Morons in the media: Case number 002*

SI's Peter King, in his Monday MMQB column, writes about the Bengals, and their asinine re-signing of the number 5 (with a bullet) criminal on the FBI's "Most Wanted" list, wide out Chris Henry. Obviously, the Cincy media, and most of Cincy's fans, is aghast. But King felt the need to dis the continually dumped upon fanbase by finding some mouth breathing moron's comment on a Cincinnati Enquirer message board.

The signing is ridiculous and reprehensible, and (Enquirer columnist Paul Daugherty) Daugherty is overwhelmingly correct. But read the message boards in Bengal Land, and you get a different story. This from "XElitist03,'' on the newspaper's Bengals forum: "paul daugherty should quit his job before he gets fired. he is miserable. he is more miserable than chris henry. i would much rather have chris henry in cincinnati gang-banging than paul writing another article for the newspaper.''

Thanks for that fine bit of perspective, XElitist03.

It was easy for the Bengals to find Henry. 

He was in court...

Let me clue you in, Mr. Media Elitist. The LAST place you want to go for anything remotely close to intelligent discourse is a newspaper forum. The likelier someone will spew racist/sexist/ignorant bile on a newspaper forum or comment thread, the lower the IQ of said someone. The above "gang-banging" quote being a prime example of my "mouth breathing morons post on newspaper websites" corollary. (I need to come up with a snappier name for my corollary, like Bill Simmons and his 100 or so...)

I'm guessing the quoted XElitist03 has the mental acuity of an institutionalized baboon. (I apologize to any baboons who might be reading TWFE. I'm all for baboons. Clyde should have won an Oscar for "Every Which Way But Loose." Wait, wasn't Clyde an orangutan? Well, you get my drift.)

Fish wraps think they are being oh so very web 2.0 by allowing their "readers" to comment on articles. By the spelling errors, bizarre syntax and insane logic used, I doubt any forum commenter can read past a 2nd grade level, let alone comprehend how despicable they make themselves appear. (I apologize to any 2nd graders currently reading TWFE. Kids, be cool, stay in school!)

It's just as bad in Detroit. The Freep and Mlive allow comments, believing it makes them appear more internet savvy, when it only attracts the web's lowest common denominator. After reading those comments for a few months when I was doing a fish wrap "Comment of the Day," I've never been able to recover the numerous brain cells destroyed in my masochistic mission to document their sheer idiocy. (Thus my confusing baboons and orangutans.)

It isn't hard to find smart sports fans online. A quick Google search would ghave allowed King to find plenty of Bengals fans upset over the re-signing of a common criminal. But it wouldn't have fit the misguided point SI's supposed finest was trying to make.

It's all too easy for the media to piss all over fans thanks to newspapers and their clueless mishandling of comment threads and forums. It's the ugly underbelly of the web, where you can find thousands just like XElitist03.

Want to find the most disgusting and vile take on any story? Find a newspaper website that allows comments. It's clear Peter King already figured that one out.

*What's case number 001? Anything written by Rob Parker. But you already knew that, didn't you?

Screw Mitch Albom. Screw him long and hard

In today's Freep, the Little Fella takes Detroit sports fans to task for not filling up the Joe last night.

Before I spend one more word on how good our hockey team played Thursday night, I have to say how bad it looked to see so many empty seats at Joe Louis Arena. Cheaper seats. Expensive seats. Empty clusters. Half-empty rows.

Uh, Mitch. During the playoffs, THERE ARE NO CHEAPER SEATS! Just less overpriced ones...

Remember the Cup? We loved that thing. We felt like we earned it -- every step. So what's the problem now? I know the economy is bad. I'm not telling people to hock the jewelry or find a job.

When you have to use the caveat "I'm not telling you," you actually are telling me...

But we're not talking 100,000 spots here, either. There are enough fans and money in our area to fill those absent clusters. Hey, if we can fill Lions seats, we can fill Red Wings seats.

My response? Fuck you, you heartless, over privileged fuck!

I know, it's not exactly Shakespeare, but "Fuck you" truly encapsulates exactly how I felt after reading Albom's self important tripe.

(By the way, when was the last time Albom was at Ford Field? Otherwise he'd know the expensive club level seating is mostly empty, and the Lions often filled their stadium only in thanks to the fans of the opposition team. You'll see just as many Bears and Packers fans at Ford Field, as fans of the Lions.)

It takes a ton of balls, or what's much more likely, being completely oblivious to the situation the middle class finds itself in here in Michigan, to call out fans for not spending money. What a clueless dumb ass. Just thinking about Albom's faux righteous indignation gets me furious.

I'm guessing Albom, when not churning out Oprah approved pap, spends his time in LA and New York rolling around in large piles of cash. Back here in rust belt reality-land, everyone I know is watching their money. Watching it closely.

I don't know a soul who could afford to drop several hundred dollars to attend a hockey game. Not one. I sure as Hell can't. Neither can anyone in my family, or my friends off or online.

I've used this analogy before, but it remains true. When given a choice between keeping a roof over your head, or buying overpriced Red Wings playoff tickets, there really isn't a choice.

Albom was once tuned into the pulse of Detroit, he knew what made the fans tick. Not anymore. He hasn't for over a decade. Not since Albom became a gasbag ESPN pundit, better known as an author, rather than a sportswriter, and spending most of his time on the left coast.

Otherwise he wouldn't have written this column, calling out hard working folk who are more worried about being foreclosed upon, paying medical bills, buying $4 a gallon gas, food prices rising, if their manufacturing job will even exist 6 months from now, than lining the pockets of a multi-billionaire, Mike Ilitch.

At this point, Albom would be better off sticking to writing saccharine novellas Oprah can turn into TV movies, than being the national voice of the Detroit sports fan. Because he has as much in common with we fans as I do with George W. Bush. That being nothing.

Mitch Albom can go to Hell. Or just stay in LA. Either is better than his remaining the "Voice of Detroit." Speak for whom you really know, the media elite. You sure as fuck don't speak for me.

Edit 4:00 PM: Albom doesn't speak for the Chief over at A2Y, either. IwoCPO went off on the Little Fella too.

Journalists vs. Bloggers, round ∞

After watching some of the Bob Costas hosted town hall I had recorded (Hey, I was watching the Red Wings!), and turned off in disgust over the misinformation and clichés being thrown about blogs, bloggers, and their readership, while Will Leitch was being kneecapped by a raving lunatic, a few thoughts came to mind...

1. Mitch Albom, in the sports talk radio segment, was talking about standards and ethics? Please. Albom talking about ethics is comparable to me talking about religion. We really don't have much to do with the other.

This is a columnist who crossed a picket line 7 weeks into a bitter, year and a half long, newspaper strike, but had the gall to call out Ben Wallace for not being loyal over signing a Bulls free agent contract.

This is a columnist who blatantly fabricated a story, yet got nothing more than a slap on the hand by the Free Press. They would never actually can their star columnist for what normally would be a fireable offense to most writers. Yet Albom, the bastion of integrity, deigned to be a moral compass when it came to the University of Michigan hiring a football coach.

Speaking of Michigan, the Little Fella wrote the fabulous fiction masquerading as journalism called "Fab Five." Albom then thought he could make up for what he glossed over in the book by asking Chris Webber to come clean 15 YEARS LATER.

Ethics, smethics.

2. As for Michael Wilbon's going on about bloggers and their lack of credentials, I didn't know you needed any in order to give an opinion. I can't give an educated opinion because I didn't take journalism classes in college? Even though that opinion is coming from someone who watches more games, does more research, and writes more about the subject than the vast majority of columnists ever do.

Just look at the Little Fella's output. Why should I take his point of view seriously when he's not watching every game? Hell, how could he, as Albom's likely spending more time in Hollywood and New York, pumping out short, sappy novels designed to become saccharine screenplays, taking meetings with big media, being one of the "Gasbags" (Wilbon's word, not mine...Though I do agree) on ESPN and going to the bank.

Most of the bloggers I know do watch every game. Because we didn't witness it from the press box, while stuffing our mouth full of hot dogs and donuts from a free buffet, doesn't make our OPINION any less valid.

As for Wilbon's "I want to know where's it coming from" crack, that's easily remedied. Just read the damn blog! You only need to read a few of any blogger's posts to see if they bring a valid point of view. It doesn't take long to figure out if a blogger is capable of putting 2 coherent sentences together, making cogent points and spewing logical, if sometime knee-jerk, opinions. Problem solved. I didn't need to take journalism classes to figure it out...

3. Why all the confusion by the likes of Costas and the angry, crazy old coot, Buzz Bissinger, between a blog's content, and the comments? This isn't the first time I've seen this silly, under researched mistake made by big media. They tend to lump weblogs, weblog comments, message boards, fan websites, and anything else sports related on the internet, together as this evil, job threatening entity known as "Blogs."

The blogosphere is full of so many subsets, with such a massive variety of styles, I'm not surprised the very old media guard only bother to check out the 900 pound gorillas of the blogging world, and conclude every single, solitary blog must be the same. In their cloistered world, "All sports blogs = Deadspin."

If they did the same when writing a story, just skimming the surface, and not delving deeper...Oh, wait...

As for Deadspin, their influence in the blogosphere, and sports in general, is undeniable. Though Leitch and crew often do set the internet agenda, many bloggers, including myself, don't agree with everything they write. The comments section is a pissing match of oneupmanship. They can be awful lowbrow, profane and misogynistic. But you can't deny the site is well written, smart and often damn funny.

Then again, not everyone agrees with everything I write, and I can be as lowbrow, profane and misogynistic as anyone on the web. (Well, not KSK. --Link is EXTREMELY NSFW-- They're in a league of their own) God knows how much traffic Deadspin has sent my way over the past 2+ years, and it's really appreciated. Deadspin has helped many a blogger get noticed. Which is why the attack on Leitch so angered the blogosphere, as it felt as if we were all being attacked. One of our own was under fire, and if there is one thing sports bloggers do well, it's circle the wagons.

4. I'm not scared of the dark. I'm not scared of the boogyman. I'm not scared of monsters living under my bed. I'm scared to death Buzz Bissinger is going to kill me in my sleep. I'm thinking he's bringing Jerry Green with him...

What's even scarier is I'll be easy for the pissed off old loons to find, as I'll be in my mother's basement in my underwear.

5. On the flip side of the MSM vs. sports blogs argument was the absolute pleasure it was appearing on WDET's "Detroit Today," and speaking with host Craig Fahle. We 4 bloggers were treated with respect, and asked pertinent questions, while Craig showed a genuine interest in what we write about and in our opinions. Same goes for dealing with WDFN, who have embraced the Detroit blogosphere, seeing not the enemy, but a valuable resource for promotion and content.

In the end, after all the commotion of the past couple of days, nothing is going to change in the battle between "Journalists" and "Bloggers." The MSM will continue to either deride or ignore the internet revolution, at their peril. We bloggers will continue to rail against the MSM, popping off at any genuine or perceived slight.

This latest controversy will soon blow over. All will be as it was, both groups eying each other warily. Till the next insult is lobbed, and all the righteous indignation will come to the fore again. It's all becoming white noise.

Clichés remain the refuge of a newspaper hack

The longer I'm a sports fan, the longer I blog about sports, the more bullshit I see being spewed from the quickly dying medium commonly known as a newspaper.

For the most part, with a few exceptions, beat writers don't insult their readers with uneducated, meant to irritate tripe. I don't always agree with their coverage, and they are all too often in lockstep, reporting the same exact stories. Nevertheless, they are on the front lines, actually reporting.

Columnists, on the other hand...

There's a reason more and more fans are getting their sports opinion from the web. Because most columnists are phoning it in. The latest example of hackery I found tonight in the Freep. No, it's not a piece from the usual hacks (Though they are often guilty themselves), but a Bernie Lincicome column reprinted from the Rocky Mountain News.

I'm not even going to bother rebutting what this clueless fool says about Detroit and the Red Wings. It's the same tired clichés we've been subjected to in the past, by every newspaper hack in the damn country. Detroit's dirty, it's crime ridden, it's not "Hockeytown," as it should be called "Loserville," Hasek is old, so are the rest of the Wings, the octopus tradition is stupid...

Har-de-fucking-har-har.

I know this clown is attempting to put semi- coherent sentences together for a Denver readership, Avs fans who probably believe this was an awful piece of writing as well. If you are going to do the same flea bitten, overdone, unimaginative "our city is so much better than the opposition city" column every other piss ant, know-nothing fishwrap columnist in the fucking country feels the need to commit to print, at least be creative and funny about it.

What actually made me laugh was this Lincicome character is writing as if Detroit-Colorado is still a rivalry! It hasn't been one in quite some time, since the moment Patrick Roy tried his "Statue of Liberty" move in 2002. Which is also the last time the Avalanche were actually a factor in the Western Conference.

Hell, I'm guessing this guy is as much of a bandwagon rider most columnists are, only writing about hockey when the playoffs come around. Which is why he has to stoop down to the level of turning in a column full of bad jokes and insults, as he knows little about the sport to begin with.

Utterly lame columns as this are a prime example as to why newspapers are an endangered species. Your daily paper is too often full of opinions spewed from old, the stuck in the past curmudgeons who think an IBM Selectric is advanced technology. In other words, it's the same shit, different day and city.

In fact, the Freep is just as guilty, as the only reason they printed Lincicome's drivel is the same reason Drew Sharp still has a job. To get a pissy, knee-jerk reaction out of Detroiters. In the world of fishwraps, a bad reaction is better than the type they usually get, which is none. If they sell a few extra papers, and get a few more page views in the process, even if it's in anger, then they're happy.

Who needs it? I don't. Those of you who have realized how homogenized and dumbed down the newspapers have become, and now get the vast majority of their news and sports opinion from the web, don't either.

We have better things to do, like seek out educated, thoughtful, well written and funny sports opinion on blogs and web sites. Finding the same in newspapers is as rare as a Nick Lidstrom goal from center ice. It happens on the rare occasion, but you should never, ever expect it.

If I'm pissing off the (really) old guard, I must be doing something right

Back in early January, I wrote a piece about the Detroit News columnist Jerry Green, who had mentioned TWFE in his column (My saying "he only writes about dead people"), but didn't attribute where it came from.

As is my wont, I wrote several hundred words worth of old people jokes, while reminding the MSM in general the last thing I'd ever call myself is a journalist. I'm not fair and balanced, I'm entirely biased and partial. I'm just a fan of Detroit sports who happens to have bully pulpit, and willing to use it to call out the local MSM.

Well, 3 whole months months later, while doing a Google search, Jerry found my post. He wasn't at all happy, and decided to let me know of his displeasure. His reply arrived via email over the weekend. How do I know it was from him? It was from a personal AOL email address, and we all know AOL is the refuge of the computer illiterate, and the aged.

When I told my best friend about Jerry's pissy message, he said, "You gotta blog about it!" So I am...

Here's what Jerry had to say about my post...

I just read your memo to me, Big Al. I gave you too much credit for wanting to be a journalist. Sorry about that.

And I had to read the entire memo to learn that you did have a last night, just like the rest of us.

If you had the guts of a Drew Sharp or a Jay Mariotti, you'd top your blog with your full name.

I congratulate you for being over 40. Were you talking asge or IQ?

It is true that I am a senior. And it is true that I am technically retired. It also is true that The News kept me on to write once a week on line and that I am a curmudgeon and I write about a lot of dead people.
That is known as history.

I'm thrilled to be told that you actually do read books -- or at least that somebody reads them to you.

Oh, and some more truthes -- Millen was not the first to screw up the Lions. Fontes was not the first lousy coach that the Lions had (although he did manage to reach the playoffs and even win one). The Lions have been screwed up ever since Russ Thomas became their general manager -- and I pretty much made a career out of criticizing Russ Thomas.
Then the grandpas of today's bloggers called me negative.
It so happens that I was a curmudegon then, too.
But at least I had the guts to put my whole name on top of the articles.


Last truth: I have actually looked at TWFE twice now, both times when I checked Google.

And thanks for letting me know that Denny's has an early bird special. I presume that is a dining adventure for you.

Feel free to respond to this email.

J F G

As you can see, Jerry's not all that happy with me, essentially calling me a cowardly moron who thinks Denny's is the be all, end all. (I'll admit "Moons over my Hammy" is a delicacy!)

In response to the rest of the vitriolic message, if it made Jerry feel a little better venting his spleen, giving me a dose of my own medicine, I'm cool with that. He has every right. Being called out comes with the territory. Hell, I've been called an idiot several times over by readers of TWFE. If write something stupid, you all are the first to let me know, as I should be.

I did have to laugh when Drew Sharp and Jay Mariotti are described as "courageous." I'm thrilled I'm nowhere near as "courageous" as those two. I'd never be able to live with myself if I wrote outrageous tripe only designed to piss readers off with contrarian opinion. God forbid I ever become like them.

It's a silly comparison anyway, as it's well known that Mariotti never goes into locker rooms. He rarely, if ever, faces the people he bashes in his columns. (As much as I don't care for his columns, to Sharp's credit, he's no Mariotti, facing those he rips) To be fair, I don't either, but it's not in the blogger job description. On the flip, I'm easy enough to find. Jerry managed to do so.

As for putting my full name on the TWFE masthead, so to speak? I'll admit, he has a point. I'm quite aware it's long been a bone of contention in regard to bloggers, as seen by the recent coming out by the no longer anonymous writers of Fire Joe Morgan and The Big Lead.

Unlike those great blogs, I've never been cloaked in anonymity. I've mentioned my full name in past TWFE posts, it's in all my email correspondence and posted on my other blog, SideLion Report. Anyway, my last name is now in the "Who's behind the scenes" area of TWFE. I hope that makes everyone happy.

As for Jerry listing off his credentials as a muck raker who ticked off our grandfathers? No wonder my grandfather Pippi was so cranky! And I always thought it was me and my long hair. I'm glad we cleared that up...

I've never claimed I was a heroic brain surgeon or even a crusading journalist. Far from it. I'm just a smart ass who answers to no one other than the readers of my blogs. I'm not constrained by editors, deadlines, language restrictions or even good taste. I couldn't write any other way.

I figure I must be doing something right if dedicated bloggers like myself are pissing off the old guard journalists and columnists. It's a brave new world, the old guard best get used to it.

Above the fold - Columnists say the darnedest things

It being Friday, it's once again time to see what bon mots and uninformed opinion the supposed best and brightest in the newspaper world, our local sports columnists, spew in print and on their websites. Buckle up, as it's usually a bumpy ride.

At the Detroit News, lead columnist Bob Wojnowski writes about the Tigers, and wonder of wonders, his column is NOT about Brandon Inge! (Though he can't help himself, and does mention the pouty super-sub) Instead, Wojo puts together a list for us, the 5 Tigers who must, in his mind, be at their best for the Tigers to win in 2008.

His picks?

No. 5: Kenny Rogers
No. 4: Pudge Rodriguez
No. 3: Gary Sheffield
No. 2: Jeremy Bonderman

A drum roll please....THE MOST IMPORTANT TIGER IS...

No. 1: Todd Jones

Why does Wojo believe the smoke and mirrors closer from Hell, the batting practice fastball throwing Roller Coaster, Todd Jones, has to the "Most Important Tiger?"

Dave Dombrowski surely will make a move to restock the bullpen because there's no way he can let another promising season get wrecked by relievers. Jones is the only reliable guy, which makes him the one the Tigers need most. He had 38 saves last season (six blown chances), understands the pressure and almost always works his way out of mini-slumps.

Is he dominant? Nope. Is he far more effective than many acknowledge? Yep.

Is he important? Yep. The MOST important? Nope. Not even close.

I think Kenny Rogers and Jeremy Bonderman are an interchangeable 1 and 2. For that matter, the most important reliever isn't even Jones. It's Fernando Rodney. Let's make him number 3.

Closers are overrated. Saves are even more overrated. Closers normally enter with a lead, often with a multi-run cushion, with no one on base, and only need to pitch one inning. Set up men, on the other hand, more often than not, enter with runners on base, pitch more than one inning, have to quell rallies when often a stikeout is needed, and the game is still in the balance.

Ask yourself this...Could you ever see Jones pitching in the high leverage situations Rodney (or Joel Zumaya, when healthy) finds himself in. If you thought his closing was scary... But Jones as a set up man? I wouldn't last the season. I'd blow a mental gasket after his first few appearances.

When analysts talk about the Tigers' possible Achilles heel, they don't bring up Jones. It's the starting pitching. The lack of quality pitching depth in the organization means the Tigers absolutely need The Gambler and Bonderman to pitch to expectations. For that matter, let's make 4 and 5 Dontrelle Willis and Nate Robertson. The starting pitching is that important.

To put it bluntly, Wojo is full of shit.

For another, better, take on who are the "Most Important Tigers," check out Kurt's list at Mack Avenue Tigers. He doesn't agree with Wojo, either.

In the Friday catch all column "Behind the Scenes," Mike O'Hara brings up the former Lion, the round mound of Cleveland town (I know, that rhyme sucked), Biggest Baby Shaun Rogers. O'Hara compares chub's weight to the price of gold...

Rogers' new deal pays him $42 million over six years.

At the time of the deal, gold was selling for $991.50 an ounce. A 370-pound slab of gold is worth $5,869,680.

In my mind, over the last 8 games of the Lions' 2007 season, Rogers wasn't worth the price of the paper used to print a counterfeit $1 bill. He was more invisible than Jeremy Bonderman's change up. To think the Browns signed him to such a monster contract extension is the definition of insanity.

Is Rogers a good player? Yes, when he wants to be. Believe me, Rogers won't want to be, $42 million contract or not. Now if Bigger Baby was being paid in candy bars, pies, cakes and donuts? Well, that's different. Rogers would be a All-Pro...

At the Freep, Michael Rosenberg wrote about Kenyan distance runners who have taken refuge from persecution in Ann Arbor. It was a good, well written column covering an important subject we truly needed to learn more about. In fact, it was quite disturbing reading about the Hell those runners go through back home.

Well, then. I can't make fun of that, wouldn't be right. I'd be a bigger ass than I already am.

Let's move on...

The closest thing to a column at the Freep touching on Detroit sports was WDFN's Jamie Samuelson's blog post. It's about...Brandon Inge! Yes! That's something I can pick apart!

Jamie asks himself the following question..,

Jim Leyland recently said that he knows Brandon Inge doesn’t want to catch. Does any part of the Inge situation seem weird?

The answer? Yes.

Well, there was more to it...

Is this Inge’s fault or the fault of an overzealous media who seem to genuinely like him? I’m not sure. Inge would be well advised to either keep his mouth shut or just say the right thing. He’s not helping himself out. And the media would be well served by just moving on to the next story. I’d much rather read daily updates on the health of Joel Zumaya or Fernando Rodney than anything else on Inge. When he’s traded, call me. Other than that, please, can we stop obsessing about a role player?

I have to say I agree. In fact, the entire Tigers blogosphere agrees. Actually, damn near every Tigers fan agrees. Everyone who gives a shit about the Tigers agrees!

The only people who don't agree are the Tiger beat writers. They apparently find Inge fascinating beyond belief, hang on his every word, then print every pouty word in the next day's fishwrap. Enough already. Please?

I'd be just fine if we didn't hear anything more from "Mr. I Didn't Mean What I Said, It Was Taken Out Of Context" till opening day, or when he's traded, whatever comes first.

That's "Above the Fold" for Friday, 3-7-08!

Death, taxes, change ups and beat writers

We all know there's 2 certainties in life: death and taxes. We can add another to the list. Namely, Jeremy Bonderman's working on a change up.

We get the same story every season, usually early in spring training. Bonderman has a good outing in an exhibition game, throws a couple of changes for strikes, and the MSM breaks out one of their numerous "evergreens." If Bonderman could develop a change, he'd be unhittable/take the next step/win 20 games/be an All-Star/become an ace/cure cancer.

We all know, as ancient Paul Harvey says, the rest of the story.

Bonderman goes into the regular season hoping to use 3 pitches, throws the change up for a couple of games, doesn't like the results, falls back on his 2 money pitches, the fastball and slider, shows flashes of greatness, blows up in the 1st inning several times, and ultimately disappoints.

Much like the seeing first robin, or daylight savings time kicking in, even with snow in the air here in Michigan, you know spring is here when one of the beat writers writes about Bonderman's need for a 3rd pitch. We got it today, courtesy of the Detroit News' Tom Gage:

"Bondo's change coming along for Tigers"

Waiting for an answer, some questions get asked every spring.

One, for instance: Will this finally be the season Jeremy Bonderman perfects the change-up?

And another: If it is, what then?

Mlive's Danny Knobler:

"Tigers' Bonderman says his changeup will be a viable weapon this season"

We've been through this before with Jeremy Bonderman.

The Detroit Tigers say he needs a changeup. He agrees. Then Bonderman declares he has finally found the changeup and vows to use it regularly.

And the Freep's Jon Paul Morosi:

CHANGE OF PACE: Before Monday's game, Leyland said Jeremy Bonderman is "one consistent change-up away from being a huge major league winner."

"He'll go from really good to outstanding if he masters that," Leyland said.

Bonderman then pitched three scoreless innings Monday -- with help from five or six change-ups.

Good Lord. The beat writers are scary in their lock step predictability.

Hell, even I'm guilty as charged. I've fallen for the "Bonderman has his 3rd pitch" trap in the past. From March '07...

We're hearing that Bonderman may have found the off speed pitch that's been missing from his repertoire. If true, the American League best lookout.

Dammit! I should know better!

After checking up on myself, I thought I'd do a quick Google search using Bonderman and "change up" as key words. And what do you know, I found an old post of Billfer's linking to a long gone into the ether Ken Rosenthal article...From March 19th, 2003! Though the article is long gone, Billfer has the money quote.

Tigers phenom Jeremy Bonderman has made scant use of his changeup in Florida, but one benefit of keeping him in the majors would be to put him under the tutelage of pitching coach Bob Cluck. Scouts say Cluck is a good teacher and strong proponent of the changeup. . . .

Why do I have a feeling we'll be seeing the same story 5 years from now? 10 years from now? If Bonderman ever makes into Cooperstown, I'm positive his plaque will say "He's still working on a change up."

As Kurt said today at Mack Avenue Tigers, when it comes to Bonderman learning a change, "We'll believe it when we see it."

Truer words have not been spoken...

Need more proof Detroit's sports columnists blow? Just ask the Associated Press Sports Editors

A tip o' the hat goes to The Big Lead for pointing me in the direction of the Associated Press Sports Editors' writing and section contests. These are awards given to the best newspaper sports sections and sports writers in the country.

You'd think an important media market like Detroit would do well in such a competition. Detroit ranks as the 11th largest market in the US. In an era where 2 competing papers are becoming a rarity around the country, Detroit has 2 dailies with a full compliment of columnists. There's 4 pro teams and 2 Big 10 schools to cover. So wouldn't you expect Detroit based columnists to win some writing awards?

Yet when judged by their peers, not a single columnist from the Free Press or News received a mention. Most notably missing was the Little Fella, the Freep's star columnist, who used to win sports writing awards like so many Cracker Jacks prizes. It's to be expected when your column takes a backseat to TV appearances, a radio show, screen writing, and sappy fiction.

This is a city with a rich heritage in sports columnists, going back to Joe Falls in the 60's and 70's, and Mike Downey in the 80's, to the Little Fella, when he used to give a shit about sports (He lost his fastball a decade ago). It's a shame we are now stuck with columnists churning out some of the lamest, knee-jerk, reactionary, ill-conceived, under researched, contrary for the sake of being contrary columns you'd never want to read.

Look at some of the out and out crap we've seen spewed by the fishwrap's best and brightest recently. The was Drew Sharp's hack job on the Red Wings' Ken Holland, and his hilariously writing 2 polar opposite opinions over Michigan's recruitment of Terrelle Pryor within a 2 week period. Jerry "Tough Tomatoes" Green cluelessly defending the indefensible Matt Millen, and his clumsily calling your humble blogger out over a perceived, yet truthful, slight. Don't forget Lynn Henning's embarrassing public whining over Brandon Inge not returning his phone calls. Then there's the worst offender of all. I can't forget to mention the entire output of Rob Parker, the consensus worst columnist in America.

I'm just scratching the surface here, but our local columnists have been on a roll when it comes to churning out tripe.

There's only 2 columnists in Detroit worth reading, Michael Rosenberg of the Freep and the News' Bob Wojnowski. But their output is far from being consistently good. Rosenberg too often goes for the funny (with varying degrees of success) than giving any actual opinion or analysis, and Wojo is so wrapped up in playing the dumb guy in his radio career, that his News column suffers for it.

According to the AP sports editors, there are is some quality coverage going on at out local fishwraps, it's just not coming from the columnists.

Even though the "stars" were ignored at award time, the Freep and News did have some winners, thanks to their reporters. Jon Paul Morosi, who's been often praised by TWFE, was one of the winners in the "Game story" category. Jo-Ann Barnas, Shawn Windsor and Mark Snyder won in the "Breaking news" category.

The Freep received an honorable mention in the 250K circulation category for their Sunday sports section, and a Top 10 in "Special," whatever that may be. The News won for their daily sports section in the 100K - 250K circulation category, and an honorable mention in "special." (I had no idea their circulation had dropped to that level)

The fact local reporters were honored for their grunt work, along with the sports sections as a whole, makes the columnists being snubbed all the more glaring.

Then again, news of our local columnists being shut out by the APSE shouldn't be surprising when outright hacks like Rob Parker and Drew Sharp, and washed up used-to-be's like Jerry Green, are gainfully employed by our local fishwraps.

Drew Sharp should stick to writing about sports he hates, rather than those he ignores

The Freep's resident hack, hatchet man Drew Sharp, normally rips on the Big 10, and the 3 of the 4 pro teams in town. Sharp is oblivious to the existence of Red Wings. Well, he was oblivious till today.

For some reason, Sharp decided to unsheave his knives to go after Ken Holland and the Red Wings.

At the NHL trade deadline, the Red Wings GM acquired Brad Stuart, a top 4 defenseman from the L.A. Kings, for future 2nd and 4th round picks. Holland filled a huge need, considering their dire injury situation at the blue line. If you ask any Red Wings fan, including myself, landing Stuart is not a bad day's work. He's a very nice haul for not having to give up a 1st round pick, or one of their young players. What more did Sharp expect Holland to do? But you can color the dull one unimpressed.

But the Wings missed an opportunity Tuesday, considering the asking price for some of the guys moved. The Wings should have done more than merely securing Stuart.

Sharp fails to note that there is what I like to call a "Red Wings tax" involved whenever Holland looks to deal. It's ALWAYS going to cost the Wings more in trade, thanks to their always sitting at the top of the standings, and being the Yankees of the NHL. (True or not, it's how most NHL fans feel)

For example, Sharp says the Wings should have gone harder after Sergei Fedorov. Most fans would agree, save for one thing. It would have cost the Wings more than "one middling prospect" thanks to their being in the same division as the BJ's. Holland confirmed as much during radio interviews.

Sharp also doesn't reveal the "middling prospect" was Washington's 2nd round pick, 46th overall, in the 2007 draft. That's a bit more than a "middling prospect" if you ask me...Or any other hockey fan. Realistically, that 2nd round pick the Capitals gave up for Fedorov turns into a 1st round pick from the Wings.

Sharp then complains the Wings didn't act as they used to at the trade deadline, trading picks and prospects for help.

In the day, they were easily disposable, nameless faces. They became the residue of the organization's superior scouting, particularly in Europe. If they could provide a quality veteran that could make the difference in a pivotal Game 5 in a playoff series, it was worth the sacrifice as far as the Wings were concerned.

Uh, this is the salary cap era in the NHL, dumb ass. The Red Wings can no longer afford to be as cavalier as they once were with their draft picks. They can't take on other team's salary dumps and free agency mistakes. Holland has to balance the present against the future, while keeping the cap in mind the entire time. He can't buy what he needs, as it's no longer 2002. Then again, that was probably the last time Sharp covered the Wings...

For all of Sharp's bitching and moaning that the sky is falling, he then contradicts his entire column with the following line.

Holland's reluctance Tuesday might prove the correct decision.

Huh? Wait a sec... Didn't Sharp earlier claim the Wings "missed an opportunity?" Then he does a 180, and says Holland may have done he right thing? I'm confused. Which is it? Either Holland screwed up, or he didn't. It can't be both.

This piece is so out of left field, filled with contradictions and factual omissions, you'd think the functionally retarded one, Rob Parker, wrote this jumble of words posing as a column.

Sharp should stick to hating on the Big 10, were he still has a little bit of credibility. He has none when it comes to the Red Wings, as this "column" proves..

If today's column is any indication, Jerry Green should keep writing about dead guys

If the Detroit News' resident curmudgeon Jerry Green ever wondered why he's been marginalized to the point of having a web only column on Sundays, today's tour de force of craposity explains why.

We all know the only reason Green is still employed is so he can keep the silly streak of attending every Super Bowl alive. If he continues to churn out tripe that DEFENDS Matt Millen, as he did today, he can expect to stay home for Super Bowl XLIII.

In my half-century plus of viewing and writing about games and players in Michigan, no other individual has been bashed and vilified with the intensity and venom as Matt Millen.

Perhaps, I am the outrageous one. I still admire Matt Millen for his guts and his eloquence. I am, I believe, the sole surviving defender of Matt Millen in Detroit media. There is this old-fashioned belief that character counts, that honesty matters -- and when character and honesty and principle are parts of an individual's makeup -- I don't give much of a hoot about the perpetual losing of a football team.

Most everybody else disagrees.

Tough tomatoes!

Tough tomatoes? What the HELL? Is that some sort of snappy, hard-boiled repartee from the 1930's? Like "23 skiddoo?" Or calling guys "palookas" and chicks "broads?" I think I'm going to start using "Tough tomatoes" in my everyday life.

"Hey Al, don't you think you're being hard on addled senior citizens like Jerry Green?"

"Tough tomatoes!"

How dense is Green? Millen has been bashed with such ferocity for a reason. 81 reasons in 7 years, to be exact. No GM in recorded sports history has been so bad for so long. Millen is setting records for ineptitude that will NEVER be broken.

Then to claim the incompetent Millen ELOQUENT?! On what fucking planet? Doesn't Green remember such Millen verbal gems as "Where are your testicles?" How about the moron calling Johnny Morton a "Faggot?" If that's eloquence, I'm Rob Parker.

If Green had been as awful as Millen has been, the old dude would be out of a job. Uh...Wait...

Green goes on to say "Millen was at his gutsiest" for talking to the media on Thursday. WHAT? Millen was been in hiding all God damn season! He hadn't shown his face to anyone who could ask him a question since August 2007. Millen has been nowhere to be found till this week, and Green thinks that's GUTSY?!

The column becomes even more insane...

He was exactly what the Lions' aching fans had begged Bill Ford for through a couple of futile decades. Hire a football guy to operate the football team.

Millen was a football guy. A football guy with winning in his resume.

Not anymore, Jerry. Not anymore...

Was Millen greeted with open arms? Definitely, as both the fans and media knew major change was needed. But after 7 seasons, there's absolutely no defending Millen as a "football guy." Millen has proven to be anything but a "football guy." Maybe a "football numbskull." Even a "football dimwit." But a "football guy?" Not so much...

Green is attempting to defend the utterly indefensible, and he's failing miserably.

Winning starts with the judgment and procurement of talented athletes. And it continues with the hiring of the head coach and follows with consistency within the coaching staff.

Matt Millen has made his confessions now. He has echoed all the critics, the radio mouths, the outraged street hikers in the Millen Man March. He has grabbed the blame, slashed himself with the dagger.

Could this "column" be any more condescending? Everything is A-OK, because Millen accepted some blame? You have to be kidding! He's done so after EVERY FUCKING SEASON! Letting the dumb ass off the hook because he accepts blame is nothing short of flabbergasting.

Millen has destroyed the Detroit franchise. He's a league wide embarrassment. The incompetent boob has become the butt of jokes at the scouting combine. It's going to take YEARS for the team to recover from Millen's clueless decision making. But Green thinks that's OK, because the imbecile is sorry? I've never heard such asinine reasoning. Then again, we should expect such asinine tripe when it's coming from an old fart who thinks "tough tomatoes" is a witty comeback.

"Beyond awful," he says, and it is so true.

It is so true, too, that Matt Millen remains a man of character and honesty, of guts and eloquence.

Bill Belichick, he is not -- and tough tomatoes!

Uh...Wha....I'm...I'm at a loss for words.

Green says Millen carries himself with character, honestly, guts and eloquence? I've just entered Bizarro World. Down is up, right is wrong, and Millen is great football man who has no peer.

I can only guess that Green has confused Millen with one of the smart, qualified, successful GM's in Detroit. You can give those deserved compliments to Joe Dumars, Ken Holland or Dave Dombrowski, and not be ridiculed. It'd be silly.

But to compliment MILLEN? You DESERVE to ridiculed! It DEMANDS to be ridiculed.

Millen has as much character as Karl Rove. He's as honest as Tommy "Yeah...That's the ticket" Flanagan. He has all the guts of disemboweled steer, and the eloquence of a drunk after a 3 day bender.

I have to ask... Did the editors at the Detroit News run this column as a joke? If they did, then it's one Hell of a good laugh. Because in no way could they have thought Green was being deadly serious.

I'm guessing when the News' editors went to Green, asking if he actually wanted to run this oddly fascinating, yet quite disturbing column, he replied...

"Tough tomatoes!"

Then Green said something about the Kaiser, wearing an onion on his belt, and wanting 5 bees for a quarter.

Above the fold - Columnists say the darnedest things

After taking a couple of days away from the daily link dump, and my wordy commentary, "Above the Fold" reappears just in time for my Friday feature, "Columnists say the darnedest things."

Lets start at the Freep and Michael Rosenberg, who takes Tayshaun Prince to task, asking, "Where's the D?"

In the last few minutes, Bryant hit a jumper over Prince; nailed a three-pointer over Prince; lost Prince with his dribble and shot a pull-up jumper (which missed); and weaved through the defense, forcing at least 17 Pistons to collapse on him, which allowed Bryant to pass to a wide-open Ronny Turiaf under the basket.

Ultimately, none of this mattered, mostly because of Prince's offense. Once again: Prince was the hero.

But one of the Pistons' problems the last few years was that they let their regular-season success fool them into thinking they were flawless. The fact is that when the Pistons made back-to-back NBA Finals, Prince was a better defensive player than he is now.

I honestly think Prince's defense has always been somewhat overrated. For every play like the amazing Reggie Miller block, there's more games where Prince is just another guy defensively. He's not big enough to muscle players around, and he doesn't play dirty like another player noted for his defense, Bruce Bowen. Prince gets by defense thanks to his freakish length.

There's also the fact that Prince is a more active player on offense. When he was developing that rep for D, Prince was the 4th offensive option. As shown by his game winning trey last night, that's no longer the case.

But you know what the biggest reason why Prince is no longer, if he ever was, an elite defender? He doesn't have Ben Wallace behind him patrolling the paint. In his prime, the Pistons' perimeter defenders could afford to overplay on defense, knowing that Wallace was behind them to clean up after their mistakes. Rosenberg should have taken the Wallace actor into account, as he made every Piston on the floor better defensively.

Prince is what he is, a good all-around player. Asking him to be the stopper against such All-World offensive forces of nature as Kobe Bryant and LeBron James is a bit much to ask.

The Little Fella has taken a break from writing Oprah approved tear-jerkers, and is in Arizona for the Super Bowl. He goes for the local angle, and asks Tom Brady, Did Lloyd dick you over? "How did we miss you?"

And we did miss him. Oh, some wrote more than others. Some who cover Michigan on a regular basis dealt with Brady the way they deal with any Michigan quarterback.

But no one -- no one -- saw THIS GUY coming. No one saw the future of the NFL. No one saw a rock star/playboy superstar. No one saw a man who would have three Super Bowl rings before his 30th birthday and who might, before he's done, be considered the greatest quarterback ever to play the game. No one saw that when he wore No. 10 for the Wolverines.

It was like being handed the first iPod and saying, "Eh ... not interested."

Tom Brady = iPod? A great QB = Overrated piece of proprietary electronics? (I HATE iTunes) Whatever, Mitch.

Though this column was mostly a Brady fluff piece, he's right in that no one expected Brady to turn into Tom Terrific. That he made it to the NFL shouldn't be a surprise, considering Michigan's ability to churn out solid pro QB's. (I'm sure Chad Henne will the latest in that lineage.)

It's not as if Brady's Michigan career was chopped liver. His senior season was damn good. Once Lloyd Carr gave up on the asinine platoon with Drew Henson, the Wolverines became one of the best teams in the country. Brady was nothing less than great in the Orange Bowl victory over Alabama, and he just took off from there.

Brady just happens to be one of those players whose talents were tailor made for the pro game, and blossomed in the NFL. It helps that he landed on the right team, in the right system, playing for the right coach. Sometimes it's all about timing. Would Brady have turned into one of the best NFL QB's of all time if he had been drafted by the Lions? Yeah, right...

At the Oakland Press, Pat Caputo continues his Friday string of writing about niche sports that less than 1% of the Metro Detroit population actually care about. Today, it's the Oakland University swim team! Which means the only people who care are the parents of the swim team members. Way to generate readership, Caputo!

Nothing to see here, let's move on.

Unfortunately, the Detroit News allows the worst columnist in America to ruin our day with a "column" that is just a collection of quotes, rather than a piece that actually required cognitive thought. The premise? Some fans really like Kobe, and some don't! To pull out that hairy old chestnut, no shit, Sherlock!

Ali Hashem, 22, from Dearborn Heights was asked if he was a Lakers' fan. He quickly interrupted. "I'm a Kobe fan, I'm a Kobe fan," said Hashem, wearing a Kobe jersey. "If Kobe got traded to the Bobcats, I would be wearing a Bobcats jersey with his name on it. He's the best."

The hero worshiping thoughts of a kid who's too clueless to look deeper into Bryant? Wonderful journalism, don't you think? The rest of the column continues in that fashion, mostly with Flip Saunders quotes.

"Kobe is the biggest star," Pistons coach Flip Saunders said. "He's the most dynamic player."

Parker sure draws out some controversial quotes, huh? Flip's thoughts are as deep as a West Virgina fan's gene pool. Then Parker throws in in own "deep thoughts."

His fans certainly reacted when Kobe nailed back-to-back 3-pointers to cap a 12-0 run and give the Lakers a 62-58 lead with 4:18 left in the third.

The Pistons had to be scared, to say the least. It looked like Kobe might have a night his fans would remember.

Except it wasn't. Moving on from this tripe...

With it being Super Bowl week, the News breaks Jerry Green out of mothballs so he can continue his meaningless streak of covering every Super Bowl. If the assignment keeps him from writing about dead guys, then sending Green to Arizona is fine by me.

Today, Green writes a puff piece about Giants coach Tom Coughlin, and compares him to...Damn it, I spoke too soon...Weeb Eubank? I knew it, Green gets in a dead guy!

Maybe this chronic cynic is daft, but I see a similarity between Coughlin and Weeb Ewbank at Super Bowl III. Weeb, back then, was loose and unperturbed. He kowtowed to Joe Namath and his Jets were 18-point underdogs. Ewbank had Namath and his historic guarantee for victory. And Coughlin, with his Giants steep underdogs to the Patriots, has Burress and his now-famous upset prediction.

Does it seem as if every Super Bowl column Green writes, he mentions something about Super Bowl III, and how he was witness to Joe Namath's guarantee? We know, Jerry, we know...

In their weekly "Behind the scenes" column, Mike O'Hara and Vartan Kupelian write about such barely covered subjects as Phil Mickelson's predilection to bet, Super Bowl prop bets, and Tiger Woods getting pretty good odds on winning a Grand Slam... Just as Green can't help but write about dead guys, Kupelian has to squeeze golf into every "Behind the scenes" column.

Woods was asked in Dubai if he thinks 16-to-1 is a good bet.

"I don't know," Woods said. "It's about playing well at the right times. It's about getting lucky, actually. You have to have everything go your way. You can play well and still not have it happen."

"The only thing I can control is my own play, and hopefully I can have it peak at the right time, four times this year and hopefully it will be good enough."

Wow, Tiger thinks if he plays well, he has a chance?! Well, no shit!

Tiger Woods is the master of the inoffensive quote. When Woods talks, he doesn't really say anything at all. But it being Tiger, they find his generic mutterings to be column material. It's as column worthy as Parker's talking to Kobe fans...

That's "Above the Fold" for Friday, 2-1-08!

Stupidity is contagious

Being bored out of my mind due to the lack of football (Thanks to the God damn NFL and their God damn bye week before the God damn Super Bowl), I was surfing around the web. I hit the Oakland Press website, for the lack of anything better to read. After Drew Sharp's flip-flopping today, I wasn't sure if a columnist could match him in stupidity. Turns out I was wrong...

Pat Caputo regals us with the following deep, deep insight... (To save you 5 minutes of your life, I'll give you the cliff notes version of his column)

Michigan State basketball is really, really good.
Tom Izzo is really, really good.
Michigan basketball is really, really bad.
The Fab 5 were loved, then disgraced.
The Ed Martin scandal was really, really bad for Michigan basketball.
Michigan fans think football is king.
Southeast Michigan is Wolverines country.
Southeast Michigan is not Spartans country.
Thus, few in Southeast Michigan care about college basketball.
Caputo thinks that is really, really bad.

In other breaking news, the sky is blue, Shaun Rogers is fat, Rob Parker blows as a columnist, Matt Millen is a moron, the Oakland Press is a second class paper, and Pat Caputo is a hack.

Drew Sharp flip-flops like a fish out of water

Honestly, I don't ask for much from the local columnists. If you read our fishwraps on a daily basis, you know why. All I ask from a columnist is to be consistent in their views, even if those views are, more often than not, idiotic. That's not hard, is it? From what I read in today's Detroit Free Press , it is that hard.

First, we need to go 2 weeks back, when a Drew Sharp column in regard to the Wolverines had the following headline...

Michigan coach must beat Ohio State to nation's No. 1 recruit Terrelle Pryor

Flash forward to today, and the headline has Sharp talking out the other side of his mouth...

Michigan landing super recruit Terrelle Pryor would be an overrated victory

Um...WHAT? Terrelle Pryor is a must get player, but he's also overrated? Does that make any sense to you? Let's look deeper into the scrambled thought processes of a big market columnist...

In today's article, Sharp calls ranking college recruiting classes the equivalent of grading the Lions draft before anyone hits the field. "Winning" in the draft or recruiting doesn't guarantee wins.

But landing Pryor would give the Wolverines a big "win" in February.

Hasn't everyone learned how truly overrated these "victories" are, especially when you consider Ohio State has consistently had lower-ranked recruiting classes than Michigan the past five years, but the Buckeyes have accomplished much more during that time.

Sure, I admit that makes sense. Yet 2 weeks ago Sharp was claiming that Rich Rodriguez NOT landing Terrelle Pryor would be absolutely disastrous...

He must keep Pryor away from Jim Tressel.

He must do whatever it takes.

Failure is not an option.

In fact, Sharp went as far to say that it is "essential" Rodriguez gets Pryor to commit, no matter what it takes...

But it's essential that he get Pryor, even if Rodriguez must guarantee him the starting job this fall, no matter the problems of playing a true freshman.

Hold on a second. I'm more than a little confused. 2 weeks ago Michigan desperately needed Pryor, but today Michigan is bigger than one player? You can't have it both ways, though Sharp tries his damnedest.

Sharp originally claimed in order to get off on the right foot as Michigan's head coach, "Rodriguez nonetheless must bring him to Ann Arbor." That has the tone of Michigan being in desperate straits. Sharp describes Pryor as the difference between beating the Buckeyes, both in the eyes of the fanbase and on the field, or continuing to be dominated by the sweater vest.

Yet 2 weeks later, Sharp is braying that recruiting gives "18-year-olds an inflated sense of self-importance." Considering Sharp has devoted 2 columns in 2 weeks to the recruiting of an 18-year-old Pryor, is it any wonder that no nothing, snot-nosed teenagers have inflated egos? Isn't it obvious to Sharp that the media, including himself, is a big part of the reason why?

Sharp can't bitch and moan that the recruiting process gives kids an overblown sense of self, when he is also calling an 18-year-old high school QB the be all, end all, the linchpin to the Wolverines' recruiting class. It's as if the first column was never written. Sharp must believe readers have the brains of a gnat, and a memory to match.

As silly as it may sound, you'd think a featured columnist would actually read his own columns. Apparently, Drew Sharp doesn't, or we wouldn't see such polar opposite opinions, on the same subject matter, within 2 weeks of each other.

Keep this in mind the next time you read the tripe spewed by one of our "esteemed" fishwrap writers. When it comes to the columnists in Detroit, I keep my expectations lower than Brandon Inge's batting average. Why? As long as you keep your expectations low, reality will always exceed them.

Over the past 2 weeks, Sharp has managed to lower my already diminished expectations.

Above the Fold - Columnists say the darnedest things

Friday is the time on Sprockets when we dance the day on TWFE when we take a tour of the Detroit columnists. They are in //sarcasm on// fine form //sarcasm off// today.

The only columnist active at the Freep is Michael Rosenberg, who says everything the Detroit blogosphere said about the Jose Canseco blackmailing Magglio Ordonez story yesterday. As always, the fishwraps are a day late, and losing money hand over fist...

Naturally, many people forgot that Jose Canseco is a gossip-mongering, media-craving, steroid pusher. But Canseco has done his best to remind us.

Canseco keeps doing what he does best: naming names. And because he was right about McGwire and Rafael Palmeiro, he continues to garner more credibility than he deserves.

The truth is that naming names is easy. I can do it myself: Barry Bonds, Mickey Mantle, Ty Cobb, Henry Chadwick. So what? The hard part is providing evidence.

Canseco and Ordonez were teammates briefly, in 2001, with the Chicago White Sox. Astute chronologists will note that 2001 occurred exactly four years before 2005, when "Juiced" was published.

If Canseco has something on Ordonez, why didn't he mention Ordonez in his first book? Ordonez was a big name then, too.

Rosenberg is an excellent writer, the only columnist at the Freep I enjoy. As his compatriots are the maudlin Little Fella, and the contrary for the sake of being contrary Drew Sharp, that's not saying much, but still...

In reading over his column, Rosenberg covers the exact same points Billfer, Ian, Samara and myself did on Thursday. It felt like I was reading a rehash of day old news that had already been covered, and covered well. Well, to be honest, I was.

Just because a columnist is in print doesn't mean that he is the only person that can intelligently break down a story, and point out the holes and inconsistencies. The blogosphere can do so as well, and do it quicker, as the Tigers bloggers did Thursday.

At the News, Bob Wojnowski finds himself in the same boat as Rosenberg, save for his subject is the Lions. Guess what? Wojo thinks there is no hope when it comes to our Detroit NFL frnachise! Really, Wojo? Well, no shit, Sherlock.

The Lions have no discernible strengths, no obvious plan and no sure stars, although I'll grant linebacker Ernie Sims is a riser. They have nothing they can count on, except for a nice stadium and tragically loyal fans.

The Lions have a clueless owner in William Clay Ford Sr., who continues to employ Millen for reasons that defy logic. Millen is completely culpable yet refuses to resign, unwilling to abandon the disaster he created, like a crazy squatter protecting his rickety shack.

The Lions blogosphere has been saying much the same things well before the season even ended. Wojo's column is nothing more than a laundry list of the same old Lions issues. Old QB, bad drafts, no talent, senile owner, moron GM. On the web Wojo, we've been there, done that, and already wrote the post.

Much to my surprise, the worst columnist in America had a column today, and just like Rosenberg, he rehashes the Canseco brewhaha. For example, Parker closes his column with the following...

Sadly, Canseco now comes off as simply desperate for money, apparently willing to do whatever he can to get some.

So, it now appears as if people were right about him. He never had the game's best interest at heart, just his.

Here's how I closed my Canseco post yesterday...

But he's no hero, as steroids just happened to be the dirt that would allow him to make big money, and keep his name in lights. And that's ALL Canseco cares about, not the good of the game.

Awful similar conclusions, don't you think? I'm not accusing Parker of anything, I'm just showing another example where the blogosphere can be just as capable, if not more so, as the writers in print when it comes to commenting on a story.

Considering Parker brags that he went to the big time and very influential Columbia Journalism School, and I attended a piss ant community college, yet we can come to the same exact conclusions, it doesn't say much for the writers that journalism schools churn out...

In their weekly Behind the Scenes column, Vartan Kupelian and Mike O'Hara break out the same old chestnut we read before EVERY Super Bowl, that current Pistons and former Lions (who's sorely missed) play by play man Mark Champion voices the Disney World Super Bowl commercials.

Champion, the radio play-by-play voice of the Pistons and former Lions' radio announcer, has been the voice of DisneyWorld Super Bowl commercials for the last 21 years.

I know I said it earlier, but I can't help myself. NO SHIT, SHERLOCK! Is there ANYONE in Detroit that doesn't already know this fact about Champion? Christ, I hate it when columnists write down to their readers...

The breakout of asinine columns continues at the Oakland Press, where Pat Caputo writes a glorified advertisement for a new baseball training facility. (Pat also needs to talk to his copy editors, as they missed his typos)

Secontine and business partner Jim Weissenborn have opened the Varsity Shop Training Center in Bloomfield Township.

A converted warehouse on Franklin Road, it is an indoor baseball training facility. Huge. Massive. State-of-theart.

Caputo continues with a piece that is essentially an unpaid (?) endorsement...

This type of facility is the future of baseball. Specialized training. Big indoor facilities in the northern sections of the country. It should help even what has been an unlevel field leading to the majority of elite baseball players coming from the warmer regions of this country.

You have got to be kidding me. A story about a for profit training facility? This is supposed to be an opinion column, correct? It reads more like a late night infomercial! I could see this story in a local section about business openings, but as an opinion piece from your lead columnist? Amazing...Just amazing.

That's "Above the Fold" for Friday, 1-25-08!

Above the Fold - Columnists say the darnedest things

I'm contemplating having the tour of Detroit columnists becoming a Friday "Above the Fold" staple, delving into what wisdom they are dishing out. Why? One, it's a day many fishwrap columnists are active, so there's always some asinine opinion in print, and two, Rob Parker is not spewing his ill-thought out opinions on Fridays. It's a win-win, in my mind.

On with our tour of the fishwraps!

The Freep's Michael Rosenberg gives us his thoughts regarding yesterday's Lions presser, and he ridicules the entire exercise. The coaching staff tried to sell to the masses that the Lions have the players to compete. Rosenberg isn't buying any of it...

And never mind that the Lions have a long, storied history of falling for players who play well in a few games at the end of their contracts -- think Cory Redding and Kalimba Edwards, who failed to earn their sizable paychecks after they signed new deals.

And never mind the absurdity of bringing back all five players -- including four veterans -- from a mediocre line. Guess what? Coach Rod Marinelli said the Lions have "a good offensive line." They just didn't play so well, and guess why? Yup! It was Martz's fault!

According the Lions coaches, everything is in place to make a playoff run in 2008. How gullible do the Lions think we are? Your QB is aging, and threw more picks than TD's. Your starting RB just had ACL surgery. The O-line they raved about couldn't run or pass block. Yet they want to keep the line together? The defense was the worst in the league. Yet all is well, and getting better.

Talk about Lions logic at it's most typical, clueless and wishful. To Rosenberg's credit, he calls them out on it.

At the News, Bob Wojnowski deigns to write about Rich Rodriguez shredding files, which as been news for over 3 days now. I normally enjoy Wojo, but this column just rehashes a story that has been already reported to death at Mlive, and commented upon endlessly by Michigan blogs. Despite those facts, he throws his 2 cents into the fray.

We've warned of growing pains and this is part of it. But I guarantee the only document fans care about is the letter-of-intent for prep quarterback star Terrelle Pryor. Ohio State was considered the front-runner for Pryor, but Rodriguez has a chance to beat the Buckeyes on this one, and fierce competition is what this is all about.

Rodriguez is here to push Michigan higher, and he isn't bashful about stamping his imprint. He retained only one member of Carr's staff, Fred Jackson, and he was frank in his assessment of departing players, eager to go forward.

West Virginia needs to do the same. The school absolutely is entitled to pursue the $4 million, but making public suggestions of thievery and destruction of property sounds desperate.

Wojo isn't saying anything new or enlightening if you've been keeping track of the shredder "scandal." Actually, he should have gave us his opinion on RichRod vs. WVU a day or two ago, as it's just old news at this point. To do so now just confirms my opinion that the local papers are forever a day late, and always dollars short.

Lynn Henning also commences beating a dead horse, with his quite tiresome crusade, the quad-annual "Comerica Park is TOO BIG" column.

It's just that the field and the seats were messed up so badly. They were constructed almost as a stick in the eye to those who loved Tiger Stadium's intimacy.

Ridiculous expanses in the outfield; upper decks that are swept back so far they might as well be in Livingston County; lower-deck seats that are too exposed to the sun and have too little gradation between rows.

This is an awful indictment of a ballpark built in a baseball town, particularly when superb examples of new structures -- Camden Yards and Jacobs Field (now Progressive Field) -- already were open and being greeted with glee by fans and ballpark critics.

Henning is good for a few columns complaining about Comerica's size every year. His favorite dead horse being "left field is unfair to batters." (Didn't seem to hurt Magglio Ordonez any) This being his first of 2008, I'd say we'll see 3 more before the year is out.

Even 7 years after opening, in some ways Comerica Park is a work in progress. I agree with Henning in that Comerica should have been built with different dimensions, closer to the Tiger Stadium we all loved. Yes, left field was insanely deep (Of which Juan Gone would complain about daily, and would use as one of his many reasons to leave), and the upper deck is too far away. But what's done is done. To continue harping about it year after year after year? Come on.

Even Henning admits the Tigers have made changes that have helped batters, and added more seating. The Tigers are aware of their need for more seating, and I expect we'll see it.

Mlive's Wolverines mouthpiece, Jim Carty, writes a rebuttal to all those who ripped him for his Wednesday "Rodriguez must apologize" column.

What he still doesn't seem to get, though, is that the main reason he's being smeared is because he behaved so poorly on his way out as West Virginia football coach.

Michigan fans want to overlook that. They want to circle the wagons around their guy, even though he's a guy they hardly know.

If you're inclined to do that, if you believe Rodriguez is in the right, and deserves the benefit of the doubt, ask yourself how you'd feel if the tables were turned.

This is one of those signature stories about how college sports has become a soulless, money-driven game, and you're wrong to ignore it just because this time around Michigan benefits from a coach's willingness to jump at the next big job and trample everyone who rooted for him and believed in him at his former school.

I don't think Michigan fans are overlooking anything. To say that they are uncomfortable with the accusations and innuendo against RichRod is an understatement. This is uncharted territory for 80% of the Wolverines fanbase, for those of us of whom Michigan football begins and ends with Bo Schembechler and his lineage. We aren't used to coaches jumping jobs for outrageous sums of cash, then dealing with an jilted fanbase who make Glenn Close's antics in Fatal Attraction look like something from a Dr. Seuss book.

Could Rodriguez have handled his resignation better? Hell yes. Is he going to apologize? Hell no! Will anyone in Wolverine-land care about shredders, cell phones, and resigning by proxy if RichRod lands Terrelle Pryor? I think not. That's today's college football landscape...

Pat Caputo, lead columnist at the B-list Oakland Press, also writes about Michigan. Michigan Wolverines hockey, that is. Hey, I like college hockey as much as the next guy. OK, maybe a little less than the next guy. But honestly, I'm really not interested in reading about some blueblood Wolverine hockey player who went to school at preppy Cranbrook.

That's "Above the Fold" for Friday, 1-18-08!

Above the Fold - Columnists say the darnedest things

It's been a long while since I took a tour around the fishwrap columnists in town, and today's as good a day as any to see what's on the minds of the supposed best and brightest of the MSM. Of course, "best and brightest" being a relative term, as we are talking about the MSM. A 20 watt bulb is brighter than some of the writers in Detroit.

Let's start with the Detroit News. No Rob Parker today? We're off to one Hell of a good start!

With my daily, cleansing diss of Parker that out of the way, Mike O'Hara and Vartan Kupelian lead with the Tiger Woods "lynching" kerfuffle, and the suspension of Golf Channel's Kelly Tilghman. It's been commented/discussed/dissected to death on the web earlier this week, but with the dailies being a day late, and millions of dollars short, O'Hara and Kupelian get around to covering it today...

Tilghman played college golf at Duke. She's a smart lady who said a dumb thing. It's another example of a broadcaster looking for something dramatic to say when it isn't necessary. Tilghman, the viewers and the game would have been better served if she had worthwhile information to share.

That's what makes the best announcers so much better than the rest. They know when silence is golden. From now on, Tilghman should let Faldo make the wisecracks. That's what he gets paid for. We're betting she's learned that lesson.

Actually, they make a good point. Tilghman was totally out of her element, a host trying out analyze the genuinely witty and incisive Faldo. When do announcers tend to put their feet in their mouth? When they are trying to be funny. Just why do they feel the need to funny/wacky/irreverent? Because that's what they try to do on the 4 letter 365/24/7. What evil hath ESPN wrought?

Lynn Henning is back with a very disjointed Tigers piece, just skimming the surface on subjects that require more in-depth coverage, such as the pressure upon Jim Leyland to win, who could be the MVP of the '08 Tigers, and most importantly, advice on buying TV's this spring.

The Tigers have already sold tickets at a pace so torrid they likely will beat last year's record attendance of 3 million-plus.

The Red Wings are the NHL's best team and seem particularly poised to take care of business in the early rounds of the playoffs and make off with another Stanley Cup.

The Pistons are almost certainly going to duke it out with the Celtics ahead of another potential trip to the NBA Finals.

All of this will be taking place simultaneously, of course, as the usual spring overlap of baseball and Pistons-Red Wings playoffs plays out.

It appears to be a good year to invest in that third television set.

Who needs Engadget or Gizmodo for your electronics fix when you have Lynn Henning? This is column material? I normally think Henning is, if not on the money, at least capable of making a credible argument. But the "Ooo, there's 3 good teams in town, best get another TV" bit is Mlive message board quality lame. I expect kiddie pool deep crap from Rob Parker. Henning's better than this...

At the Freep, Michael Rosenberg panders to the normally ignored Red Wings fans, admitting that it's his "first column off a Red Wings game all season." He also takes a shot at the fans, calling them "spoiled."

Have you noticed? Probably not. The Wings are hot; their tickets, not so much. There are a lot of reasons for it: the lockout, a slumping economy, high ticket prices, the retirement of Stevie Y (let's have a moment of silence, everybody), and the fact that in the Red Wings' peak-popularity years, they were the only contender in town.

But don't discount that people are spoiled. It's natural. Heck, if the Wings' playoff streak were a person, it would be able to vote for president this fall.

For most of the last two decades, Wings fans could fill out a customer satisfaction form every spring by checking one of two boxes:

BOX ONE: Satisfactory.

BOX TWO: Failed to win the Stanley Cup.

Well, he's got us there, every Red Wings season is judged on playoff success. But when it comes to the attendance woes, Rosenberg chooses to ignore two very important reasons. The NHL's absolutely shitty scheduling practices, and the Red Wings taking a loyal fanbase for granted, and milking them for every dollar they have, and then taking even more. Come on, the only concession they made to the fans after the lockout were the laughable "Joe Bucks?" That was a hard slap in the face of Red Wings season ticket holders.

Then again, it should be expected that a columnist that has ignored the Red Wings all season to fail to grasp the obvious.

With the other Freep columnists finding better things to do than write for the paper (Albom is probably working on his next Oprah approved tearjerker, "For One More Tuesday You'll Meet the Five Morrie's in Heaven" and Drew Sharp busy researching more ways to rip Michigan and the Big 10), I had to go to Jon Paul Morosi's blog for a sports opinion. The "Winter of Morosi" continues, as he calculates the massive amounts of cash required for the Tigers to sign Miguel Cabrera long-term.

Still, the early arithmetic on a potential extension is fairly straightforward: Assuming he continues his current production, Cabrera should earn roughly $14 million in 2009, his final season before free agency.

In other words, he would make roughly $25 million through arbitration over the next two seasons.

Now comes the tricky part: How much would each of those post-free-agency years be worth?

The current market would suggest that he receive an average annual salary of at least $20 million.

Yes, at least $20 million

This is the sort of issue Henning should be commenting on, rather than telling us to buy a TV. Morosi continues his pwning of the other baseball scribes in the D.

The Tigers traded arguably the 2 best prospects in baseball to acquire Cabrera and Dontrelle Willis. Do the Tigers even have a choice? They don't, as Cabrera has be signed long-term for the deal to be considered a true win. Honestly, I'm not all that worried. If Mike Ilitch was willing to pony up, and give the mercurial Juan Gonzalez $140+ million over 7 years, he'll do the same for the much younger, and unlikely to be 'roided up (Unlike Juan Gone), Cabrera. Will the Tigers locking up Cabrera happen soon? No, but it will happen....

At the Oakland Press, Pat Caputo looks into the budding rivalry between...the women's basketball teams of Oral Roberts and Oakland University? Um...OK. Hey, womens hoops is fine and dandy. Just don't expect me to care, let alone read about it. Quickly moving on to Mlive...

...Where they have absolutely no opinion pieces today. Nothing from their beat writers, other than game recaps, and nothing of note on their blogs. Will the fishwraps ever get it through their heads that readers want opinion? We can get rote recaps anywhere.

And the fishwraps wonder why they are being called out by the likes of Nelson Muntz. "Your medium is dying," indeed...

That's "Above the Fold" for Friday, 1-11-07!

More proof that the MSM are clueless bastards

As this seems to be turning into bash the media day at TWFE (Thinking about it, it's always bash the media day at TWFE!), I've just seen their latest crime committed against humanity. The baseball hall of fame vote.

The hall of fame vote always shows the BBWAA at their most biased. What was the most egregious example of their journalistic inbreeding? The clueless, elitist, dumbass, press box freeloading, ink stained know-nothings at the BBWAA gave Alan Trammell a whole 18.2 percent of the vote. 18.2%? You're kidding me!

If there is one thing that gets me absolutely and irrationally furious as a long time fan of Detroit sports, it's the incomprehensible dissing of Trammell and Lou Whitaker by the voters. They can't get a fucking sniff, yet the Ozzie Smith easily backflipped his good field, no-hit ass all the way into the hall of fame. Would any of you traded Trammell straight up for Smith? Of course not. The Tigers would have been getting bent over in such a deal. 'nuff said...

The fact that Whitaker didn't get enough votes to even stay on the ballot when he was first eligible is fucking felonious. The dipshit BBWAA clowns who allowed that to happen should have lost their rights to vote altogether, as it clearly shows they knew jack shit about baseball.

Want more proof the BBWAA is totally and utterly full of shit? Look at who received votes...

Rod Beck 2, Travis Fryman 2, Robb Nen 2, Shawon Dunston 1, Chuck Finley 1, David Justice 1, Chuck Knoblauch 1, Todd Stottlemyre 1.

Justice? Knoblauch? TODD STOTTLEMEYER? Jesus, what planet are these dumb fucks residing on?

I have a soft spot for Travis Fryman. He was the only legitimate major league player the Tigers' minor league system produced from the mid 80's on. He was a very nice player, a deserving All-Star for a few seasons, and damn near the only Tiger worth cheering for in the mid 90's . I really liked Fryman as a player. But to actually generate votes as a hall of fame third baseman? That's nonsensical.

Then again, any organization that has dimwits like Woody Paige, the Little Fella (How much baseball has Albom even watched since he started writing uber-saccharine, overtly sentimental, lowest common denominator pap aimed towards the Oprah audience?) and Rob "The worst columnist in America" Parker as members, and allows them HOF votes, is going to have nonsensical voters, and deserves to be ridiculed. Ridiculed at every opportunity...

I know the argument can be made that Trammell is a borderline hall of famer, at best. I watched his entire career, and know he's more than that. But I'm not going to argue stats, I'll leave that to the sabers and statheads. All I know is that Trammell deserves more than 18.2% of the vote.

A Hell of a lot more...

"Ha-Ha! Your medium is dying!"

I found this gem of Nelson Muntz taking a stinging potshot at the print media hysterical when I saw this on "The Simpsons" Sunday night. As Homer would say, "It's funny cause it's true!"


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The clip seemed quite fitting to post on TWFE, considering my tiff with the Detroit News' living in the past curmudgeon, Jerry "Covering every Super Bowl makes me special" Green.

Not that Green would have ANY idea who Nelson Muntz is, let alone "The Simpsons." He's too busy reading the obituaries, looking for more dead guys to wrote about...