Monday, October 06, 2008

Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions - The aftermath: Fire someone, anyone!

The reviews are in. The bloggers and MSM have spoken. The verdict? Everyone is DISGUSTED by the Detroit Lions.

At Out of Bounds, my compatriot in "The Knee Jerks," Eno, when he's not worrying about my health, is trying to see the lighter side of the Lions' ineptitude.

So why is everyone screaming and carrying on and getting all mad and stuff?

The Lions are high schoolers playing in the National Football League. What do you expect?

Laugh. It's the best alternative to crying.

I may have to adopt Eno's attitude, or I may burst a few blood vessels. (Which many of you believe is going to happen sometime this season) Maybe I could start with more Rod Marinelli jokes?

A priest, a rabbi and Rod Marinelli all walk into a bar. They start pounding the rock.

Rod Marinelli walks into a bar, and sits down. The bartender asks Marinelli, "Why the long face?" Rod replies, "I'm sad because I'm not pounding the rock."

Rod Marinelli goes into a bar, orders twelve beers and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?" Rod says, "I'm thirsty from pounding the rock."

It's gotten so bad at Pride of Detroit, after saying the entire coaching staff deserve to be broomed, Sean is enforcing a new set of posting rules.

I am implementing a four-touchdown rule. If the Lions fall behind by 28 or more points, I am no longer going to provide live updates. I have to set some limits as I'll either be laughing at how bad this team is or crying. I hope it's the former, but either way, I don't want to waste my time watching this garbage team if they're getting blown out again.

Sundays for Lions fans have become one long exercise in torture. I can't blame him one iota. We all have our limits, and Sean has reached his.

Fire Millen (I'm still wondering what their new name will be) agrees with me, William Clay Ford has to go to a scorched earth policy when cleaning the up the roster, coaching staff and front office.

Outside of Calvin Johnson, Ernie Sims and Drew Stanton, there isn’t one person on this team, coach or player, that shouldn’t be worried about their job.

Bring in the flamethrower…time to start the burn and rebuild the team….again.

I'd add Jason Hanson and Nick Harris to the list, but other than that, no one's job should be safe. No way, no how. Blow it up, the sooner the better, so we can all move on. Pissed off, upset and angry is no way to go through life...except on Sunday afternoons.

The local MSM sees the writing on the wall, and the calls for Marinelli's job have hit the presses. The only reason anyone can come up with for keeping his job is a poor one. There's no one of head coaching caliber on Marinelli's staff...including Marinelli himself, unfortunately.

The Killer:

The short-term problem for Ford is there isn't anybody on the coaching staff who is qualified to take over for Marinelli. That in itself should mean Marinelli will finish out the season.


This is beyond disgusting, beyond repair, practically beyond comprehension. It's so bad after the Lions' fourth straight blowout loss -- 34-7 to Chicago Sunday -- something more must be done.

You could fire the head coach, Rod Marinelli, who's now 10-26, except there isn't a suitable replacement on staff, or anywhere in the vicinity.


But firing Marinelli now accomplishes nothing.

Who from the current staff could anyone trust on an interim basis? Offensive coordinator Jim Colletto? Are you serious? The Lions still can't score a touchdown in the first quarter.

Defensive coordinator Joe Barry? You're kidding, right? The Lions still can't stop opposing teams from scoring touchdowns in the first quarter ... and the second quarter ... and the third.

Kippy Brown?

Anyone with an active pulse and a whistle?

How sad is the situation when the move that makes the most sense, Marinelli getting the ziggy, can't be made because everyone on his staff is too incompetent to take over?

It's gotten so bad, columnists are even making the same, lame, obvious, unfunny jokes...


It's so sickeningly repetitive, I thought the fans might get confused and start a "Hire Millen!" chant.

The Little Fella:

Hire Millen!

Aw, come on, if you don’t laugh now, you’ll cry.

Dudes, at least compare notes in the press box before...wait. Knowing Albom, he wasn't at the game. So I'm letting Wojo off the hook. And what's with everyone crying? Tears of anger, maybe. I'm too pissed to be sad...

Here's a shocker! The Worst Columnist in America agrees with me!

Rod Marinelli must be fired. Today.

I must be living in Bizarroland. I think I need to lie down.

At the 4 Letter, their NFC North blogger, Kevin Seifert, thinks the Lions may not have a choice in canning their under fire head coach. The pain may become too much for even Ford to endure.

What will the Lions do if things don't get better -- and quickly? Ford Field was half-empty before the fourth quarter began Sunday, and at least some fans aren't going to stick around for 12 more games of this. Team officials want to let coach Rod Marinelli finish out the season, but how much pain are they willing to endure?

Your guess is as good as mine. I'll admit I've reached my pain threshold. Any more pain, and I'll become menatally unstable.



  1. I'm throwing my hat into the ring for the coaching job. Let me run the same 8 plays from my tecmo super bowl playbook and I guarantee 50 points a game. I dont know what I'd do on defense though. Maybe I'll try to talk David Fulcher out of retirement

  2. nice stone cold reference there with the 'WHAT?!?' comment, al.

    apathy has been my best friend when it comes to the lions. they're not worth any emotions, period. i guess i continue to keep tabs on them cuz ya just gotta believe that some how, some way, some day, they'll claw their way back to respectability....

    the more things change, the more they stay the same....hope springs eternal and all those other proverbs.

    as long as fudd is in charge, there's no hope. he's as stubborn as millen is when it comes to changing things up and that's why i'll just keep waiting patiently for the ax to fall instead of getting all worked up about it. it's not even worth it.

  3. A friend of mine today commented that his wife asked if they could fire the entire team- players and coaches. And just a bit ago, I was thinking about that, and decided that CJ and Stanton should stay. I would perhaps consider a reprieve for the rest of the wideouts (not counting Whiney Roy), as they're not completely sucky.

    Even Sims is now up in the air, IMHO. I haven't heard much about him, though I admit I haven't seen a single game this year with the sound on. I guess Hanson and Harris could stay. It depends on how much of the Lions mentality they've absorbed. Maybe Hanson should go, just to let him end his career with a winner, like Murray did.

    What the hell. Fire the whole bunch, and bring back Moeller to coach. They say the Fords like him and might bring hiim back in some role. This way he'd have a better chance at evaluating the "players"

  4. I've seen that talk about Moeller, GTW. He's still in WCF's good graces, and they "trust" him. Should they use him for advice? Sure, why not. I'd bet he still has NFL connections, and he is a lifelong football guy. But that should be the extent of it.

    Ernie Sims is a good player being pulled into a vortex of immense suck in Detroit. Put him on a good team, and I bet he makes plays.

    Anon, I try my best not to get worked up about it. I care, but I'm usually good at letting it roll of my back, As you say, it's not worth it. But a 4th straight blowout loss pushed my buttons one too many times. I had to vent. One of the pluses of having a blog, you have your own little bully pulpit to vent one's spleen!

    Andrew, if I owned a team, you'd be at the top of the interview list! I like a man with a plan! Hmmm, I may have to put together my own list of coaches...

  5. More Marinelli jokes is always a good thing. Every one of those was great.

  6. Thanks, Cliff! I'll try to keep 'em coming...

    What did Charlie Brown do with all the rocks he got while trick or treating on Halloween night?

    He gave them all to Rod Marinelli, so he could pound the rock.

    G'night, folks! I'm here every night! Try the veal!

  7. nyum nyum, veal is good.

    saw something on the free press about how you could make one of those retarded coors light commercials with fudd as the coach.

    guys - coach, we're thinking about going to the bar and getting some beers....

    fudd - it's on me.

    made me chuckle when i read it.