigan fan, I'm over the whole damn thing. It's water long under the bridge. And it's not as if Webber is the only one to blame. In the column, Mitch allows Steve Fisher to come off as an innocent in the whole affair, saying that, "He (Fisher) believed Chris." Personally, I find it hard to fathom that the head coach of a major conference team had no knowledge of the shady goings on that hovered around HIS program.

But that's another post for another day.

What it comes down to is this... The only people who haven't moved on from the Ed Martin scandal are newspaper columnists trying to sell papers, sports talk radio hosts trying to grab ratings, and a small handful of Michigan basketball fans who still hold a grudge.

I'm not saying that the vast majority of basketball fans willing to forgive and forget, to live and let live, are right or wrong. It just is what it is...

Personally, I just want to see the Pistons right their ship, rather than continue to talk about a long dead numbers runner and the grief that he caused.

Isn't it ironic?

No, this isn't a post about Alanis Morissette singing about what a jerkass Dave Coulier was to her. Hold it, I'm off on my 90's pop culture, that was "You Oughta Know." Nor is it about her incorrect use of irony. ("A black fly in your Chardonnay" and "A traffic jam when you're already late" aren't ironic, just bad luck...)


What this post is about was the questioning that took place during Chris Webber press conference this afternoon. It's more about who asked a certain question, the one we knew was going to be asked. And why it was dripping with irony.

For the most part, we got the usual "Who/what/where/why/how" sort of softball questioning, and the pat answers you'd expect.

Then the Little Fella, believing himself to be the "Journalist" that he thinks he is, cinched his belt, gritted his teeth, gathered up all his gumption, and asked Webber of he had anything to say about the University of Michigan "Situation," or as he called it, "The elephant in the room."

As expected, Webber danced around the question, as he has for years. He said he was there to talk about the Pistons.

What's funny, or should I say, "Ironic," is that there was no writer who had more unfettered access to the Michigan basketball program, Webber, and the rest of the Fab 5, than Mitch Albom.

During the Ed Martin years, the supposed best sportswriter in the U.S. observed everything that was going down in Ann Arbor, witness to a basketball program careening towards renegade status. The Little Fella then somehow wrote that wonderful piece of fiction, a big sloppy French kiss to the baggy shorts and black socks era, a book called "Fab Five."

Unfortunately, the fiction that was "Fab Five" gave the Little Fella his start as one of the most popular writers of simple, short, syrupy sap in the world, with titles like "The 5 People Morrie Met in Heaven for One More Tuesday."

But the Little Fella to be the one asking Webber about the numbers money in the cake years? Could there been anything more ironic?

Albom asks what he should have been able to report on if he had anything other than selling a ton of books on his mind back in the day. His wearing of Maize and Blue colored glasses made for a compelling story, that in hindsight, was nothing more than a bunch of romanticized bullshit.

So 15 years later, we have the 2 facing each other in a press conference. We had Webber, who complained in the book that he didn't have the cash to even buy a pizza, and complained that the NCAA was making millions off his likeness, despite (As we found out a few years later) taking hundreds of thousands under the table. We also had Albom, who believed (Or ignored) everything he was told, and didn't bother call Webber on any it at the time, now trying to get him to do so.

Talk about ironic...

TWFE gets international headlines as your typical American. Ugly American, that is...

Someone at The Guardian, one of the big newspapers in the U.K., reads TWFE. Or at least found TWFE while looking for snarky U.S. responses to David Beckham coming to this side of the pond. Part of the post was excerpted for the article, and one of my sarcastic remarks was used as the headline...

"Isn't he Mr. Posh Spice?"

I never thought that I'd be the representative for soccer hating American citizens. Funny, as I don't hate soccer, it's just not my cup of tea.

I'm glad to see that I'm doing my part in upholding the "Ugly American" stereotype in other parts of the civilized world.

C-Webb to the Pistons? Maybe Bonzi or Mo-Pete? Talk about rolling the dice...

If you can say one thing about Joe Dumars, it's that he's not afraid to make BIG moves. Dumars is also not afraid to admit that a mistake was made, and will correct it ASAP, rather than let it fester. Even if it did take 3 seasons to realize that Darko was never going to make it in the D. When Joe D decided it was time, right or wrong, full value or not, he got rid of the "Human Victory Cigar."

Which brings us to the hot rumors surrounding the Pistons, Chris Webber, Morris Peterson, and Bonzi Wells.

Numerous sources are saying that C-Webb to the Palace is a done deal. We're also reading that the Pistons have made several inquiries about Wells and Mo-Pete, as both are reportedly on the block. It's also obvious that Nazr Mohammed's minutes have been steadily decreasing and he is headed to the bench, and that Flip Murray is not the solution to much of anything.

Then we have all the chemistry issues mentioned by Tayshaun Prince, the benching of Dale Davis due to his (Supposedly) blowing off a practice, the Chauncey Billups injury and coming free agency, 'Sheed's state of mind (Let alone his ankle), and that the East race is wide open, and anyone's for the taking. That's not to forget that Flip Saunders earlier this week took the Pistons to task on their season long lack of consistent focus and effort.

It's looking more and more that Dumars' recognizes all this, and knows that action, maybe something drastic, needs to be taken.

I think all the rumors surrounding the Pistons interest in Webber, plus Wells and Mo-Pete, confirms that Dumars' believes that the Pistons are not winning the NBA title as currently constructed.

Why not take a chance on C-Webb? It's just going to cost money. He brings skills to the table that none of the other big men have. But it's not a slam dunk that Chris Webber is the answer. He's no longer the dynamic big man he was during the Fab 5 years. Or even the Sacramento years. We all know the downsides of Webber, those being his knees, defense, and the U of M/Ed Martin/time out baggage, which you know the media is going to ask about.


Even though Webber is no longer as good as he once was, he's still better than Antonio McDyess (As he's currently playing, which is not well) Jason Maxiel (But do not take away his minutes, I love his upside), Nazr Mohammed (More on him below), and Dale Davis (Trade bait thanks to his expiring contract). If the Webber stories are true, Nazr is probably the odd man out, not Jason Maxiel. Thank goodness.

If signing C-Webb is even money, then I'm guessing that getting a Bonzi Wells or Mo-Pete are much longer shots. Especially Peterson, who does not have nearly the baggage of noted head case Bonzi. I'd much rather have Mo-Pete, but he'd be a hard get. Wells has the more tradeable contract, as it matches up fairly well with Flip Murray. Exchanging those 2 makes a ton of sense, as both look like they need a change of scenery.

But the Webber move would be the big one, the move everyone is talking about. A coup that makes the Pistons favorites in the East. It would also but a ton of pressure on Flip Saunders. Could you picture 'Sheed, C-webb, and (God forbid) Bonzi on the same roster? If I'm Saunders, I'm asking for combat pay...

All the rumors also lead one to think...

That the Spurs were right about Nazr Mohammed, and the Pistons now realize the contract was a mistake. A 30 million dollar panic move. His minutes have not been consistent all season, and are now rapidly diminishing.

They don't think that McDyess' slow start is a temporary thing, but that he's trending down. The signs are there that he's begun his decline. Even if he picks up the pace, at the very least, insurance is needed. Dice only has so many minutes left in those surgery ravaged knees.

The team needs a spark similar to the boost 'Sheed gave them in 2004. Then we have the 'Sheed "Knucklehead" factor. It's been held in check for 2+ seasons, but have his recent play and actions been a sign of a return of the "Jailblazer" 'Sheed? Personally, I hope not, as I've really enjoyed Rasheed and his unselfish play. But you have to admit that the knucklehead stuff always in the back of your mind.

That the Pistons likely have 1 more good run in them as currently built, so they need to pull out the stops before the title window closes altogether. Billups returning is not a sure thing. Flip Saunders is continually mentioned as the primary target in the Minnesota Gophers' coaching search. Even with the good play of Maxiel and (sporadicly) Delfino, and Blaylock, the core of the team is aging. The East is horribly weak. If you can win the East, anything can happen, as we saw in 2004.

This is the season for Dumars and the Pistons to go all in.

So, after all is said and written, is Chris Webber the answer?

I'm not going to let all the Wolverine bad blood color my thinking when it comes to Webber. Hell, I sometimes wonder if I wouldn't have done the same thing if I were a 19 year old in Webber's situation. I've always said I'll root for my teams, even if a controversial player were signed. I'm not going to say differently now. If Chris Webber can help the Pistons win it all, and I think he could, then I say to go for it.

Webber may not be the final answer, but he just may be part of the solution.

David Beckham? Isn't that a movie?

OH MY GOD! David Beckham is coming to the US! David Beckham is com...Who? What's the big deal? Isn't he Mr. Posh Spice?

Seriously, I wouldn't know if it was David Beckham standing next to me even if he gave me a bicycle kick in the nuts. Twice. But Beckham is going to be hailed by US soccer fans and media as the next Pele, after signing to play, for an insane amount of money, with the MLS Los Angeles Galaxy.

This is all I know about Beckham, off the top of my head, without looking anything up.

He's British.

He plays soccer.

There was a movie made with his name in the title, but he wasn't in it.

He can bend it.

He's married to one of the Spice Girls, I think the posh one.

I believe he last played in the top Italian league for Real Madrid.

He was captain of the English World Cup team, and resigned his captaincy after they were knocked out.

He's at a Tiger Woods/Michael Jordan level of famous worldwide. Save for the USA, where his wife is 10X as well known.

He's not Pele, or that now fat "Hand of God" Argentine.

And...That's about all I got.

I think that's quite a bit for someone who watches soccer, well...Never. I consider myself somewhat in the sporting loop, so I'm going to glean facts about soccer just by osmosis. But how much of mainstream America, whose only soccer knowledge comes from watching their kid play in a youth league, or watching Rodney Dangerfield in "Ladybugs,"would be able to answer the question, "Who is David Beckham?" Other than say his name is in the title of a movie they may have seen on HBO. Or was it Cinemax?

So to assume that Beckham will lead the renaissance of US soccer is expecting too much. First off, Beckham has to want to be the face of MLS. From what I remember of most elite footballers who came to the US in the past, they were here to cash a big paycheck playing against inferior competition, heading here only when they were no longer able to compete at the top levels back home.

Since Beckham is in his early 30's, I'd venture a guess he has something left in the tank. How much, and how hard he is willing to work to stay at a high level, is yet to be determined. Considering he's already a millionaire many times over, and playing in L.A, where he can party with Hollywood's best and brightest, it makes you wonder if he's here to play soccer, or just play.

Is the Beckham signing good for MLS? Sure, he gives it some legitimacy and attention, much as Pele's did with NASL. But it tells you something, for someone who remembers what a big deal Pele was, that Detroit's NASL franchise was the Wheels, and big star was Trevor Francis, had to look up the name of the league. All that signing did was raise expectations for soccer in the US that could never be met in one generation. After all the hype, the NASL failed miserably.

With MLS giving players the kind of coin that Beckham is getting, even if the rest of the roster is paid under the restrictive salary cap rules, isn't that going down the slippery slope of the USFL? I'd love to see the team chemistry between one player getting hundreds of millions, and his teammate getting 50K. One is eating steak with jet setters and bedding a Spice girl every night, the other is eating at McDonalds and attempting to bed the hostess at Denny's. Not one Hell of a lot in common between the 2.

When I read claims that Beckham will boost attendance, and raise the league's profile in the US, it shows that the media hyperbole is going for the Pele angle. They said the same exact things then. Pele did give the league, and soccer overall in the US, a short boost, but once the novelty wore off...

So will David Beckham's coming to America take us by storm, and soccer to the next level in America? I doubt it. It's going to take an American star, and winning on a stage that will make the US really take notice (World Cup, I'm guessing), for soccer to even get to the level of the NHL. And to be honest, I think that's a stretch.

We may be generations away, if ever, from soccer becoming anything more than a niche sport. But soccer leagues, and fans of the game, will never stop trying. More power to them.

TWFE's favorite Detroit Tigers of all time

We all have our favorite baseball players. They are often those who are far from being superstars. Some could be considered legitimate stars, but a level down from the best. Or they may have played at a high level for only a short time. Some are average ballplayers, journeymen whose hustle caught your fancy. Sometimes you just root for the last guy on the roster. We all have differing reasons.

What got me to thinking about all this was Andrew's post about his favorite Tigers over the years over at the Mickey Tettelton Memorial Overpass. I'll give you 1 guess as to who is his number 1... Anyway, since I enjoyed Beefshower's post so much, I thought I'd steal the idea write about mine.

Another thing that got me to pondering this subject was that for Christmas, I got the GF a Placido Polanco jersey. Placidome is by far her favorite Tiger. But you know what really makes her stand out as a Tiger fan? That she is someone who PROUDLY wears a Brad Ausmus jersey! She also has a fondness for ex-Tigers Dusty Allen and (gulp) Shane Halter. So as you can see, she has a thing for good field/no hit ballplayers. Which doesn't explain Halter, who could do neither, or her liking me despite my dissing of Shane, but I digress...

I'll say that of the current crop of Tigers, I have a man crush on Craig Monroe, who clutchiness David Ortiz strives to reach. Of course, I'm a big fan of some of the Tigers past stars. Players like Al Kaline, Alan Trammell (Don't get me going on the HOF. That's for another post), and Mark Fidrych, who are fondly remembered by all Tigers fans. But when it comes to players who are a step down from the great, and near great, here's my all time favorite Detroit Tigers...

(RP) Kevin Saucier: "Hot Sauce" was a great pitcher for a very short time, and is also one of the sadder tales in Tiger history. Saucier was your typically flaky, but ever effective, reliever. He was emotional in the Mark Fidrych mold, and became the Tigers closer in 1981. It looked as if the Tigers had found their closer of the future, when he went 4-2, with 13 saves, and a 1.65 ERA. After finishing a game, Hot Sauce would literally stomp around the field, giving handshakes that were hard enough to break hands and dislocate shoulders. It was both hysterical, and endearing. Unfortunately, the next season Hot Sauce, after starting the season effectively, came down with the dreaded and incurable "Steve Blass Disease." I remember his total loss of control got to the point that Saucier said he feared for the lives of the batters facing him. He had no idea where his pitches were going. Sadly, for himself and we fans who loved his antics, he was out of baseball by 1983. But you have to give credit to a man who was so fearful that he'd badly hurt someone, that he left the game altogether.

(1B) Jason Thompson: I became a huge Jason Thompson fan for life when I was in the stands the opening day he hit a line shot to dead center, a 1 hopper off the 440 mark, and when I looked toward the infield, saw Thompson still standing on 1st. (Thanks to a combination of being snail slow and missing the bag) There was that, and the fact that I was a high school player in the same exact mold. A tall, slow, left handed, power hitting, dead pull, porn 'stache wearing, 1st baseman. Thompson had a monster season in 1977, and then settled in as a consistent 25 HR/95 RBI guy. Until 1980, when he found himself so deep in Sparky Anderson's doghouse, a map couldn't get him out. He was traded for an obviously on the decline Al Cowens, for which I never forgave Sparky. It was as if he traded ME! I continued to follow Thompson's career, and he had some productive seasons with the Pirates thru the mid 80's. It's hard to believe the MLB me was out of baseball at the age of 31. Thankfully I then discovered another porn 'stache wearing MLB version of me, Sid Bream.

(OF) Steve Kemp: The arrival of Steve Kemp (along with Thompson a year earlier and Dave Rozema) in Detroit was the first sign of light after the long, dark days of the mid 70's. The Tiger system had finally begun to produce good major league players, and Kemp was one of the best of that era. What I really remember about Kemp was that he swung as hard as any player I've ever seen. After a mighty swing and miss, he'd corkscrew himself into the ground, with his helmet sent flying. Then he'd jerk the next pitch into the right field upper deck. Kemp talents were a perfect fit for Tiger Stadium, as his stats would bear out once he left. I was devastated when he was traded to the ChiSox after the 1981 season. Hell, I still remember where I was when I heard about the trade. (In my car, pulling out of my buddy's driveway. I pulled back in, stormed back inside, and proceeded to bitch up a storm) I mean, Kemp for CHET F'N LEMON? Hardly enough return for one of the Tigers' best players. What was Jim Campbell thinking?! Bad, bad trade! Well, that's what I thought at the time... Shows what I know. Kemp left the White Sox after 1 season, signed a big money free agent deal with the Yankees, was badly injured when hit in the head by batting practice liner, and was then never the same player. We all know what happened with Lemon...

(Utility) John Wockenfuss: 'Fuss only had the "GREATEST BATTING STANCE OF ALL TIME!" If his stance was any more closed, he would have been facing the backstop. (It's killing me that I can't find a single picture of his odd stance on the web) Amazingly, once he converted to the ridiculously closed "Playing peek-a-boo while batting in a phone booth" stance, Wockenfuss was able to generate surprising power. He then became a dependable platoon C/OF/1B/DH. I was crushed when he was traded during 1984 spring training to the Phillies, along with Glenn Wilson, for Willie Hernandez and Dave Bergman. But in a way, thanks to his trade giving the Tigers the final parts they needed, he was one of the reasons they won in '84. Wockenfuss so should have gotten a ring.

(Utility) Ike Brown: Brown managed to carve out a 6 season career, all with the Tigers, which is rare for any utility man. Brown hung around as the 25th man on the rapidly aging early-mid 70's Tigers,. He did so despite not doing much of anything notable, other than he could play anywhere on the field and not hurt you...Too much. Another thing that I'll always remember is that it seemed that for every Al Kaline baseball card I'd get, I would have 20 of Ike Brown. God damn Topps! For that matter, for every Ike Brown, I'd have 2 of Walt "No neck" Williams, but that's another post...

(Utility) Skeeter Barnes: After seeing Skeeter Barnes, who for some unknown reason one of Sparky's favorite players, it was as if Ike Brown had been reincarnated. They were the exact same player. Usually the last man on the roster, could play everywhere on the diamond, and not hurt you all that much in limited use. I guess I have a thing for late blooming players with great names who manage to carve out a career in MLB at an age where most would had given up hope and left the game.

(OF/DH) Champ Summers:
The Champ is last on my list, only because he is my all time favorite Detroit Tiger. Why? I really can't explain it. I became a Champ Summers fan for life when he made a diving catch in right one afternoon, and for some reason his play really struck a chord in me. He fits the mold of my kind of player, as Summers didn't make the bigs till late in his 20's. He then managed to have an 11 year(!) career. Champ was born to play in Tiger Stadium, and the 2 best (By far) seasons of Summers' career were spent with the Tigers. As a left hand hitting platoon OF/DH, the short right field porch and overhang were absolutely tailor made for Summers. He took advantage of it, and always seemed to be hitting a big HR when the Tigers needed it in 1979 and 1980, much as Marcus Thames did in 2006. (Their best seasons, when compared, are eerily similar) Champ also took no shit from Sparky, which (Along with his age and declining stats) lead to his exile to the National League after the '81 season. Champ hung around long enough to play against the Tigers in the 1984 World Series. God damn Sparky HATED my favorite players...


Here's a tip 'o my Tiger cap to Champ Summers, the all time favorite Tiger of TWFE...

Final thoughts on the BCS, and a too long college football season

About my only thought immediately after the whooping BCS champ Florida laid on tOSU was, "Well, that game sucked..."

As for the 4th down play on tOSU's own 29 yard line late in the 1st half? Cheatypants McSweaterVest knew the game was on the verge of getting out of hand if he didn't try something drastic. I doubt anyone other than the Vest thought doing that something at that point in the game was wise, though.

It's obvious that the Buckeyes would have lost even if they had managed to convert, so it's not as if that play was a huge momentum shift. Florida had already established themselves as the Alpha dog. Turning the ball over on downs just accelerated the Gators' ass kicking.

Ted Ginn's getting fragged by his own team during the TD celebration, thus missing the majority of the game, might have made things a tad closer. But even the most die hard fan of the scarlet and gray would have to admit that Ginn's injury wouldn't have changed all that much. Florida was not going to be denied.

So the Big 10 gets embarrassed on the biggest of CFB stages, the BCS bowls. The Big 10's supposed best and brightest, the Wolverines and the Buckeyes, looked slow and unable to make adjustments. To be honest, you can say the same things about the Vest as we've been saying about Lloyd Carr's Rose Bowl performance. Their seasons both ended in similar fashion, by getting their asses handed to them by better, faster, more effectively game planned teams.

Now that we've seen the final ass kicking of the bowl season, the college football season is finally over.

Lets not say "Goodbye," but rather. "See ya soon." It's been great, but I could use the break. I'll look college football up in August, after I've had a chance to forget all the bad things...

Bo Schembechler's death.

6-6 teams and the fleabag bowls that happily invite them.

The entire bowl system, and the lack of a true playoff.

The cluster that is the polls.

Beano Cook.

Notre Dame, The Notre Dame Broadcasting Network, and the anointing of Brady Quinn.

Alabama's coaching search.

Gary Danielson's SEC shilling.

Michigan's inability to finish a season on an up note.

All things recruiting.

The smugness of Cheatypants McSweaterVest.

FOX's college football coverage butchering.

The local ABC affiliate showing some ESPN Plus Big 10 bottom feeder game rather than a much better nationally televised one.

Division 1 teams scheduling community colleges, directional schools, orphanages, flag football teams, the Little Sisters of the Poor, any group of warm bodies whom can guarantee an easy out of conference win.

Division 1 teams making fans pay full price to witness those massacres.

Awful officiating.

The "Who should be in the BCS title game" and "There needs to be a Division 1 playoff" caterwauling.

Chris Rose, Paul McGwire, and Lee Corso on my TV.

Urban Meyer whining.

The Big 10 having 11 teams and thus no championship game.

And last but not least, Lloyd Carr pissing me off.

Quick BCS title game thoughts

It's January 8th, people. What in the Hell are FOX and the NCAA thinking? The BCS title game should have been played a week ago. After the bowl orgy of the past 3 weeks, waiting 4 days between the this game and the Sugar Bowl make tonight's game nearly an afterthought. In no way I'm going to factor in the 2 fleabag bowls that TWWLiS unnecessarily squeezed in over the weekend. With the NFL playoffs in full swing, they were played totally under the radar.

There is absolutely no reason, other than large amounts of cash, for this game to be played in the 2nd week of January. But when factoring in the large amounts of cash, I'm sure that FOX and the NCAA couldn't give 2 shits about what fans really want. That being the bowl season finishing by New Years Day.

In my mind, Chris Rose as the host of these BCS games make the whole broadcast feel like I'm watching high up the dial basic cable. In other words, he's minor league, especially when compared to Chris Fowler. To be honest, I can't get the awfulness of Rose's "TBDSSP" out of my mind.

FOX does the NFL damn well, save for all of the asinine wooshy sound effects and CGI robots. But they have a long way to go before they equal the production of either SEC mouthpiece CBS, or the Big 10's overseer, The Worldwide Leader/ABC. Personally, I've been watching "College Gameday" before every bowl game, then tuning in FOX around 8. Even with Lee Corso, "College Gameday" is the only broadcast on TWWLiS that doesn't make me grind my teeth.

As an unabashed Big 10 fan, I'm torn. Do I root for Cheatypants McSweaterVest and tOSU, keeping with my personal rule to always pull for the Big 10 Conference in bowl games and the NCAA hoops tourney? Or do I cheer against the bucknuts, as after all, they are the God damn unholy bucknuts. I don't think it makes me a bad Wolverines fan if I cheer for the conference as a whole, as the Buckeyes winning would be in the best interest of Michigan's somewhat Rose Bowl battered reputation.

In what should be the only time you'll see this on TWFE, let me say, "Go Buckeyes!"

Rob Parker, Pistons apologist

The Pistons often looked bored early on in the regular season, only playing their best when an opponent intrigued them. To their credit, they did turn on the jets, going 15-3 from mid November through Christmas.

Since that streak ended, the Detroit Pistons are once again stumbling along, admittedly much in thanks to Chauncey Billups' calf injury. Unfortunately, they do seem to be coasting. They are 1-4 in their last 5 games, while looking totally disinterested.

What hasn't helped is that Flip Murray has been a disaster as Billups' back up, and is rumored to be on the trading block. The other healthy point guard, Will Blaylock, is playing like one would expect the last player picked in the 2006 draft. He's
occasionally decent, but looks overwhelmed the majority of the time. The 85 year old Lindsey Hunter is once again injured, and will be kept on ice, much like last season, till the playoffs near.

For the most part, the Pistons have been what we expected, no more, and no less. A good team that is in the upper echelon of the Eastern Conference.

Seems like a strange time for a gushing column to appear in the Detroit News, one highly praising head coach Flip Saunders. All becomes clear when you see that it's a "Column" from Joe Dumars' lapdog, Wobb Parker.

The headline alone raises an eyebrow. "Saunders' efforts move the Pistons above expectations."

I'm aware that the columnist don't write the headlines, but it does fit the tone of the column. But come on! "Above expectations?" 4th in the East, 2nd in the Central is above expectations? That seems to be meeting expectations, and that's being generous at best.

Wobb does his normal shill job when it comes to anything Pistons related. This column comes off as a paid advertisement selling the sometimes dubious virtues of Flip Saunders.

"Flip Saunders has held it together. Somehow, someway, the Pistons aren't the total mess they could be at this point."

Total mess? Saunders still has 4/5 of what was considered the best starting lineup in the NBA. It'd be damn hard to screw that up.

"Saunders has a chance to turn in the best coaching performance of his career. With the loss of Ben Wallace to free agency, he had to make changes and they have worked -- without any fall-off on defense or rebounding."

The only change is that Rasheed Wallace and Tayshaun Prince are each averaging close to 2 boards more a game when compared to last season. Add that with Wallace's replacement Nazr Mohammed's 5.8 per, and you have essentially replaced what Wallace brought to the boards. It appears more to me that 'Sheed and Prince stepped up their game, knowing that Ben Wallace was no longer around to cover their asses. I honestly don't know how much of that is Saunders, and how much the players. But considering the NBA is a players league, I hesitate to give Flip a ton of credit.

"The bottom line remains the Pistons, as much as any team, have a chance to get to the NBA Finals for the third time in four years."

That is exactly what fans and experts expected, even with the loss of Ben Wallace, that the Pistons would be in the mix for the Eastern Conference title. What exactly is so special about Flip having the Pistons exactly positioned where EVERYONE expected?

But don't feel sorry for Saunders. He knew what he signed up for when he came here after being fired by the Timberwolves. He could easily have taken a less-pressure-no-expectation team gig. Instead, he took the challenge of taking over a team that went to the NBA Finals two years in a row and probably could only go down.

With all that has happened, that's where they should be. But, Saunders has them still up near the top.

I doubt ANYONE feels sorry for someone making millions on a guaranteed contract. And why would any coach worth his salt choose a NBA bottom feeder over a playoff tested contender like the Pistons? That would be outright stupid.

The last 2 sentences utterly confuse me. The Pistons are where they should be, in contention. Yet Saunders has them where they are supposed to be, in contention? What? I have no idea what Parker is trying to say, and from the confused wording, Parker doesn't either. Must have been s misprint in Dumars' latest memo...

What's interesting after reading the Dumars bought and paid for Parker column, the the News' Pistons beat writer is not quite so optimistic. Today's Chris McCoskey article is not written using the red, white, and blue colored glasses that Wobb wears when writing about the Pistons.

"Bored or not, injured or not, the Pistons have to start getting serious about securing their foothold in this raggedy Eastern Conference playoff race."

"The Pistons are squandering way too many games in this, the easy part of their schedule. And those are games that are going to be difficult to retrieve later in the season."

In my mind, McCoskey accurately describes the Pistons team that we have seen through the first months of the season. Bored, inconsistent, and making things more difficult for themselves. Why Parker hasn't seen that is a mystery...

One thing has become clear, as was noted in a post today by the go to blog for all things Pistons, Detroit Bad Boys. The Pistons don't have a chance in Hell unless Chauncey Billups is on the floor.

It's interesting to note that it took an injury to Billups to reinforce the idea that the Pistons have to sign him long-term in the coming off season. Without Billups, the Pistons just might as well go into rebuilding mode. Pistons apologist Parker would likely blow sunshine up our asses, and claim that the Pistons don't rebuild under Dumars, they just reload.

Either way, we'd all feel a little better about the Pistons if they at least looked interested as the season slooooowly moves toward the playoffs.

As quoted in McCoskey's article, 'Sheed is thinking the same thing.

"No doubt," Rasheed Wallace said. "We've got to put it in second gear right now. It's the second half of the season right now, even before the All-Star break. We have to start locking in."

I hope you take your own advice, and don't believe Parker's apologist "All is well" mantra, 'Sheed...

Want to lose IQ points? Listen to Detroit sports talk radio

Art Regner got the ziggy from WXYT in what was called a "Cost-cutting" move. As bad as it is to see ANYONE lose their job before the holidays, the move was a positive one for 1270. As you might remember, I had Art high on my list of Detroit media hacks. Regner's blind love of all things Wolverine and Red Wing caused him to come off as nothing more than a sycophant. Neither team could do no wrong in his maize, blue, and red tinted world. Regner was nothing more than a glorified fluffer when it came to those organizations, I guess WXYT tired of paying for handi-wipes and knee pads.

With the loss of Regner, WXYT has improved themselves. 1270 may not be listenable, as pseudo tough guy Mike Valenti and Michigan mouthpiece Doug Karsh are still on the air, but improved all the same. Faint praise, but it's progress.

The highest ranking member of my media hack list, self designated baseball "Expert" Wobb Parker, along with his long suffering partner, Mark Wilson, was given his walking papers from 97.1 FM. The cancellation of Parker and the Man was greeted with a shrug by me, as I never listened to them. Personally, I find Parker to be absolutely insufferable. I avoid his columns at all cost, so why on earth would I want to listen to his drivel as well? If only the Detroit News would take heed, and shitcan the worst columnist of any major market newspaper.

But there was even better news than no longer having to hear Parker's tripe. The reason given for Parker's removal was that both the Red Wings and Tigers were going to have their night games simulcast on WKRK along with WXYT. That may have been the best news for Tigers fans since Joel Zumaya gave up playing "Guitar Hero." 1270's weak signal was long been a sore spot with the Tigers fanbase. Since leaving WJR, you couldn't hear the Tigers over the air at night, unless you were living within plain sight of 1270's transmitter. Considering WXYT's transmitter is powered by 2 asthmatic hamsters during the day, and 1 at night, the Tigers moving to FM was loooong overdue.

For those pining for the days of the Tigers being heard on the WJR's blowtorch of a signal, as compared to WXYT's Bic lighter of one, those days are long gone. WJR makes more money going with a schedule full of syndicated programming, which is a damn shame. 760 is a shadow of its own self, anyway. Today's WJR is an utter waste of a clear channel signal. Local programming is an afterthought, as they would rather poison the airwaves with agenda pushing blowhards like Rush Limbaugh and Dr. Laura. If only JP McCarthy knew what has happened to his once great station, which is no longer the "Voice of the Great Lakes." The Tigers and Wings are better off being on stations with more sports-centric focus, rather than the rhetoric-spewing voice of far right wing conservatism.

WDFN is dead to me at this point. The station has become so full of inside jokes, callers who fancy themselves as bad comedy writers, run into the ground cliches, and hosts that encourage such behavior, that 1130 has become unlistenable to anyone with even a modicum of intelligence. Tuning into Stoney and Wojo yesterday afternoon (For the first time in months, actually) pretty much confirmed that I wouldn't be listening to 1130 again anytime soon, as I'm trying to preserve what brain matter I have left.

I don't mind guy talk at all, but S and W have turned into an audio version of the lowest common denominator lad mags, Maxim and Stuff. Sports are an afterthought, talked about in between "Wacky" news stories and rote, by the numbers caller contests. They have dumbed themselves down to the point where they have become frustratingly unlistenable.

For example, yesterday's big topics were sexual fetishes, and another one of their once funny, now lame, 64 team tournaments. What was even worse hearing Mike Stone and Bob Wojonowski going through the motions was their outright asinine callers. They feel the need to do awful bits that even Jay Leno would find unfunny, state the blatantly obvious, and encourage Wojo's stupidity, which is an act that has worn awfully thin. If I ever hear "HAPPY NEW YEAR" over the airwaves ever again, I'm going postal.

After listening to out 2 local sports talk outlets, one thing has become clear. Between Detroit sports talk radio, or getting a lobotomy, local sports talk kills more brain cells.

Happy anniversary!

Today is the 1 year anniversary of "The Wayne Fontes Experience." I published my first of 373 good, bad, and ugly posts on January 3, 2006. At the time, I wasn't sure what direction this blog was going. Honestly, sometimes I'm still not sure where this is all going. But it's been, and has remained, fun all the same.

Thanks for reading TWFE. Now, a little ditty from the "Happy Anniversary Quartet!"

Ooooo Happy Anniversary
Happy Anniversary
Happy Anniversary
Haaappy Anniversary

Ooooo Happy Anniversary
Happy Anniversary
Happy Anniversary
Haaappy Anniversary

We now state emphatically
its happy anniversary
Not another day could be
a happy anniversary

Ooooo Happy Anniversary
Happy Anniversary
Happy Anniversary
Happy
Happy
Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy
Anniversary!!!