10 things you know I know I know, you know?

10. I'm not going to get overtly political here, but I have only one thing to say about John McCain's campaign pulling out of Michigan. If this now means we no longer have to suffer through an endless amount hateful, pushing the absolute borders of the truth, pound you over the head with the sledgehammer of spin, all out negative advertising from BOTH parties, then THANK FUCKING GOD! I've had more than my fill of political advertising, of any kind, thank you very much.

Michigan being considered a "battleground" state (till yesterday afternoon, anyway) meant both parties were pummeling we Michiganders about the head and face with with political ad after political ad during every local break on TV and radio. (you ex-pats should consider yourselves lucky!) Personally, I find these ads insulting. If you make your decision on which candidate to vote for based on TV ads, you're a moron. A fucking moron.

No matter if you are a Democrat, Republican or independent, please do a little research before you vote. I honestly think people invest more time into which new TV series they are going to watch, than whom is going to get their vote. It's shameful more people don't care about the political process, unpleasant as it may sometimes be.

That's as political as I'll allow myself to get... Let's talk sports.

9. You know the MSM is scraping the bottom of the barrel for ideas when you read the "bad team in one sport should talk to the good team's GM in another sport" piece. The Freep has gone over the top with this tripe.

First, Jamie Samuelson wrote the Lions need to hire Red Wings' GM Ken Holland. (though I do agree with his assessment that Holland is the best GM working in sports) Then Michael Rosenberg (who should really know better, as he's the best columnist in town) penned a piece saying the Lions should hire Pistons' GM Joe Dumars as the porn 'stached goon's replacement as Lions' president.

What? No love for Dave Dombrowski? Nah, I'm sure the Pizza Man has him on double secret probation after this fiasco of a season.

With the DD shout out out of the way, I have one comment for the both of them...

Get. A. Fucking. Grip.

Personally, I don't want the poisonous Lions, who destroy careers, not make them, anywhere near two of the best run franchises, in not only Detroit, but in all of sports. And who's to say their managerial skills would transfer over to another sport, anyway? We've actually had an example here in the D. Bo Schembechler's tenure as Tigers' president could best be described as an EPIC FAIL. Sure, he was handicapped by the insane ownership of Tom Monaghan, but Bo didn't distinguish himself, either. His years are best remembered only for the firing of God Ernie Harwell.

Yes, I know it wasn't Bo's decision, and he took the heat for both WJR and the Tigers. But no matter who made the decision, it was MASSIVELY bungled by everyone involved.

I'm a little off track, but the point is made. Should the Lions ask the Red Wings and Pistons for advice? Sure, it couldn't hurt. But attempting to hire a non football guy to run the team makes as much sense as a TV broadcaster taking over...

8. Speaking of Rosenberg, during today's interview with The Big Lead, he nails what is so good about living in the metro Detroit area.

Yet many of the people who live in southeast Michigan absolutely love the area. There is a ton of stuff to do, especially in the summer, and the cost of living is reasonable. There are two things you need to understand about Detroit. One is that it’s not a great place to visit, but it’s a great place to live. Once you know the landscape – once you know which bars to hit, where to catch a concert, where to sit outside and have a good meal – you’ll have a great time. The other thing you need to understand is that it is not cool to live here, so anybody who is preoccupied with being cool stays the hell away, leaving a vibrant, exciting part of the country for the rest of us. There are very few phonies in Detroit.

Word.

I love it when Rosenberg, talking about the time involved in writing his book about Bo and Woody, takes a back handed slap at local writers who spend more time spewing hot air on the radio, than writing a decent column.

But the difference is that I didn’t have to be in a radio studio for four hours every day when I should have been in the Tigers’ clubhouse or at Pistons practice.

Fucking word. He doesn't name names, but I will. The Little Fella, Wojo, Sharp, Foster, Caputo and The Worst Columnist in America.

As usual when TBL talks to MSM'ers, the interview is an excellent read.

7. I have to mention another columnist. Good friend of TWFE, and someone I consider a friend, though we've never met face to face (he's an internet buddy!), Mack Avenue Tigers' Kurt Mensching, was named top sports columnist (for his newspaper class as determined by circulation) by the Michigan Press Association. Here's the scoop from his newspaper, The Mining Journal:

The Mining Journal won three awards in the 2008 Michigan Press Association Better Newspaper Contest, including a first place for sports columns.

Mining Journal sports writer Kurt Mensching won the top award in the category for three columns on topics as diverse as the beginning of baseball season, Northern Michigan University football and high school sportsmanship at the Superior Dome.

Judges said Mensching's writing was "funny" and "stood out as very clean."

Unlike my writing, which is highly snarky and stands out as fucking filthy.

Seriously, job well done, sir. The Detroit blogosphere is as proud as punch!

But now that you're done winning awards and honors and stuff, get back to work on MAT, stat!

6. There are few sure things in life. Death, taxes, every Wobb Parker column will be awful, and the Wisconsin Badgers football team being total and utter frauds.

Last Saturday, I was thisGoddamnclose to writing off the Wolverines' season during what was possibly the worst half of football ever played on this, or any, planet.

To paraphrase The Comic Book Guy: "That was, without a doubt, the worst. Half. EVER. Rest assured, I was on the internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world."

But the Badgers, as is their wont, couldn't put an imploding Wolverine team away in the 1st half. Hell, Wisky should have been up 35-0, instead of only 19-0, at the half.

We all know what happened next. Michigan finds a rudimentary offense, the defense became scary good, and the Badgers ended up losing another heartbreaker to the not-so-mighty Wolverines.

Wisconsin was, is, and always will be, pretenders. Why should you think any different when they couldn't beat what still could be the worst Michigan team, in not only years, but in decades?

5. As for Sparty, they will go as far as Heisman candidate Javon Ringer takes them, maybe even the Rose Bowl. Really? Really! There's no juggernauts in the Big 10, so why not Sparty in Pasadena?

But if my math is correct, Ringer is on track for approximately 875 carries this season, so I expect body parts to be falling off of him by late October. That best not happen, as Ringer can win games. The only thing Spartans QB Brian Hoyer can do is lose them.

4. I have the White Sox-Devil Rays playoff game on at the moment. I sooooo thought it would be the Tigers representing the Central instead. Now that I've once again had the taste of October baseball, I need more. Christ, this season blew.

The Tigers won 88 games in 2007, which we all thought, well, sucked. But 88 wins would have won the division this year, so it's all relative. But there's no defending what happened this season. Which is why Jim Leyland better can his "I want an extension" bullshit, ASAP. He was as awful as his team in 2008. The Marlboro Man is on double secret probation, too.

3. What's the only thing worse than watching teams other than the Tigers in the MLB playoffs? Having to endure the ENDLESS promos for "FrankTV" during the MLB playoffs. For some stupid reason, TBS believes running a "FrankTV" promo every fucking half inning is going to make us want to watch.

Memo to TBS: At this point, after having Frank Caliendo shoved down my throat for two consecutive Octobers, I'd rather stab forks in my eyes than watch "FrankTV." Hey, it may be the funniest show on TV, but I don't care. Force feeding me more promos than McCain/Obama ads I see on a daily basis combined is only doing one thing. IT'S PISSING ME THE FUCK OFF! ENOUGH! STOP! NO MORE!

Please, no more...no more...I give up. I'll do anything. Just stop with the "FrankTV" ads.

2. There is one redeeming quality to TBS's broadcasts, though. Curtis Granderson. He's a natural broadcaster. Grandy's going to have the networks throwing big money contracts at him when his career is over. I hope that won't be for another 10-12 years or so...

As bad as it looks for the Tigers today, not many teams have as young and talented of a core to build around as Granderson, Miguel Cabrera and Justin Verlander. Which is why Dombrowski is getting a mulligan for this past season. But he's getting only one.

1. At the top of the Freep's online sports page is the following headline:

"Lions' Ramirez will get his first offensive start Sunday"

YESYESYESYES! Why the excitement, you ask? I can finally use "It's just Manny being Manny" during my live blog this Sunday. I can see it now...

The ref flips on his mic, and says, "Holding, number 63!" Then I get to write "Holding? Hell, it's just Manny being Manny!" Good times, good times.

Hey, what of it? I need stuff like this to get through what's going to be another Lions loss.

Jim Leyland: I want an extension, you SOB's! Detroit Tigers: Die in a fire!

OK, I admit it isn't quite as contentious as my headline, but there is definitely some tension between the Tigers and their manager.

Jim Leyland has gone public, letting everyone within earshot know that he deserves a contract extension, while conveniently forgetting he turned down extra years not all that long ago. The Tigers think differently, and refuse to give the Marlboro Man anything more. In their eyes, Leyland's going to have to earn a new deal.

Gimme my $2 extension!

Why is Leyland so adamant in demanding a contract extension? Why has he gone to media with his complaints?

As you might have guessed, I have his 10 reasons...

10. Smokes ain't cheap, you know. Criminal, that's what it is. Should be a government investigation!

9. That moron who used to work next door, Matt Millen, was able to get an extension, and he never won a God damn thing! I take a team to the the World Series, and get...a handshake and a pat on the back. It ain't right.

8. Have you priced a carton of Marlboro Reds lately? I had to take out a payday loan to get my Reds! Seriously, it's criminal.

7. You try dealing with Pudge Rodriguez for an entire season! He's the prima donna's prima donna. The extension should be considered retroactive hazard pay.

6. Did you see the so-called "bullpen" Dombrowski gave me?! I've seen better bullpens in the California Penal League! Christ, I deserve some extra coin for pain and suffering!

5. With my current deal, when you factor in my nicotine habit, I'm actually losing money. Criminal, I tell ya.

4. Remember the contract extension you offered me after last year, and I...I..OK, I admit it, I turned it down. Well, I changed my mind. It's a girls and a managers right to change their minds. So what's 12 months between friends?

3. Think the Wall St. meltdown is a mess? Wait till you see my lame duck ass meltdown mid season! But if I extorted...uh...had an extension, maybe, just maybe, it won't happen.

2. I'm being bent over by big tobacco! I needs my fix! Give me some money!

1. I have to listen to Brandon Inge piss and moan every God damn day for 6 straight months. "I'm not a catcher! I wanna play 3rd!" If that's not worth an extra few million, nothing is. Plus smokes are damn expensive...

The Knee Jerks: WTF with Eno and Al - Episode 1, Lions, Tigers and zombies, oh my!

Welcome to the first meeting of the Detroit sports blogging minds known as "The Knee Jerks." It's a weekly chat I have with Greg Eno, the man behind the blogging empire that includes Out of Bounds, Where Have You Gone, Johnny Grubb?, and Spoiled Sports.

During today's episode of TKJWTFWEAA, we discuss the ugly aftermath of the Tigers' season, the ongoing desperation with the Lions, a little Red Wings and Pistons, and zombies who fire head coaches with rambling, insane, rheummy-eyed soliloquies.

Let's jerk away...Uh, that didn't come out right. Just read it, OK?!

Eno: So, Big Al....lots to talk about in our first edition of The Knee Jerks, eh?

Big Al: For a couple of Detroit teams flailing about, the Tigers and Lions, they are making more than their fair share of news.

Eno: Let's start with Tigers manager Jim Leyland and his very public discontent with his contract status.....
I wrote on Johnny Grubb that I don't know where it says that a team has to keep a manager or a coach signed beyond the year that's current. What do you think of this "lame duck" stuff that everyone always wants to talk about?

Big Al: For a manager who has been around the block several times, and still appears to have the team's attention, claiming to be a "lame duck" is a bit much. The only thing this may affect is finding a pitching coach.

Eno: True that. But here's your "vote of confidence", which Mitch Albom says is lacking here: YOU STILL HAVE A JOB!! And a contract, through 2009. There's your confidence. I don't know why you need more than that.

(pause)

Big Al: I'm sorry, I was having a moment of silence for Chuck Hernandez... To continue, it's also worth noting the Marlboro Man turned down a longer-term deal a year ago. I thought he wanted to go year by year? Maybe the price of smokes has cut into his budget for 2010.

Eno: Well, I KNOW that you're old enough to remember Walter Alston....and Walt signed 23 straight one-year contracts to manage the Dodgers. Didn't seem to bother him, or the team.

Big Al: Not one bit. It's not as if the Tigers are an overly young team either. Most of the current roster has seen all this posturing before. If Leyland's contract status bothers the team that much, then they weren't all that mentally stable to begin with.

Eno: So what do you make of Leyland going public like this? Do you think it'll fracture his relationship with (GM) Dave Dombrowski, and/or (owner) Mike Ilitch?

Big Al: For it to have blown up into the mini-controversy it's become, there had to have been tension brewing for quite some time. I'd bet most of the pressure is coming from the Pizza Man, as Dombrowski and Leyland have been tight for years. If I dropped $138 million, I'd be wanting a little accountability too.

Eno: Yeah, that's a lot of dough to finish in last place. If they ever gave out an award called The SO NOT Executive of the Year, DD would win, hands down. What do you think Frick and Frack's future are with the Tigers under Mr. I ?

Big Al: I honestly think they are BOTH in hot water. I'll say this: Leyland didn't do a thing to EARN that extension, and the only move Dombrowski made that paid off was Miggy Cabrera. Ilitch is giving them a mulligan, and making '09 their do or die season. Another year like this, and Frick and Frack are applying for unemployment.

Eno: Agreed. Granted, there were things out of their control, but that works the other way, too. Lots of execs and managers who win awards get lucky, too. So it evens out -- if you last long enough. Before we leave this, were you surprised that Mr. Hernandez got the ziggy?

Big Al: Not at all. The struggles of Justin Verlander pretty much guaranteed Hernandez was toast. Someone was going to have to pay...uh, rather, be the scapegoat. The pitching coach is always first in that line. Ilitch wanted blood, and got it in Hernandez. It may have been time for some of the (pitching) staff to hear a new voice, anyway.

Eno: Isn't it funny how smart you can be when people do their jobs, and how dumb you become when they don't? I wasn't surprised, either, but nobody gave Chuck any props for the emergence of Armando Galarraga. Someone like Verlander -- he just needs to mature. Wasn't Leo Mazzone a genius when he had Glavine, Smoltz, Maddux, et al? And he wasn’t so smart in Baltimore, was he?

Big Al: Good point. Verlander said as much when asked about Hernandez getting the ziggy.

Eno: If you could describe the Tigers' season in ONE word, and you couldn't use "disappointing", what would it be? And Al, make it a word that I can use in front of my daughter.

Big Al: &*%>*#$@&;;

Eno: Funny.

Big Al: Seriously? Overhyped. We all bought into the media hype, so to speak. Hell, I thought the playoffs, to mix metaphors, were a slam dunk. Shows what I, you, and the rest of the world knows.

Eno: Hey, I bought into it, too. But if you remember, there were the naysayers out there who were worried about the pitching. I gotta take those folks to the casino with me next time!

Big Al: No kidding. And you didn't give your one word description. I'm waiting...

Eno: Ahhh....OK....Disjointed.

Eno: I never dreamed they'd be this out of whack. I mean, finish behind the freaking Royals??? Christ almighty!

Big Al: There's no defending finishing behind the Royals. Which leads me to this: to fix what has become literally a mess of a team, can the Tigers correct themselves in only one off-season?

Eno: Wow....
Well, they are leaking -- gushing, really, in two areas: pitching (bullpen, especially) and defense. Baseball defense is kind of like football defense; the Tigers don't have very many "playmakers" -- guys who rob other guys of hits.....it's not just how many errors you make, but how many scores you deny by making plays. And I don't know if you can just go out and get guys like that. As for the bullpen, it'll make you gag how many games they blew. You gotta go outside the organization there


Big Al: With the Pizza Man likely to at least cap salary, it's going to be hard to find that bullpen fix. It'd be nice to just throw money at K-Rod (Francisco Rodriguez), but I don't think it's in the cards. The Tigers are going to have to find a cheaper set-up guy who can step up to closing. As for defense, I hear that Brandon Inge is the GREATEST DEFENDER EVER! I'm still not sure I want a .200 hitting 3rd sacker, even if he's the next coming of Brooks Robinson in the field. And who in the Hell is going to play short? I don't know, and I don't think the Tigers do either.

Eno: Or, hey, how about catcher? And when will the Tigers find a position that Carlos Guillen CAN play?

Big Al: If only Gary Sheffield would retire, it would open the Tigers to all kinds of shuffling, and give Guillen a permanent home. Catcher? I thought Inge was the catcher of the future only a couple of months ago? So much for that plan, and most anything else Leyland "proclaimed" as set in stone this past season.

Eno: Leyland had no clue most of the year. The shuffling was embarrassing. But watch what you say about my guy Sheff. Plus, why would you shut it down sitting on 499 HR, Al?

Big Al: I know, it's just wishful thinking. I was totally a Sheff guy, but this past season really soured me on him. I'm not sure how much he has left. With 500 HRs and $14 million on the line, the Tigers have no choice but to find out.

Eno: OK, enough about that. What else is on your mind?

Big Al: What grinds my gears? Ticks me off? Well, there's the three-ring circus going on in Allen Park. We finally got our pound of flesh, Matt Millen, or as I like to call him, the porn 'stached goon. Millen is no longer running the team. But now what? The Lions are still the Lions.

Eno: Well, you know what the Eno Plan says. And so far, the Lions are following it. But they have a golden opportunity here. From what I know and have heard, there are a LOT of GOOD football people out there chomping at the bit for this job.

Big Al: Only the Lions would can a GM after three games, with no real plan as to what to do next. Your plan would be a good one to follow; even Drew Sharp thought so. But who wouldn't want to work for William Clay Ford? He pays well, has the patience of Job and will give you enough rope to hang yourself three times over. It's just a matter if Ford finds the RIGHT man for the job. His track record screams "NO!"

Eno: Floyd Reese has all but begged for an interview thru the papers and the radio. What do you think of someone like that, the former Tennessee Titan GM?

Big Al: I like his track record as a personnel guy with the Titans, but anyone who openly panders for the gig through the media would raise a red flag in my book. I'm sure it has with WCF too. If Reese wants the job, he would have been much better served to go through channels, so to speak.

Eno: You're shrewder than I thought -- good point! Hey, before we go, what did you think of the OTHER worst owner in the NFL -- Al Davis, and his ham-handed firing of Lane Kiffin?

Big Al: That was entertainment of the HIGHEST order. I was surprised Davis didn't break out the TPS Reports, phone logs and videotape. He wanted Kiffin not only fired, but blackballed. Think the Lions are dysfunctional? They have nothing on the Silver and Black.

Eno: Davis has been losing it for years now. He just does it more publicly than Bill Ford Sr. does. I thought they were going to fit him for a straitjacket when he dusted off Art Shell!

Big Al: Just wait for when he hires Matt Millen! Hey, it could happen! It's sad to see a once great owner who was instrumental in making pro football the juggernaut it is today so...so...pitifully zombie-like.

Eno: Just Pee, Baby!

Big Al: Millen's new job will be piss boy for Al Davis! I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.

Eno: Nice.
OK, your uber-quick take on the Red Wings and Pistons, and make it snappy -- we're running out of room and our readers' attention spans!

Big Al: Red Wings and Pistons? Wake me when the playoffs start! Honestly, the Red Wings are the best team in hockey. The Pistons are in the top 2-3 in the East., and they'll fall short again. I doubt adding Michael Curry as coach and Kwame Brown up front will get them over the conference finals hump.

Eno: I think it's amazing that the Wings not only kept everyone in tact, but ADDED a Marian Hossa. How DO they do it? The Pistons, I think, will make it back to the ECF again. Talk about a mulligan -- the Pistons are on their fourth one by now.

Eno: Oh, by the way, I forgot to tell you: if The Knee Jerks are a success, it was my idea. If it doesn't work out, you talked me into it.

Big Al: I'm just hopping on theEno bandwagon., and going wherever it takes me.

Eno: See ya next week, oh Al of Bigdom....

Big Al: I'll be here, Mr. Eno. Later.

Chuck Hernandez is now a true Michigander. He can file for unemployment...

If you had bet on Tigers' pitching coach Chuck Hernandez to be the first casualty in response to what's been a God awful 2008 season, you can now collect.

 The unemployment office is that way?

The Tigers have decided to fire pitching coach Chuck Hernandez, the Free Press has learned.

Detroit manager Jim Leyland said prior to this afternoon’s game that the team was not ready to make any announcement related to its coaching staff, but club officials have indicated for several days that general changes were imminent. The dismissal of Hernandez appears to be the first of them.

I'm sure there will be more scapegoats to come. This is only the first move of many, as I'd expect the Tigers to react to the most disappointing season in Detroit sports history very swiftly and with extreme malice. Heads will continue to roll. Hernandez was just first in line.

10 things you know I know I know, you know?

I'm thinking this "10 things" bit may become an every Friday thing. We shall see...

10. I found it funny, and pretty damn telling, when Deadspin touched on Matt Millen's clueless vote of confidence of the current coaching regime in today's Blogdome, they linked to another "national" site (AOL's Fanhouse) rather than get the local view from the numerous Detroit blogs who also commented upon the ongoing lunacy in Allen Park.

It's just another reason why I find myself reading Deadspin less and less as of late. It's not because Will Leitch left, as my issues with Gawker's site go back for quite some time. I rarely visit the Deadspin proper anymore, preferring to check out posts in my RSS reader of choice. The site design leaves something to be desired. Don't even get me going on their commenters. For every smart, witty and funny comment, there's a dozen more that aren't worth the time it took to type them out. If I want forced, badly done, pop culture referenced humor, I'll read the Sports Guy instead. (Speaking of which, what has happened ESPN.com's Page 2? It used to be a daily must read. Now? I can't remember the last time I went there to read anything. What a damn shame.)

In fact, what I just said about sports blogging's 800 pound gorilla, also goes for the Fanhouse, With Leather, Sports by Brooks, The Sporting Blog, The Big Lead, the usual suspects. (Though I find TBL the best read of the bunch) The problem with these blogs is that they all write about the same damn thing. If I've seen a specific story on one of of the big sites, you'll see it, much sooner than later, on ALL the big sites, with pretty much the same (snarky) opinion.

If one of them finds a "wacky" You Tube video (Often after a smaller site had dredged it up), you know the other big sites will soon post it as well. Whatever the sports blog meme of the day happens to be, all the "big" blogs write about it...endlessly. It's gotten beyond tiresome.

The big sites are much more alike than they'd ever care to admit. Which is why I find myself drawn to more sport specific blogs (Like those at Yahoo), along with city and team centric blogs. They don't feel as rote and by-the-numbers as the Deadspins of the world have become.

9. My thoughts on the Ryder Cup?  

USA! USA! USA! Beat the Euros! 

That's all I really have, as I know so little about most of the Americans playing. I mean, Boo Weekely? Boo? I'd like to make a "To Kill a Mockingbird" reference here, but it's already been done...

8. If there is a man who showed all the signs of being on the edge of batshit insane, it's Jim Leyland. He was all but mentally off the hook when dealing with the umpires in Texas. If Leyland had been given the opportunity, and gotten to within arm's length, I swear he would have cold cocked a couple of men in blue. His actions were enough to result in his getting suspended for the Cleveland series, starting tonight.

But come on, can you really blame the Marlboro Man? If you were stuck using gas cans like Kyle Farnsworth as your set up man, and Fernando Rodney as your closer, you'd be ready for a few days of forced rest too.

If anything, Leyland going postal might have been for the best. From all appearances, he was close to burning out. A 65 year old man losing his shit isn't a pretty thing...Much like this entire Tigers season.

7. Joe Dumars said he tried to make a deal this summer, but didn't get an offer he thought would make the team better. I can understand why he didn't make a deal. The Pistons, as currently constructed, are a playoff team. Blowing up the Pistons for the sake of just blowing them up might have felt good, but accomplished little. So I don't blame Joe D for standing pat. Unfortunately, naming Michael Curry head coach and adding Kwame Brown to the front line aren't moves that have me believing this coming season will be any different than last.

I do like the idea being floated by Curry of moving Antonio McDyess back to 6th man status, where he's more comfortable and won't be the 5th offensive option, thus opening up competition between Jason Maxiell, Amir Johnson, and Brown for the vacated starting spot. This might light a bit of a spark with both units, which has been long needed.

But is shuffling the depth chart enough to get the Pistons over the Eastern Conference hump? No. I can't see this team, good as they are, going any further than the conference finals again.

6. Michigan State is going to KILL Notre Dame. Sparty will spank the gimpy kneed Charlie Weis silly. If I'm Mark Dantonio, I give Javon Ringer the ball 35 times, essentially telling ND "You and I both know you can't stop him." If Sam McGuffie can rip through ND for 170+ total yards, Ringer is going to run...well, rings, around the overrated Domers.

5. The man who tried his damnedest to kill my love for Red Wings hockey in the 70's, Ned Harkness, passed away earlier today. I'm sure Harkness was a nice man, and loved the game of hockey. But he never should have been let anywhere near an NHL franchise, God forbid run one. The "Darkness with Harkness" era scarred my young and developing hockey psyche almost irreparably.

May you rest in peace, Ned. But God dammit, did you have to completely fuck over the Red Wings for my 11 year old self?! I mean, really. You took what was a decent team, and screwed it over so badly in 3 years, the rest of the decade, and much of the following, was ruined. Your destruction of the Red Wings was Millen-esque.

But hey, I'll let bygones be bygones.

4. I like love the fact there is a football game almost every night of the week on ESPN. (Even if it does seem like it's always Louisville or Colorado State playing...) But please keep it exclusively college football, OK? There's something about the 4 Letter broadcasting a regular season high school football game nationwide that I find extremely disturbing. It just feels wrong to me.

ESPN getting their sticky, grubby fingers into the high school pie can only lead to bad things. High school football belongs on Friday nights, being covered by local media. Period. Exclamation point!

3. Think West Virginia is happy with Bill Stewart now? What in the HELL was he thinking last night? Stewart is so far in over his head as a coach, he makes Marty Moronwhig look capable.

All that kept running through my mind as I watched Stewart and WVU totally butcher the final seconds of a game they ended up losing was, "It couldn't happen to a more deserving fanbase bunch of lunatics." RichRod had to have a little extra skip in his step this morning.

2. I know it's been only one start, and it may be the giddiness of watching a Tiger pitcher who could do the unthinkable...throw strikes...talking. But you think Freddy Garcia would look good in the Detroit rotation in 2009? So do I. Make it happen, Double D.

1. A quick announcement. I plan on live blogging the Detroit Lions, as usual, this Sunday. But I'll probably only be able to do the 1st half, as I have an early evening family commitment. It figures the Lions would happen to be on the west coast the one and only Sunday night I have something going on.

It's killing me, as my Sunday afternoon meltdowns are getting more and more traffic by the week. People really seem to enjoy them. Not the Lions, mind you, but the live blogs.

Anyway, I'll live blog as long as possible on Sunday, and have the DVR record the 2nd half. I'll do my best to not hear the score while I'm out, and then do my blogging thing a little later in the evening. Or something like that...

10 things you know I know I know, you know?*

*As if I need to tell you from whom I blatantly swiped the template for this post.

10. I normally look forward to watching the Wolverines play, but Michigan - Notre Dame is going to be Hella painful to watch. It's gonna take a huge effort...from the fans to hold down their beer and munchies. Bad football is hard enough to watch, but to see a pair of storied college programs flail about on the gridiron like Detroit Lions? I never thought I'd see the day.

The Wolverines have no QB (Seriously, when you rotate QB's, all you are saying is you don't have one good QB on your roster) and little offense, while the Domers are God awful on both sides of the ball. At least Michigan has a halfway decent defense, which ND can't say.

Michigan is going to win, but it'll be close. I'll be watching the carnage in much the same way you'd watch a slow motion train wreck: With a combination of curiosity and self-loathing. Then again, I feel like that whenever I watch Notre Dame.

9. With the news the Tigers are giving starting assignments to both Freddie Garcia and Dontrelle Willis next week, they have finally realized the obvious. (A couple of weeks too late, but what the hey!) It's time to start preparing for 2009.

That I have have more confidence in the gimpy armed Garcia being successful than in Steve Blass The D-Train says...Well, I'm not sure what it says, but it sure can't be good. In some ways, I'll watching Willis' start in the same way I'll be watching Michigan - Notre Dame. I'll be expecting a train wreck. I hope I'm wrong.

Either way, I'm glad the Tigers are looking ahead, as I wouldn't want to be looking at their .479, 6 games under .500, hugely disappointing present either.

8. After watching the 2 extremely strange Microsoft advertisements starring Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld, I've had a realization. Seinfeld is more irritating than funny, and Gates is a comedic genius. At the very least, the man richer than the combined fortunes of Willaim Clay Ford, Mike Ilitch, Bill Davidson, Scrooge McDuck and Tony Stark is a better actor than Seinfeld.

Not that I'm saying much. Anyone in a 9th grade drama class would be a better actor than Jerry Seinfeld. Hell, even Steven Segal is a better actor than Seinfeld. Or that Smilin' Bob idiot in the Enzyte commercials. Or the chicks who get naked late at night on Skinemax.

7. I often rag on Detroit sports talk radio, for good reason. We can now add another reason to the lengthy list as to why Detroit's sports talk radio stations blow goats. Mike Stone just opened the WDFN phone lines by asking listeners the following question:

"Have you ever pooped yourself?"

I'm not kidding, he honestly wants to know if listeners have shit their pants.

I'm not sure who I feel worse for; Stone for asking such an idiotic question, or the morons calling in to answer.

I turned the radio off. I've lost enough brain cells over the years due to my own volition. I don't need a radio station causing me to lose more IQ points.

Let's not even mention the continually running ad for an erectile dysfunction remedy that is also offering a way to measure the length and girth of your wang. Who in their right mind at WDFN thought running an insulting ad for a fucking placebo was a good idea? I'm not a prude, as if you didn't already know, it's that I don't like being taken for a sucker and a moron. And anyone who believes there is a miracle cure for having a small cock are both a sucker and a moron. Are WDFN and Clear Channel that hard up for revenue?

Have some pride WDFN, and say no to commercials that aim for the lowest common denominator...and succeed.

6. The Lions narrowly avoided having their first TV blackout in Ford Field history, thanks to a furniture chain buying out the remaining 3000+ tickets.

Even though the Lions can continue to brag they have a 7 season long sellout streak, this is only delaying the inevitable. Sooner than later, we are going to have a blackout. I'll bet the proverbial farm the sellout streak end on October 26th, when the Lions take on the Redskins. It'll be the first home game with a road team that doesn't live within a realistic driving distance.

We all know Ford Field will be half full of drunken Cheeseheads this Sunday, and at the next home game (Sunday, Oct. 5) we'll see an invasion of drunken Bears fans. It's impossible to have a home field advantage when your own fans are pissed off beyond all belief, and the majority of people in your own stadium will be rooting against you.

5. Anyone think Miguel Cabrera is overrated now? You knee jerk whiners on message boards? What about you mouth breathers in newspaper comment threads, or those morons calling in to sports talk stations? Huh? Anyone? Didn't think so.

You can rip Dave Dombrowski for many, if not most, of his off season moves, but not this one. Cabrera is going to put up hall of fame numbers, and do so wearing a Detroit Tigers' uniform.

Now do something about the pitching, God dammit!

4. I just wanted to give you guys a preview of what TWFE may look like after the upcoming move to MVN. Here's a sneak peek at one possible header...

(Clicky, clicky for full size)

Pretty cool, if I say so myself...

3. I would not put it past the Lions to beat the Packers Sunday. How, you ask?

A. The Packers' Ryan Grant doesn't play (or is easily neutralized) because of his leg injury, taking away their running game, forcing Aaron Rogers to win the game on his own. I'm not saying he can't, but Rogers didn't have to do all that much against the Vikings.

B. Calvin Johnson goes off big time, catching 3-4 TD passes, while Jon Kitna doesn't do anything stupid. Hey, it could happen!

C. Gosder Cherilus, Jordon Dizon and Kevcin Smith all have breakout games. Hey, it could happen!

D. The Lions new kick returner, Brandon Middleton, scores a couple of times, along with giving the offense good field position. Hey, it could...Now I'm just being silly. No way in HELL will the Lions special teams win a game for them.

2. I really, really, really like USA's "Burn Notice." It's the best show running on TV. (Till "Lost" comes back, anyway) When I grow up, I wanna be just like Bruce Campbell. We all have to have goals in life...

1. For those of you who actually believed Steve Yzerman was coming out of retirement? I have an erectile dysfunction remedy to sell you.

Answering the Detroit Tigers buring questions: Lynn Henning edition

With the Tigers playing out the string, and not very well at that, the Detroit News' Lynn Henning asked a few questions in regard to what the team could learn over the last days of the season. As always, I took the opportunity to try and answer those same questions, make them burn, so to speak...

1. Can Edgar Renteria win a job for 2009?

It's going to take a Ruthian (or is Phelpsian the new Ruthian?) end of the season for Renteria to win the '09 shortstop gig. Even then, a 34 year old who has the infield range of a sumo wrestler, declining offensive stats and makes $11 million, won't keep a spot on the Tigers, no matter how good his September.

I think the Tigers will cut their losses and pay Renteria his $3 million contract buyout. They could get the near the same offensive production, and much better defense, at a much better price, in going with Ramon Santiago.

Renteria for Jair Jurrjens will be discussed, probably unfairly, as one of the worst Tigers trades in decades. The jury is still out, long-term, on Jurrjens, but you have to admit he's performed better than anyone expected for the Braves. I guess Dave Dombrowski was overdue for a bad trade...

2. Will Magglio Ordonez win a second consecutive batting title?

No, and I'm perfectly fine with it.

If Ordonez doesn't finish in the top 10 in batting average (as Henning ponders), I really don't care. BA is overrated. His other stats (SLG, OPS, OBP) are just fine, right around his career averages.

Enough with the comparisons to Magglio's marvelous 2007. To even expect Ordonez to repeat to his MVP quality year is asking too much from most any player. '07 will end up as his career year, without a doubt. But his '08, even with the power stats being down somewhat, was plenty good.

This season Ordonez proved it would not be a good idea for the Tigers to even think about trading him. He's just too good of a hitter, and when paired with Miguel Cabrera, makes for one of the best middle of the order lineups in baseball.

3. Can Freddy Garcia pitch his way into the rotation?

I don't see why not, if healthy. The Tigers' rotation is anything but settled. In fact, it's a disaster zone.

Kenny Rogers isn't coming back. Thanks for your wonderful 2006 season, but it's time.

Nate Robertson is a question mark after his ugly season. Could he be better suited for the bullpen, even though he's making starting pitcher money?

On the flip, is Zach Miner better suited for the rotation, than the pen? Or is his late season revival only a tease we've seen before?

Dontrelle Willis is an even bigger question mark, with comparisons to Steve Blass all too apt.

Jeremy Bonderman is recovering from his 2nd injury in 2 seasons.

Justin Verlander, expected to be the staff ace, is having an awful, awful, awful season, to the point where Jim Leyland called him out in the media. So what happened to Verlander? Is there something wrong? Could it be a one year delayed sophomore slump? I have no idea, and from all accounts, the Tigers don't have answers either.

Given the current pitching situation, which is crap, I'd be upset if the Tigers didn't give Garcia a shot, as desperate times call for desperate measures. And the Tigers' rotation is in shambles...

He may not be the answer, but the Tigers don't have a lot of solutions, either.

4. Will the Tigers' backup catcher be Dusty Ryan?

At this point, there is no one else in the Detroit system remotely capable of backing up Brandon Inge, save for...possibly, maybe...Ryan. Defensively, he's fine. But Ryan has stepped up as a prospect this season, thanks to his showing offensive punch for the first time in his career.

If it's not Ryan, your guess is as good as mine, as then the number 2 catcher for next season isn't in the Tigers 40 man roster yet. He'll be found via trade or free agency. Considering the lack of quality catching in the bigs, depending upon either of those options is a big risk. You're guaranteed to overpay in either prospects or money.

The Tigers have bigger issues to worry about other than a damn backup catcher. If they decide to go with Dusty Ryan, I don't have an issue with it.

5. Is Jeff Larish ready for the big leagues?

He hasn't looked like it this season. The power Larish displayed in the minors has yet to show up in Detroit. He also has an OBP that is in Pudge Rodriguez/Craig Monroe territory. We've seen flashes of his offensive talent, but nowhere near enough to guarantee him a spot on the 25 man roster. Hitting .225 won't guarantee you anything, let alone a spot on the Tigers, unless you're Brandon Inge.

The kid is struggling at the plate, and being a player without a position (as 1st base will be unavailable for quite some time), has been asked to learn a new position. Larish is now learning to play 3rd base while on the job. It makes sense to move positions, as he's nothing but trade bait otherwise.But is he capable of doing so? That's what the Arizona Fall Laegue is for.

But to answer the question... The Tigers' do have a big time need for a left handed bat for next season. From what we've seen from Larish during his pair of callups, he hasn't shown near enough to prove he's ready to fill that role. He may prove me wrong, and I hope he does. But Larish has to show a Hell of a lot more to even get into the discussion for 2009.

Answering the Detroit Tigers smoldering questions: Sleepwalking thru September edition

It's been a couple of weeks since I touched on the Tigers, for a few reasons. The biggest being they have gone on my mental back burner with so much else going on in the world. The Olympics, the DNC and soon to begin RNC, football season is quickly approaching (One look outside here in SE MI tells you football is on the way, it's cool and overcast.), there's plenty to keep my mind off of the most disappointing Detroit team in a generation, if not ever.

It's a painful process watching a much anticipated season end in such a down note. At this point, with the Tigers 12 games back and 5 games under .500, I'm ready for the season to officially end.

I'm not the only one attempting to put the 2008 season behind themselves, as the Tigers have played the last few weeks like the season has already ended. If you go by the just concluded series with the Tribe, the Tigers' are on a quest to quickly and quietly sleepwalk through the remainder of 2008. For all intents and purposed, the Tigers, regardless of Jim Leyland's claims to to the contrary, have folded up shop.

Despite the Tigers' malaise, there remain a few questions in need of answering. But they aren't burning so much as they are smoldering. Let's kick through the embers of this burned out hulk of a season, and answer a few smoldering questions, shall we?

Todd Jones' shoulder is still sore, and it's not responding to treatment. Thus, the Tigers have allowed the Rollercoaster to go home to the land of double-wides and the Crimson Tide, essentially ending his season. Is the man responsible for giving Tigers fans millions of gray hairs, and ulcers galore, done?

Jonesy has worn ye Olde English D for the last time. At 40, he's not only done as a Tiger, he's done as a baseball player.

I know I did more than my fair share of bitching and moaning about Jones. But we fans has the reality of the situation slap us in the face as to the true difficulty of being a closer. When Jones went on the DL, the old adage was proven true. "Be careful what you wish for, as you just might get it."

Watching younger and more physically gifted pitchers like Rodney, Zumaya and Farnsworth struggle to get those final 3 outs, failing in spectacular fashion to close a game, quickly had we fans wishing the much maligned Todd Jones was back in his 9th inning role.

Jones will finish as the Tigers' leader in career saves. An amazing feat when you consider he did so with a fastball that couldn't break 85 MPH on a good day. Jones' lengthy career is testimony to just how far you can go, and long you can last in the majors by throwing strikes consistently.

We should wish Todd Jones well, as he will always consider himself, first and foremost, a Detroit Tiger.

Jim Leyland has said he doesn't like to play many September call ups as it, in his nicotine addled mind, isn't fair to teams in playoff contention, or to the fans who bought tickets to see "stars." Is the Marlboro Man's thinking correct?

Coming from a manager who runs a 4A team onto the field thank to his Sunday lineups, it's total bullshit! Screw fairness! Call me a selfish prick of a fan, but fuck being a spoiler.

I'm a fan of the Tigers, I couldn't give two shits about being "fair" to teams trying to make the playoffs. As for ticket holders, those are the chances you have to take, you knew the possibility of the game being meaningless when you bought them.

I don't care if one team has to face a Chris Lambert making his first appearance in the bigs, and another has to face the Tigers' best, Armando Galarraga. Tough shit, them's the God damn breaks.

I'd much rather see Leyland give playing time to current back ups and minor league call ups who may help the Tigers in 2009, and shutting down players who have been struggling to play through injuries. (I'm looking at you, Carlos Guillen.) If that means the White Sox have an advantage over the Twins for the Central division title because of the lineup the Tigers trot out onto the field, then so be it. No skin off of my nose, and I honestly don't care if that knocks the noses of Twins fans out of joint.

I'm sure most, if not all, Tigers fans feel the same way. They'd rather sit through a game like last night's, with Jeff Larish at 3rd, Ramon Santiago at 2nd and Gary Glover coming in to relieve, if it means the Tigers will have a better idea as to what needs to be fixed in this coming off season.

If losing now leads to winning next year, for all I care, the Tigers can finish the season 0-30.

It's been leaked that Gary Sheffield and Kenny Rogers, and likely the entire roster, were placed an revocable waivers. Anything we can read into this?

No.

Come on, Al. there's got to be more to the answer than "No."

Not really. The Tigers were trolling for a playoff contending team on the prowl for arms and bats, hoping to sucker them into a trade.

Placing a player on trade waivers is just standard operating procedure. If you are a Tiger on the sweet side of 30, have a big contract, don't have a long-term future with the team or any combination thereof, you were put on waivers. The other 29 MLB teams went through the same process. It's a fact of baseball life.

It's nothing personal, just business. And any business willing to take on Gary Sheffield's $14 million contract for 2009 is a badly run one. Because of the numerous contracts like Sheffield currently on the Tigers books, I seriously doubt we'll see anyone traded before the playoff eligible deadline at the end of August.

With doom and gloom surrounding the Tigers, have there been any bright spots recently?

Miguel Cabrera is showing why trading for him was the smartest thing the Tigers have done in years. Galarrarga has continued to pitch well.

And...Uh...Hmm...Um...I got nuttin'.

Nuttin'? There's got to be something else...

Well, the blown saves, late inning losses and playing like a lower division team stopped hurting so much. That's got to count for something.

Answering The Daily Fungo's burning questions: 2009 Tigers edition

With the current Tigers season spiraling into oblivion, over at The Daily Fungo, in looking back at the transitional season of 2005,  Mike has been pondering Detroit's future.

Today, well, the team has probably more questions than the 2005 team did. One thing we can be assured of is Jim Leyland returning as manager. And that’s a good thing. Of course, some may disagree with that, but I believe there are very few buttons he could’ve pushed this year that would make up almost 10 games in the standings.

Here are 17 questions about the 2009 season rattling around in my head:

I thought I'd throw my 2 cents out there, and answer Mike's 17 questions.

1. Who’s the closer in 2009?

Honestly, I don't think the Tigers know the answer to this question. I think it's safe to say the '09 closer is not on the roster right now. Could the Tigers make a big run at K-Rod? It's not out of the question. If there is one spot the Tigers absolutely have to improve is the bullpen, and how better way to do it than signing the best free agent closer on the market?

2. Does Chuck Hernandez return as pitching coach?

Mike Ilitch will want a scapegoat, and someone is going to have to pay for what's turned into a nightmarish season. Hernandez is the likely sacrifice. Not that it wouldn't be for cause, as the pitching has backslid horribly over the past 2 seasons. Justin Verlander looks like Nate Robertson, for chrissakes. It's time the pitchers heard a fresh voice.

3. Is Nate Robertson a Tiger next season?

Robertson is coming back, as the Tigers will have enough holes in the rotation to plug. Kenny Rogers will likely retire. Jeremy Bonnderman has to be considered a question mark after missing most of this season. Dontrelle Willis is an even bigger question mark. Dumping Robertson would mean finding another starter, and it's not as if legitimate MLB starters just drop out of the sky. The Tigers struck lighening in a bottle with Armando Galarraga, I doubt it can stike again.

I think the Tigers give Robertson another chance, as he's making too much money not to. You can't trade him, unless you eat a TON of the contract. He'll be back.

4. Can Dontrelle Willis bounce back?

It's a coin flip at this point, and even that's being generous. Even though no one is saying it out loud, we're all thinking the same thing aren't we? He's done.

The Tigers have to give the D-Train every opportunity, and then some, to make it back. There's too much at stake, both in money and the Tigers' need of pitching.

But if I had to bet? Let's just say I'd be selling short.

5. Can the Tigers deal Carlos Guillen?

Can they? Sure. Should they? I don't think so. I know his stats are down some this season, but if there is one player who should get the benefit of the doubt, it's Carlos Guillen.

For all the bitching and moaning Brandon Inger did about losing the 3rd base job, Guillen has played 4, count 'em (SS, 1B, LF, 3B), 4, in less than a year. It had to affect him at the plate. The man has been moved all over the diamond, and he did so without complaint, unlike a certain bitchy catcher.

I'd be willing to bet Guillen, left at 3rd base for all of next season (He's been just fine defensively once he got confortable), will rebound nicely at the plate.

6. If the Tigers can get a catcher, do they — and do they move Brandon Inge back to third?

To directly answer the question, not if Carlos Guillen is a Tiger. Even if he's not, I wouldn't do it as Inge can't out hit most of the Tigers' pitchers.

As for Inge, someone hitting .220 shouldn't being playing anywhere full time. 3rd base, catcher, I don't care, you have to hit better than Inge has the past 2 seasons. But if you are going to have to hide a bat, catcher is the position where you can get away with it. Considering the the market for MLB caliber catching is thinner than a bulimic Paris Hilton, and the fact the Tigers have more pressing issues, Inge keeps the catching job by default.

7. Does Vance Wilson return at long last?

As dependent as a catcher is on his arm, it's a stretch to think Wilson can come back to contribute. He's basically missed 2 entire seasons to his arm injury and Tommy John surgery. Not many players can come back at the same level after missing so much time. I doubt Wilson, who, let's not forget, is 35 years old, will be the exception to the rule.

8. Who’s the shortstop?

Ramon Santiago. He's earned a shot at a full-time job with his play this season.

9. Would they deal Magglio Ordonez as some suggest?

No, and the fanbase would go apeshit if the Tigers did.

Ordonez has been the most consistent Tigers' hitter the past 2 seasons, it'd be silly to trade him. It' would have to take a massive offer of pitching to get the Tigers to even think about it. Let alone there is the fact the Tigers would have to replace a ton of production in the middle of the lineup. A 3-4 of Ordonez and Miguel Cabrera would be as good as any middle of the order 1-2 punch in baseball.

10. How does Jeremy Bonderman recover?

He's young, and will have plenty of time to recover. Bonderman will be fine. In fact, it could be a blessing in disguise. Bonderman has thrown a ton of innings for someone so young. All this time off to rest could be the best thing for his powerful right arm. Or I could be having a bout of wishful thinking...

11. Is Clete Thomas on the big club to stay?

Yes, as Clete has shown the Tigers he can hit enough to play at the MLB level, and the team needs the things Thomas brings. Specifically, Outfield speed and defense. I think he's the 4th outfielder or possibly part of a LF platoon, in 2009.

12. Who is 2009’s Matt Joyce?

Brent Clevlen.

13. Are the Tigers counting on Freddy Garcia?

I don't know if you could say "counting on." I think it's more like "fingers are crossed" and "knock on wood."

14. Will Brent Clevlen finally break through?

See 12.

OK, to go more in depth, yes he will. Clevlen is having an excellent season in Toledo, and looks ready to take the next step. It's possible all 3 young outfielders, Joyce, Thomas and Clevlen, all make the team in '09. Marcus Thames seems to have fallen out of favor again thanks to his tailing off (.197 BA in July, .056 (!) so far in August) badly as this season has gone on.

I'm sad to say Thames is playing his way out of the Tigers 2009 plans, and with the coming out of the young outfielders, is expendable.

15. What can the Tigers expect out of Joel Zumaya?

After suffering that freak shoulder injury, I think the Tigers were expecting too much out of Zumaya this season. As for next season, I wouldn't be expecting much, as Zumaya has yet to return to the level we saw in 2006. Why thinking another off season would change that is beyond me.

The Tigers should not automatically give him a spot on the roster. Make him earn his way on, and if he doesn't show enough in spring training, send him down to work on his stuff. Get that curve ball working again.

I know some think Zumaya should go back to starting. But if he can't stay healthy enough to pitch 70-80 innings, can you seriously expect him to remain healthy for 180-200 innings?

16. Do they sign Placido Polanco to an extension before the season?

That's a tough, tough question. Polanco is still a very good 2nd baseman, but an extension would take the Tigers well into his 30's. They already have a handful of questionable extensions, I'm not too sure they would want another. As the Tigers have to get younger, and Polanco's starting to show signs of slowing down, if only a tad, I think both parties let this one play out to see where things stand at the end of next season.

17. What’s Gary Sheffield’s role — if any?

Full-time DH, at least to start the season. He's making far too much money, and hitting far too little, to trade, and there is no way in Hell Sheffield will retire when there is $14 million left on his contract. He'll be kept on a short leash, though. If it gets to the point where Sheffield has shown he's lost it, the Tigers will grit their teeth and let him go, however much money left on the deal be damned.

Don't "pick on" Sheff: The worst columnist in America strikes again

I'm sorry. That's it. I can't contain myself anymore. I have to say it. The majority of the MSM are fucking morons.

They are lead by the densest media whore around, the functionally retarded Rob Parker. Why did I score through "functionally? Because I've just read one of the worst God damn columns ever. And what was the subject that has me so riled up?

Parker decided to defend Gary Sheffield.

Leave Gary Sheffield alone. It's kind of silly now to want to blame Sheffield for the disaster that is the Tigers' season.

Let me clue you in Parker, there is no defending Gary Sheffield. You can't do it, the 2 home runs hit last night regardless.

Sheffield decided to burn bridges in Detroit with his blaming everyone but himself when he bitched and moaned to an out of town writer about being a DH. A highly overpaid, unproductive, in the lineup every day, stuck in Detroit for another season thanks to an albatross of a contract, DH. Sheffield out and out said he doesn't want to be here.

Instead of leaving poor, misunderstood Sheffield alone, as the worst columnist in America suggests, I have a better suggestion. If Sheffield doesn't want to be in Detroit, then fucking retire. You'll hear cheer from all over Tigerdom. But he won't do it because he's getting paid $14 MILLION in 2009!

If Sheffield wants fans to take the bullshit he slings seriously, then back it up with actions. Don't go whining to an out of town fish wrap how bad you have it with the Tigers on one day, then happily cash the extremely large checks the team you don't want to play for unfortunately has to hand over to your .220 hitting, glass shouldered ass, the next.

So Parker says we shouldn't scapegoat Sheffield for this awful season.

You have got to be shitting me.

First off, I can boo, rag on and scapegoat whomever the Hell I want. Fans don't take kindly to being lectured as to who they should root for and who they shouldn't. We can make up our own minds, thank you very much.  I don't need a pea brained, so-called writer who spends more time in Bristol and New York than Detroit to tell me jack shit.

Sheffield is caught on film preparing to throw 
the Marlboro Man under the bus...

Sheffield is being booed is because he's hitting .220 and being paid $14 MILLION to do so. The reason he's being roasted by the fans is thanks to his throwing Jim Lelyand under the bus, the one person who has fully backed his .220 hitting ass all season, yet just had to bitch about playing time. Sheffield is so fucking clueless, well, he's as clueless as the dumb ass defending him in the Detroit News.

That's pretty damned clueless.

Then Parker has the GALL to say...

It's just easy to pick on Sheffield because he's outspoken and usually tells you what he's thinking when asked a question. 

It feels like Parker's thisclose to playing the race card, doesn't it?

It easy to pick on Sheffield not because he's an outspoken black man. It's his constantly sticking his foot in his mouth. There's always a size 13 Nike stuffed in Sheffield's rarely closed maw. How about thinking for 30 seconds before blurting out something so stupidly controversial you have to spend the next week explaining yourself?

By the way, did I say Sheffield's hitting .220?

Point Two Twenty.

Because that's the biggest reason he's being "picked on." Hit like Brandon Inge, you're going to catch your share of shit. If God himself spent the majority of the season batting in the number 3 hole, and hit .220, He'd be getting roasted too!

Then Parker writes something flabbergastingly stupid...

Coincidence or not, Sheffield was put on waivers Tuesday by the Tigers. Hopefully, the Tigers didn't do it for the words he spoke.

Huh? If Parker believes Sheffield was put on waivers because he said something the Tigers didn't like, then he's even more clueless than I thought, if that's even possible.

Sheffield was put on waivers because he's an always injured DH with a monster contract that has the Tigers financially hamstrung going into next year. I could also be due to the fact he's HITTING .220!

Hell, I'd bet the entire team was put on waivers just to see if there was a sucker team interested in making a deal. I can guarantee if you are over 30 and have a large contract, the Tigers placed you on waivers. It's not due to feelings being hurt because of some imaginary DH platoon.

I think I need to make up a T-Shirt for Tigers fans. It'll have "FREE GARY SHEFFIELD!" plastered across the front.




Myspace Tshirt Generator

Unfortunately, media types like Parker wouldn't get that it's supposed to be ironic...

It's no wonder the Detroit News is in such financial deep shit. They employ morons. 

Answering the Detroit Tigers burning questions: Asshattery in Tigertown edition

Garcia's on board, Sheffield's bitching, Verlander is being abused and the Tigers are slowly fading into the sunset when it comes to the pennant race. You know what that means, right? Burning questions? I thought you'd never ask!

In news that broke this afternoon, free agent pitcher Freddie Garcia signed with the Tigers. Garcia, who not long ago was at the top of the White Sox rotation, is recovering from arm surgery and hasn't pitched in the majors in over a year. Smart signing or wishful thinking?

Smart signing. It seems like a solid move on the Tigers' part to me. Garcia signed a minor league deal, and will going to Lakeland to build up his arm strength. We'll know soon enough if Carlos Guillen's BFF has anything left.

It's worth taking a flier on a solid starter who averaged 15 wins a season before he got hurt. All Garcia cost Detroit was time and money. When you consider the holes (now, and in the future) in the rotation, the former White Sox ace could easily fill one quite capably...if healthy. And that's the caveat.

Caveats or not, this is a no risk signing. If Garcia shows he has big league stuff and joins the rotation, the Tigers could decide to lock up Garcia for next season, taking care of the spot likely to be vacated by Kenny Rogers. If he shows he can't cut it, the Tigers are only obligated to pay a relatively small amount of cash, as the current contract only runs through the end of this season. When you've already dropped $138 million this season, what's another few thousand?

Gary Sheffield, bitchy prima donna or...

There is no reason to finish the question, as Sheffield is proving to be a petulant, bitchy, prima donna whiner.

"I don't wanna be DH and you can't make me! I wanna be a REAL baseball player"

Real baseball players hit more than .230. I might take his complaints seriously if Sheffield had a legitimate complaint. He doesn't, so please shut the fuck up and play ball, both at the plate and in the locker room.

Really, what does taking his petty complaints to an out of town reporter accomplish? It undercuts his manager, it pisses off the fans who've looking for a scapegoat (They have one now!) and makes Sheffield look fucking clueless. He knew coming into Detroit he would be a full-time DH. All playing in the outfield did was ruin the next 1 1/2 seasons for everyone involved.

I've been as big of a defender of Sheffield as anyone in Detroit, but I've reached my limit with Glass Shoulder Joe. You're being paid $14 million to go to the plate 4 times a game, and be successful 3 out of 10 times. When you can't even do that, let alone stay healthy enough to swing a bat, yet still complain about not playing in the field and some non-existent platoon?

I can now understand where the people saying Sheffield was an ass were coming from.He's a hall of fame talent with a bigger talent for pissing people off.

So what do you do with the glass shouldered one?

Not much, actually.

The $14 million Sheffield is owed for next season makes him essentially baseball kryptonite. You can't trade him, as no one in their right mind would take Sheffield off the Tigers' hands with that much guaranteed money left on the table. You can't release him, even though fans have been screaming for it, as Mike Ilitch would gag at the thought of paying someone $14 million to just go away. As much as Sheffield bitches, you can't risk playing him in the field, as his shoulder would turn into so much hamburger.

All you can do is keep your fingers crossed, hoping Sheffield stays healthy and regains his hitting stroke. You pick your spots with him, and hope he's successful. You also keep putting out feelers for any takers in a trade, and hope to God some desperate GM finally says, "Sure, we'll be happy to take Mr. Sheffield off your hands." (Hey, it could happen!)

You then get him out of town ASAP, before he gets hurt again, nullifying the deal.

In Justin Verlander's last start, Jim Leyland left him on the mound to throw 130 pitches. (My arm twinged just writing about it) Last night, in his first rotation turn since that marathon outing, Verlander had nothing, looked for all the world that he had a tired arm, was shelled by the Blue Jays, lasting only 4.1 innings. Thoughts?

I actually have a question. Who in the HELL is advising Leyland? The young pitcher killer and all around clueless fuckhead, Dusty Baker? Someone needs to grab Lelyand, AND SLAP HIM SILLY!

As rough as a season Verlander is having, his right arm is the future of the Tigers franchise. To leave him on the mound for 130 pitches is on the bad side of abuse. It's fucking moronic. Hell, it's stupendously idiodic and I'd have the Tigers' manger checked for signs of mental retardation.;

Pitch counts have been an issue with Verlander all damn season. You'd think Leyland (or Chuck Hernandez, Dave Dombrowski, even the God damn batboy!) would have realized it, and prepared for it. They could have called someone up from the minors. Leyland could have put in a position player to pitch if he was so motherfucking adamant about not using the bullpen. He could have forfeited, for all care. Anything but leaving your franchise pitcher on the mound till his arm is hanging by shredded tendons.

I could give a shit about winning a MEANINGLESS game when it comes to keeping the Tigers' current and future ace healthy. Asshattery abounds in the Tigers' dugout.

I don't want to give anyone nightmares, but...I'd hate to look back in a few years, and say, "Remember that year the Tigers let Veralnder throw 110+ pitches a game? 2008? When Leyland "Mark Prior'ed" him? That's the season he was ruined."

Am I overstating things? More than a little. But wouldn't it be smart to err on the side of caution when handling young starters?

//Al throws hands into the air, walks away muttering to himself//

The worst $138 million investment ever made

I'm at a loss. Much like the God damn Tigers. A team that's playing out the string from here on out.
 
The Tigers out and out blow ANOTHER game, this time thanks to a White Sox 4 run rally in the bottom of the 14th inning. A 2 out, 3 run Nick Swisher home run off of Joel Zumaya, greatly helped along by Edgar Renteria butchering a 1 out ground ball, was an emphatic, painful, final nail in Detroit's coffin.

This was the one. It's official. This is game we'll point to and say, "That was when the 2008 season came to an ugly, grisly, disappointing end."

The Tigers spent a $138 million for this?  A $138 million, folks. That a shitload of Little Cesear's Pizza. If Mike Ilitch wanted to piss his money away, he would have been better off throwing $100 bills in a urinal.

It would have been cheaper, and saved we fans a season full of grief. A whole lot of grief.

My thoughts on Kyle Farnsworth?

It's simple, really...

Kyle Farnsworth as a New York Yankee.

 

 Kyle Farnsworth as a Detroit Tiger

 

The Tigers' bullpen as a whole... 

Like I said, simple.

Damn, the Tigers' bullpen, Bobby Seay excepted, is God awful.

Answering the Detroit Tigers burning questions: Nightmare in Tampa edition

I know we don't want to talk about it, as the wounds are still too fresh, but the Tampa series was the breaking point for much, if not all of the Tigers' fanbase. The playoffs may be a pipe dream after the Tampa debacle.

The team is struggling, Leyland's pissed, the fans more so, they are closer to last place in the Central than first place and I'm actually looking forward to the Olympics taking my mind off of the Tigers.

In other words, it's time for another round of burning questions...

What the HELL happened in Tampa this past weekend?

If you are a fan of the Tigers, your worst nightmare, that's what.

That sound you heard? It was the Tigers playoff chances violently imploding. It was a weekend that only a lobotomy could wipe from your memory.

So you think the Tigers are out of the running for a playoff spot?

Mathematically, no. They'll remain in the Central race, at least when you look at the numbers, for quite some time. Realistically? My heart says "No." But my head says, in a much much MUCH louder voice, "No way in Hell."


Really? No way in Hell?

Let's see...

No lead is safe thanks to one of the worst bullpens in baseball. There's one, count 'em, one, trustworthy reliever, Bobby Seay. The "closer" couldn't close a door, let alone a game. The reliever the Tigers traded Pudge Rodriguez for has a home run fetish. The team's supposed ace flopped badly in his last 2 starts, while the number 5 man in the rotation has the worst numbers of any starter in baseball. The primary DH is hitting .230, while the starting catcher is at .221. The shortstop has the defensive range of a sumo wrestler. When the Tigers pitch, they don't hit. When they hit, they don't pitch. And much too often, they do neither.

In other words, no way in Hell.

But they're only 7 games back!

It's the first week of August, less than 2 months left in the season. 7 games is a steep climb for a team playing well, which the Tigers are not. They are a game under .500, and behind both the Twins and ChiSox. Both have better pitching. Pitching that won't make you cringe when you see them on the mound.

The Tigers have yet to show they are anything more than what they've been...A .500 team.


Jim Leyland called out his Tigers team yesterday to the assembled media, using words like ashamed, shocked. disappointed, terrible, and embarrassed. He also claimed the time for changes in the lineup were nigh. Then his team went out and gave away another winnable game. Will we see Leyland's "changes" Tuesday?

The better question would be, what changes CAN Leyland make? To be honest, not very many. Unfortunately, there doesn't appear to be a quick fix.

With the bullpen, I don’t think Leyland has any choice but to try Seay as a closer. At least he throws strikes, which is something the rest of the pen finds almost impossible to do. Obviously Kyle Farnsworth is an option, but he hasn't impressed anyone in his 2 appearances so far. Fernando Rodney's status as not only a closer, but as a major league pitcher, is hanging by a thread. Either way, if he can no longer be depended upon, he has no business being on the team.

Nate Robertson may be at the end of what rope the Tigers have given him. Another rotten start, and he could be banished to the pen. But if you do remove Robertson from of the rotation, but who replaces him? There's no real standout ready in the minors. Chris Lambert? Eddie Bonine? Call me underwhelmed.

As for changes in the everyday lineup, about all Leyland can really do is play more of Ramon Santiago and Matt Joyce. And he’s been playing Joyce almost every day since Marcus Thames' production plummeted (6 for his last 50). As for the .230 hitting Gary Sheffield, between his contract and Thames’ slump, you might as well keep him in the lineup for the time being.

What a damn horrific mess this team has become.

Leyland also said during his rant, "I've got people on my butt." Is he under pressure from Dave Dombrowski and/or Mike Ilitch?

I'd be giving the red ass to anyone and everyone when it comes to this highly paid and under performing team.

If anyone has reason to want heads on a platter, it's Mike Ilitch. He placed his trust, and his wallet, in Dombrowski's and Leyland's hands, allowing the payroll to balloon to $138 million. What he's gotten in return is a team that can barely get past .500, let alone stay there.

Are there any positives?

Armando Galarraga has been a revelation. Magglio Ordonez remains an offensive weapon. Miguel Cabrera has been showing why the Tigers gave him such a fat contract. Placido Polanco and Curtis Granderson are having solid seasons after very slow starts. Bobby Seay has been solid. Matt Joyce has shown enough to be in the running to play left on a full-time basis in 2009. Same for Clete Thomas as the 4th outfielder.

Disappointments?

Far too many to mention. In fact, that's probably going to be another post.

Now what?

I honestly don't know. All I can say is the Tigers are not a fun team to watch. Not fun at all.

We have a new nominee for worst Tigers loss of the year...If not the decade

Talk about a heartbreaking, soul-crushing defeat. A game that was all but over, until the Tigers' bullpen blew up in a most spectacular, and painful to watch, fashion. Was today's loss in Tampa the nail in Detroit's coffin? I'm not sure, but with a bullpen doing its best imitation of the Titanic, it may well have been.

You can give Jim Leyland grief for some of his decisions over this lost weekend of baseball, but I have no problem with his taking Armando Galarraga out of the game after 7 innings. Why? Tampa was starting to tag Galarraga, as he struggled somewhat in the in 7th, allowing a run. After 100 pitches, as good as he had been, Armando was likely gassed.



Leyand had Kyle Farnsworth ready and waiting in the wings. This was the exact sort of late inning situation Farnsworth was expressly brought back to Detroit to handle. It looked as if Leyland was correct in his strategy. Unfortunately, Farnsworth didn't handle the pressure well, thanks to his one extremely large and well-known drawback. His propensity to give up the home run. Or in this case, home runs. We now know why Yankee fans were more than happy to see Farnsworth go.



Then we had another adventurous (to put it mildly) Fernando Rodney appearance after an uneventful 9th for the Tigers' best reliever as of late, Bobby Seay. At this point, with Rodney going to a 3-2 count on every batter he faces, then walking the vast majority, I think we've seen the end of the Rodney as closer experiment. He just doesn't throw strikes. Not at a rate conducive to low pitch counts and 1-2-3 innings. FSD cut to Leyland on the bench as Rodney was imploding. He looked as if he were on the verge of blowing a blood vessel.



Which leaves us the question, if not Rodney, then who? Joel Zumaya is on the shelf...AGAIN. Let alone his control has been Rodney-esque. Speaking of which, the fans would rather see Rodney DFA'ed than close any more games. We were witness today to Farnsworth's shortcomings, why he's been pegged as a setup guy, not a closer. That leaves...Bobby Seay? Why the Hell not? He's the only reliever who seems to realize throwing strikes are a GOOD thing. Hey, if any of you have a better idea, I'm sure Leyland would love to hear it.



Before the game, Leyland went off, calling out his team while claiming he was on the verge of making big changes. One being playing more "kids." I think what happened in Tampa this weekend, and especially this afternoon, has accelerated Leyland's timetable.



It's early August, the Tigers are 7 games back, and fading. If the time for some significant lineup changes hasn't already passed, it soon will. Though realistically, what moves can Leyland make? Playing "kids" does not a playoff team make. I doubt he has any moves left in his magic bag of managerial tricks which could suddenly remake the Tigers into a playoffs bound juggernaut.

Tallying up the yays and nays: Final thoughts on the Pudge Rodriguez trade

Has there been a more polarizing Tigers trade than the Pudge Rodriguez for Kyle Farnsworth deal?

Many fans think the Tigers could/should have gotten more in return, prospects would have been preferable to a setup man or trading a first ballot Hall of Fame catcher is something you just don't do. Others believe it's too early to throw in the towel on the season, so something HAD to be done about the bullpen, Pudge's skills are in decline and had more value as a "name" than as a player.

Even the Detroit Tigers' blogosphere is split on this deal. For that to happen, you know this was a controversial trade. Let's see who's for the deal, and who's against moving Pudge.

Yay:

TWFE: Pudge was leaving after this season. The Tigers needed bullpen help. Rather than get nothing (other than extra draft picks when he walked) for the mercurial catcher, the Tigers decided dealing him would get the pen a needed upgrade. Farnsworth was probably as good a reliever that would be made available. So after talking myself into it, I give the deal a mild, qualified...Yay?

Tiger Blog: I guess I like the deal. It’s low risk and at worse, the loss will be muted because of the short time period.

Tiger Tales: As for next year, I believe Pudge would have rejected arbitration and signed a multi-year deal elsewhere so I think Inge might have ended up being the catcher anyway. I also believe Farnsworth will reject arbitration and sell himself to the highest bidder. Thus, the trade might not have a lot of bearing on the future except for the probable draft pick.

Where Have You Gone, Johnny Grubb? This was, at first glance, a shocking deal. Not so much, once you think about it. Pudge will be missed, but as Leyland said -- the catcher isn't going to determine whether the Tigers make the playoffs. Those throwing to the catcher will determine that.

The Daily Fungo: My heart says it’s tough to see Pudge go. It’s almost a cliche now, but it also happens to be true: His signing with the Tigers in 2004 gave this team instant credibility and served as the foundation for a pennant winner. No minor accomplishment. My head says, this one, just like Big Daddy to the Yankees in ‘96, is a no-brainer.

Mack Avenue Tigers: Maybe it was Fernando Rodney’s showing or maybe it was the bullpen all around or maybe it was Inge having a good game, or maybe it was figuring the Marlins would have gotten bored of this Pudge matter and there weren’t going to be any entertaining prospects coming Detroit’s way anyway. WHATEVER THE CASE, I guess after a few hours, I’m OK with the move. I think it makes the team better this year, and they say they’re still in a pennant race, so God bless them, let them try I guess.

Bless You Boys: I also hate the idea of making a deal with a potential playoff rival, though this appears to be the proverbial trade that helps both teams involved. The Yankees needed a catcher, with Jorge Posada having season-ending surgery on his shoulder. And Farnsworth brings more immediate help than whatever draft picks the Tigers would've received next year with Pudge's free agency. Something else to consider is the difference in salaries; Farnsworth makes approximately $7 million less than Pudge, though I don't know how much of a factor that played in the Tigers' decision-making.

Detroit Tigers Thoughts: Farnsworth is making $5.5 million, compared to Pudge's $13 million. It's entirely possible this is a salary dump, making up for lost expected playoff revenues. Both are free agents after the season. I honestly do not know if Farnsworth projects to be a type A or B free agent. What I do know is that he upgrades the bullpen. Update: After seeing some reaction, it's amazing how overrated Pudge is.

Tigergeist: Overall, I think they’re a better team then they were when I woke up this morning — they have upgrade the bullpen with minimal impact to the starting lineup, with probably a positive impact on next year’s team.

Nay:


Roar of the Tigers: Pudge for The Farns, straight-up? A Type A free agent (who, if offered arbitration, would get the team losing him a supplemental pick and a compensatory pick in the next draft) for a probably-Type B free agent (who only gets the team losing him one supplemental round pick)? No. This is not OK. THIS I cannot agree with.

The Detroit Tigers Weblog: But my issue is that I think the Tigers could have done better for Pudge. He’s having a good year at a hard to fill position. Factor in the loss of a draft pick and it’s not good. No young player coming back? Not awful, but Dave Dombrowski failed to maximize Pudge’s value. Yankees win this one easy.

The Spot Starters: So apparently the deal really is Ivan Rodriguez to the Yankees for Kyle Farnsworth. I’ve learned a bit of a lesson lately about snap judgments but this trade doesn’t seem to make much sense.

To be honest, many of the bloggers who ended up giving the trade a thumbs up, did so begrudgingly. Same for those who panned the deal, their the main objection being the Tigers didn't maximize their return.

After the fact, it appears the biggest reason the Tigers traded Rodriguez was a simple one. He wanted to leave. (As seen at The Daily Fungo)

Pudge's time in Detroit was running out as it was, if you believe the Tigers' spin after the trade went down. Supposedly, it had already been decided Brandon Inge would be the Tigers' full-time catcher in 2009. Pudge wasn't coming back to the D, period.

With the deal official, and Farnsworth joing the Tigers in Tampa, the question is...Will Kyle Farnsworth make a difference? After watching the bullpen implode over the last couple of days in Cleveland, he can't help but make the pen better.

Be it as a setup man or as a closer, Farnsworth becomes the Tigers' best late innings reliever. He's definitely been pitching well in New York this season. Unfortunately, we can't day the same about the gang that can't throw straight who currently make up the Detroit bullpen. In the end, that ineffectiveness is why the deal was ultimately made.

Either that, or the Tigers wanted to win every bench clearing brawl from here on out.