Tuesday, February 05, 2008

You make the call: Paczki or Shaun Rogers?

It being the day before Lent, today is known as Fat Tuesday. In Detroit, Fat Tuesday is also known as "paczki day!" That's pronounced "POONCH-key" for the Polish impaired, and those not familiar with the city of Hamtramck.

For those of you not from the upper Midwest, a paczki is an extremely tasty fried and filled Polish donut. In basic terms, a large, fancy jelly donut. It's considered a delicacy in the D. But they won't be around for long, as they are a Fat Tuesday only treat.

Someone who is also (rumored to be) not long for Detroit is Big Baby, Shaun Rogers. He's the brunt of the vast majority of fat jokes made here at TWFE, as Rogers is built like he trains on a strict diet of paczkis.

Thanks to their similarities, it seemed fitting to match the artery choking puczki against the formidable Lions defensive tackle, who's well on his way to artery blockage. So you make the call, paczki or Shaun Rogers?



Shaun "Big Baby" Rogers

A paczki is round and bulbous.
Shaun Rogers is also round and bulbous.

A paczki is fried.
Rogers is full of fries.

A paczki can be coated with a sugar glaze.
Rogers eyes glaze over when he see paczkis. He drools, too!

A paczki is fruit filled.
Rogers is full of everything but fruit. Unless it's covered in fried batter...

A paczki can be covered with powdered sugar.
Rogers covers all his meals in powdered sugar.

Paczki are often jelly filled.
Rogers veins are jelly filled.

Paczki is a Detroit staple.
Rogers needs his stomach stapled.

Paczki is only made once a year.
Rogers only plays hard once a year.

Paczki is a Detroit tradition.
Rogers is traditionally overrated by Detroit.

Paczkis have been made since the middle ages.
Rogers hopes to live to middle age.

Over the years, paczki became lighter, spongier, and more resilient.
Over the years, Rogers became heavier, spongier, and less resilient.

Paczki is the Polish word for "deep fried dough."
Rogers is English word for "lazy ass."

I think we have a clear winner...

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