Inside Millen's brain: Checking the email

What's in my inbox today? I hope it's not another "Win or else" memo from Junior. I just delete those without even reading them. Come on, what's the point? Let's see... Ooooo, what's this? A questionnaire? I LOVE questionnaires! Let's get started...

1. FIRST NAME? Fire

2. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW? A documentary about people who sell paper products, "The Office." I try to base my management style on what I've learned from watching Michael Scott. He's BRILLIANT!

3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? When I said goodbye to my pal Joey. He was like a stepson to me.

4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? I like my chicken scratch. It's taken years to perfect a style of signing X's.

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Anything with "Loaf" in it. Meat Loaf, Olive Loaf, Loaf Loaf.

6. KIDS? I don't own any billy goats.

7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I'm my own best friend, and I have an extra special relationship with my right hand...

8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? No, I don't subscribe to the Wall Street Journal. There's not enough pictures, and no comics! But I do read those things called bloggers. A dirty shameful habit, I know.

9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Sarcasm? Is that an ointment? If so, I use it in my jock quite a bit, stops the itching.

10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS: All 3 of them.

11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? No, but I'll jump to conclusions. Why else would I have signed Bill Schroeder?

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? I love Tony the Tiger, so I'll say Fruit Loops.

13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? I never learned how. It's my cross to bear. Velcro is my best friend.

14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Strong smelling, maybe.

15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Brown. But sometimes I like pink and white with it. It's called "Napoleon."

16. SHOE SIZE? That's kind of personal, don't you think?!

17. RED OR PINK? Pink's a pretty good singer, but isn't she really a blonde? I don't understand. Anyway, I never liked Simply Red. But Red Ryder was pretty good. Country singer Red Sovine was sappy, though. I mean, "Teddy Bear?" Sappy. OK, Pink.

18. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My wide receiver fetish. I need a 12 step program.

19. WHAT IS THE MOST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? There's much too many to say accurately, but I'll say my modesty.

20. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? I was soooo sad to hear that Joe Paterno passed away on the night before the Michigan-tOSU game. I flew into Happy Valley for the memorial, and there was no one there, though. Go figure.

21. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? Only if they send money with it. In unmarked bills. Serial numbers must be non-sequential. 10's and 20's only. Leave it behind the dumpster at the Allen Park facility. Please label it "BIG BAG FULL OF MONEY!" so I'll know which one it is.

22. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? I can't find my pants. Shoes? I'm wearing Charles Rogers' cleats, as they were never used. They're all white, but there's a whole bunch of black on them, so I can only see small white stripes.

23. LAST THING YOU ATE? An entire box of Crayolas. Thought it was candy. My bad.

24. IF YOU WERE A CAR, WHAT KIND WOULD YOU BE? Well, since I work for the Fords, I'd have to say a I'd be a Fiso. You know what I'm talking about, those trucks with "F150" on the fender? that's spells "Fiso," right?

25. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My next head coach, John L. Smith. That's just between you and me, got it?

26. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? If they are wearing pants. John L's were quite nice.

27. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO U? I thought this was from that nice Nigerian dude who said was going to make me rich. Damn. $100K of William Clay's cash down the drain. But I think I can get the money back without him finding out, as someone just sent me an email saying I won the UK National Lottery! I really am lucky!

28. FAVORITE DRINK? I love "The Pina Colada Song!" Remember it? "I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain, I'm not much into health food, but I'm into champagne." So I'd have to say my favorite drink is Margaritas.

29. FAVORITE SPORT? Prank calling Mooch.

30. EYE COLOR? Twinklely.

31. FAVORITE FRUIT? Johnny Morton.

32. FAVORITE FOOD? Olive loaf.

33. SCARY MOVIE OR HAPPY ENDING MOVIE? Happy ending! Whee! Wait, we are talking about massages, right?

34. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED AT THE MOVIE THEATER? A documentary about a prison football team, "The Longest Yard." It was really good. You have the phone number for the Mean Machine QB? He showed he was pretty damn talented in that documentary, and between you and me, the Lions need a little help.

35. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? I can't find my shirt. I think they are with my pants. Where are my pants?!

36. SUMMER OR WINTER? Both are lousy names for a chick. I like Beulah.

37. HUGS OR KISSES? JoePa kissed me once. ONCE.

38. FAVORITE DESSERT? The Sahara.

39. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? My buddy Marty Morhinwheg. He's funny. I gave him his start, you know...

40. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? I think Junior bugged my phone, and has people observing me from black stealth Fiso's. But I'm wearing my tin foil hat, so they may not be able to read my mind. So I'll say Steve Mariucci.

41. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Do coloring books count? They do! Then, a coloring book with some connect the dots thrown in. It's so hard to stay between the lines, and the dots do confuse me...But I do my best. I really like to make clouds.

42. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? My mouse. Duh.

43. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? That's a stupid question. I sat on the couch, not on the TV!

44. FAVORITE SOUNDS? "With the first overall pick of the NFL Draft, the Detroit Lions take..." I've been longing to hear that for 6 years! I think I'm going to actually be able to hear it in 2007!

45. THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? Happy Valley. It's a scary and strange place.

46. WHAT'S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? Evaluating the talent of football players. I can find the worst ones better than anybody in the NFL!