I'm taking care of a few things...

...in regard to PC issues.

You can expect something posted later tonight. Thanks!

It's time Joel Zumaya grew up

In today's Freep, John Lowe talks to the rehabbing Joel Zumaya. It's an odd interview, as the injured reliever appears to have taken a "me against the world" attitude.

He knew Internet posters accused him of careless causes of the injury, such as a dirt-biking accident.

When Zumaya quit crying, he wrote a note to himself. In bold letters, it reads:

"I will prove this world wrong."

The world, he senses, thinks he won't come back from this injury.

"There's a lot of doubt about me right now," Zumaya said Tuesday. "A lot of it. I've read it."

There's no internet conspiracy, Joel.
You can take off your tin foil cap...

First off, Lowe is totally irresponsible in dredging up the "Internet posters" bullshit. The dirt bike rumor was fully debunked as the rantings of one clueless, lying, attention whoring commenter in a single ESPN article.

Why Zumaya has a chip on his shoulder is beyond me. If he needs to use negative reinforcement to help his rehab along, so be it. But he's the one who put himself in position for fans to be skeptical to begin with, thanks to the Guitar Hero flap.

If I was told that my playing a video game was injuring my wrist, thus detrimental to my future earnings, my game system would be put on the trash heap immediately. To possibly have missed games, especially playoff games, due to wrist soreness caused by a game controller is outright stupid and extremely immature. As we all know, stupidity and immaturity often go hand in hand.

For Zumaya to use the dirt bike rumor, and whatever other skepticism over his injury he was able to dig up on the web, once again, seems damn immature. The VAST majority of forum members and bloggers on the web took Zumaya at his word, are totally on his side and are hoping for a full recovery.

If there's one thing we've can be sure of in regard to Joel Zumaya, maturity is one thing he sorely lacks.

I'm also concerned by the tough talk throughout the interview.

"I'm on a mission," he said. "Mark my words: I'll be back, and I'll be able to do what I've been doing.

Zumaya acknowledges that because of the shoulder surgery, he might never again throw 103 m.p.h. His days of owning the majors' fastest fastball, the one measured in triple digits, might have been stolen forever by the shoulder damage.

In his next sentence, his defiance rises, and he says he might hit triple digits again.

If it meant his coming back at full strength, I'd prefer Zumaya miss the entire 2008 season. Instead, we read he's "on a mission" and will "hit triple digits again." Why do I get the feeling that he'll hurt himself even worse in rehab because of this attitude?

To me, Zumaya's 100 MPH garbage comes off as so much braggadocio, when he should be more concerned with becoming a complete pitcher, rather than a one pitch (Given it's a 100+ MPH pitch) curiosity. No matter how hard Zumaya rehabs, it doesn't change the facts. He suffered a catastrophic shoulder injury that could alter how he pitches forever. It's entirely possible that his plus fastball may now be ordinary, and he will have to learn to pitch all over again, ala Frank Tananna.

The tough talk being spewed from Zumaya are the words of someone who's really still a kid. And without a doubt, Zoom is a kid. I know I said more than my share of boastful, clueless things at his age. Still, Zumaya would be much better off if he grew up, and shut up.

I hate to admit it, but Zumaya's 2006 may be the equivalent of Mark Fydrich's 1976. I hope I'm wrong, but the parallels to The Bird remain.

Detroit fishwrap comment of the day - It's the draft, stupid

In the quiet days of the NFL off season, the Mlive Lions forum doofs are desperate for any news that would allow them to post their accumulated "wisdom" on the site. They got their chance with the latest news regarding the courting of Al Wilson. Which is nothing exciting, just confirming what we already knew.

The scarily named russthomas (I just had a chill run down my spine...BRRR) nails the Lions, and their talent issues, in one blunt sentence.

The reason why the Patriots can bring in veterans is due to the FACT they draft well.

Bing-fucking-o!

Al Wilson would be a great fit on a good team that has few holes to fill. Then you can afford to take a flyer on an admittedly talented linebacker who's older and an injury risk. Teams that have depth thanks to their smart drafting can plug the occasional hole with a free agent. They also know one incontrovertible fact. You do not build a NFL team using free agency as a foundation.

Unfortunately for we Lions fans, our moronic GM, and his on the firing line coaching staff, have yet to learn that simple lesson. They continue to look for help in all the wrong (and expensive) places, rather than the one place any good team builds from, the draft.

Thanks to their awful drafting, the Lions find themselves between a rock, and another rock. The coaches need to win big in order to save their jobs. Being in such a precarious position, they don't have the time to build the team properly. Marinelli has to slap together a winning team quickly, future be damned. And damned it will be.

Even if the Lions do the unthinkable, and win more games than they lose in 2008, would anyone seriously think the team is built for long-term success? Anyone? Exactly.

A foundation built on aging free agents is as substantial as a house of cards built on a wobbly card table. The Lions foundation is so shaky, a house built directly over the the San Andreas Fault Line would be considered stable in comparison.

You know the Lions entire house of cards is going to collapse, it's only a matter of when. In fact, I think that will be the name of their next season highlight film...

The Detroit Lions: It's Only a Matter of When.

An off season message from Matt Millen

Hi everybody! I'm aware you might think I'm hiding from the media. Well, to be honest, I am. I don't want to talk to those guys, as they'll harp on the little bumps in the road we had last season. What good would that do? I've moved on.

Anyway, Mr. Ford doesn't care if I ever talk to the ink stained wretches, and Coach Marinelli is more than willing to keep telling them we "pound the rock," so why should I worry about those clowns? Between you and me, I have better things to do, like look back on our marvelous 2007 season.

I know, I know, you don't have to say it. I know what you're thinking...

You're welcome!

I deserve your thanks, as I did a GREAT job in 2007, didn't I? 7-9 BABY! Do the math! That's a 4 game improvement over 2006!

But we just missed the playoffs, dang it. If only 7 other teams would have lost their last 3 games of the season, and if we had managed to win just 2 more game...Just 2 more lousy games...We might have tied for the last NFC wild card spot, if 5 different tie-breakers went our way. See? We were THAT close...T H A T C L O S E.

But there's no reason to cry over a couple of late season losses that were actually much, much, much closer than the 51-14 and 34-13 scores showed.

Just think of what we did accomplish. We ALMOST beat the Super Bowl champion Giants! We almost beat the Packers...TWICE! We ALMOST beat the Cowboys! We held the 4 NFC East teams to under 135 points TOTAL! We started the season a torrid 6-2, and finished the season on a 1-1 tear! We didn't finish last in the division, despite what all the so-called experts predicted. No sir, we sure showed them, as we finished 3rd in the North! 3RD!

When you look at it that way, I think it's obvious to everyone the Lions will be on to bigger and better things in 2008. Like...Dare I say it? I will!

A .500 SEASON! 8-8! 8 and God damn 8! I feel it. I really feel it.

That feeling is why I'm talking to players of such high caliber as Al Wilson. We are sooooo close to being a .500 team, someone like Wilson could push us up to that next level. If it takes 3 years at $5 million per, and a $5 million signing bonus? Well, that's the price of being a successful .500 team.

As you can see by our negotiating with the likes of Wilson, there's no reason to worry. I'm in total control. We''re ready to make a splash in both free agency and the draft.

In fact, you have my word. I'm going to do whatever it takes to get the Lions to .500, and possibly win a tie-breaker for the 6th seed in the NFC playoffs. Whatever it takes...

Have I ever lied to you before?

Detroit fishwrap comment of the day

The Freep has a weird fascination with Terrelle Pryor, as they run a piece on the kid every day he doesn't make a decision. Today's cut and paste job is lifted from the Buckeyes' mouthpiece, the Columbus Dispatch.

ESPN ANALYST: 'Every day that Terrelle Pryor doesn't commit to Ohio State is not good'

Will the insane recruiting coverage EVER end? It's a rhetorical question, as we already know the answer. It's an emphatic, disgusting, creepy NO!

Freep commenter TeeItUp agrees...

Enough is enough.

I still don't think he's coming to Michigan, but the coverage has got to stop until he decides.

Fuckin' A.

I understand in our world with totally fucked up sports priorities, Pryor's recruitment is a story. Is it a story worth continually beating readers over the head till we bleed from the ears? To sane college football fans, no.

But in the strange world of recruitniks, who must get off on this like other fetishists get off on BDSM, midgets, clowns, or feet, they just can't get enough breathless coverage. Coverage of a 17 year old kid whom I'm guessing, if he's anything like me or my buddies were at that age, more worried about getting laid, or getting carded at the party store, than what college he's going to attend.

I now know that it would be impossible for me to be a college coach, as I could never. ever resort to begging an immature kid (and his often clueless parents) to play ball for me. And that's exactly what recruiting is, a glorified form of begging. 40 and 50 something football coaches selling themselves to teenagers is so...so...unseemly and undignified.

There's one word for it...Ewww.

Money can make up for having to suck up to know-it-all high schoolers, but it comes at the cost of self-respect.

No wonder most grown men can't or won't stay in college coaching for the long haul, decade after decade, like a Bo or Woody. You can only take for so long that your livelihood, and possible future success, is in the hands of brain-dead high school kids.

The Lions continue to look for stopgaps, not long-term solutions

Reports out of Denver say former Broncos middle linebacker Al Wilson is a free agent target of the Detroit Lions. Supposedly Wilson is in town today to talk to the turkeys turkey, and a contract. He is a former 1st round draft pick, a long time starter on some very good Bronco defenses, and has played in 5 pro bowls. Sounds great, right?

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Wilson has been out of football for a year, thanks to a severe neck injury suffered late in the 2006 season. Even worse, he's 31 years old. The Lions would be paying big money for a player that is on the down side of his career, and even if he's cleared by doctors, still a huge injury risk.

How many times during the Matt Millen era have the Lions paid free agents big money essentially for their past performance? More than I can count. Wilson is just looking for a big payday, and as he's coming off a years layoff at the the age of 31, it's his final chance at one.

Remove the injury issue, and the similarities to Damion Woody are eerie. Woody was a pro bowl performer on a Super Bowl winning Patriots team, was able to finagle a huge contract from Millen and the Lions, and then greatly under performed (and over ate) for the entire length of the deal.

If the Lions were talking to the Al Wilson of 4 years ago, I'd be all for his signing. I'd be singing the Lions praises. But showing interest in a someone on the sweet side of 30, recovering from a career threatening injury, and having spent a year out of football? It reeks of pure and utter desperation. Then again, any team that has Paris Lenon as their starting middle linebacker is extremely desperate.

The Lions are, once again, trying to plug gaping holes with aging stopgap players. If Millen and Marinelli were being realistic, they would be blowing up the current roster, and rebuilding through the draft and with younger, inexpensive free agents. Unfortunately, with the coaching staff finding themselves in a "win or else" situation in order to save their jobs, they will be looking for quick fixes, rather than building the Lions for the future.

Wilson is nothing more than another patch on what's already a patchwork defense. A band-aid that will have to be replaced in another year or two. That's if the Lions are lucky enough even to get a year or two out of an aging, injured linebacker who depends on his speed and athleticism to be successful.

Signing Al Wilson is risky as all Hell, and has epic fail written all over it. When using Lions logic though, it means he'll be Detroit's starting middle linebacker in 2008.

And they'll be looking for Wilson's replacement in 2009...

To catch a recruitnik

As if we haven't had our fill of MSM articles about college football recruiting, and the media couldn't stoop any lower, the Freep comes through, and lowers the bar. The headline says it all...

2009's TERRELLE PRYOR?: Dual-threat QB Russell Shepard has U-M at the top of his list

You've got to be kidding me. Signing day was less than a week ago, hyped to no end, and here we have an fawning article about a possible 2009 recruit? Worse, it compares him to a 2008 recruit that hasn't yet committed? Just kill me right fucking now.

Shepard, a lifelong University of Texas fan, visited the Longhorns over the weekend. But even though he got a scholarship offer from his favorite team, he told the Austin American-Statesman that he may have a different favorite than many would think.

“I would say Texas is still up there, but Michigan is really at the top of my list, especially if they don’t get Terrelle Pryor,” he told the paper. “I feel like I could go there and play right away. I’m also looking at Florida and LSU. Both of those schools have pretty good depth-chart situations for me.”

The kid hasn't even played his senior season, and he's getting major ink from the MSM. They should be ashamed. Then again, has the MSM ever shown any shame? They would rather pander to the recruiting zealots, who eat this shit up to no end, and have major issues of their own.

If this odd fascination with high school kids keeps up, we'll see an episode of "Dateline: To Catch a Predator" focus on the delusional yahoos who actually spend time and money paying close attention the outright bullshit slung by the likes of Rivals and Scouts, Inc.

Tell me your 40 time. Oooo, that's sooooo cool! How much can you bench press? How many reps? Oh my. I'm really hot to hear more! Can we meet? I'll tell you all about my school. It'll be soooo much fun!

Next thing you know, these recruitniks will be asked to sit down and chat. A certain Mr. Hansen would LOVE to talk with you...

Are you here for Russell? Let's sit down and chat...

I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say these recruiting fanatics are one small step removed from meeting Chris Hansen face to face. All that's missing is their knocking on a recruit's door with college catalogs in one hand, and a six pack in the other.

We're headed into stalking territory with these young football players. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, it's CREEPY to be so captivated by the recruiting of high school kids.

Above the fold - Detroit sports weekend in review

It's time for my Monday ritual, a look back at the Detroit sports weekend that was...

The Pistons are cruising, the Red Wings are reeling, I'm told there was some college hoops played, the Tigers are another week closer to the season, and the Lions are still the Lions. Let's look back, and try not to get upset over phantom interference calls.

Michigan and Michigan State: They both supposedly won, but let me remind you that Big 10 basketball is just a rumor to me, as I can't see the damn games! The Big 10 Network is a farce, wrapped with buffoonery, inside a travesty. As always, I refer you to Spartans Weblog and UMHoops for the hoop scoop.

As for the Terrelle Pryor saga? I couldn't give a shit. You all know my feelings on recruiting news. As for Pryor, I'm sick and tired of the overblown, overwrought, overdone coverage of a 17 year old kid making his college decision. If the kid commits, great. If he doesn't? At least we won't have to hear about "OMG What will Pryor do?" EVERY FUCKING DAY. Anyway, for the curious, MGoBlog has the latest twists and turns regarding the kid.

Detroit Pistons: The Pistons are on cruise control, winning their 8th consecutive game Sunday, thumping the Bobcats 113-87. There really isn't much to say, as it wasn't much of a game. Charlotte was toast by halftime, which has become the Pistons recent MO, being they are kicking NBA ass. The young bench was hella fun to watch once again, and have been the only reason to hang around these blowouts to their merciful end.

In other weekend news, Rasheed Wallace was named to the eastern conference All-Star team to replace Kevin Garnett, joining Rip Hamilton and Chauncey Billups on the roster.

Here’s the funny thing: the Pistons will have three reps at the game, while the Celtics (sans Garnett) will only have one. For all the jersey popping and self-congratulating Boston does after each win, don’t think for a moment that they don’t feel slighted.

One side of me is happy that the Pistons are being recognized (and the Celtics are getting a slight dis), but the other would rather see them chilling out for a few days resting. A rested 'Sheed is a happy 'Sheed, right?

Detroit Red Wings: This was worst Wings weekend in recent memory. They lost close, intense heartbreaking games to the Leafs and Ducks. The Ducks loss was the hardest to take, as it took a blatantly bad call to keep the game from going into OT. As A2Y so eloquently put it, "SCREWED!"

Nice job Gary. Ass.

Bettman = Ass indeed...

To add insult to injury, Dan Cleary is out for basically the rest of the regular season after taking taking a puck to the jaw early in the Toronto OT loss. The loss of Cleary, who was having a career year, has the Red Wings bloggers much more upset than the current 3 game losing streak.

for example, here's what Yzerman is God has to say about what is quickly becoming a "situation."

In Dan Cleary, the Wings lost easily their most Babcockian player. Cleary has the skill to play with the Zetterbergs and Datsyuks, the defense Babcock demands and the grit he loves. Most of all, Cleary's game goes through the roof when the stakes do. Last year in the playoffs he was a monster, and if you require more recent proof, take a look at the fact that in the opening period of the Wings' game against the Ducks in January, that crazy motherfucker threw hands with Sasquatch. How do you replace him? I mean, you don't. But how do you try?

2 words. Mats Sundin.

Sundin to the Wings was a lark the day before yesterday, an interesting conversation to pass the time. But now, with Charlie Buckets in bed with Grampa Joe for six to eight, is it a necessity? Could be. And if Sundin’s guaranteed to return to Toronto (not a guarantee, in my opinion) than that may bring the price down a bit.

Gorilla Crouch isn't as concerned over the loss of Cleary, and would prefer the Wings obtain a top 4 defneseman. We all remember what happened last season 2 of the top 4 d-men (Kronwall and Schneider) went down.

Ken Holland, who has loads of cap space and some nice assets to trade, needs to make a deal sometime within the next two weeks to get a top 4 d-man who can play on the PP and the PK. It ain’t gonna be cheap but like Bill says, you don’t kick a Cup gifthorse in the mouth.

The next 2 weeks are going to be quite interesting for the Red Wings. They will make a move or 2. What those moves are (A scoring forward? A d-man? Both?) may determine the Wings playoff success, or lack thereof...

Detroit Tigers: The Tigers bloggers are on pins and needles, and will be soon ramping up their coverage. The most anticipated season ever is getting that much closer, as Tiger Blog reminds us pitchers and catchers report in a week. It can't come soon enough!

Billfer delves deep into Dontrelle Willis, and why his 2007 season was so disappointing. His conclusion? Just as in real estate, pitching is all about location, location, location.

The issues seem to be centered squarely on control. I don’t know that his pitches were any more hittable than in past years, just that he ended up in less desirable situations because he wasn’t able to locate like he had in the past.

Ian says goodbye to Roy Scheider. We'll all miss Chief "That’s some bad hat, Harry" Brodie. I couldn't believe he was 75! Damn. But I had totally forgotten Scheider played a not well disguised version of Al Kaline in the Disney film "Tiger Town."

Detroit Lions: The Lions thankfully continue to be well under the radar. They have been so quiet, you'd think there wasn't a NFL team in Detroit. Then again...

Pride of Detroit has begun looking at the Leo's needs position by position, and starts with the quarterbacks.

So, where do the Lions go from here? I see them staying with Kitna in 2008 and then deciding what to do a year from now. If Kitna works out then they will just bring him back, but if he has a rough season, then a decision will have to be made in regards to his future. Down the road, I would bet Stanton gets his shot at starting eventually. The realization likely will be that he isn't a franchise quarterback either, which means Detroit will probably look to the draft to make another mistake.

In other words, the Lions are up shit creek at QB. I agree. Kitna is not the solution, and no one knows if Stanton has what it takes. Their decision to IR Stanton for the 2007 season looks more and more idiotic by the day. You got to love Lions logic...

That's "Above the Fold" for Monday, 2-11-08!

Detroit fishwrap comment of the day - Interference? What interference? You see interference?

In a nationally televised game Sunday, the Red Wings and Ducks battled in a game played with playoff intensity. They would have played to a tie in regulation...Till the refs waved off the tying goal from Nick Lidstrom, thanks to a phantom interference call on Thomas Holmstrom. First, here are Homer's thoughts, and a breakdown of the play in question, from Mlive's game coverage...

"That was a really weak call," Holmstrom said. "That cost us the game. It was just terrible."

After falling behind 3-1 in the second period, the Red Wings perked up in the third. Johan Franzen's power-play goal at 6:06 cut their deficit to one. Then, in the final minute, the Red Wings, already on a power play, pulled goalie Chris Osgood for a six-on-four advantage. Lidstrom blasted a shot past Ducks goalie Jean-Sebastien Giguere with 40.7 seconds remaining.

Referee Dan O'Halloran immediately waived off the goal, however. The ruling was Holmstrom made contact with Giguere, not enough to warrant a penalty but enough to disallow the goal.

What has happened to the NHL? What I witnessed was NOT the NHL I grew up loving. It's just another sign of the of oncoming NHL apocalypse, lead by the bane of all long-time NHL fans everywhere (or what's left of them), Gary Bettman.

If that was interference, then interference should be called on EVERY power play, any time a screen is set in front of the goalie. If that was interference, then the rules of hockey have forever changed. Here's a comment from your typical pissed off Red Wings fan, in this case Mliver Hockeytwn4ev.

Sure am glad I wasted a whole afternoon watching this CRAP!!! If this is the "new NHL" they can have it, because their tv ratings will only decline, until they eventually die. Am I the only one wondering why close calls like the one on Homer in the last two minutes of a professional contest cannot or isn't reviewed. Even College football has protected itself from having the striped shirts determining the outcome of a game with replay. I mean, come on!!--Are you kidding me Gary Bettemen? Is this seriously what you were hoping for on a nationally televised game of the week? The Duck are all goons, PERIOD--->if they are to represent the "new" NHL, forget it. I'll spend my $$$ elsewhere. Makes me SICK TO MY STOMACH. I hope we see these punks in the playoff time (with some different refs, for sure)!!!

As I was watching the replay before the call was announced, I'm thinking, "They waved off the goal? WHY? Where's the penalty?" I honestly didn't see it. When it was called interference, the NBC broadcast crew gave a collective "WHAT?" I'm sure if NBC wouldn't receive a gazillion dollar fine from the puritans at the FCC, I'm positive we would have also heard "THE FUCK?"

If there is such a thing as incidental contact, then J.S. Giguere being grazed by Holmstrom's backside was it. It was obvious whatever contact was made had absolutely nothing to do with the puck going into the net. That call had Mickey Redmond is spinning in his hospital bed. (Get well soon, Mick!)

It's a shame such an intensely played game was decided by a clueless referee's borderline call. Thank God it wasn't made in a playoff game. What I'm afraid of is that in today's NHL, it will be...

Detroit fishwrap comment of the day - Trading Shaun Rogers is lame brained

Killer Kowalski decides to nip the Roy Williams trade rumors in the bud, claiming the Lions would rather keep the legend in his own mind wide receiver. It would take "overwhelming value" in return to even contemplate a trade, as Detroit would rather get one more big season out of Williams before he bolts for free agency.

Killer also claims the Lions won't franchise their mercurial wide out, and are hoping that Mike Martz leaving town will help convince the diva receiver to re-sign with the Honolulu blue and silver. As for Shaun Rogers, the Lions are much more open to unloading the rotund one for less in return.

Being this is commentary from the Killer, just conjecture on his part, and not news, it should be taken with a truckload of salt.

Mliver origintsi1 decides to comment on something the Killer said, but your guess is as good as mine what that might be. I think (But I'm not totally sure) it's about the Big Baby situation, but I have no fucking idea what he's trying to say. Not a clue...

ok i dont understand half u lame brains... tradte rogers? u guys do not look at two key points do you?? for one teams game plan around this guy whether he gives his all or not..which frees up somebody on D. Two, another big gap to fill which u lames think draft will take care of..oh which u also think draft will help DE LB corner right? Mr M. should stay with his first plan and build around him..frickin pend the cash on the ends and lbs in FA and hope for a top Corner pick in the draft ..we need to fill holes not make them and putty it up with a less than talent person who we will end up cutting the next year or benching by game 6

WHAT? I'm at a loss for words, I can't literally describe how this "comment" (Word used as loosely as humanly possible) scrambled my thought processes.

Is this English? Maybe a bastardized version of our language? Is English even the first language for origintsi1? It's as if he's writing in tongues.

I honestly believe this comment was originally written in a foreign, even otherworldly, language, then run back and forth through a translator a few times, resulting in something that is utterly, marvelously, amazingly impenetrable.

The "comment" is as dense as a mixture of smoke, fog, methane and mustard gas. It's as sensible as US foreign policy. It's as informative as one of Emmitt Smith's ESPN appearances.

It's as if you took the combined DNA of Kurt Vonnegut, Hunter S. Thompson and Franz Kafka, added PCP, crystal meth and LSD, added a dash of absinthe, shook it all together, gave it birth in-vitro via Freddy Kruger's mother, and you'd still end up with a mind who couldn't write something this incomprehensible!

I've come to a conclusion. I've decided this is the BEST COMMENT EVER! It will never, ever be topped.

Above the fold - Columnists say the darnedest things

It's Friday, and you know what that means?

It's the end of the week? Well, DUH. But that's not the answer I was looking for, people. Lost is on? Uh, that was last night, dude. You missed a kick ass episode. The latest Matthew McConaughey flick hits the the theaters? Who the Hell cares? The last flick of the naked bongo player's I enjoyed was "Dazed and Confused." He's never been better than playing Wooderson...

"All right, all right, all right."

"That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age."

"Let me tell you this, the older you do get the more rules they're gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin' man, L-I-V-I-N."

That's DEEP stuff, man... But I digress.

It's Friday, which means we take a tour of the local fishwraps, and see what Detroit's best and brightest asinine and clueless columnists have to say.

Let's start at the News, so we can get it over with. "It" being the latest tripe spewed from the worst columnist in America. The functionally retarded Rob Parker, who makes the mentally challenged Skip Bayless look like a MENSA member during their painful exchanges on the 4 Letter, writes about the most pressing issue in Detroit sports today!

Say goodbye to Swin Cash.

Cash, a Detroit Shock forward for six seasons, will be traded within the next two weeks.

OH MY GOD! I can't believe it! This news is horrib...Uh, wait a second. This column is about who? Swin Cash? Of that basketball team that is deep in their off season? The team no one watches or cares about? In that league the NBA tries to force feed down our throats every summer?

The trade is inevitable because of a feud between Cash and Shock coach Bill Laimbeer. The two just didn't see eye-to-eye the last couple of seasons.

I guess it is. Well then. No one gives a shit, Parker. Literally no one. Even you should know that...

Now, Cash will play elsewhere.

And Parker should write elsewhere. Anywhere. Actually, nowhere would be best for all concerned. Let's wash our hands of this waste of newsprint, and quickly move on.

It appears Lynn Henning has gotten over his Brandon Inge hissy fit of a couple of weeks ago, as he chimes in today with a column about Inge, and where he would be best used. Unfortunately, Henning rehashes ideas that the Tigers blogosphere brought up...2 weeks ago.

The Tigers will want Inge to return as their starting catcher, given that Pudge Rodriguez is almost certainly into his final season in Detroit. Inge will continue to want to play third base -- here, anywhere.

Will there be a market for him? Probably not, unless Inge hits up a storm in 2008 as a super-sub, which figures to be his role.

Sure as shit, this is old news.

After telling us nothing new about Inge, Henning also conjures up numbers for a possible Miguel Cabrera long-term contract.

The thought advanced here is that they will probably talk about a deal somewhere in the vicinity of five years for $100 million or six years for $125 million. They will argue, as they did successfully in the case of Curtis Granderson and his renewal, that free agency can still be an option for Cabrera at a young age, say 30 or 31.

Nothing ground shaking here either. For quite some time it's been damn obvious any Cabrera deal is going to start in the $20 million per season range. Henning is just wasting our time...Again.

In the Freep, Michael Rosenberg delves into a subject few have been talking about...Rich Rodriguez and Terrelle Pryor. At least Rosenberg is honest about the
Pryor fatigue we are all feeling...

As Terrelle Pryor waits to --

No! PLEASE tell me you're not writing about Terrelle Pryor! If I read one more word about this kid I'm going to de-commit from the planet.

If he doesn't move on from this over-covered subject, I'm de-committing from this column!

Anyway, this is not about West Virginia v. Rodriguez.

Thank fucking GOD!

This is about a theory that many of the e-mailers espouse: the Pat White Theory.

OK, I'm still reading...

I find the Pat White Theory interesting for two reasons. First of all, I don't buy the conclusion. It's one thing to rip a coach for losing with a great player, quite another to rip him for winning with a great player.

This reminds me of the people who say Lloyd Carr never would have won the national championship without Charles Woodson. So what? He had him.

Actually, I think many feel that Michigan, and Woodson, won the national title in spite of Lloyd's unimaginative coaching. But that's not what this column is about...Let's see where Rosenberg is going, shall we?

Rodriguez seems smart enough to adapt if he doesn't get Pryor. As he says, he likes to win too much to not adapt. If Rodriguez does not land Terrelle Pryor, he can plug in one of his other quarterbacks, or maybe shift running back Carlos Brown to quarterback, and have some success.

But to produce the kind of offense he wants, the kind Michigan hired him for, Rodriguez needs that special athlete at quarterback. Rich Rodriguez doesn't need Pat White. He needs the next Pat White.

That would be nice, but unless lightening strikes with Pryor, Michigan is not getting their system QB this year. What Rosenberg forgets to mention is Rodriguez has run a version of the spread with a QB who wasn't near as mobile as White. Shaun King threw for a ton of yards at Tulane while RichRod was the offensive coordinator.

Rather than the run first WVU offense, I'm guessing we'll see some sort of hybrid spread, alternating dropback QB Steven Threat and whatever run first QB stands out, much in the way Urban Meyer did with Chris Leak and Tim Tebow in his first season at Florida.

At this point, I don't really care. I'm just praying for Pryor to just make his damn decision already, so we can all move on!

In a column I won't pick apart or make fun of, The Oakland Press' Pat Caputo touches on the sad, pitiful tale of former Tiger broadcaster Lary Sorneson. He doesn't say much of his recent arrest, getting popped for his 7th DUI, while blowing a .48 BAC (They're both jaw dropping numbers). Instead, Caputo writes of past experiences with Sorenson while both were covering the Tigers. He doesn't pillory him, or cast blame, he just feels sorry for Sorenson's sickness and nearly hopeless situation.

Look at this guy. A former major league player. Had a much-coveted broadcasting job. By all accounts, his family life was good - except for his drinking. And now he's left with nothing but press clippings of shame.

I know there are people who don't - and won't - feel sorry for Lary. I don't blame them. Many people - way too many - have lost loved ones because of drunken drivers. It's one of the great curses on society.

What else is there to say? Sorenson needs to be kept off the roads, as it's clear he's a vehicular homicide waiting to happen. Honestly, I'm surprised he hasn't killed someone, or been killed. Considering he's a habitual offender, do you lock him up, and throw away the key? Or do you try to get him the help he so desperately needs, as he's not a menace when sober. Sorenson needs the sort of treatment he probably won't get in a state prison. That's for the courts to decide.

It's an awful, ugly, sorry story all the way around. A story I doubt will have a happy ending.

That's "Above the Fold" for Friday, 2-8-08!

The Detroit Pistons as seen thru the music of...Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

As it's been a couple of months since my last "As seen thru the music of" post, I've been itching to do another. You all are also aware that I was one of the few sports bloggers that actually defended, and very much enjoyed, the Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers halftime show.

"I'm also the voice of Lucky on 'King of the Hill!'
Can anyone on Nickelback say that? Can Jay-Z? Didn't think so!"

So put 2+2 together, and what to you get? Yep, another self-indulgent music post from Big Al, featuring one of my all-time favorite bands, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. (You kids out there who like the rap and the emo wanna make something it? Huh? Huh?) I've been a big Petty guy since high school, which is more years back than I'd ever care to admit, so you know I've been a fan for a long ass time.

So one under appreciated group meets another, as we take a look at the team with the 2nd best record in the NBA (Though you'd never know it thanks to the MSM's preoccupation with the Celtics) Detroit Pistons, as seen thru the music of the band the snot-nosed sports bloggers think are too old (As if we'll still be listening to 50 Cent in 20 years...HA!), Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers.

Rasheed Wallace: "I Won't Back Down" - Into the paint, as 'Sheed loves to fire up treys all night long.

Rasheed Wallace: "Mary Jane's Last Dance" - Hey, it's a drug joke, get it? Mary Jane is what the old folks call the Chronic. You know, doobage? Weed? Pot? It's a marijuana reference! 'Cause 'Sheed's been known to toke! Jesus, you people sometimes...

Rasheed Wallace: "Too Much Ain't Enough" - Is 'Sheed's philosophy when it comes to referee baiting.

Rashhed Wallace: "Straight Into Darkness" - Is where the the refs would love to send 'Sheed...

Rasheed Wallace: "Don't Do Me Like That" - What else would 'Sheed say after getting T'ed up? (OK, OK, I'll stop with the 'Sheed stuff. But it's soooo easy...)

Chauncey Billups: "Refugee" - Billups bounced around the NBA like a Katrina refugee, until he landed with the Pistons. Now he's a rich refugee...

Rip Hamilton: "Century City" - The the next town over from "Rip City." No? It's where the "Tramp ball" is held! (OK, they're a stretch, but you try and do this!)

Antonio McDyess: "You Got Lucky" - What else, other than getting lucky, can explain Dice's strong as balsa wood and paper mache knees holding up?

Tayshaun Prince: "You Don't Know How It Feels" - To be so freakish physically. Come on, Prince is so God damn long, he has to be a mutant!

Jason Maxiell: "I’ll Feel a Whole Lot Better" - When the baby eater learns to shoot from farther than 3 feet out from the hoop...

Jarvis Hayes: "Something's in the Air" - Oh, it's just another Hayes air ball...

Amir Johnson: "The Waiting" - We're all waiting for Johnson to live up to the "He's like having another lottery pick" hype we were all fed when the Pistons signed him to a 3 year deal.

Lindsey Hunter: "Breakdown" - Is what I've been waiting for the 75 year old Hunter's body to do. Amazingly, it hasn't...Yet.

Aaron Affalo: "A Face in the Crowd" - That's all I thought Affalo would be, who knew he would be part of the rotation?

Rodney Stuckey: "All Mixed Up" - Even though he shows flashes of the good stuff, "All Mixed Up" is how Stuckey often looks when he's running the Pistons' offense.

Flip Murray: "I Need to Know" - How much longer this stiff is going to be on the roster.

Primoz Brezec: "Yer So Bad" - That Flip Saunders will only play you in garbage time.

Walter Herrmann: "Don't Come Around Here No More" - Is what Herrmann will be told by the Pistons at the end of the season.

Cheick Samb: "Free Fallin'" - All the way down to the D-League...

Flip Saunders: "Even the Losers" - As the lyrics go, "Get lucky sometimes..." Lucky to fall from an on the decline Timberwolves, and into a loaded Pistons roster, that is... Think Flip thanks Larry Brown daily for getting the 2 year itch?

Joe Dumars - "It'll All Work Out" - Was Joe D's mantra with this core of Pistons, though everyone wanted to blow the team up after the Cavs playoff debacle. Shows what we knew...

Detroit fishwrap comment of the day - Recruiting news is creepy

I'm quite happy I was away from both the web, and the media in general, yesterday. When I logged into my Google Reader last night, I was overwhelmed by the massive amount of recruiting news in my RSS feeds. It was both disturbing and funny. Then again, the whole fascination normally sane adults have in college recruiting is creepy.

The Freep has an ENTIRE section devoted to signing day. A Freep commenter named tater responds to an article detailing Rich Rodriguez's thoughts from his signing day presser.

Recruiting Florida is a great thing. USF has become a sorta top-25 program by recruiting kids from Florida who didn't get serious offers from top-25 schools.

The best recuiting story for this year comes from Florida:
EIGHT Miami Northwestern players signed en masse with Miami yesterday. This is even better than the seven from Lakeland who signed with Florida last year. The quality is slightly higher and the players are staying home.

Who has the energy or the need to track college football recruiting this closely? Why would you even care? I barely know, or to be honest, give a shit, whom Michigan signed, let alone what's happening a continent away. Those whom are so into recruiting they can tell you the 40 time some some bumpkin kid from Backwater, USA? They have issues.

In the early, primeval days of TWFE, I wrote that one of my biggest pet peeves was the coverage of college football signing day, and the recruiting process in general.

I have NO IDEA who these kids are and why I should be excited. None. I honestly believe that the so-called recruiting "Experts," such as Tom Lemming, Rivals.com, Scouts Inc., and others of their ilk, don't either. They are just making it up and slinging player BS as they go along. It's pure guesswork on their part. Highly paid NFL scouts and front office people have trouble projecting how well a much more mature college player's ability will translate to the next level. The Lions' drafts are a prime example. Take a look at the crapshoot that is the MLB draft, the success of high school players are basically a flip of the coin, and it's not much better for college players. The NBA have washed their hands of high school kids altogether. So I'm expected to take the word of some wannabe working out of his basement projecting the skill level of 17 year old high school kids? That takes a level of disbelief that I just don't have.

I wrote the preceding diatribe 2 years ago. Unfortunately, nothing has changed. If anything, it's gotten worse.

The Free Press seemingly leads with the latest in the Terrelle Pryor saga every God damn day. The college blogs and message boards post every and any sliver of unsubstantiated gossip regarding recruits. The 4 letter made a day of it, with breathless coverage on The Ocho ESPNU. I have Detroit sports talk radio on in the background, and a day later, they are STILL talking about the results of signing day.

It's all bullshit.

"Experts" are dissecting 17-18 year old high school kids who aren't even close to being physically and emotionally mature. Yet these kids are being hounded like Britney Spears after her latest meltdown. They are stars before they even set foot on campus.

This is what bothers me the most about what's become a big business. If highly trained and paid scouts from the NFL, MLB, NHL, and the NBA have trouble projecting the skills of these kids, how can you believe the rankings of some self-designated high school recruiting "expert?"

For all anyone knows, Terrelle Pryor may not be the next Vince Young, and end up as the next Ron "He'll win 4 Heismans" Powlus. There is no sure thing when you are talking about HIGH SCHOOL KIDS!

Recruiting coverage is nothing more than a sideshow full of scary geeks, all desperate for attention.

I told you I'd be back...

...Just later than I expected.

When you have physical issues, being out and about all day, taking care of business (Not in the Elvis way, thankyouverymuch), takes it out of you. To put it bluntly, I was fucking exhausted.

Trust me, arthritis sucks...

I'll be back...

It's going to be quiet at TWFE, as I'll be away from my PC most of the day. I'll be on the lookout for any paczkis Shaun Rogers may have missed. Wish me luck!

If I feel up to it, any postings won't hit the internets tubes till late this afternoon, or more likely, tonight.

So take that opportunity to visit the new blog by good friends of TWFE, Ian of Bless You Boys, and Mike of The Detroit Tigers Podcast and The Daily Fungo, called Baseball Blend. Mike and Ian will spread their copious amounts baseball knowledge beyond Tigerdom, and cover the rest of MLB. Good luck in your new venture, guys!

As always, thanks for reading!

Sharp as a whistle! Jesus!

I'm not one to normally pass along You Tube video mashups. But this mashup of Chris Berman exploding in pretentious anger, and Emmitt Smith's malaprops, is hysterical. When you factor in my utter disdain for all things ESPN, this clip makes me a happy man.



The reason the web exists is so brilliance like this gets mass exposure. The internet is a wonderful thing...

You make the call: Paczki or Shaun Rogers?

It being the day before Lent, today is known as Fat Tuesday. In Detroit, Fat Tuesday is also known as "paczki day!" That's pronounced "POONCH-key" for the Polish impaired, and those not familiar with the city of Hamtramck.

For those of you not from the upper Midwest, a paczki is an extremely tasty fried and filled Polish donut. In basic terms, a large, fancy jelly donut. It's considered a delicacy in the D. But they won't be around for long, as they are a Fat Tuesday only treat.

Someone who is also (rumored to be) not long for Detroit is Big Baby, Shaun Rogers. He's the brunt of the vast majority of fat jokes made here at TWFE, as Rogers is built like he trains on a strict diet of paczkis.

Thanks to their similarities, it seemed fitting to match the artery choking puczki against the formidable Lions defensive tackle, who's well on his way to artery blockage. So you make the call, paczki or Shaun Rogers?

Paczki

VS.

Shaun "Big Baby" Rogers

A paczki is round and bulbous.
Shaun Rogers is also round and bulbous.

A paczki is fried.
Rogers is full of fries.

A paczki can be coated with a sugar glaze.
Rogers eyes glaze over when he see paczkis. He drools, too!

A paczki is fruit filled.
Rogers is full of everything but fruit. Unless it's covered in fried batter...

A paczki can be covered with powdered sugar.
Rogers covers all his meals in powdered sugar.

Paczki are often jelly filled.
Rogers veins are jelly filled.

Paczki is a Detroit staple.
Rogers needs his stomach stapled.

Paczki is only made once a year.
Rogers only plays hard once a year.

Paczki is a Detroit tradition.
Rogers is traditionally overrated by Detroit.

Paczkis have been made since the middle ages.
Rogers hopes to live to middle age.

Over the years, paczki became lighter, spongier, and more resilient.
Over the years, Rogers became heavier, spongier, and less resilient.

Paczki is the Polish word for "deep fried dough."
Rogers is English word for "lazy ass."

I think we have a clear winner...

Above the fold - Grandy's a Tiger for the long term

Not that you would know it from listening to local sports talk, but the Tigers made a huge move to secure their future success yesterday. That being the signing of Curtis Granderson to a 5 year deal, with a club option for a 6th year. With Granderson now under club control till 2013, the Tigers have one of their cornerstones in place.

What's more telling about the Tigers/Granderson hookup is that no one thinks this is a bad contract. Not a single, solitary soul. The Tigers blogosphere is absolutely aglow, and gushing with praise, for both the Tigers and Granderson.

Where Have You Gone Johnny Grub:

Not to get too fawning here, but just about every father with a daughter should hope that she marries a young man like Curtis Granderson. At 26, it's scary to think what he can still accomplish on the ball field, and exhilirating to think of how many people he's yet to help and serve with his charitable work and donation of time.

One of the game's most approachable players, Granderson is one of many key components that the Tigers are locking up for the longterm, as they try to remain elite for years to come. Having good people like Granderson in the clubhouse goes a long way toward that goal.

Mack Avenue Tigers:

I’m sure Tigers fans are all as happy as I am to know Curtis Granderson has been signed through 2012, with a club option for 2013. He will receive about $30M over five years. Young Mr. Granderson has really become a fan favorite and a face of the club. As well, his charity work has done nice things in Detroit.

The Detroit Tigers Weblog:

There’s not much to analyze except to say “Yay!” Granderson on the open market is a $100 million player. Of course Granderson didn’t get “taken” on this deal because he isn’t eligible for the free agent market. The only leverage that Granderson has at this point is to say no to a long term contract. And being faced with $30 million or $500,000ish, it’s easy to see why he’d take the money and the security. Not to mention he is sticking with an organization that he likes, and figures to be a contender for a good chunk of his contract.

Bless You Boys:

Granderson provides exactly what many of us say we want from our professional athletes, and Detroit is fortunate to have him. As I've written before, I think he's the face of the Detroit Tigers and a figure the team and its fans can proudly hoist upon our shoulders to celebrate.

Tiger Tales:

Granderson had an outstanding season in 2007 batting .302/.361/.552 and finishing in the top 10 in MVP voting. He is perhaps best known nationally for being one of only 4 players in baseball history to achieve the quad twenty: 20 homers, 20 doubles, 20 triples and 20 stolen bases. He was also the Tigers best base runner and arguably the league's best defensive center fielder.

Tiger Blog:

While this isn’t unprecedented, giving a long term deal to a guy who isn’t even arbitration eligible is rare but the Tigers felt ponying up $30 million+ (I haven’t seen a final dollar figure, but the rumor is $30.25 million) was worth it after Granderson’s historical season.

Roar of the Tigers:

I am wicked in favor of this move. I reckon it makes good baseball sense, and also good fluffy intangible sense; it’s nice for the organization to show that kind of faith in Granderson.

The Fanhouse:

Granderson has always been the type of young player the Tigers would want to lock up for a few seasons, but with recent trades depleting the Tigers farm system of future replacements, Detroit had even more incentive to make sure Granderson has a Tigers jersey on for years to come.

Last and always least, TWFE:

I can't even bring my normal level of TWFE snark, because I'm so in favor of this move.

With that sort of consensus, Granderson shouldn't be patrolling center field in Detroit, he should be running for president!

My God, have you ever seen bloggers so united in their praise over ANYTHING? Not a single crank in the bunch. Hell, even with the Cabrera/Willis trade there was small amount of buyers remorse, in regard to the draining the farm system of all elite talent, the worry over Cabrera's long-term signability, and the health of Willis' arm.

But in this case? Nothing but praise for Granderson as a player, and even more so as a person who represents Detroit with class.

If it hasn't happened already, Curtis Granderson will soon own the D.

Fathers all around southeast Michigan are grooming their unattached daughters to hopefully become Mrs. Granderson. Men want to be his friend, and women get weak-kneed in his presence. Granderson has become the face of the team, the go to Tiger on the national scene, as shown by his stellar work on TBS and the 4 letter during the MLB playoffs.

In Detroit, forget the J, it's "WWCD?"

Detroit fishwrap comment of the day

The COTD is in the wild and woolly Freep. I could have gone for one of the many trolling comments in the pissing matches between Wolverines and Sparty. But that's too easy, and to honest, going through those threads are annoying as all Hell. Instead, I went for someone who is apparently sane. At least not blinded by their over the top hate for a specific school.

The comment was taken from Jon Paul Morosi's article recapping the Curtis Granderson signing, and the commenter is DetFaninOrlando. This comment stood out from the Freep's outrageous norm because it didn't bash anyone or anything, it wasn't flame bait, contained no spelling or grammar errors and was quite lucid. Amazing for the Freep!

Ok, I want to hear ANYONE say this was a bad move. NO CHANCE.

Good job DD.

DetFaninOrlando makes a very a good point. No one thinks the Tigers extending Granderson was a bad move. Unless you are a fan of another American League team. It's rare when you see a long-term contract that's good for both sides. This is one of those rare win/win instances.

Why Detroit sports talk radio blows: Reason #532

I tune over to WKRK, 97.1 The Ticket, as I'm not a Jim Rome guy. Thanks to that unfortunate decision, I found myself listening to some of the most irritating radio I've EVER heard. Yes, even more irritating than Rome...

Scott Anderson and Doug Karsh have spent the last half hour arguing over the following...Was Eli Manning's prayer to David Tyree was a good or bad pass? I've lost part of my pitiful life listening to the most asinine, stupid and what the fuck forced discussion I've ever heard. By the way, that sound you hear is me kicking my own ass for listening to this tripe.

Are things that slow in Detroit that LOCAL sports talk radio is rehashing 1 fucking play in the Super Bowl? They could be discussing something closer to home, and much more meaningful. Say the absolute rampage the Red Wings and Pistons are on, or the Tigers signing Curtis Granderson.

But no! Let's not cover the 3 teams who may be the beat in their respective leagues. Let's spend the afternoon lamely arguing utter bullshit that is already old news.

By the way, it was one of those "NONONO...YES!" plays. Manning threw the ball up for grabs, Tyree made a great catch. Discussion over.

Unfortunately, the discussion is NEVER over on Detroit sports talk radio. They have to run a subject so far into the ground, you need an excavating crew to find it...