The Rod Marinelli jokes of the day!

Sorry about the short posts today, but I'm feeling a little rough...But not rough enough to keep me from coming up with a few more Rod Marinelli jokes!

Rod Marinelli walks into a building and says to the clerk, "I'd like to pound the rock!" The clerk says, "This is a library." Then Rod whispers, "Sorry, I'd like to pound the rock."

What stops then goes then stops then goes? Rod Marinelli pounding the rock at a blinking red light.

A priest, a rabbi, a doctor, and Rod Marinelli go into a bar, and the bartender asks, "What is this, a joke?"

The Rod Marinelli jokes of the day!

Rod Marinelli walks into a bar ....OUCH !!!!! Then he starts pounding the rock.

******

A Scotsman, Italian, and Rod Marinelli are in a bar.
They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.

Then the Scotsman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Glasgow, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!"

The others agree that sounds like a good place.

Then the Italian says, "Yeah,that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Venice, there's this place, Vito's. At Vito's, you buy a drink, Vito buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Vito buys you another drink."

Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.

Then Rod Marinelli says, "You think that's great? Where I come from in Detroit, there's this place called Murphy's. At Murphy's, you buy a drink, then you pound the rock!

No one thinks that sounds like a great bar...

*****

Rod Marinelli walks into a bar, sits down at the barstool, and waits for the bartender.

The bartender walks up, hands Rod a menu, waits a while, and comes back to take his order. "What'll it be?" the bartender says.

Rod says, "I think I'll pound the rock." "Well, I'm sorry sir, but this is a bar, we don't pound rocks here. Now, I'll let you look a bit longer and wave when you know what you want."

Rod looks at the menu, then waves the bartender down. "OK, you got your order?" Rod nods, saying, "I'll think I'll pound the rock."

The bartender, kind of peeved by Rod's demands says, "Look, we don't have any rocks here. This is a bar. We don't pound the rock, so what will you have?!"

Rod looks at him in the eyes and says, "I'll pound the rock."

The bartender, enraged, shouts, "If you ask to pound the rock one more time I'm going to nail your ass to the barstool!!"

The bartender cools off a bit. "Now what will you have?!" Rod asks, "Got any nails?" "OF COURSE WE DON'T HAVE ANY NAILS! WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS? A HARDWARE STORE?"

"Good, can I pound the rock?"

Your Rod Marinelli jokes of the day!

What do you call a coach who continually pounds the rock? Fired.

Who put a LolRod on the Jumbotron?!

What has 6 eyes, but can't see? The Lions' coaching triumvirate of Rod Marinelli, Joe Barry and Jim Colletto.

Why did Rod Marinelli fire Mike Martz? Martz wouldn't pound the rock. (Wait a sec...that's the damn truth!)

Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions - The aftermath: Fire someone, anyone!

The reviews are in. The bloggers and MSM have spoken. The verdict? Everyone is DISGUSTED by the Detroit Lions.

At Out of Bounds, my compatriot in "The Knee Jerks," Eno, when he's not worrying about my health, is trying to see the lighter side of the Lions' ineptitude.

So why is everyone screaming and carrying on and getting all mad and stuff?

The Lions are high schoolers playing in the National Football League. What do you expect?

Laugh. It's the best alternative to crying.

I may have to adopt Eno's attitude, or I may burst a few blood vessels. (Which many of you believe is going to happen sometime this season) Maybe I could start with more Rod Marinelli jokes?

A priest, a rabbi and Rod Marinelli all walk into a bar. They start pounding the rock.

Rod Marinelli walks into a bar, and sits down. The bartender asks Marinelli, "Why the long face?" Rod replies, "I'm sad because I'm not pounding the rock."

Rod Marinelli goes into a bar, orders twelve beers and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?" Rod says, "I'm thirsty from pounding the rock."

It's gotten so bad at Pride of Detroit, after saying the entire coaching staff deserve to be broomed, Sean is enforcing a new set of posting rules.

I am implementing a four-touchdown rule. If the Lions fall behind by 28 or more points, I am no longer going to provide live updates. I have to set some limits as I'll either be laughing at how bad this team is or crying. I hope it's the former, but either way, I don't want to waste my time watching this garbage team if they're getting blown out again.

Sundays for Lions fans have become one long exercise in torture. I can't blame him one iota. We all have our limits, and Sean has reached his.

Fire Millen (I'm still wondering what their new name will be) agrees with me, William Clay Ford has to go to a scorched earth policy when cleaning the up the roster, coaching staff and front office.

Outside of Calvin Johnson, Ernie Sims and Drew Stanton, there isn’t one person on this team, coach or player, that shouldn’t be worried about their job.

Bring in the flamethrower…time to start the burn and rebuild the team….again.

I'd add Jason Hanson and Nick Harris to the list, but other than that, no one's job should be safe. No way, no how. Blow it up, the sooner the better, so we can all move on. Pissed off, upset and angry is no way to go through life...except on Sunday afternoons.

The local MSM sees the writing on the wall, and the calls for Marinelli's job have hit the presses. The only reason anyone can come up with for keeping his job is a poor one. There's no one of head coaching caliber on Marinelli's staff...including Marinelli himself, unfortunately.

The Killer:

The short-term problem for Ford is there isn't anybody on the coaching staff who is qualified to take over for Marinelli. That in itself should mean Marinelli will finish out the season.

Wojo:

This is beyond disgusting, beyond repair, practically beyond comprehension. It's so bad after the Lions' fourth straight blowout loss -- 34-7 to Chicago Sunday -- something more must be done.

You could fire the head coach, Rod Marinelli, who's now 10-26, except there isn't a suitable replacement on staff, or anywhere in the vicinity.

Sharp:

But firing Marinelli now accomplishes nothing.

Who from the current staff could anyone trust on an interim basis? Offensive coordinator Jim Colletto? Are you serious? The Lions still can't score a touchdown in the first quarter.

Defensive coordinator Joe Barry? You're kidding, right? The Lions still can't stop opposing teams from scoring touchdowns in the first quarter ... and the second quarter ... and the third.

Kippy Brown?

Anyone with an active pulse and a whistle?

How sad is the situation when the move that makes the most sense, Marinelli getting the ziggy, can't be made because everyone on his staff is too incompetent to take over?

It's gotten so bad, columnists are even making the same, lame, obvious, unfunny jokes...

Wojo:

It's so sickeningly repetitive, I thought the fans might get confused and start a "Hire Millen!" chant.

The Little Fella:

Hire Millen!

Aw, come on, if you don’t laugh now, you’ll cry.

Dudes, at least compare notes in the press box before...wait. Knowing Albom, he wasn't at the game. So I'm letting Wojo off the hook. And what's with everyone crying? Tears of anger, maybe. I'm too pissed to be sad...

Here's a shocker! The Worst Columnist in America agrees with me!

Rod Marinelli must be fired. Today.

I must be living in Bizarroland. I think I need to lie down.

At the 4 Letter, their NFC North blogger, Kevin Seifert, thinks the Lions may not have a choice in canning their under fire head coach. The pain may become too much for even Ford to endure.

What will the Lions do if things don't get better -- and quickly? Ford Field was half-empty before the fourth quarter began Sunday, and at least some fans aren't going to stick around for 12 more games of this. Team officials want to let coach Rod Marinelli finish out the season, but how much pain are they willing to endure?

Your guess is as good as mine. I'll admit I've reached my pain threshold. Any more pain, and I'll become menatally unstable.

WHAT?!

Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions - Final thoughts part duex: 12 more games of THIS?

I'll make my final thoughts quick, and to the point. By the way, I'm doing much better now.

Live blog links:

1st quarter: No hope, no hope at all

2nd quarter: Abandon hope all ye who enter here

3rd quarter: Fire Marinelli!

4th quarter: Seriously. Fire Marinelli

Final thoughts - part uno: I recommend a scorched earth policy

1. Today's loss to the Chicago Bears was a complete disaster. The Lions were ill-prepared, out coached and  overwhelmed in every single solitary phase of the game. Rod Marinelli's defense is amazingly bad, his offense ineffectual. Special teams, save for the specialists, Nick Harris and Jason Hanson, are a joke. The Detroit Lions are a BAD team. Though it's hard to believe, my eyes don't lie. They are getting worse. The Lions will be lucky to win 2-3 games, tops. A top 5 draft pick is a given. This franchise is at rock bottom. It's a bottom feeder. The dregs of the league. Bottom of the barrel. And we're only 4 GAMES INTO THE SEASON!

I think we all knew Matt Millen's firing wasn't going to change anything, but it did give us 2 weeks of hope. Hope that was shot all to Hell against the Bears. The destruction the moron wreaked upon the Detroit franchise came to a head today. Those were Millen's coaches, Millen's free agent signings, Millen's draft choices, all of the moves Millen made over the years, on the field.

And it was pure, unadulterated shit. Thanks for nothing, Matt.

2. I think we can safely put Rod Marinelli at the top of the "Coaches on the hot seat" list. If I were making the call, Mr. Pound The Rock would be looking for someone's defensive line to coach first thing Monday morning. It goes without saying Joe Barry would be joining his father-in-law on the unemployment line. They can take the drunk, naked, Wendy's hamburger eating line coach with them.

If you are free around 12:30 Monday afternoon, I suggest you tune into one of the sports talk radio stations here in the D. They broadcast Marinelli's weekly presser live. If the post game inquisition is any indication, as Marinelli was raked over the coals repeatedly, especially over the status of Joe Barry, Monday's presser is going to be even better...if you like extremely uncomfortable and pissy Q&A's.

The media smell blood, as Marinelli has all but admitted he has no answers. They will go in for the kill tomorrow.

3. It's beyond obvious Jon Kitna isn't the answer, and hasn't been for a very long time. His benching for "back spasms" may be the beginning of the end. Kitna hit a high point with the "miracle" concussion recovery, then coming back to win the game, against Minnesota last season. It's been all downhill, and fast, ever since. At this point of his career, 36 and showing it, Kitna should be a backup, not a starter.

As for Dan Orlovsky, he is what he is, a career backup, and I'm being generous.

Detroit has 3 options at QB. Old and busted, young and sucky, and the unknown. I'd try the unknown.

Which means the time to play Drew Stanton is near. As in next week. The Lions HAVE to find out if Stanton has the ability to be a NFL QB, if only as a favor to whomever takes over next season.

4. Roy Williams has already left town mentally. He showed up both his coaches and his QB's with his constant on field histrionics, making him look, to put it bluntly, like an asshole. Making Williams look even worse was the fact he continued to bitch and moan, even though he himself dropped passes, and was as much to blame for the loss as anyone.

It was a total prick move on Williams' part. Personally, I would have benched the asshole diva on general principle.

The Lions HAVE to explore a trade, as Williams will not be wearing the Honolulu Blue and Silver in 2009.

5. Seriously, Marinelli has to go. He's nothing more than a punch line.

Why did Rod Marinelli cross the road? He had to go pound the rock.

When Rod Marinelli sits around the house, he pounds the rock.

Knock knock. Who's there? Rod Marinelli. Rod Marinelli who? Let me in, I have to pound the rock.

How many Detroit coaches does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to screw it in while Marinelli pounds the rock.

Like I said, a punch line.

Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions - Final thoughts: I recommend a scorched earth policy

I try to give myself a few hours before I post my final thoughts, as the Lions so thoroughly piss me off, my only thoughts would be FIRE (name of coach here) for paragraphs at a time.

Today, it's happened. I've snapped. 3 hours after another Lions loss, one of the most lopsided and pitiful in memory, I'M STILL PISSED! PISSED BEYOND BELIEF!

So..

FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI!

Also...

FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW!

And...

BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA!

I'd add FIRE COLLETTO!, but someone has to coach the team. He blew as a head coach (ask any Boilermakers fan), but a head coach all the same.

Yes, I am fully aware my current feelings towards the clusterfuck known as the Lions are totally irrational. BUT I DON'T FUCKING CARE!

I ended my live blogging with the following, and I want to say it again, because it totally encapsulates my feelings tonight.

I don't care who, I want someone PUNISHED. With fucking malice.

I'll have more later, after the fog of HATE clears.

It's all in the timing, Mr Ford

The Fords thought they were doing the right thing in the long long long long long long long overdue canning of the porn 'stached goon, Matt Millen. For the long-term future of the franchise, the firing was the right thing to do. But for the remainder of this season? Well, there's a reason NFL GM's aren't normally shown the door a whole 3 games into a season.

What is that reason?

It leads to coaches making cockamamie decisions like benching a promising rookie running back for an on the down side veteran on a one year deal who won't be on the team in 2009.

That's the reason.

If Rod Marinelli thinks sitting Kevin Smith for Rudi Johnson is going to give him a couple of extra wins, and thus, save his job, he's sadly mistaken. And totally delusional. With Smith's benching, Jordon Dizon's inability to get on the field, the other defensive rookies deactivated every Sunday, could this past draft look any worse? But I digress...

Despite Marinelli playing coy (or being amazingly sheltered and football possessed to the point of pop culture retardation) by claiming he didn't know what being a "lame duck" meant, his recent lineup moves tells us he knows exactly what it means, he's a "dead man coach walking." Why else would Johnson be in the lineup? Sure, he played decently against the Niners. But he's not the future.

Lame duck? Is that some sort of Chinese dish?

Same reasoning goes for Marinelli's complete refusal to even consider replacing Jon Shitna Pickna Kitna. The Lions may win a couple of more games with Kitna under center than with Drew Stanton. But what's the difference between 5-11 and 3-13, other than a draft slot? Kitna won't be the QB when this team turns the corner. (It could happen!) Hell, even the so-called intangibles Kitna supposedly brings to the team are quickly going out the window, with his quite visible petulance over the direction of the Detroit offense.

Starting Johnson and not starting Stanton are the moves of a quickly running out of time coach desperately trying to keep his job. Which is a bit of a conundrum, as Marinelli is out of a job when a new GM is hired. The idea that any GM Ford hires will have to keep Marinelli is ludicrous. Any GM worth hiring will want his own man on the sidelines, not the porn 'stached goon's retread. Actually, any GM willing to keep Marinelli as head coach as a condition of employment is a GM I don't want running the team.

Want another reason?

It leads to short-term thinking, shorter than Gary Coleman's pecker. This forward-short thinking leaves the coaches and front office personnel who survived the purge little choice but to do anything and everything possible to keep their jobs, even it means the team will be worse off in the long run.

An example of this is the Lions saying they will not even entertain trading Roy Williams, even though the odds of his signing a new contract with the team is 99.9995% against. That's taking the franchise tag out of the equation, as it would be idiotic to tag Williams. Which probably means the Lions are seriously considering doing so. But I digress...again.

I'm soooo out of here... Franchise tag me at your peril!

The Lions could quite possibly get a first day pick (or multiple picks over the 2 days) for Williams. With a roster full of more holes than the plot of a Micheal Bay movie, adding draft picks would be a much better idea than letting Williams play out his deal, then getting nothing when he walks. But if keeping Williams means the Lions win an extra game in a season that is already lost, though the franchise is stinking of desperation seeping from it's every pore, they won't trade him. Makes sense...if you're fucking insane!

Yes, firing Matt Millen was a good thing. But the timing couldn't have been worse. It's led to the Lions making me first, team last, the future is now sort of decisions that will only serve to make the job of the next GM that much harder.

In managing to get his incompetent ass fired when he did, Millen screwed over the fans one last time.

Thanks for nothing, you ass.

Detroit Lions @ San Francisco 49ers : The aftermath - We must destroy this team in order to save it

The Lions blogosphere has spoken, and they are PISSED.

The Detroit Lions Weblog is totally without hope...

I have never been more dispirited as a fan of this team. Everything you see and hear from the organization rings of total bullshit. At a time when I can barely afford to buy groceries, I am expected to pay even MORE than I did last season to support a team who is clearly worse. Forget it, I will still watch at home, with my mouth agape, rather than attending any more games at Ford Field, and I won’t be afraid to switch channels, either.

I once thought empty seats at Ford Field would be the one way to get through to William Clay Ford. But he's so dense, so clueless, so enraptured with Matt Millen, I honestly doubt even the end of the sellout streak, and the declining attendance that goes along with it, will be enough to get Millen fired.

Millen is so entrenched in the Lions' front office, an atomic bomb couldn't unseat him. When you think about it, you could call Bill Ford Jr calling for Millen's head today an atomic bomb of sorts. Junior wants him gone, and didn't mince words in saying so. That's definitely dropping a bombshell...and it won't accomplish a God damn thing.

As always, Eno has a well thought out post as to what he'd do if he was in Ford's shoes at Out of Bounds.

There's more time than you think, because the Lions are on a bye this Sunday. So there's 13 days until the next game, when the Bears visit for what should be another slaughter at Ford Field.

In those thirteen days, the Lions should:

1. Fire Rod Marinelli
2. Fire Matt Millen
3. Fire the scouting department
4. Fire the pro personnel people
5. Fire them all, really, except for the nice ladies in the front office, like the receptionists, secretaries, and the like. No sense punishing

Believe you me, there's much more here than just "fire everyone." The best suggestion in the "Eno Plan" is going to the league office for some much needed help and guidance, then treating this team as you would an expansion franchise. You have to tear it down, before you build it back up.

Greg, do us ALL a favor, and please send WCF your resume, OK?

The nuclear option is the only thing that could save

the Detroit Lions from themselves...

At Fire Millen, they, like us all, just want to blow the whole thing up.

This is a critical point for the future of the Lions. It is obvious that Marinelli is not the answer. The team needs to be blown up and start over. I know this is painful for the fan because it takes time to do that, but it is easier in the NFL than any other sport. And it is not like we are close to success right now. We have not even won a game - me might as well be working to the future while losing instead of playing a tired old quarterback and drafting wide receivers every other round.

I realize blowing up the franchise would be painful. There needs to be some sort of plan, like the "Eno Plan," in place when the destruction happens. Painful though it may be, it's also for the best. If enduring a few years of pain leads to this team no longer being an NFL laughingstock, I only have one thing to say. "Where's the pain pills?"

Gorilla Crouch is also in the "you must destroy it in order to save it" camp.

The Vietnam-era phrase about burning the village to save it is apropos for a franchise that has been one of the most inept franchises in professional sports for as far back as that war. Matt Millen’s leadership of the Detroit Lions has been a complete failure and the sooner the Ford family realizes that and removes him from his position the sooner the team can move in another direction to try and alter the storyline of this pathetic franchise.

Any blogger who can use "apropos" in a post is A-OK in my book. But I digress...

Dave, we now know there's one member of the Ford family who realizes what has to be done, namely shitcan Millen. Too bad it's the wrong one.

In the Freep, Drew Sharp is surprisingly lucid, though what he says is obvious to even the most casual of Lions fans, this season is over. He does note there is one possible scapegoat left. The God Warrior, Jon Pickna Shitna Kitna.

Millen and Marinelli are out of scapegoats.

Can’t blame Mike Martz anymore.

He proved Sunday that he’s perfectly willing to run a more balanced offense when he has an excellent running back, such as Frank Gore, capable of establishing that equilibrium.

Don’t be surprised if Kitna becomes the next one scheduled for a horns’ fitting.

Benching your QB in order to buy more time from ownership? That's an old school move right out of the playbook of the patron saint of this blog, the Big Buck, Wayne Fontes.

When you find yourself fondly looking back at the Wayne Fontes era,

you know it's hit rock bottom

Actually, the Killer says the same thing at Mlive...

These desperate times call for desperate measures. The man Marinelli must emulate is ... Wayne Fontes.

Damn straight. Fontes could have Death himself knocking at the door, and within an hour he'd have a long-term deal cut with Death, and they'd be the best of friends.

Killer continues, saying Marinelli's channeling of Cocaine Wayne will have him playing his proverbial ace in the hole...Drew Stanton.

Marinelli has to go with second-year player Drew Stanton. The former Michigan State quarterback might not be good to start with, but he's going to be exciting. Marinelli has to quickly shift his focus to the future and let the fans and media chew on "what might be'' because if they concentrate on "what is,'' Marinelli's in big trouble.

If Marinelli were on the ball, he'd be on the phone with Fontes right this minute, and taking notes on crisis management and deflection techniques. I can just imagine what advice the Big Buck would impart...

"Rod! Did ya fire the defensive coordinator? Ya did?! Good, good, good! Did ya fire your offensive coordinator yet? After last season? Damn! Too soon, son. Too soon. Ya shoulda waited till da middle of da season, totally deflectin' da blame, then ya coulda easily bought a coupla more years from da old man. Did ya change QB's yet? NO! Well Hell son, you're set! Ya have yer Teflon! And yer on yer bye week? PERFECT TIMIN'!

Hey Rod, while I gots ya on da horn, ya needs a assistant? I has da time, ya know..."

Wayne Fontes, the Teflon Don of the NFL coaching ranks. We could all learn life lessons from the Big Buck. All the wrong lessons, to be sure, but life lessons all the same...

Detroit Lions @ San Francisco 49ers : Final thoughts - A debacle by any other name...

We're 3 games into the 2008 NFL season, and the Detroit Lions are offically out of contention. They have been dominated by a good team (The Packers), and much more tellingly, by 2 bad teams (The Falcons and 49ers).

Let's sift through the rubble of another Lions' debacle, and see what's left...

1. Late last night, my knee jerk reaction to the latest Lions loss turned fiasco was for William Clay Ford to go to the nuclear option. He has no choice but to blow the entire God damn mess up, nuke this NFL franchise (in name only) from orbit.

Ford needs to fire everyone even remotely linked to the team, from Matt Millen and Tom Lewand at the top, all the way down to the Allen Park HQ janitorial staff, and everyone in between. You all had your chance, and failed miserably. The time for new blood has arrived.

After sleeping on it, I still feel the same way. If you read the comments from my last few posts, check out the message boards, listen to sports talk radio, read the fishwraps, EVERYONE in Detroit feels as I do...save for the only person whose opinion counts, that of William Clay Ford.

It's sad to think that even the senile Al Davis, who is thisclose to firing Raiders head coach Lane Kiffin, has a better mental grasp on the dire straits of his team than Ford. At least the baby food eating and Depends wearing Davis is on the verge of taking some sort of action in regard to the Raiders' struggles, while Ford gives his defacto approval of the performances of Millen, Lewand, Rod Marinelli and the roster they've assembled, by not asking for any sort of accountability.

As it's apparent Ford isn't going to the nuclear option right away, we have no choice but to hope the Lions fully implode, if they haven't already, and finish the season 2-14, 3-13, Hell, even 0-16. They must finish the season with a record so bad, so disappointing, so embarrassing, Ford has absolutely no choice but to put front office and coaching heads on the chopping block.

It's our only chance for much needed change.

2. There is no defending Rod Marinelli at this point. If his butchering of clock at the end of the 1st half yesterday isn't conformation enough that he is a position coach masquerading as a head coach, you'll never be convinced.

Marinelli's decision making is becoming more bizarre by the week. The man claims he's "building a foundation." How can you "build" anything when you continue to play 30-something veterans on defense? Why were all 4 rookie defensive players, all of whom were deemed good enough to make the roster, inactive for the game? "Building a foundation" my ass...

Why was Kevin Smith, who is the future at running back, benched in favor of (the admittedly semi-effective) Rudi Johnson? We all know Johnson, a once great back who is on the decline, is as good as gone after this season. Smith needs to get the majority of touches, or he'll just go down as another wasted draft choice.

Why is the only draft pick getting significant playing time Gosder Cherilus? It took George Foster stinking out the joint in the first half of game 2 before the Lions' coaches decided to play him.The '08 draft picks, chosen to fill very specific needs, once looked promising. Not anymore.

How can Marinelli be 35 games into his head coaching career, yet he still can't master the use of time outs and replay challenges? His complete inability to grasp the simple basics of time clock management says plenty, and it's all bad.

I'm not even going to go into the son-in-law's Joe Barry's NFL worst defense, Jim Colletto's unimaginative offense, the complete refusal to change up anything in the schemes of the Tampa Too defense, the slow starts that have games essentially being over before halftime, the inexplicable loyalty to a QB who looks to be losing both his (average to begin with) skills and mind or the discipline Marinelli claims to demand not showing up on game days.

Instead of pounding the rock, it's time for Rod Marinelli to go pound sand.

3. Jon Kitna has spent the last 2+ seasons getting the snot beat out of him, turning the ball over, putting up big, but empty, numbers and leading the Lions into the abyss. Yards, leadership and intangibles mean jack shit when you don't win games.

The Lions have to finally break down, and see what they actually have in their young QB's. It's amazing to me that this franchise, after 3+ seasons of Dan Orlovsky being on the roster, and Drew Stanton now into his 2nd season, still don't have a clue if either of their young QB's are legitimate NFL talents. It's roster mismanagement at its most egregious.

Play Stanton, Orlovsky, even Drew Henson. At least they might, just might, bring a spark to a misfiring offense. I can live with turnovers and mistakes being made by a young QB learning the ropes, getting used to the speed of the NFL game.They are going to learn from those mistakes.

But I can't tolerate those same mistakes being made by an experienced 36 year old QB, in his 12th NFL season, who is likely to blame those mistakes on "God's will."

The time to bench Kitna is nigh.

4. It seems Bill Ford, Jr., as have we all, has seen enough. When asked by the media to comment on daddy's team, he went public with his displeasure over the direction of the Lions while at the Detroit Economic Club.

"It was an embarrassment, the fans deserve better, and if I had the authority, I would have fired the general manager,” Matt Millen, Ford said.

When asked again a few minutes later if he would fire Millen, he said, “Yes, but I don’t have that authority."

"I don't have the authority." Well...shit. So much for Junior saving the day...

Edit 5PM: The always on the ball "The World of Issac" has Junior's "FIRE MILLEN" up for all posterity on You Tube:



I've been a fan of the Detroit Lions since the 70's. I've hung with the team through very little thick and mostly thin. I'd never think of changing my fan alliances. I'm as loyal to the Lions as ever. But I'm not sure I've ever felt this damn hopeless about the situation they now find themselves.

No, I am sure.

I've NEVER been so without hope. It's fucking beyond hopeless.

Memo to William Clay Ford: Blow it the F*CK up

I don't give a shit about the future, as there is none. Just blow the whole God damn thing up. This season is over.

Is "epicer" a word? If not, it should be...

Time of death: 7:15 PM Sunday night, September 21, 2008.

Reading between the lines: Rod Marinelli speaks, yet says nothing at all

After listening to the Rod Marinelli gets quite defensive and combative with the media during his Monday presser, I could have let it go as more of the same. As The World of Issac said, "The Lions Have Their Heads Up Their Butts." Indeed. He even posted the proof...

You need to take the helmet off first in order to fit inside, Kitna...

But I thought I'd delve deeper, and break down the nonsense Marinelli spewed. I was emailed the transcript, and most of what the Lions' head coach said was incomprehensible to normal humans. He also has an angle fetish.

I took out some of the more egregious Marinelli quotes, and added my thoughts

"I'll give Atlanta credit, they did a nice job. It still comes down to the issue is us. In terms of some of the tackling, missed tackles we had, some of the angles. I thought we played a little bit high overall."

Marinelli can't be serious, can he? This may be the lamest excuse I've ever, ever heard from a head coach. "Played a little bit too high?" What a crock. You know the obvious joke. "Played high on what, coach?" Considering their inability to tackle, and Marinelli being from the old school, I'm guessing quaaludes.


"A little bit tentative and it affected our alignments a little bit. But all those things are correctable. I talked to the team today, it's all correctable."

If they were so damn correctable, why weren't they "corrected" during training camp? Oh yeah, you can't correct a lack of talent, which the Lions apparently have in spades.


"(They're the) same guys I liked Saturday night before the game, and guys I want to coach and feel good about. So, we've just got to learn from it as we're watching the tape right now, and then once this is over, we move on and get ready for our next game."

I DESPISE it when anyone refers to "watching the tape," or "look at the film." How much tape do you need to look at to determine your tackling angles were too high? I have tape too (courtesy of my DVR) and watched for 5 minutes. I could tell you exactly what was wrong. It isn't the angles, or playing too "high." The film tells me your team lacks something quite vital. "Talent."

"You said all eight games were played poorly on defense? Then you're wrong; you would be wrong. (We) played well against Kansas City, played very well against Dallas, played very well against the Giants."

It's getting deep now. Let's look back at the 2007 season.

Kansas City: Meaningless win against a bad team after the season was essentially over.
Dallas: Loss
Giants: Loss

Played well, huh? Well enough to lose. Notice he didn't bring up the other legitimately poor defensive performances from last year? There were plenty to pick from:

Philly: 52 points
Wahington: 34 points
Arizona: 31 points
Green Bay: 37 points
Minnesota: 42 points
San Diego: 51 points
Green Bay, redux: 34 points

Then we have the latest debacle, with a bad Atlanta team dropping 34 on the Lions' D. How does a coach hired because of his status as a defensive guru have such a horrific defense, after having 3 years to put it together? For that matter, why does he still have a job?


"We've just got to get our pads down and come off the ball a little bit better. I thought we were in our gaps, but I thought we had a chance to really go if we could've stopped the run. I've been saying that from day one. I thought we pass-rushed pretty well, but we've got to stop the run first."

Spoken like a career position coach, not a head coach. This bullshit is all fundamentals and technique. The sort of things that shouldn't be an issue at the pro level. It absolutely shouldn't be an issue after the season starts Apparently, it is still an issue...with the players Marinelli hand picked...


"The first (touchdown) play was a slant and we had a chance to make a play and the safety gave up a big play, explosion play. When you do that, you're behind quickly. The second (touchdown) play, we came out and missed another tackle. Angles caught us, and now we're down by 14."

What's with the angle fetish? Next week, will Marinelli be going on about parallelogram and isosceles triangles? This isn't geometry, it's football! Again, it's nothing but double talk and excuses.

They were tacking with obtuse angles! 

I need to see complementary angles, dammit!

"We were going to go right to a no-huddle the next series. Just a little faster tempo, I thought, at times, but I felt okay. I just felt that we were going to go no-huddle that next drive, because we were struggling playing them and you wanted to hopefully eliminate another possession on their part."

Uh, what? On the next possession my ass. The Lions should have been in the no-huddle for the entire 4th quarter. I was going off in my live blog with 10 minutes left in the game, after the Falcons had gone up 13 points, asking "Where's the fucking urgency?". There was none whatsoever. Because you know what happened after that possession? Nothing. Why? THE LIONS NEVER GOT THE BALL BACK!


"Our commitment to try to run the ball was there and I thought, overall we threw the ball fairly well. But we've got to play better defense, and I thought the special teams was solid."

Being committed to run the ball, and actually doing it well, are two different things. Kevin Smith was having to make moves in the backfield, as the Falcons were blowing the O-line off the ball.

Better defense? I would think so. Make it a priority! But it was a priority this past off season, and look what they ended up with. A roster full of former Bucs who weren't good enough to stay in Tampa. And don't get me going on the special teams, which Marinelli, for some ungodly reason, thinks was "solid." There's absolutely nothing solid, let alone special, about them.

"(Mike) Furrey and (Shaun) McDonald. Just seeing if he felt comfortable going out and judging the ball and catching it and fair-catching it."

This is just plain asinine. Marinelli is more concerned about the return men (Both of whom have RARELY done any returning in their NFL careers) catching the fucking ball, than making a play. The demise of Detroit's special teams during the Marinelli era has been shameful. Just plain shameful. Special teams was the one part of the game the Lions played quite well over the years. Not anymore. They were once a weapon, now they are a liability. A HUGE liability.


"You have to just keep playing one snap at a time, and we didn't do that."

No shit.


"Sometimes our (run) fits were off a little bit, I thought the tackling, I thought the angles sometimes and judgment of the angles of the back, and they (Atlanta) played well."

Nothing but typical, meaningless coach-speak bullshit. And what's with the fucking angles? Enough already!

"And there were guys at times that had chances to make plays and didn't make them. But the defense is built one: on discipline and two: when your opportunity arises to make that play, you have to make it, and we didn't do that."

Let's break this down (I don't need no stinking tape!). The defense is built on "making plays." They were unable to do so, even though there were "opportunities." The defense is also built on discipline, which the team lacks in spades when you have players saying "We didn't show up."

When you break it down, it sounds to me like the Tampa Too is in utter shambles.

"It means at times there was a lack of discipline. Initially what I said was the tackling was off a little bit. The angles because I thought the speed of the backside, we have to adjust. Lost our gaps sometimes, pursuit could be better, and I thought we got a little tentative, and some of the alignments were off."

Now there is a lack of discipline? I thought the team was built on the discipline Marinelli continually talks and talks and talks and talks about?

Angles. Adjust. Gaps. Alignments. Christ, Marinelli sounds like an auto mechanic, not a football coach.

Rupert at The Ghosts of Wayne Fontes nailed it when it comes to the bullshit Marinelli spews every Monday.

"That sounds like a cliche high school coach. Hit. Wrap. Lift. Drive. Simple as that. Let's go boys."

Ex-fucking-actly!

"Seeing personnel, making sure the right people are in the game, and it got us second or third play of the game."

Why in the Hell is making sure the right personnel are in the game still an issue? Jon Kitna was so pissed off about not getting plays called in time, and not having the right players on the field, he threw a hissy fit on the sidelines. It's obvious Marinelli does not have control of his team.


"I think that it is the players who are in there right now, and they see it, 'Here's how we clean this up, this is correctable, this is correctable.' So we have to correct it to eliminate it."

Again, shouldn't the corrections have been made in camp? When you are more concerned about fixing mistakes in the limited amount of practice time you have in during the season, instead of preparing for the next team, it's no wonder the team looks so woefully unprepared.

"Let's not put a new backpack on our back and start carrying extra weight and extra luggage around by perception."

Sorry Rod, but the Lions have 50 years worth of luggage, and to be blunt, you're adding to it. And it's not a backpack's worth. More like a steamer trunk. Several steamer trunks...


"So let's eliminate that so we can now focus on what we have to do, not what we didn't do. We know what we didn't do; now I've got to turn it for them and say, 'This is what we're going to do.' And it's no more than that, but it's hard to do."

Uh...What? Did that last paragraph make any sense at all?

"We're going to do what we need to do, but not do what we've been doing, as it's hard to do what you need to do, but we're going to do it." Or something like that. It's all Greek, or coach-speak, to me.

Sure Rod, sure. The man is the master of saying something, while actually saying nothing at all. It's "The Fog of Marinelli."

I have to think it's going to get worse before it gets better...if getting better is even possible...for Marinelli. The rumbles about his job security have already begun. Not a moment too soon, as losing to the awful Falcons should be considered a fireable offense. 

Detroti fishwrap comment of the day - A Murderer's Row of suck

I spew the vast majority of my righteous indignation about the Lions over at SideLion Report, but some of it still spills over here at TWFE. I can't help it, as the Lions confound me with their "logic."

The Lions make roster move after move after move, yet continue to go nowhere. The cutting of Kevin Jones is the latest roster move of the Millen era, and it still has me scratching my head. If this continues, I'll have scratched my head bald.

It's not so much the cutting of Jones that has me saying "What the fuck?" I don't like it, as Jones was their best back, but it can be somewhat justified. Mostly due to his injury history, though his salary was nothing to sneeze at. What has me confused though, is the cutting of Jones with NO OTHER VIABLE OPTIONS CURRENTLY ON THE ROSTER.

At Mlive, IDLion says the same thing by posting the Lions' depth chart at running back.

Bell, Cason and Calhoun I bet teams are terrified of playing the lions right now.

That's a Murderer's Row...of suck. That's an awesomely...bad group of running backs.

What's even more confusing to me are the fans whom are buying into the bullshit the Lions are giving us. I'm reading fans saying the Lions needed to clean house anyway, happy they are finally giving bus tickets out of town, that they'll fill all these roster holes created by the house cleaning in the draft.

Thing is, the dumbass who created this mess is the one they are depending upon to help fix it, Matt Millen. And just how is he "fixing" the mess? By allowing Rod Marinelli to do whatever he wants, and that appears to be signing every God damn former Tampa Bay Buccaneer on the open market.

Wonderful. Let's fill the Lions' roster holes with Tampa's aged rejects. I can sure see that working over the long haul...

As for plugging holes thru the draft? Look at the Lions recent history! They don't know how to draft! Their first day picks are busts, and their low round picks are more likely to be cut, than make the team! Those who believe the Lions can draft their way out of this mess are being delusional. They are letting their hope overwhelm their logical thought.

Wishing for the moron twins, Millen and Marinelli, to make smart personnel and drafting decisions doesn't change the fact their past track record says that's not going to happen.

What it comes down to is the Lions are lacking any sort of plan, other than to sign former Buccaneers. They react, instead of act. They go for the flash, rather than the substance. They plan for the short-term, instead of the long-term.

The only plan I can see is that I plan on 2008 being another long ass season of watching the Lions lose, and lose big.

Detroit fishwrap comment of the the day - Enough of the "Tampa Two" BS

Over at Mlive, today the Killer tells us the Lions are meeting with a pair of free agents, tackle L.J. Shelton and safety Dwight Smith. Smith would fill a need at right tackle, but Smith (Who, by the way, is a former Buccaneer. Why don't we just call the Detroit Lions the North Tampa Bucs?) is a safety, where the Lions seem intent on adding someone every year.

First, Kenoy Kennedy was signed to a big free agent contract in 2005. In 2006, Daniel Bullocks was drafted in the 2nd round. Last year, Gerald Alexander was drafted...In the 2nd round. Now they want to sign ANOTHER safety?

In the comments, tommy2ksi echoes my feelings, and got a laugh out of me, in regard to the Detroit Lions flavor of the month defense, the "Tampa Two."

Dwight Smith is perfect for the Tampa two........*rolls eyes*

No damn kidding. That's all we ever hear when the Lions are interested in a defender, "He fits the Tampa Two." "He's perfect for the Tampa Two." Tampa Two, Tampa Two, Tampa Two! Enough!

How about they draft or sign someone who is GOOD, no matter the scheme?

We all know exactly what's going to happen. Marinelli will get the ziggy after the 2008 season, and the Lions will be stuck with a roster full of defenders who won't fit the next head coach's flavor of the month defense.

It's the Lions' way.

Detroit fishwrap comment of the day

We go back to Mlive, and Killer Kowalski's commenting goons, for today's COTD. In talking with the Rod Marinelli, the Killer reports Coach Pound T. Rock claims the Lions won't waive Shaun "I've yet to met a smorgasboard I didn't inhale" Rogers.

But don't think that means Bigger Baby is off the market. The Lions are still going to entertain trade offers for the roly-poly defensive tackle. Coach P.T. Rock says it's all about getting "value" in return. As to how much trade value an obese, overpaid, underachieving, creaky kneed tackle who's one failed drug test away from an 8 game suspension has? We'll soon find out.

My guess? Biggest Baby's trade value is somewhere between very little, and nil.

As comment threads tend to do, they go off track. In debating Chubby Checker's trade value, the Roy Williams trade rumors came to the fore. Many of the trades proposed were on this side of ridiculous, that trading Williams would get two very high draft picks in return, say 1st and 2nd rounders.

Considering the Raiders got all of a 4th round pick for Randy Moss, it's delusional to think Roy Williams would get 2 high picks in return. A 2nd or 3rd round pick would be the absolute best case scenario. Even that's doubtful when you factor in that Williams is going to be a free agent after next season, and then it'll just take money to obtain him.

samebadlions nailed the true worth of the Lions much hyped wide receiving duo of Williams and Calvin johnson.

based on hype, we have a top receiving duo.

based on production...we're the lions.

Indeed.

I'm going to add a bonus COTD from the Mlive thread just because it made me laugh.

From the fine mind of Mliver JoeySuccubus came...

Pound the rock, losers.

HA! You'd think that Lions coaches would learn that their coaching platitudes don't inspire the fanbase, but only allow us to ridicule them all the more... From "Bus tickets out of town," to "Abandon ship," to "The bar is high, and now "Pound the rock," Lions coaches have been all talk, and nothing more.

Breaking news: NFL head coaches can be pricks

Rod Marinelli does not suffer fools gladly. Even if that "Fool" is just doing his job on a radio show that is basically shilling for the Detroit Lions.

During Marinelli's weekly interview on 97.1 FM's Lions Report Monday night (Which I surprisingly happened to hear, as I don't make it a habit to listen to what is normally Lions puffery), Dan Miller asked several questions regarding the failure that was the Lions' offensive gameplan against the Cardinals.

Marinelli did his normal sidestepping of the questions, answering in generalities. When Miller wouldn't stop his questioning the gameplan, as Marinelli was talking in circles, the Sarge went into his drill sergeant mode. He told Miller, in so many words, words dripping with condescension and disdain, that track of questioning was a waste of his time. For the remainder of the interview Marinelli was as uncooperative as he could be, giving short, curt, pissy answers, making Miller's job as difficult as possible.

My existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, wins games.
YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I ORDERED THE CODE RED!

It was as close to a live radio train wreck as you'll ever hear. Marinelli came off as an outright, for lack of a better word, dickhead. Considering that Miller is the Lions' media mouthpiece, it was an unexpected reaction.

The Marinelli-Miller dustup has been the hot topic of sports talk radio today. But shockingly, more than a few callers sided with Marinelli, which I don't understand. Many fans seem to feel that the media's job is to fluff the Lions, not criticize, let alone ask tough questions. Hell, I give Miller all the credit in the world for pressing Marinelli on what was a joke of an offensive performance, and even worse gameplan. Call a spade a spade, for chrissakes. Miller was totally professional, Marinelli wasn't even close to being so.

If Marinelli can't take legitimate criticism, he's not going to last long as an NFL head coach. He definitely shows his inexperience in his dealings with the media. I doubt he was peppered with questions as Tampa's defensive line coach. There has to be a happy medium between Marinelli's antagonistic tough guy approach to the media, and Steve Mariucci's used car salesman style, buddy-buddy slickness.

Then again, if Marinelli wins games, will fans even give a shit if he treats the media as pissant troublemakers? Probably not, as those fans will be too busy crowning him as the King of Michigan...

This will soon blow over, as most anything sports related does. In fact, you can't even clear audio clips of the interview, as the Lions don't allow them to be replayed. So it's not as if anything is going to come of this incident.

But it's just another mistake in decision making by a head coach that is clearly learning on the job. Marinelli needs to learn when and where to pick his battles, especially when it comes to the media.

TWFE Detroit Lions season preview: 5 reasons why the Lions will lose 10+ games

This being the eve of one of the best dates on the sports calender, the opening night of the NFL season, I thought I should write a Detroit Lions preview. I then drifted off into a happy haze...

Once the mood-altering drugs wore off, and I became somewhat lucid, I thought, "What's the point? "

I think we can all agree that the Lions will have an under .500 record. The only question is how many games under .500 will they finish? Most predictions I've seen have the Lions finishing somewhere between 4-12 and 7-9, with a consensus being another double digit loss season. Sounds about right to me...

Why am I so confident that the Detroit Lions will have another ugly, painful, and ultimately, a waste of a season?

1. The defensive backfield is the worst in pro football. It'd be the worst in any NCAA or NAIA division. It would only be mid pack of the damn Huron League. Yes, it's that bad.

The D-backfield wasn't all that good to begin with, then factor in that they traded their best cornerback (And most vocal malcontent, Dre' Bly) away, their starting safety (Daniel Bullocks) tore up his knee, and is out for the season, and Fernando Bryant (!) is considered their best cover corner.

Fernando Bryant? He suffers from a season long case of 3rd degree windburn thanks to all the receivers running by him...

The Lions' Fernando Bryant, Kennoy Kennedy, and Keith Smith show their defensive expertise

What we saw Carson Palmer and Peyton Manning do to the Lions D-backfield in exhibition games was just a short preview of the on-field carnage we'll see during the regular season. There is no such thing as "3rd and long" against the Lions' defense. When it's 3rd down and 6 yards to go, it's not hard to convert when you have corners giving the wide outs 10 yard cushions.

2. The odds that Jon Kitna will be able to take every regular season snap, for the 2nd season in a row, are long. Really loooong. Kitna getting hurt, and it's a definite possibility with the Lions porous offensive line, is Rod Marinelli's worst nightmare.

The Lions do not have a backup QB with any legitimate experience of leading an NFL team, for even for a short time. I'm still puzzled over the Josh McCown trade. From the lack of exhibition season production shown by any of the QB's on the roster not named Kitna, the trade of McCown, who had starting experience, looks absolutely idiotic.

If "Backups" (Term used loosely, as they literally have no track record to speak of) JT What's-His-Name or Dan Orlovsky see a significant amount of playing time, the Lions will have to raise the white flag on the season.

It's blatantly obvious that Kitna has to stay healthy. If he goes down for any length of time, Matt Millen can go ahead and call Mel Kiper, and ask him which wide receiver he should draft as the 1st pick of the 2008 NFL draft. Without Kitna, the Lions QB situation would be their worst since 1979, when undrafted free agent rookie Jeff Komlo bumbled and stumbled his way through a horrific 2-14 year.

3. The Lions will not be able to run the ball. Period. I don't care if it's TJ Ducket, Tatum Bell, Kevin Jones, Brian Calhoun, or a Frankenstein-ish combination of Jim Brown, Marshall Faulk, Whizzer White, Joe Don Looney, Jim Thorpe, Icky Woods, and Jesus H. Christ himself lugging the pigskin, the Lions will struggle to gain yards on the ground.

Jason Hanson showing off his kicking form. .
No running game = Lousy red zone offense = No TD's = Jason Hanson being Detroit's best offensive threat

The Lions haven't had a running game since since the closest living thing to that Frankenstien-ish combination of a running back, Barry Sanders, retired. The only semblance of a running game we've seen from the Lions even remotely recently was the final 8 games of Kevin Jones' 2004 rookie year. Neither he, or the Lions, have run the ball well since.

They didn't have a ground attack during the Moronwheg or Mooch eras. Things haven't changed with Marinelli and Mike Martz. The running game was only a rumor in 2006. So why should we expect the Lions to be able to run the ball during the 2007 regular season?

4. Be it bad luck, drafting an injury prone player out of college, a lack of conditioning, or an inability to play through aches and strains, the Lions have a knack for players getting injured.

The Lions all-time roster is littered with broken bodies, with the injury bug going back decades. Nick Eddy. Steve Owens. Billy Sims. Mike Utley. Germane Crowell. Steven Boyd. Bryant Westbrook. That's to name just a few. The Lions have a history of productive and/or talented players whose careers were either shortened, never really got started, or finished below expectations, thanks to injuries.

We've already seen the Lions' historic injury bug rear it's ugly head in this year's training camp, with the aforementioned Daniel Bullocks out for the season, Drew Stanton's rookie season will be spent in the IR, Kevin Jones being slow to recover from lisfranc surgery, Jon Kitna missing the final 2 games of the exhibition season thanks to back problems, Dan Orlovsky doing the same because of turf toe, Boss Bailey's always balky knee, Teddy Lehman not being the same player after his lisfranc surgery, Shawn Rogers not playing a single down in the exhibition season due to his knee. It just never, ever ends.

My conclusion? The Lions are jinxed. You have a better one?

5. Matt Millen is still in charge. He's the worst general manger ever. That goes for any sport, in any league, on any planet, in any universe. His ineptitude has reached historic proportions. I don't expect the 2007 Lions to change that legacy.

Thanks to Lloyd Carr, Millen is now only the 2nd most hated man in Detroit sports.
No worries, I expect Matty to lower himself back to most hated by the end of the NFL season

As you can probably figure out, I expect it's going to be another awful season at Ford Field. A season with only 2 wins is not out of the question, and 7 wins are the best case scenario. I expect the Lions to finish somewhere in between.

In other words, 2007 will be just another season of futility. Isn't it wonderful to be a Lions fan?

Fun with the "Simpsonizer"

In an attempt to keep myself from doing anything useful tonight, I figured I'd play around with the "Simpsonizer."

My first attempt was Jim Leyland. Not bad, but he needs a Marlboro! But the only way to have him smoking was to add the pipe, so a pipe it is...

Next on the agenda was Rod Marinelli. I really like this one! No, I LOVE this one! It nailed "Mr. Pound The Rock." I barely had to do a thing...

For some reason, my attempt at "Simpsonizing" Matt Millen had him come out looking more like a demented John Waters. Being unable to add a wispy porn 'stache was my undoing...

Next was the patron saint of TWFE, Wayne Fontes. Not bad, not bad at all. Actually, to capture the true essence of the Big Buck, I need a "Fred Flintstoneizer." Seriously, the internet needs a "Flintstoneizer."

Last and definitely least, me. A "Simpsonized" Big Al has me looking like I belong on some sex offender list. "Hey baby, what's your sign?"

How I stay a fan of the Detroit Lions, I'll never know...

After watching the Lions get destroyed by the Colts Saturday, I'm oh so temped to call the Lions 2007 season officially over. Seriously.

We all know the drill. The 3rd exhibition game is the dress rehearsal for the NFL season. Every season the Lions say this rehearsal will show all the naysayers that things have changed. And every year they prove the naysayers correct, and get DRILLED.

If a Broadway play had a dress rehearsal comparable to the Lions' dress rehearsal, the producers would declare the play unsalvageable, and close it on the spot. The Lions don't have that option, and we fans will have to endure another embarrassment of a season.


Nothing has changed. The defense can't stop anyone at any time. Period. The defensive backfield is awful. Period. The offense can't run the ball. Period. There is no legitimate backup QB. Period. The head coach is in over his head. Period.

Sgt. Marinelli made another in a series of questionable in-game coaching moves by taking a penalty, giving the Colts another shot at a 3rd down conversion, rather than forcing a 4th down field goal attempt. Of course, Indy converted 3rd and long. Hell, the Lions haven't stopped anyone on 3rd in long since Alex Karras and Joe Schmidt were terrorizing offenses in the 60's.

The faces change, yet the results never do. The Lions are a BAD football team.

Yet why do fans think that Rod Marinelli has the Lions headed in the right direction? Because he talks a good game? Because he looks like a football coach? Because...I'm out of reasons. I wasn't sold on Marinelli a year ago, and I'm not sold on him now.

Marinelli has supposedly cleaned out the locker rook of malcontents. Unfortunately, the sucky malcontents were replaced with sucky and injury prone happy campers. Either way, we are looking at a double digit loss team.

The Lions are as far from being a playoff contender as Mike Vick is from being a dog lover.

Supposedly the Lions' chief front office baboon, TWFE's favorite whipping boy, Matt Millen, has less say in personnel matters. Instead, Marinelli and Mike Martz have a larger say as to the makeup of the roster. So who's to blame for the total cluster that has become the backup QB position?

I'm not expecting Jon Kitna's backup to be a world beater. But I do expect him to look like a NFL QB. Right now, I haven't seen one. Against the Colts 1st string, JT What's-His-Name looked exactly like what he is, a reject from NFL Europa. Dan Orlovsky is in his 3rd NFL season, and can't beat out JT What's-His-Name.

If Kitna goes down, the Lions would be best off to raise the white flag, forfeit their remaining games, and come back in 2008.

More than just the loss, but HOW the Lions lost, was what disturbed me the most. The Colts did what they wanted, how they wanted, when they wanted. Peyton Manning would throw for 100 TD's in a season if he faced the Lions defense for 16 games.

All in all, the Lions' exhibition season, even with 2 blah victories, has done little to convince me that the Lions even have a shot at a .500 season.

So what do I see from the Lions with 2 weeks till the NFL regular season?

No running game.
No legit backup QB's.
No pass rush.
No legit defensive backs.
Injuries up the wazoo.
A head coach who has done nothing but hand out platitudes like "Pound the rock."
An offensive coordinator who would like to throw the ball 99% of the time.
6 wins, 10 losses, and another top 5 draft pick.

Underwhelming + Strange + Odd + Confusing - Common Sense = The Detroit Lions 2007 Draft

Matt Millen is an idiot. That's a given.

But he's also an idiot savant. He's the Rainman of the NFL. Millen is capable of doing one thing well, and one thing only. He has an innate talent for maneuvering up and and down in the draft, gathering extra picks as he goes. Somehow, someway, Millen was able to end up with 3 picks in the 2nd round, yet still keep the 2nd overall.

Unfortunately, a problem then arises with those extra picks.

The problem? He becomes an idiot again. A flaming, short bus riding, helmet wearing, mouth breathing idiot.

I have no issues with the Lions taking Calvin Johnson. Millen's normal brain fog lifted momentarily, allowing him one moment clarity over the weekend. He just as quickly lost all lucidity, reverting back into his Millen-fog, going by the results of the later rounds.

With 4 picks in the 1st and 2nd rounds, you would expect 4 starters, right? Not so fast, Lions fans. Every pick from the 2nd round on appeared, to my eyes, to be either a reach, a project, or both.

Millen parlayed those 4 picks into...

1. A starting WR, Calvin Johnson, who was a no brainer pick. Plug Johnson in the starting lineup, and pencil him in for a Herman Moore-like 100+ catches, 1200+ yards, and 10+ TD's every season. (One quick aside. For those who wonder if there will be enough balls to go around to keep Johnson, Roy Williams, and Mike Furrey happy, just look at the stats for the 1995 and 1996 Lions. If it can be done with Scott Mitchell under center, it can with Jon Kitna.)

2a. Drew Stanton, a QB that has ability, but whose coach at MSU was nearly as big a buffoon as Millen. Stanton shouldn't see the field for a good 2 years. If he even sniffs the field during the regular season, the Lions have issues. What am I saying? The Lions already have issues.

2b. Ikaika Alama- Francis, a defensive end from that defensively stalwart school...Hawaii? Francis is so raw that he makes Kalimba Edwards look polished. Look under "Project" in the Wikipedia, and you'll see the pict...Hell, you already know the joke...

2c. Gerald Alexander, a corner turned safety who is supposed to be a prototype Tampa 2 DB. A safety that is a prototype Tampa 2 player? Where have I heard that same line before? I know, I know! Last year, when Daniel Bullocks was drafted. The Lions 2nd round pick from 2006, who plays the same exact position! The Lions now have a big money free agent (Kenoy Kennedy) and 2 high draft picks at safety. That's all well and good, but who in the living Hell is going to play corner? Or linebacker, for that matter?!

This would be a great draft...If you were a playoff team that could afford to take chances, and wait on your picks to develop. A 3 win team doesn't have that luxury.

For a GM going into his 7th season, with none previous even remotely close to finishing .500, you would think that he needs to win now. But this draft leaves me with a question.

Where is the urgency?

The fanbase is out of patience. They have been for decades. So is the MSM. Yet the Lions draft as if they are getting a pass for this coming season. They might be getting a pass from the old man, William Clay Ford. In fact, I'm sure Ford is giving them a pass for this season.

From everyone else? Millen and Marinelli are on notice. Win, or else. Unfortunately, the only opinion that matters is Ford's. Which means at least 1 more season of a coach spewing platitudes about character and hard work, and weird ass drafting by an idiot savant GM.

Sgt. Marinelli claims he can "Coach up" his kind of players. Marinelli continually keeps preaching that he wants players with "Football character."

It would help those players actually had talent to go with that "Character."

Are 14 career sacks worth 29 million dollars?

Matt Millen sure as Hell hopes so, as that's how much he gave Dewayne White to play defensive end for the Detroit Lions.

This singing has Rod Marinelli's fingerprints all over it. It's a risky move, as White has never been a full time starter in his 4 NFL seasons with Tampa Bay. He was a pass rush specialist whom the Lions hope can be an every down player. The praise said about White sounds very similar to what the Lions have said for years about their current underachieving end, Kalimba Edwards.

I'm torn over this signing. What there is to like is that White is still young, and has that elusive thing coaches and TV talking heads like to call "Upside." There was a reason that he was a 2nd round draft pick, and you hope that going into his 2nd NFL contract, White will live up to that potential.

White should be entering his prime as a player. Most free agents the Lions have signed in the past (Rick DeMulling, Damion Woody, Bill Schroeder, to name just a few) were established starters, but on the downside of their careers. More than anything, they were looking for that one last big payday. Good team, bad team, it made no difference. As Rasheed Wallace once said, "I don't care where I play, just CTC." (Cut the check) The Lions definitely didn't get what they paid for when they CTC with past free agents.

The Lions are gambling, as it's an awful lot of money and cap room to give to someone that has never yet proved to be an every down player. Signing White is a similar to the gamble the Lions took with Edwards when he was re-signed during the off season last year.

Trust me, it was damn hard to find a picture of Edwards actually making a play

Edwards is a pass rush specialist on whom the Lions have been pinning their hopes on for several years. He was given an extension based on his "Upside," in having the potential to become a big time player. There was the hope that Rod Marinelli could bring out the best in Edwards. The "Best" that we have yet to see... With White, the Lions could end up with another Kalimba Edwards. It's a boom or bust type of signing.

From the moves the Lions have made in the off season so far, it doesn't appear that Millen has that much input on the personnel decisions. With his past history, I'd venture a guess that's a GOOD thing. In effect, Marinelli and Mike Martz seem to be telling Millen that there are specific players whom they want him to sign. Considering the majority of players being targeted have some sort of past relationship with the coaching staff, it'd be hard to assume otherwise.

You could say the same in regard to the Dre' Bly trade, the roster housecleaning last Friday, and the apparent ongoing attempts of maneuvering themselves down in the draft. It's just more proof that Marinelli, for better or worse, is putting his stamp on the franchise.