Friday, September 12, 2008

10 things you know I know I know, you know?*

*As if I need to tell you from whom I blatantly swiped the template for this post.

10. I normally look forward to watching the Wolverines play, but Michigan - Notre Dame is going to be Hella painful to watch. It's gonna take a huge effort...from the fans to hold down their beer and munchies. Bad football is hard enough to watch, but to see a pair of storied college programs flail about on the gridiron like Detroit Lions? I never thought I'd see the day.

The Wolverines have no QB (Seriously, when you rotate QB's, all you are saying is you don't have one good QB on your roster) and little offense, while the Domers are God awful on both sides of the ball. At least Michigan has a halfway decent defense, which ND can't say.

Michigan is going to win, but it'll be close. I'll be watching the carnage in much the same way you'd watch a slow motion train wreck: With a combination of curiosity and self-loathing. Then again, I feel like that whenever I watch Notre Dame.

9. With the news the Tigers are giving starting assignments to both Freddie Garcia and Dontrelle Willis next week, they have finally realized the obvious. (A couple of weeks too late, but what the hey!) It's time to start preparing for 2009.

That I have have more confidence in the gimpy armed Garcia being successful than in Steve Blass The D-Train says...Well, I'm not sure what it says, but it sure can't be good. In some ways, I'll watching Willis' start in the same way I'll be watching Michigan - Notre Dame. I'll be expecting a train wreck. I hope I'm wrong.

Either way, I'm glad the Tigers are looking ahead, as I wouldn't want to be looking at their .479, 6 games under .500, hugely disappointing present either.

8. After watching the 2 extremely strange Microsoft advertisements starring Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld, I've had a realization. Seinfeld is more irritating than funny, and Gates is a comedic genius. At the very least, the man richer than the combined fortunes of Willaim Clay Ford, Mike Ilitch, Bill Davidson, Scrooge McDuck and Tony Stark is a better actor than Seinfeld.

Not that I'm saying much. Anyone in a 9th grade drama class would be a better actor than Jerry Seinfeld. Hell, even Steven Segal is a better actor than Seinfeld. Or that Smilin' Bob idiot in the Enzyte commercials. Or the chicks who get naked late at night on Skinemax.

7. I often rag on Detroit sports talk radio, for good reason. We can now add another reason to the lengthy list as to why Detroit's sports talk radio stations blow goats. Mike Stone just opened the WDFN phone lines by asking listeners the following question:

"Have you ever pooped yourself?"

I'm not kidding, he honestly wants to know if listeners have shit their pants.

I'm not sure who I feel worse for; Stone for asking such an idiotic question, or the morons calling in to answer.

I turned the radio off. I've lost enough brain cells over the years due to my own volition. I don't need a radio station causing me to lose more IQ points.

Let's not even mention the continually running ad for an erectile dysfunction remedy that is also offering a way to measure the length and girth of your wang. Who in their right mind at WDFN thought running an insulting ad for a fucking placebo was a good idea? I'm not a prude, as if you didn't already know, it's that I don't like being taken for a sucker and a moron. And anyone who believes there is a miracle cure for having a small cock are both a sucker and a moron. Are WDFN and Clear Channel that hard up for revenue?

Have some pride WDFN, and say no to commercials that aim for the lowest common denominator...and succeed.

6. The Lions narrowly avoided having their first TV blackout in Ford Field history, thanks to a furniture chain buying out the remaining 3000+ tickets.

Even though the Lions can continue to brag they have a 7 season long sellout streak, this is only delaying the inevitable. Sooner than later, we are going to have a blackout. I'll bet the proverbial farm the sellout streak end on October 26th, when the Lions take on the Redskins. It'll be the first home game with a road team that doesn't live within a realistic driving distance.

We all know Ford Field will be half full of drunken Cheeseheads this Sunday, and at the next home game (Sunday, Oct. 5) we'll see an invasion of drunken Bears fans. It's impossible to have a home field advantage when your own fans are pissed off beyond all belief, and the majority of people in your own stadium will be rooting against you.

5. Anyone think Miguel Cabrera is overrated now? You knee jerk whiners on message boards? What about you mouth breathers in newspaper comment threads, or those morons calling in to sports talk stations? Huh? Anyone? Didn't think so.

You can rip Dave Dombrowski for many, if not most, of his off season moves, but not this one. Cabrera is going to put up hall of fame numbers, and do so wearing a Detroit Tigers' uniform.

Now do something about the pitching, God dammit!

4. I just wanted to give you guys a preview of what TWFE may look like after the upcoming move to MVN. Here's a sneak peek at one possible header...

(Clicky, clicky for full size)

Pretty cool, if I say so myself...

3. I would not put it past the Lions to beat the Packers Sunday. How, you ask?

A. The Packers' Ryan Grant doesn't play (or is easily neutralized) because of his leg injury, taking away their running game, forcing Aaron Rogers to win the game on his own. I'm not saying he can't, but Rogers didn't have to do all that much against the Vikings.

B. Calvin Johnson goes off big time, catching 3-4 TD passes, while Jon Kitna doesn't do anything stupid. Hey, it could happen!

C. Gosder Cherilus, Jordon Dizon and Kevcin Smith all have breakout games. Hey, it could happen!

D. The Lions new kick returner, Brandon Middleton, scores a couple of times, along with giving the offense good field position. Hey, it could...Now I'm just being silly. No way in HELL will the Lions special teams win a game for them.

2. I really, really, really like USA's "Burn Notice." It's the best show running on TV. (Till "Lost" comes back, anyway) When I grow up, I wanna be just like Bruce Campbell. We all have to have goals in life...

1. For those of you who actually believed Steve Yzerman was coming out of retirement? I have an erectile dysfunction remedy to sell you.


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  2. Love the new header for the site... simply badass Wayne Fontes pic.