10 things you know I know I know, you know?*

*As if I need to tell you from whom I blatantly swiped the template for this post.

10. I normally look forward to watching the Wolverines play, but Michigan - Notre Dame is going to be Hella painful to watch. It's gonna take a huge effort...from the fans to hold down their beer and munchies. Bad football is hard enough to watch, but to see a pair of storied college programs flail about on the gridiron like Detroit Lions? I never thought I'd see the day.

The Wolverines have no QB (Seriously, when you rotate QB's, all you are saying is you don't have one good QB on your roster) and little offense, while the Domers are God awful on both sides of the ball. At least Michigan has a halfway decent defense, which ND can't say.

Michigan is going to win, but it'll be close. I'll be watching the carnage in much the same way you'd watch a slow motion train wreck: With a combination of curiosity and self-loathing. Then again, I feel like that whenever I watch Notre Dame.

9. With the news the Tigers are giving starting assignments to both Freddie Garcia and Dontrelle Willis next week, they have finally realized the obvious. (A couple of weeks too late, but what the hey!) It's time to start preparing for 2009.

That I have have more confidence in the gimpy armed Garcia being successful than in Steve Blass The D-Train says...Well, I'm not sure what it says, but it sure can't be good. In some ways, I'll watching Willis' start in the same way I'll be watching Michigan - Notre Dame. I'll be expecting a train wreck. I hope I'm wrong.

Either way, I'm glad the Tigers are looking ahead, as I wouldn't want to be looking at their .479, 6 games under .500, hugely disappointing present either.

8. After watching the 2 extremely strange Microsoft advertisements starring Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld, I've had a realization. Seinfeld is more irritating than funny, and Gates is a comedic genius. At the very least, the man richer than the combined fortunes of Willaim Clay Ford, Mike Ilitch, Bill Davidson, Scrooge McDuck and Tony Stark is a better actor than Seinfeld.

Not that I'm saying much. Anyone in a 9th grade drama class would be a better actor than Jerry Seinfeld. Hell, even Steven Segal is a better actor than Seinfeld. Or that Smilin' Bob idiot in the Enzyte commercials. Or the chicks who get naked late at night on Skinemax.

7. I often rag on Detroit sports talk radio, for good reason. We can now add another reason to the lengthy list as to why Detroit's sports talk radio stations blow goats. Mike Stone just opened the WDFN phone lines by asking listeners the following question:

"Have you ever pooped yourself?"

I'm not kidding, he honestly wants to know if listeners have shit their pants.

I'm not sure who I feel worse for; Stone for asking such an idiotic question, or the morons calling in to answer.

I turned the radio off. I've lost enough brain cells over the years due to my own volition. I don't need a radio station causing me to lose more IQ points.

Let's not even mention the continually running ad for an erectile dysfunction remedy that is also offering a way to measure the length and girth of your wang. Who in their right mind at WDFN thought running an insulting ad for a fucking placebo was a good idea? I'm not a prude, as if you didn't already know, it's that I don't like being taken for a sucker and a moron. And anyone who believes there is a miracle cure for having a small cock are both a sucker and a moron. Are WDFN and Clear Channel that hard up for revenue?

Have some pride WDFN, and say no to commercials that aim for the lowest common denominator...and succeed.

6. The Lions narrowly avoided having their first TV blackout in Ford Field history, thanks to a furniture chain buying out the remaining 3000+ tickets.

Even though the Lions can continue to brag they have a 7 season long sellout streak, this is only delaying the inevitable. Sooner than later, we are going to have a blackout. I'll bet the proverbial farm the sellout streak end on October 26th, when the Lions take on the Redskins. It'll be the first home game with a road team that doesn't live within a realistic driving distance.

We all know Ford Field will be half full of drunken Cheeseheads this Sunday, and at the next home game (Sunday, Oct. 5) we'll see an invasion of drunken Bears fans. It's impossible to have a home field advantage when your own fans are pissed off beyond all belief, and the majority of people in your own stadium will be rooting against you.

5. Anyone think Miguel Cabrera is overrated now? You knee jerk whiners on message boards? What about you mouth breathers in newspaper comment threads, or those morons calling in to sports talk stations? Huh? Anyone? Didn't think so.

You can rip Dave Dombrowski for many, if not most, of his off season moves, but not this one. Cabrera is going to put up hall of fame numbers, and do so wearing a Detroit Tigers' uniform.

Now do something about the pitching, God dammit!

4. I just wanted to give you guys a preview of what TWFE may look like after the upcoming move to MVN. Here's a sneak peek at one possible header...

(Clicky, clicky for full size)

Pretty cool, if I say so myself...

3. I would not put it past the Lions to beat the Packers Sunday. How, you ask?

A. The Packers' Ryan Grant doesn't play (or is easily neutralized) because of his leg injury, taking away their running game, forcing Aaron Rogers to win the game on his own. I'm not saying he can't, but Rogers didn't have to do all that much against the Vikings.

B. Calvin Johnson goes off big time, catching 3-4 TD passes, while Jon Kitna doesn't do anything stupid. Hey, it could happen!

C. Gosder Cherilus, Jordon Dizon and Kevcin Smith all have breakout games. Hey, it could happen!

D. The Lions new kick returner, Brandon Middleton, scores a couple of times, along with giving the offense good field position. Hey, it could...Now I'm just being silly. No way in HELL will the Lions special teams win a game for them.

2. I really, really, really like USA's "Burn Notice." It's the best show running on TV. (Till "Lost" comes back, anyway) When I grow up, I wanna be just like Bruce Campbell. We all have to have goals in life...

1. For those of you who actually believed Steve Yzerman was coming out of retirement? I have an erectile dysfunction remedy to sell you.

It's Super Bowl media day!

And much like the great explorer, starship captain Jean-Luc Picard, all I can think of is...

God, no. Not this SHIT again...

I'm going to make a pledge right now. I'm going to IGNORE all the over-the-top, utterly ludicrous, mind-numbing, IQ dropping media bullshit that goes along with the 3 ring circus (Because it sure as HELL isn't about the football game!) that is the Super Bowl.

The asinine media day is is just to tip of the hype iceberg.

I'm ignoring the pissing match between the 2 most obnoxious and entitled fanbases in all of sport, the fans of New York and Boston. I'm not going to read flamebait articles by New York, Boston and national sports writers, who use nothing but clichés to compare those 2 obnoxious and entitled fanbases. Living in what the east coast media elite call a fly over state, I don't give a flying fuck about those 2 obnoxious and entitled fanbases, and 99% of the country doesn't give a flying fuck either.

I'm not going to watch the endless Super Bowl self promotion by the 4 letter. I can't even tolerate 15 minutes of Sportscenter anymore, so why would I watch a 2 HOUR version from Arizona? I haven't taken that buffoon Chris Berman seriously for over a decade, so why would I want to know who he picks to win?

The 4 letter's "personalities" are annoying as it is, but get them talking about the Super Bowl? They become unbearable. Sean Salisbury? An uber-idiot. Skip Bayless? Should be euthanized. Mike & Mike? Dumb & dumber.

I don't need every fucking ESPN show to be based from Arizona. While flipping channels, I go by the Mike and Mike (Jesus, they're fucking awful!) simulcast on the Deuce, and they are broadcasting in the God damn dark! No one is around. No one is even up in the Pacific time zone! Why bother?

I refuse to watch any of the lame ass ancillary shows. You know what I'm talking about. Concerts featuring bands I've never heard of, and would never like. Shows recapping previous Super Bowl commercials. (Which is another very overrated part of Super Bowl Sunday) Is there such a thing as "Best of" when it comes to something solely created to get us to buy useless shit? Doesn't anyone get the futility and silliness of watching an hour's worth of ADVERTISING as entertainment?

There's an 8 1/2 hour Super Bowl pregame show on FOX. They are starting their football based programming at 10 Sunday morning! Who has that kind of time? Who watches this shit? I sure as Hell won't.

For my final pledge to you, the readers, whom I'm sure feel the same as me. Fed up and pissed off...

I refuse to pay attention to the Super Bowl hype till 6-ish Sunday night, as that's when the game is about to start. And isn't it supposed to be all about the GAME?

Considering what the Super Bowl has become, the game is the LAST thing it's about.

DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!

Wonderful, just fucking wonderful. Exactly what the rest of our great nation didn't want or need to see. A Giants vs. Patriots Super Bowl. New York vs. Boston. Brady vs. Manning the younger. One annoyingly elitist fanbase vs. an even more annoyingly elitist fanbase.

2 weeks of the media wanking off Brett Favre would be easier to tolerate that what we are about to endure.

The moment Lawrence Tynes' field goal sailed over the crossbar, the east coast mainstream media mafia got a raging hard on. A John Holmes on Viagra sized hard on. We will now descend into a Hell on earth, 2 long, LONG, LONG weeks of New York and Boston overload.

You just had to make the God damn kick, you son of a bitch!

Thanks for nothing, Tynes... Fuck you, fuck me, fuck us. All of us fans in the flyover states, whom live in areas that the pompous bastards in the MSM believe don't matter. Fuck us hard, deep. and painfully.

Just kill me now.

It's been how long?

As I'm in a NFL mood, (I mean, who isn't? It's the best football weekend of the year!) and it's probably the last time I'll have reason to being the SOB's up till we get closer to the draft, or the incommunicado, long in-hiding, Matt Millen speaks, I'm going to touch on the Lions.

I've spent the past day and a half watching the NFL conference semi-finals. It's been a nice weekend of chilling out, and enjoying, for the most part, well played football by 8 good to great teams. (You make it this far into the playoffs, even in today's parity filled NFL, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, and call all the conference semi-finalists good. Obviously the Patriots are on another level altogether...)

I realized something as the Giants' Armani Toomer was running down the sidelines for a touchdown against the Cowboys at Texas Stadium.

It's been 16 years since we've seen the Lions play in such an important game. 16 years?! That's essentially an entire generation. Hell, might as well be 116 years! As I type this little factoid up, up, FOX broadcast a graphic telling us the teams that have gone the longest since their last playoff win.

This has to be the Detroit Lions mascot.
The poor guy looks half dead and mangy. Bubbles, is that you?

The Bengals were first at 17 years, and our soul-crushing Lions were next, at 16 years. FOX ran a clip of the TWFE's patron saint, the Big Buck, getting a Gatorade shower after the greatest victory in my lifetime of Lions fandom, the '91 Dallas playoff win. Good times, good times...

What a dubious way to yourself mentioned on the NFL's biggest stage.

As we Lions diehards watch the playoff teams go at it hammer and tong, we can see with our own eyes just how far away the Lions are from seriously competing in the NFL. Think about it. Just how many players do they have that would start for a playoff team?

Just off the top of my head, I'll say the following...

Roy Williams, Calvin Johnson, Dominic Raiola, Ernie Sims, Shaun Rogers, Dewayne White. You could also add kickers, Jason Hanson and Nick Harris. A few of those are a stretch, but White and Raiola both played well this season, and Johnson was a #2 overall draft pick, so I'll give it to them.

But other than the 3 players on each side of the ball, and being generous in including the 2 kickers, could you see any other current Lions playing in January?

Jon Kitna? We saw how he folded under playoff pressure against Pittsburgh, when he stepped in for the injured Carson Palmer a couple of seasons ago in Cincy. No.

Cory Redding? The Redding of 2006, yes. Not the ineffectual, "I got my money so I don't need to work hard" Redding of 2007.

Jeff Backus is being paid like an elite tackle, but he's far from actually being one. Another no.

Damion Woody, once an pro bowler on a Super bowl team, was so bad this season, he was benched. He didn't get off the bench till things got so dire at right tackle Woody was forced back into the starting lineup. He gets a no.

As for the rest of the Lions, do you see anyone else on either side of the line, in the backfield, the linebackers, or receivers playing right now? Mike Furrey and Shawn McDonald could play in most team's 3 or 4 receiver sets.

But that's it. The rest of the roster is full of never-were's and used-to-be's. Which also means that the Lions have absolutely no depth. None whatsoever.

That's how far away the Lions are from competing in January. They have a roster full of personnel mistakes. Draft reaches, free agency misjudgments, waiver wire wonders, NFL rejects.

That's an amazing accomplishment in total ineptitude, considering the Lions have picked in the top half of the NFL draft every season since 2001.

As a Lions fan, it's even more frustrating to see the Packers, who were worse than the Lions a couple of years ago, make the NFC championship game. Green Bay looked to be toast. But a smart GM in Ted Thompson made a good hire in coach Mike McCarthy. The Pack had a couple of good drafts, and with the resurgence of Brett Favre, who looked DONE a year ago, you have a team in the NFC title game.

Green Bay's success proves a quick turnaround in the NFL is possible. In fact, they made it look easy! Thanks to the draft, a salary cap, weighted schedules, free agency and non-guaranteed contracts, the NFL is designed for worst to first turnarounds.

Designed for everyone but the Detroit Lions, that is...

How I'm watching tonight's BIG game

Not better than 30 Rock, but it's better than nothing. Hey, I'll strain my eyes to watch Packers-Cowboys....

There's a big football game tonight! But thanks to a corporate Mexican standoff, only 5 people can watch

The 4 letter has been babbling non-stop today about Cowboys-Packers. Same with the interwebs. Yet thanks to the pissing match between two insanely rich and profitable entities, the only way I can see even bits and pieces of the big game is by watching those bits and pieces over the 1 1/2" x 2" screen on my nifty Samsung phone generously given to me by Sprint (Gotta get the occasional plug in, you know?), or the same feed on NFL.com.

Again, that feed is not the game itself, but just "Look-ins" and key plays inside the 20, hosted by NFL approved talking heads.

This is just more typical corporate bullshit, with the fan is getting the ass end of the deal.

As a fan, I've been bent over by the cable cartel, the NFL, and the Big 10 all damn football season, and there's no end in sight. We continue to be abused by money grubbing companies who refuse to answer to the wants and needs of their customers, but only to their money grubbing stockholders.

There's no sign of the bitter battles to get the NFL Network and the Big 10 Network on basic cable ending anytime soon, let alone to get those networks on some cable providers, period. I'm stuck with Charter Communications, who stubbornly refuses to carry either channel, pissing me off to no end. But hey, I get the NHL Network! Small consolation...

I'm getting sick and tired of tilting at football windmills. I call, I email, I vent on TWFE, and where has it gotten me? Still shelling out too much God damn money for networks I don't watch. Yet I'm unable to watch what could be the game of the year, as multi-million (Billion?) dollar corporations piss all over fans, rolling around in the cash we fork over every month.

The stalemates between rich ass corporations will continue into basketball season, then into NEXT football season, etc, etc, etc...

I'm tired of writing about it, and I bet you readers, most of you who are going through the same BS, are tired of reading about it. But if we stop bitching and moaning, we'll continue to be treated like meek imbeciles willing to take it in the ass end, then take some more.

I refuse to say to cable, the NFL, and the Big 10, "Thank you sir! May I have another?"



I have my own piss ant bully pulpit, and I'm going to use it!

So if someone is reading from the cable cartel, the NFL, the Big 10, and any other corporate entity that thinks they can take advantage of the fans, because we're FANS, here's a big FUCK YOU!

I'm not going anywhere! I'll continue to be a pain in your fucking asses till you actually listen to the people who pay for your corporate jets, corner offices, 10 martini lunches, and golden parachutes.

The sports fans.

Does it make me a bad person...

...if I tell you when I heard early this morning that Sean Taylor had passed away, my second thought was (After "That's a shame."), "That's going to be hard on the 'Skins. Could it help the Lions make the playoffs?"

I know, I know... It's awful, and I'm a terrible person. Hey, I'm being honest. As terrible as Taylor's death is for his family and teammates, and my condolences go out to them, as a person with troubles of my own, it had no effect on me whatsoever. Call me jaded, call me hard boiled, call me a jerk, call me an ass, call me a realist, but the news didn't do anything to me emotionally.

Should I feel any worse for Taylor than someone who gets shot, for example, in a car jacking in Detroit? Both are tragic in their own way. But with the 24/7 news cycle, an athlete's death will be treated as tragic, with the athlete being beatified (Deservedly or not, just look at the reaction to the death Kirby Puckett), while the death of a non-celebrity gets a few paragraphs below the fold in the local paper. It doesn't mean that life was less important, or the victim was any less of a person, does it?

The world can be a awfully shitty place, where bad things happen to both good and bad people. From all accounts, Sean Taylor was a little of both. And in this world, sometimes you're in the wrong place, at the wrong time, doing the wrong thing. Sorry to say, that's what happened to Taylor in his confronting a gun wielding thief with a machete.

I wouldn't wish the fate of being shot in the leg, then bleeding to death on anyone. But other than his being an good NFL player with a well-earned reputation for finding trouble, thus my knowing who Taylor was, it has nothing to do with my life. If I was a fan of the Redskins or Hurricanes, I'm sure I'd feel differently.

But I'm not, and I don't.

Detroit Lions week 10 power ranking roundup

Not a good week in the for the Honolulu blue and silver, but their awful effort in Arizona didn't effect them in the power rankings all that much. They rank as high as 6 (Scout.com), and as low as 22 (Football Outsiders/AOL). Overall, the Lions average ranking dropped nearly a full 2 points, from 9.5 last week, to 11.3.

As last week's hot topic was the easy to bring up Jon Kitna and the 10 win prediction, this week's topic du jour was also the obvious one, the -18 yards rushing. As I said last week, football writers are quite the unimaginative bunch.

Let's see how a many different ways the NFL writers can make fun of the Lions running game...

SI: 12 - Dr. Z, showing his advanced age, tells us a story. A story about the 1943 Detroit Lions, who couldn't run the ball either...

If you think their minus-18 yards rushing was anywhere near an NFL record, forget it. The mark came back in 1943, when sack yardage counted as yards lost rushing, and on the afternoon of Oct. 17, these same Lions rushed for minus 53 against the Chicago Cardinals. There are a lot of mysterious things about that game, and if there are any of you spry 90-year olds out there who were at the contest, please contact me with information. The Lions should have run better, since their top rookie was a popular collegiate All-American named Frankie Sinkwich. It was a Cards' home game, but it was played in Buffalo. And guess how badly the Lions were beaten. Come on, pick something wild. How about this? They actually won the game, 7-0.

The worldwide leader: 10 - The 4 letter rips the mad scientist, legend in his own mind, Mike Martz, while also referencing the Lions awful running game.

OK, we all know O-coordinator Mike Martz would rather throw than run. But eight running plays in losing to Arizona? For a minus-18 yards? The second-worst rushing day in franchise history? No wonder so many skeptics remain.

CBS Sportsline: 9 - We officially have what the cool internets kids call a "Meme." Sportsline gives the Lions a mulligan for their awful Arizona performance, but they have to...Wait for it...Run the ball better. Unlike when I play golf with friends, the Lions only get one mulligan. Hey, we play "Winter rules" all year long...

We'll call what happened at Arizona a mulligan. But if they don't run it better than they did down there, they will have big problems.

MSNBC/ColdHardFootballFacts.com: 9 - The ripping of the Lions running game continues, with a quip about Jon Kitna's lack of protection for good measure.

Last week: The Lions’ road to legitimacy took a hard left with a 31-21 loss in Arizona that featured three lost Lions fumbles and -18 yards rushing (really) despite the stadium-mandated lack of weather. Cold, Hard Football Facts: Jon Kitna has been sacked an even 100 times in 25 games as Detroit's starter.

Yahoo: 12 & 14 - Not much about our Lions from the Yahoo scribes, as they have more interesting things to write about. At least they didn't jump on the "Lions can't run" meme.

Cole: No comment.

Robinson: While Mike McCarthy and Rod Marinelli are getting plenty of love for coach of the year, has anyone handled a volatile player better than Wade Phillips has handled Terrell Owens?

Sporting News: 11 - No longer bullish about the Lions playoff hopes. How much you want to bet that if the Lions win, their playoff bandwagon is overflowing?

Considering the killer schedule that awaits, starting with the Giants and Packers the next two weeks, losing at Arizona does not bode well for the Lions' wild-card hopes.

NFL.com: 9 - Rather than hop on the playoff bandwagon, Carducci hops on the meme train...

Seriously, minus-18 yards rushing?

Football Outsiders / AOL: 22 - As their norm, there is absolutely no love for the Lions from the football sabers. They do note how much better a team the Leo's are at home.

Defense is eighth in DVOA at home, 31st in DVOA on the road.

Scout.com: 6 - It's all about the turnovers. Doesn't 6 seem kind of high?

The Lions' O-line doesn't match up well versus the Giants, but the G-men don't match up well against the Lions' receivers. Lions giveaway-takeaway ratio is the key.

Real Football 365: 11 - Don't like the looks of the Lions' upcoming schedule, or their playoff chances. The NFL types are jumping off the Lions' playoff bandwagon like rats leaping off a sinking ship...

Try to find a team with a more daunting remaining schedule than the Lions: a home-and-home series with Green Bay, the Giants, at Minnesota, Dallas, at San Diego, Kansas City. There is a very good possibility the Lions will miss the playoffs, and they'll kick themselves for losing to the likes of Washington and Arizona.

The Big Lead: 11 - Back to the "Lions can't run" meme. As they're bloggers, a meme is to be expected.

Egads: Eight rushes, -18 yards, three fumbles, one touchdown.

Detroit Lions week 8 power ranking roundup

If you're anything like me, when you search out the numerous NFL power rankings, once you see where the the Lions rank, you move on. Between you and me, I'm not all that interested in seeing where Dr. Z or Vic Carducci rank the Jaguars and Panthers, to name 2 of the teams I couldn't give a shit about.

I took the time to find 14 different NFL power rankings, with 15 writers doing the ranking. After week 8, the Lions average out at an wholly unexpected 11.6. Not too shabby for a team most had below 25 before the start of the season.

So as a public service, here's your one stop shop for the Detroit Lions NFL power rankings.

SI: 10 - The great Dr. Z is all sorts of confused by the Lons. Well, he's not getting any younger...

This is terra incognita for the Leos. Have I ever had them in my top 10? I mean it's been seven years since they had a winning record, and 15 teams were as good or better than their 9-7 back in 2000. And when did I start doing this thing, anyway? OK, well, here they are. Uncork the Piper Heidsick. A word of caution, though. Six of their next nine opponents have winning records.

The 4 Letter: 10 - The WWLiS says to beware the Favres. And we still want Millen fired, despite the winning record!

Who wants Matt Millen fired now? For the first time in his tenure, the Lions have started out 5-2. They've swept the Bears and are 3-0 in the division. But they still must face the Packers twice in the final six weeks.

CBS Sportsline: 10 - Pete Prisco puts forth the "P" word.

I said last week the Lions would be in the playoffs if they started then. I was wrong. They would be in if they started now. Wow.

MSNBC: 10 - Brings up a 10 win season, along with the greatest coach of all time...

If the Lions do achieve Jon Kitna’s preseason goal of 10 wins (or more), it’ll be their first 10-win season since 1995. The Lions have won 10 or more games just eight times in their 78-year history (three times under Wayne Fontes in the early 1990s).

Yahoo: 13 & 17 - The Lions are part of what Yahoo calls the NFL's "Muddled middle." That's just a high falutin' way to say mediocre.

Jason Cole: 13 - Detroit posted perhaps its most impressive win of the season in beating Chicago last Sunday in the Windy City. The best part of that victory is the Lions defense showed up. Sure, the Bears are challenged offensively, but that's still some nice work for the Lions .

Charles Robinson: 17 - You have to give respect to the Lions for a gritty win in Chicago, but the easy part of the schedule is over. Seven of their final nine games are against teams that should be in the thick of the playoff hunt.

Pro Football Talk: 8 - Flabbergasted.

Stunned.

Sporting News: 10 - Their comment infers that Kevin Jones hasn't returned to the lineup. And people wonder why The Sporting News is dying a slow, painful death...

The return of Kevin Jones should restore some balance to this pass-heavy offense.

NFL.com: 8 - The Lions play defense! Who knew?

Maybe the Lions can play a little bit of defense after all.

Mlive: 9 - Not impressed by the Bears. No one was, actually.

The Lions reappear in the top 10 after stuffing the not-so-intimidating Bears at Soldier Field.

Football Outsiders / AOL: 23 - Using their DVOA ratings, they don't think all that much of the Lions' start. Damn buzz killers!

Jon Kitna is racking up yards, but not in a particularly efficient or effective manner. His 2.4% DVOA is right in line with his 2006 DVOA of 3.9%.

Scout.com: 12 - All hail Mike Martz!

The Lions were outplayed last week in Tampa Bay, but hung in there and brought home a victory. Is there any doubt that Mike Martz is the top offensive mind in the game today?

Real Football 365: 11 - They're AMAZED!

Before the season, who expected the Lions to sweep the defending NFC champion/North division-rival Bears? What an amazing story Detroit has been.

Most Valuable Network: 11 - Brings up Jon Kitma's 10 win prediction, but thinks our favorite bible thumping QB will come up just short.

Will Jon Kitna be right about the Lions winning 10 games this season? Don’t count on it with them playing the Packers twice, two NFC East teams and the Chargers. Expect the Lions to go 9-7.

The Big Lead: 12 - Praises the Lions and their strategy to NOT kick to Devin Hester. Tell that to Nick Harris...

Finally, a team that keeps the ball away from Devin Hester. See, it works!

Madden NFL 08 hits the streets at midnight...

...and why should I care? Because it means I can pick up a used copy of Madden 2007 for under 15 bucks.

I'm an old school gamer, dammit! I'll school your PS3 ass! Intellivison was the bee's knees!
I played Madden against the Kaiser! What time does Matlock come on!?

You may think you're going to read the rants of an aging video game Luddite curmudgeon, but that's far from the case. I'm an old school gamer. Been one for over 30 years.

My first game system was Pong back in the 70's. It was in stunning black & white, and we LIKED it! (I also walked 5 miles uphill to school, wore an onion on my belt, and wasn't allowed to drink water during 2 a days, and we LIKED it! Kids today...)

It could play handball too. The 70's weren't the damn Stone Ages, you know...

I spent hour upon hour with my Mattel Intellivison, and then bonded with my Colecovision. Both were much better systems than the ubiquitous Atari 2600. Plus I'm left handed, and the fire button is on the wrong side for me...

I was never a Nintendo fan boy, missing out on the NES and SNES years as I was busy doing what 20-somethings do, like starting a career, getting married, and drinking.

But I received a Sega Genesis from the then wife for Christmas in the early 90's, and I jumped back into gaming. That was also when I got my first exposure to the Madden franchise, with Madden '94. I loved it, as you could actually play full seasons with real NFL teams and rosters. By the way, Barry Sanders was unstoppable.

Barry Sanders was to Madden 94 as Bo Jackson was to Tecmo Bowl .
You couldn't stop him, and you couldn't hope to contain him!

I've played Madden on and off ever since, but I fell off the gaming wagon again when life got in the way in the late 90's, missing out on the PS1 years. But jumping back into gaming after buying a PS2 when the prices finally got reasonable, ($250 was my sweet spot, around 2001-ish. I'm now on my 2nd PS2) I began to play Madden again. But I haven't bought a Madden release since '02 edition. For good reason...

I became a fan of the competition. I bought a copy of NFL 2K5. Blasphemous, right? Not in my mind.

Why? Because it was $30 cheaper! I have much more loyalty to my wallet than I ever would for EA and John Madden. (It's also a damn good game, just as good as Madden, and I've played the Hell out of it)

If the 2K games could hit the streets with a $19.95 price point brand new, I couldn't see spending top dollar for a game that was basically the same thing. In fact, I'm still playing NFL 2K5, when I feel the need for a little football video gaming.

But it's more than just the money that keeps me from buying Madden every year. Well, to be honest, a lot of it is about the money, but there's a few other good reasons...

Unlike the Madden sheep, I don't feel the need to have updated rosters, as I could care less if I have the correct 3rd string running back when I'm playing as the Jacksonville Jaguars. With game systems having memory cards and hard drives, and the ability to go online, couldn't EA just sell, or make available for download, the updated rosters for the completists of the world? No, as that makes too much sense, and would cut into their cash cow.

I'm never in the mood to get my ass handed to me 100-3, and be trash talked to boot, by a profanity spewing 15 year old who obsesses over Madden 12 hours a day, so online play isn't for me.

I don't want the latest questionable "Improvement" in game play, as it takes me forever to master all the button combos as it is. I never understood the gamer's need for minimal improvements in game play, as it's nothing more than a cash grab by EA. And it can be argued that often the "Improvements" EA makes aren't improvements at all, but only change for the sake of bullshit change.

Most of all, I really don't appreciate to being bent over, then anally raped, while having my pocket picked of $50+ by Electronic Arts, a monopolistic corporation who said, "If we can't beat 'em, we'll outspend 'em, so we'll buy exclusive rights from the NFL, and force 2K Sports to go away."

Let alone there's the fact I don't have a spare $400-$600 laying around to buy a next generation system, either a Xbox 360, or a PS3. Thank goodness for small favors, as then I'd be paying $60+ to be bent over by EA.

Even though I don't have the slightest idea what the video game bearing my name looks like,
give me all your money! BOOM!

I guess if you don't mind being led around the nose by a corporation that only cares about wringing every last stinking dime out of gamers, go ahead and spend your hard earned cash on the latest entry of the Madden franchise.

Personally, I'm more than happy to wait for the inevitable price drop, and even then, I'm not sure I'll drop my cash on the line.

Screw Madden, and screw EA. I'm off to cruise eBay, see what Intellivison's are going for nowadays. Now THAT was a video game system...

Never trash talk a Lions fan

It seems my post raking Joey Harrington over the coals ruffled the feathers of some Atlanta Falcons fans. Someone posted my diatribe on a Falcons message board. A "Brian" even left a comment ripping me, Detroit, and the Lions as new one.

Hey "Big Al", FACT: The Detroit Lions SUCK, not Joey Harrington. Worst team in the league past 10 years. FACT: Joey Harrington punked you guys throwing 3 TDs on Thanksgiving 2006. MVP of the game. Remember that Big Al?? Hahaha. FACT: Joey Harrington has a 6-Mil contract from the Atlanta Falcons, and you sniveling turds in Loser Town still blame him for the fact your TEAM sucks!! Them are the FACTs Big Al!! The truth hurts, right? :)

There's one problem with the opposition fans trash talking the Lions. It doesn't bother us because...We AGREE! Wholeheartedly! Without question!

You aren't saying anything that we Lions fans haven't already said about the Lions numerous times. Hell, we've ripped them most every Sunday of the season for decades. You are taking about a fanbase that looks back fondly on the Wayne Fontes years, for chrissakes!

We know the Lions suck, that they have always sucked, and will continue to suck! We know Matt Millen's a blooming idiot. We know they are a joke of a franchise. We know they are an embarrassment. We know the Falcons, and damn near every other team in the NFL, are better than the Lions.

In regard to last Thanksgiving, to be honest, we actually took a perverse pleasure in Harrington's 3 TD performance. I'm sure you are wondering, "Why?" Because we hope against hope that a fiasco like the Joey Blue Skies' nationally televised win will get the Lions doddering, richer than God, know nothing, octogenarian of an owner to clean house. Again...

Obviously, some, including the upset commenter, thought my bashing was just sour grapes. Since Joey Blue Skies failed here in the D, I don't want to see him succeed anywhere. To let you all know the truth, I could give a shit about Harrington and the Falcons. I'm just happy I don't have to watch him flail about the pocket aimlessly anymore.

I prefer to think of that post as more of a warning to Falcons fans to not get their hopes up, as Joey Harrington is an absolutely awful QB. At his best, he's below average. Jon Kitna is 10X the QB, and he does nothing more than put up empty stats.

I'm telling you now, and most Lions and Dolphins fans will agree. As long as Harrington is the Falcons QB, they aren't winning anything.

Detroit fans (Such as The Battleship, one of the writers at the excellent blog "Check out My HEMI," who defended my post) who aren't blinded by their passion for the Lions, that don't drink the Kool-aid or eat the cornbread, know that Harrington wasn't the only reason the Lions blew, but he was a big reason. Why else would every head coach during his tenure want to replace Joey Blue Skies?

Marty Moronwheg had a massive crush on Mike McMahon. Mooch, slick as a used car salesman, and about as sincere, lusted for Jeff Garcia. Marinelli and Martz signed 2 free agent QB's who had started in the NFL, Kitna and Josh McCown. About the only person who continually had faith in Harrington was Matt Millen. 'Nuff said...

Atlanta fans, remember who you are pinning you hopes upon. We are talking about the 3rd overall pick in of the 2002 draft. Someone taken that high should be a franchise QB, especially going into his 6th season. But Harrington has been unceremoniously benched, and then let go, by his last 2 employers.

We watched Harrington in Detroit for 4 seasons, and we never saw a playoff caliber QB. Unfortunately for Atlanta fans, you won't either...

Charlie Sanders, Hall of Fame tight end. That sure has a nice ring to it...

For all the bile I spew at the Lions, I sometimes forget that there were players on the Lions, despite the team's constant pratfalls, of whom I was a huge fan.

Barry Sanders was one. He's the only Lion I ever had a jersey of, and still have, as a matter of fact. My number 20 Sanders jersey is my favorite piece of clothing, worn every Sunday of the football season. As an adult, I know it's silly, but I guess it's may way of showing Barry how he made this Lions fan Sunday's bearable.

But as a kid growing up in the 70's, my favorite Lion was Charlie Sanders. In Saturday's Drew Sharp column, he described, as a kid playing in the snow, trying to make the same sort of circus catches Sanders made look easy. To be honest, I'd do the same exact thing with couch cushions piled up on the basement floor. We all wanted to emulate Charlie Sanders.

Without question, Charlie Sanders was the best tight end I ever saw play.
You youngsters don't know what you missed...

In my mind, Sanders was the best tight end I've ever seen play. He was the prototype for the type of tight end that became became much more commonplace from the 80's on. Rather than be nothing more that an additional lineman, Sanders was a downfield weapon on offense. You didn't see tight ends split the seam back then. For the most part, they were a short yardage option. Charlie Sanders helped change the role of the tight end in the NFL.

Sanders not being in the enshrined in Akron was, in my mine, a monstrous oversight. He was the best tight end of his era, and one of the best of all time. If Sanders had the good fortune to have played for one of the glamor teams of the 60's and 70's, he would have been in the pro football hall of fame years ago.

Instead, much like other greats who spend their careers in Detroit (Do not get me going on Ozzie Smith getting into Cooperstown, yet Alan Trammell can't get 15% of the vote. Shows what a farce HOF voting can be), his accomplishments were ignored, much to any Lions fan chagrin. Anyone who saw Sanders in his dominant prime knew he long deserved to be enshrined.

So to see that hall of fame slight corrected today, with Sanders deservedly entering the hall, warmed this long time fan's heart. Much like Barry Sanders, Charlie Sanders often was the only highlight of another Lions loss. A loss that was no fault of his own.

A tight end who could actually get yards after the catch? Who could catch the ball in traffic?
Who never dropped the ball? It once wasn't all that rare a thing to see in Detroit,
where Charlie Sanders terrorized defensive backfields...

As much as I tried as a kid, I never could play like Sanders (At least I did get to play tight end as a freshman, even if I was a glorified lineman), but it was a treat to be able to watch him wear the Honolulu blue and silver with honor.

And God damn, could Sanders make circus catches...

A preseason message from Matt Millen

Hi Detriot Liuns fans! Matt Millen hear. I now you are all concerned and wurried about the bad news comeing out of training camp. I'm hear to eaze you're minds. Bear with me, and Ill clu you into the reel scoop.

Drew Stanton is having knee sergery - He wuzn't going to play anyways. So whut's the big damn deal? All he's wus goning to do wuz study Martz's playbook anyways. I have full confidance that Jon Kitna isn't goning to get hurt. I've even ordered him a "Gazoo" helmut, like that dude in Bufalo used to ware. I'm not wuried one bit.

We have 16 different wide recievers either under contract, or considred as "Dead money" in regard to our celery cap - My bad. Won't hapen again. Promise.

Calven Johnson is holding out - Again, no plroblem. Why do you think they'res 16 recievers under contract? Duh! If he's as gud as everyones says, missing camp won;t make any difference anyways.

Teddy Lehman hert his shoulder - Not my fault. Blame Mareinelli! I told him too tak eit easy, but noooooo, he had to have them hit each udder. I told him so....

Kevin Jones won't be at 110% when the season starts - That's why I has 7 runing backs in camp! Why do you think I tradded for Jack Tatum and signed BJ Bukket? Duh!

I made Corey Redding the highest paid defensive tackle in the NFL, even tho no one says hes a "Impact" player - Again, my bad. I thought he wuz a wide reciever. Won't hapen again.

Jon Kitna says we'll won 10 games - I thnk he's wrong to. Were really goning to win 14 gasmes! That's whut I telled Billy Ford, anyways. He beleives everything I tell him abyways.

See? Their's nuthing too wurry about. All is well with the Detriot Liuns! Thanks too me!

Trust me! The Fords du, and so shuld you. So pleese, no "Fire Me" chants. No walkouts. No bouycots. No wearing the udder teams jersees. I have it all under control.

See you in in the funnie papers!

Matt Milen

William Clay Ford speaks to the media. TWFE translates

On Thursday, Lions owner William Clay Ford spoke to the media about the upcoming season. If you really read between the lines, you could translate just what the crotchety old octogenarian was actually trying to say.

About the 2007 season: "I'm usually optimistic anyway going in. But I think this year really will be a little bit special."

Translated: How special? As in riding the short bus to school "Special." As in having to wear a helmet when leaving the house "Special." As in the bad ass FoMoCo legend "Hank the Deuce" talking about his "Special" little brother, William Clay.

This is "Hank the Deuce," the legendary Ford brother who successfully ran Ford Motor Company for 35 years , doing so with an iron fist. Henry Ford II is the Ford that should have owned the Lions...

To keep him from meddling in the family car business, Hank's little brother, William Clay Ford, was given the keys to enter the NFL kingdom, and ran the Detroit Lions, rather than Ford Motor, into the ground.

In regard to NFL HOF bound tight end Charlie Sanders: "He's just one of those rare people that you wish you had more of."

Translated: I like Col. Sanders, and his crispy Kentucky fried Chicken. Who is this Charlie? Is he the Tuna?

About Matt Millen: "Faced a learning curve."

Translated: Matty's "Special," just like "Hank the Deuce" thought I was!"

On the former coaches: "Millen didn't mesh with his first two head coaches -- Marty Mornhinweg and Steve Mariucci -- but found a partner in Marinelli."

Translated: "Matt will be marrying Marinelli. Marty and Mooch spurned his advances.

On the team's new attitude: "I think before it was based a lot on raw skill and potential, period. And I think now you add character to that and a desire to play football, and they've got to have that or we don't consider them."

Translated: I just said a whole lot of nothing clichés that Marinelli likes to use, you try and make sense of it. I can't.

On losing 13 games: "I had confidence in Millen and Marinelli even as the Lions went 3-13 last season."

Translated: No one else will work for me. I'm stuck with these 2 losers.

On the Millen & Marinelli pairing: "I could see right off that they were compatible, and to me that was very, very important. I know Matt's philosophy. As the year went on, I got to know Rod much better and I could see where they would mesh. You don't want to break up a combination like that."

Translated: They're really cute together. How could I fire them? When they talk football "Philosophy" though, I have to go talk to my portrait of "Hank the Duece." He thought I was "Special," you know.

On the rumors that Millen was going to get the ziggy: "I don't know where those originated. I sure never said anything even approaching that -- or if I did I didn't mean to."

Translated: I wanted to fire Matty? Really? I'm old and senile. I don't remember what I say from minute to minute. You expect me to remember if I threatened to fire Matty last year?

Why no "Vote of confidence" statement for Millen?: "I didn't say, 'You're safe, don't worry about it,' in so many words. But by the same token, I never intimated to him that he wasn't safe. It was business as usual."

Translated: I never fire anyone. Why start now?

On Millen saying he would never quit: "He may have. It wasn't a big issue, because that really wasn't in my plans. He well may have, but I can't remember any occasion or verbatim talk that we had about it. Yeah, I think your premise is correct."

Translated: I told you I can't remember what I said a minute ago. If you told me that Tommy Hudspeth was still coach, I'd believe you. Is he still coach? And why am I inducting Col. Sanders into the hall of fame?

Is the reason Millen is still here is that you like him?: "It's possible. But I think if you like somebody and you believe in the same things that they believe in, I don't know what other yardstick to put against it."

Translated: I think Sting said it best...

If you love somebody
If you love someone
If you love somebody
If you love someone, set them free
Set them free
Set them free
Set them free

Or was it Celine Dion?

There's nothing that you cannot do
I believe I believe I believe in you

The reason there's no magic number, win-wise, for Millen: "We obviously have to show tremendous improvement. I think it'll be plainly visible to all of you whether or not we're making the progress I keep saying we're going to make or hoping we're going to make."

Translated: Hey, 6 wins is 2X more wins than last season. Isn't winning twice as many games good enough for you ink stained wretches, and the revolting fans?

On why he believes Jon Kitna, and his 10 win prediction: "I'm always an optimist before the season starts and you've got high expectations. When the team doesn't live up to it, you're very disappointed.

Translated: I like it when they tell me what I want to hear. I'm too old, feeble, and rich to care if they lose.

Why he doesn't think about past failures: "Thank goodness I can put that behind me and look forward. If I dwelled on the past, I'd shoot myself. Really, I've never felt that way. But if I were a fan, I could understand it."

Translated: I'm aware the fans want me dead, but I don't know how to use a gun, and Jeeves wouldn't pull the trigger.

Have a low IQ? Lack common sense? Pro sports is the career for you!

Turns out that being involved in big time sports doesn't require much in the way of brainpower, IQ, or common sense.

I know this is Marcus Vick, but it's a hysterical pic, and considering the genius moves made by the Vick brothers, it's proof positive that the Vick gene pool is on the shallow side...

Look at that most prominent example of upstanding citizenship, Michael Vick. With the God awful decision making skills Vick has continually shown, combined with the fact that most anyone with even a below average IQ would know enough to NOT risk their long-term, multi-million dollar Atlanta Falcons and endorsement contracts by involving themselves in activities that are frowned upon by federal prosecutors, it begs a question.

How on earth did Vick manage to get into a school of higher learning? In his case, that august institute was Virginia Tech. They must be so proud. Vick comes off as if he'd have scholastic trouble at your local community college. He sure as Hell wouldn't pass Logic 101.

Oh yeah, he's an elite athlete. The education bar is lowered considerably.

Still, you'd think that someone around him would have enough synapses firing to bring up the fact that animal brutality is not an activity that a person with so much at stake should be involved. That in fact, if he had any modicum of sense, Vick should stay far, far, far away from such brutality. Even if much of his entourage felt otherwise.

Think Vick, think! Should I raise pit bulls to fight to the death, while killing off the weak ones, or keep my image and money intact? Killer dogs FTW!

That lack of sense tells me that his low rent entourage / posse / so-called friends aren't any brighter than Vick. If those "Friends" did have the normal amount of brainpower, they'd have keep their meal ticket's hands clean of dog blood.

You know, it's not all that hard to tell from right and wrong. Dog fighting is as wrong as it gets. So what if it happens all over, that it's part of a certain segment of society, that it's not enough to make you distance yourself from your "Friends."

Bullshit. Dog fighting is disgusting. Any sane person would agree.

Deep down, when you look inside yourself, you have to know that the barbaric act of training dogs to fight, then having them do so to the death, let alone betting on the result, is NOT A GOOD THING.

If you do think that this is a natural and acceptable activity, you're either dumb as a rock, or have no soul. I'm not sure which category Vick fits yet. Maybe both.

I know that Vick and his cronies are "Innocent till proven guilty" in a court of law. But where's there's smoke, there's fire. In this case, it's a raging inferno. The feds don't screw around. Vick is in deep with the federal prosecutor for a reason.

The general consensus is that for Vick, prison may be unavoidable. To be honest, that wouldn't exactly break my heart. If the feds would go for a deal, the smart thing for Vick to do would be to plea, ASAP, and hope to avoid serious prison time. But from what we’ve seen of Vick, being smart isn’t one of his strong points.

It’ll be a race to the prosecutor’s office between Vick’s dog fighting cronies to see who can flip on Vick first. Some friends, huh?

Then the other paragon of virtue in sports is disgraced NBA ref Tim Donaghy. Today, David Stern all but confirmed that Donaghy bet on, and fixed, NBA games. The college educated Donaghy, making well over 6 figures to referee NBA games, somehow got himself in so deep in gambling debt, that the mafia took notice, and took advantage.

When the mob first reached out to him, you'd think that Donaghy could have gone to the FBI then and there. Considering the odds great are that the FBI already knew anyway, considering wiretaps, it would have been the prudent thing to do. It sure as Hell would have been the smart thing to do.

But it bears repeating, you don't have to be a rocket scientist to make it in pro sports.

If Donaghy had done the smart thing, (Other than not gamble to begin with) he would have lost his NBA job, but probably avoided jail time. Losing your NBA job in disgrace is infinitely better than having to endure death threats from the mob, and spend several years in PMITA prison.

It's bad enough he's going to the joint. Donaghy has David Stern pissed! Now that's the true kiss of death...

It makes you wonder though, did Donaghy honestly think he could get away with point fixing? He had to know that as he kept betting, and got deeper in debt, that even if he did manage to win enough to get himself out of debt, the ending was not going to be pretty.

You either have to be an idiot, or self delusional, to think otherwise. I vote idiot.

Once he took that step in cooperating with the mob, that was the end. Much like the government, when you give the mob an inch, they are going to take a yard. Unlike the government, the mob will then take a mile.

Donaghy did the wrong thing, the stupid thing, and ended up fixing games for the mob. Thus ruining his career, his reputation, his entire life. and took NBA down down in the muck with him. Just because he liked to gamble. Because he was too dumb to stop.

You know, I love to gamble. Las Vegas is one of my favorite places in the entire world. I could sit at a blackjack table for hours on end. In my mind, a sports book is a wonderful place to hang out. I'll never deny that betting is fun!

But being on disability, I no longer have that kind of discretionary income. I can't afford the risk. So guess what?

I DON'T GAMBLE ANYMORE.

Donaghy knew he wasn't supposed to gamble. He had so much at risk, more than most people, and yet he gambled anyway. He ended up losing much more than his shirt.

Just like Vick, deep, deep down inside, Donaghy had to know that what he was doing was extremely wrong. Bad wrong. Fuck up your life royally wrong. Stupid wrong.

Thing is, we all know right from wrong.

That's why I don't feel sorry for Donaghy, same for Vick. It's impossible to feel sorry for such stupid people.

TWFE behind the scenes: William Clay Ford closes the deal with Cory Redding

Does it concern anyone else that the Detroit Lions made Cory Redding the highest paid defensive tackle in all of football? The Lions now have massive amount of cap room tied up in 2 areas, wide receiver and the D-line.

Redding has never been mentioned as an elite player at his position. Not by the experts, the media, fans, anyone. He's coming off of a career year, but will Redding continue to play at a level worthy of big money? Let alone all of the cap space...

It remains to be seen, but I'm not all that confident about anyone the Lions deem worthy. They've done so well with long-term contracts in the past... If you believe that, I have a mint Mustang II to sell you.

To me, the most interesting bit of Redding signing was that the old man, the Lions owner himself, William Clay Ford Sr, spoke to Redding, convincing him to re-up with the Lions.

Quoth Mr. Ford, "HAAACK..Who's Cory Redding?"

In fact, TWFE has obtained a transcript of that conversation...

Cory Redding: Hello?

William Clay Ford: //HACK//

CR: Uh, hello? Who's there?

WCF: //HAAAAAACK// //COUGH//

CR: I was told that Mr. Ford would be calling. Is that whom I'm speaking to?

WCF: //PHWEE// Who's calling me? Matlock's on, dammit! You know where can I get seersucker suits like Matlock's?

CR: Uh, sir, you called me. What suits?

WCF: Suit! SUIT?! Who's suing me! Some God dammed Pinto owner? Bullshit! I had no idea that the gas tanks were made out of aluminum cans! I was just making a joke to the engineers about that, I had no idea they would take me seriously! //WHEEZE//

CR: Wha...

WCF: Who am I talking to? Some ambulance chaser?!

CR: Cory Redding, sir. I play for your Lions. I'm a defensive tackle.

WCF: Attorney for the defense? Like Matlock?

CR: I'm not Matlock, or a lawyer, Mr. Ford.

WCF: //HACK// Damn. So what the Hell do you want, Tory?

CR: My agent was negotiating a long-term contract with Matt Millen. I'm not sure that I want to stay in Detroit though. I was told that you personally wanted me to sign, Mr. Ford. That's nice, but I want what's fair. It's not like a want Mike Vick money.

WCF: What about a Crown Vic? I"m not signing off on anything! //SNORT// I thought we already paid off those police departments because of all the exploding Crown Vics! Or was it Pinto owners we paid? Christ, what did they expect when they bought such an cheap ass shitbox of a car?

CR: To be safe while driving?

WCF: Don't be a smartass, Dory! After all the bloodsucking lawyers, and the shitbox Pinto owners, it's a wonder I have only a billion or three to my name. //HACK// Don't get me going on the Bronco lawsuits. It's a God dammed TRUCK! They have a high center of gravity! They roll sometimes! Christ, Matlock would have gotten Ford off the hook! //HORK//

CR: Sorry to hear that, but sir, about my contract? With the Lions?

WCF: //HUUURRR// Talk to Russ Thomas, he handles the footballers.

CR: Who's he?

WCF: Russ Thomas is only the best damn general manager in the NF of L. He could can turn a profit turning a strike season, that's how good Russ is! He turns out a great balance sheet. And when it comes to contract time, that SOB could get blood from a stone. Or from Mel Farr...

CR: Sir, who's Farr? And what about my contract?

WCF: //HUUURK// Farr? Just the best quarterbacker my footballers ever had, that's who!

CR: That's nice, but about my contract...

WCF: What contract? Why am I talking to you? Jeeves! JEEVES! I need a Chivas, this guy doesn't know his ass from a Granada. Nice car, the Granada.

CR: Sir, I just want what is coming to me. A fair contract.

WCF: //HAAACK//Rory, you sound like a nice kid. Russ will take good care of you. Tell him that you can have your little raise. You guys are playing a 14 games season now, I guess we can give you a few extra bucks for 2 more games.

CR: Uh, sure thing, Mr. Ford.

WCF: One more thing, you tell Coach Hudspeth that he's doing a good job! //SNORT//

CR: Who is...Oh, um, sure thing, Mr. Ford.

WCF: //WHEEZE// I have to get back to Murder She Wrote, that Jessica Fletcher is the bee's knees.

CR: I'm now rich, but it can't be worth all this shi....

WCF: //HORK// What's that, boy?

CR: Thank you, Mr. Ford.

Detroit is where wide receiver contracts go to die

Pat Kirwan of NFL.com reported that Matt Millen has 16 different wide receivers either currently under contract, or still on the Lions' books as dead money.

16 wide receivers? Only 16? Seems on the low side to me.

At this point, I can't even make jokes about it, as what's any more sillier than having to pay 16 receivers when normal NFL teams have 5, 6 at most, wide receivers on their roster. Unfortunately, there's nothing normal about the Detroit Lions.

It'd be hilarious, if it wasn't so damned pitiful.

Christ, I'm sure they still have Steve Mariucci on the books as well. Knowing the Lions lack of institutional control, I'd guess they are still paying a salary to Russ Thomas, even though he's been dead and buried for 16 years.

Other receivers still on the books include Whizzer White, Cloyce Box, Ron Jessie, Pete Mandley, Joe Don Looney, Earl McCullough, Dennis Franklin, Feddie Scott, and Bill Schroeder.

Wonders never cease when it comes to the Lions...

Detroit Lions fans get slapped in the face once again

As I was absentmindedly sorting through my RSS feeds, I stumbled across the latest column from SI's Michael Silver, in which he ranks the NFL owners, 1 thru 32.

Interesting enough column fodder, but the main reason I checked it out was to see where our own doddering octogenarian, William Clay Ford, Sr., ranked. Ford has to be last. He just has to be, right?

Wrong.

29. William Clay Ford (Bill Ford Jr.), Lions

Which genius auto magnate is responsible for the disaster in Big D? That depends on whom you talk to -- though I'm told that Ford Jr., if he had his way, would have fired team president Matt Millen long ago. Either way, there's no disputing that this franchise runs like the Edsel.

He spends the next paragraph bitching about the lack of punishment Lions organization gave to the dunk driving, naked, fast food eating, o-line coach. Local bloggers endlessly hashed over Naked Coach during the regular season. Whatever. Hell, Ford probably has no idea who Naked Coach is, and that he works for him. But I digress...

After reading the blurb, I had to ask, whom does Silver think is calling the shots with the Lions? Reading from Silver's POV, it appears that he thinks it's Junior, not Senior, calling the pitiful shots. Looking back at the last several seasons of ineptitude, I'd say the Lions are still WCF Sr's baby.

Why even bother listing Junior, as for all intents and purposes, he hasn't been involved in the Lions daily operations for quite some time. Considering the dire financial straights of the family cash cow, FoMoCo, saving the family's name, and more importantly, their FoMoCo stock, has demanded Junior spend his time dealing with that unfortunate ongoing fiasco.

And if Junior had any real say in his inheritance, the incompetent boob running the Lions' front office would have been fired a couple of seasons ago. No, the Lions are Senior's play toy, and I don't think you can dispute that fact.

Nevertheless, ranking either Ford as only the 29th worst owner in the NFL is a slap in the face of several generations of Lions fans.

This is whom Silver thinks are worse owners...

30. Ralph Wilson, Bills
31. Tom Benson, Saints
32. Mike Brown, Bengals

Not exactly great company, to be sure. Say what you will about their current state of affairs, Ralph Wilson and the Brown family both have reached multiple Super Bowls. For that matter, neither team has ever reached the long-term depths of the Lions.

The Saints have had more than their share of issues during Tom Benson's ownership tenure, (Wanting to abandon the NO fanbase after Katrina was despicable) but going into the 2007 season, the Saints may be the best team in the NFC.

As for the Lions?

Every Lions fan knows, and laments, the following fact, and it says it all about WCF Sr, and his awfulness as an owner.

Since William Clay Ford, Sr became sole owner in 1964, the Lions have won just 1, count 'em, 1, playoff game.

It doesn't get any worse than that. It can't get any worse than that. If that fact wasn't so painful, it would be hilarious.

Ford isn't just the worst owner in the NFL. He's the worst owner in all of sport. In fact, Ford is the worst owner ever, alive or dead. Ford has reached, much like his GM, historic levels of ineptitude.

The Lions have a bad roster, and worse, that roster is full of braggadocio. The front office is even worse yet. The fanbase is so far past being fed up, they've given up. The fans have backlashed against the Lions for so long, and so hard, to no result, they don't care anymore.

The NFL is the most powerful, most watched, and most influential sports league on the planet, yet Ford has made the Detroit NFL franchise irrelevant in the local, and national, sports landscape.

To steward am NFL franchise to total and utter irrelevancy takes a special owner. "Special" as in riding the short bus while wearing a helmet special.

William Clay Ford, Sr has given one*, and only one, thing to the Lions fans. Pain. Lots and lots of pain.

*Other than Ford Field, which is wonderful.

Trash talk and the Detroit Lions = 50 years of BS

Detroit Lions WR Mike Furrey claims they should win 10 to 12 games in 2007. The following quotes are proof enough for me that he's on something mind altering.

"I’m telling you right now, we have high confidence right now. We know what we have. We know how good our offense was over the last four or five weeks of last year. We know that we added depth to the spots that we needed to add depth to. … Our defense looks phenomenal right now. … We believe what Jon’s saying. That’s how we feel as a team right now."

Obviously Furrey has been dipping into the same Kool-Aid and cornbread as Jon Kitna.

It's as if Lions players have become members of a cult. The Cult of Millen. Before every season, we hear that the Lions will improve. The Lions players say so. The front office says so. The local beat writers say so. The newspaper articles never change from off season to off season.

Every year it's the same old, same old.

The team sure looks good during the off season workouts! The new crop of rookies will make an impact! The returning players that have never lived up to their so called "Potential" will actually do so! Injury prone players have overcome their injury proneness! The Lions are going to do more than just improve, they are going to make the playoffs! The Lions are turning a new leaf, and changing their losing culture!

We're told that this coming season will be different that the previous year.

Or the previous 10 years...

Or 20 years...

Or 50 years...

Talk is cheap, and the Lions have been cheap talkers for decades. From playoff victory guarantees, to draft pick hyperbole, to coaches threatening to give "Bus tickets out of town," to predicting 10 win seasons, the Lions have never, ever been able to back up whatever crap comes out of their mouths.

How stupid is it for a 3-13 team to talk trash? To predict 7 victory turnarounds? To say that everything is now A-OK? It's gotten to be a bit much, considering this comes from a team that had to win the last game of the season to keep from getting the 1st overall draft pick.

The Lions were 1 Tony Romo yard from being the worst team in the NFL. The only team worse than the Lions is run by an loopy octogenarian who dresses like it's 1956, believes it's 1966, and runs an offense from 1976. There's not much room for the Lions to talk.

But they still do.

I've used this Benjamin Franklin quote in the past, but when it comes to the Lions, it bears repeating...

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

If you go by the what we've seen of, and heard from, the Detroit Lions, they've been insane for 50 years.

So I have 4 words of advice for the 2007 Detroit Lions. It's advice they really should take to heart...

"Shut the FUCK up!"

It seems like the only people who don't buy into the Detroit Lions off season trash talk anymore are the fans themselves. Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice? Shame on me. Burn me 50 times? Then we are talking about the Detroit Lions.

A look back in incredulity: Marty Mornhinweg

We all remember the defining moment of the Marty Mornhinweg era. Taking the wind, rather than the ball, in OT against the Bears.

Marty did so despite the fact that his defense had been on the field for virtually the entire 4th quarter, and was utterly unable to stop the Bears. Well, there was the one drive they did manage to get a 3rd down stop, but Mornhinweg took a 3rd down penalty called against the Bears, to keep them from taking a 50 yard field goal attempt against that same wind, thus allowing the Bears to convert on their 2nd attempt on 3rd down, then going on to score.

There was one idiotic blunder heaped upon another in that game, cumulating in the infamous decision to take the wind.

Marty Morninweg thus became known as Marty Moronweg, and from that moment on, his days in Detroit were numbered.

Yet Marty Moronweg defends the decision that will haunt him to his grave.

"The people who were there and know all the information ... know that it was the right call," Mornhinweg said. "It was the right call then, it's the right call now, and it's the right call 10 years from now."

Uh...Marty, you know what it will say on your headstone?

"He took the wind."

We shouldn't be surprised of his defending the indefensible, as according to an interview given a little over a week ago, Marty thinks he can still be a NFL head coach. Anyone that lived through his 2 seasons in Detroit knows that is an impossibility.

Could you see what any NFL team's fanbase would say if Marty was brought into town to interview for a head coaching gig?

"The guy that took the wind? Are you serious? Cancel my season tickets!"

Just to show that taking the wind wasn't an isolated occurrence of Marty's stupidity, let's look back, and see just what else Marty thought...

• That the bar was actually high.

• That the Detroit Lions head coaching job was worth interviewing for, let alone worth taking

• That Matt Millen knew what he was doing in hiring him, yet not interviewing anyone else.

• That Matt Millen knew what he was doing, period.

• That staging the the premature end of a training camp practice, and riding off on a conveniently parked Harley to show his displeasure was a more than just a asinine, poorly conceived stunt.

• That riding off on that Harley, and never, ever coming back, was not the better choice of action.

• That Mike McMahon gave the Lions a better chance to win than Charlie Batch.

• That Mike McMahon was a NFL quarterback, period.

• That it was a good idea to allow Ty Detmer to stay in a game long enough to throw 7, count 'em, 7, picks.

• That going along with Millen and Ford Sr, and drafting Joey Blue Skies despite his gut feelings, was a good idea.

• That Quintin Jammer should have been the pick instead.

• That he was a competent head coach for the Lions.

Not exactly the the good decision making you'd want from the head coach of your local NFL franchise.

Yet, in the quoted interview, Marty says that he'll be a head coach again.

"I'll be a head coach again"

Of course he added that it could be in a youth league, but you know the Lions years are gnawing at him. I guess it's just like Jon Kitna and his 10 wins prediction, you say some something enough times, you'll begin to believe it, even if no sane person does.

At least Marty did get in one good jab about the dysfunctional Lions...

"I've been in four [NFL] organizations," he said. "Three have been great, top to bottom."

Good for you Marty, good for you. It's pointing out the obvious, but good for you. Get out some of that venom, just as the legions of Lions fans you pissed off did when you were coach.

I will say this about Marty. His awful press conferences were the stuff of legend, and not to be missed. He could spew catch phrases with the best of them. You know 'em, you love 'em, you'll always remember 'em...

"The bar is high."

"The goal of this organization from this point forward is Super Bowls."

"We have to play at a certain level, a very high level, to win a football game."

"That's hairy high school stuff."

"There's no excuses in this league. Snap, hold, kick."

"The bar is even higher!"

I spent the rest of the season saying "Snap, hold, kick" whenever I got the chance.

Fortunately for the rest of the nation's NFL fans, odds are they won't ever have the chance to quote "Head coach" Marty Mornhinweg.

Just looking at this picture make me twitch uncontrollably

Consider yourselves lucky that your team will never see the immense brainpower that we Lions fans lived with for 2 long years...