Tuesday, July 17, 2007

TWFE behind the scenes: William Clay Ford closes the deal with Cory Redding

Does it concern anyone else that the Detroit Lions made Cory Redding the highest paid defensive tackle in all of football? The Lions now have massive amount of cap room tied up in 2 areas, wide receiver and the D-line.

Redding has never been mentioned as an elite player at his position. Not by the experts, the media, fans, anyone. He's coming off of a career year, but will Redding continue to play at a level worthy of big money? Let alone all of the cap space...

It remains to be seen, but I'm not all that confident about anyone the Lions deem worthy. They've done so well with long-term contracts in the past... If you believe that, I have a mint Mustang II to sell you.

To me, the most interesting bit of Redding signing was that the old man, the Lions owner himself, William Clay Ford Sr, spoke to Redding, convincing him to re-up with the Lions.

Quoth Mr. Ford, "HAAACK..Who's Cory Redding?"

In fact, TWFE has obtained a transcript of that conversation...

Cory Redding: Hello?

William Clay Ford: //HACK//

CR: Uh, hello? Who's there?


CR: I was told that Mr. Ford would be calling. Is that whom I'm speaking to?

WCF: //PHWEE// Who's calling me? Matlock's on, dammit! You know where can I get seersucker suits like Matlock's?

CR: Uh, sir, you called me. What suits?

WCF: Suit! SUIT?! Who's suing me! Some God dammed Pinto owner? Bullshit! I had no idea that the gas tanks were made out of aluminum cans! I was just making a joke to the engineers about that, I had no idea they would take me seriously! //WHEEZE//

CR: Wha...

WCF: Who am I talking to? Some ambulance chaser?!

CR: Cory Redding, sir. I play for your Lions. I'm a defensive tackle.

WCF: Attorney for the defense? Like Matlock?

CR: I'm not Matlock, or a lawyer, Mr. Ford.

WCF: //HACK// Damn. So what the Hell do you want, Tory?

CR: My agent was negotiating a long-term contract with Matt Millen. I'm not sure that I want to stay in Detroit though. I was told that you personally wanted me to sign, Mr. Ford. That's nice, but I want what's fair. It's not like a want Mike Vick money.

WCF: What about a Crown Vic? I"m not signing off on anything! //SNORT// I thought we already paid off those police departments because of all the exploding Crown Vics! Or was it Pinto owners we paid? Christ, what did they expect when they bought such an cheap ass shitbox of a car?

CR: To be safe while driving?

WCF: Don't be a smartass, Dory! After all the bloodsucking lawyers, and the shitbox Pinto owners, it's a wonder I have only a billion or three to my name. //HACK// Don't get me going on the Bronco lawsuits. It's a God dammed TRUCK! They have a high center of gravity! They roll sometimes! Christ, Matlock would have gotten Ford off the hook! //HORK//

CR: Sorry to hear that, but sir, about my contract? With the Lions?

WCF: //HUUURRR// Talk to Russ Thomas, he handles the footballers.

CR: Who's he?

WCF: Russ Thomas is only the best damn general manager in the NF of L. He could can turn a profit turning a strike season, that's how good Russ is! He turns out a great balance sheet. And when it comes to contract time, that SOB could get blood from a stone. Or from Mel Farr...

CR: Sir, who's Farr? And what about my contract?

WCF: //HUUURK// Farr? Just the best quarterbacker my footballers ever had, that's who!

CR: That's nice, but about my contract...

WCF: What contract? Why am I talking to you? Jeeves! JEEVES! I need a Chivas, this guy doesn't know his ass from a Granada. Nice car, the Granada.

CR: Sir, I just want what is coming to me. A fair contract.

WCF: //HAAACK//Rory, you sound like a nice kid. Russ will take good care of you. Tell him that you can have your little raise. You guys are playing a 14 games season now, I guess we can give you a few extra bucks for 2 more games.

CR: Uh, sure thing, Mr. Ford.

WCF: One more thing, you tell Coach Hudspeth that he's doing a good job! //SNORT//

CR: Who is...Oh, um, sure thing, Mr. Ford.

WCF: //WHEEZE// I have to get back to Murder She Wrote, that Jessica Fletcher is the bee's knees.

CR: I'm now rich, but it can't be worth all this shi....

WCF: //HORK// What's that, boy?

CR: Thank you, Mr. Ford.


  1. They've done so well with long-term contracts in the past... If you believe that, I have a mint Mustang II to sell you.

    That's the good stuff. Well done sir.

  2. You know I am a huge Bears fan. I've been watching Bears/Lions twice a year for who knows how long. I can honestly say I don't remember hearing his name once over the last few years against the Bears.

    And I know they were ranked 20 or something in rushing D last year.

  3. I had to let you know that I appreciate your writing. Its the bee's knees.

  4. I appreciate the good words, Chief and Gump. It's the bee's knees.

    Zoner, I feel the same way. The Bears have an excellent defense, yet they refuse to pay Briggs. The Lions can't stop anyone, yet throw money around like it grow on trees in WCF's backyard. (It probabbly does, but that's another post...)

    As you say, Redding isn't a game changer, unlike the Lions' other DT, Shaun Rogers. Plus, it was Reddings' 1st season on the inside, after spending his whole career as an end. He never was an impact player there, either.

    I have concerns that Redding is a 1 season wonder.

  5. As to Redding, maybe Lions's fans will get lucky and he'll be arrested for drunk driving or vehicular homicide. Then they can trade him to the Denver Broncos, my current local team, who specialize in brining in over the hill criminals and crippled D-lineman and overpaying them to boot. They generally follow this up by canning the Defensive Coordinator for not being able to get the useless louts to play up to their contracts. I believe that it is The Mastermind's (Shanahan) specialty. Maybe Matt Millen was just trying to keep Redding from running off to the Broncos.