Jim Leyland: I want an extension, you SOB's! Detroit Tigers: Die in a fire!

OK, I admit it isn't quite as contentious as my headline, but there is definitely some tension between the Tigers and their manager.

Jim Leyland has gone public, letting everyone within earshot know that he deserves a contract extension, while conveniently forgetting he turned down extra years not all that long ago. The Tigers think differently, and refuse to give the Marlboro Man anything more. In their eyes, Leyland's going to have to earn a new deal.

Gimme my $2 extension!

Why is Leyland so adamant in demanding a contract extension? Why has he gone to media with his complaints?

As you might have guessed, I have his 10 reasons...

10. Smokes ain't cheap, you know. Criminal, that's what it is. Should be a government investigation!

9. That moron who used to work next door, Matt Millen, was able to get an extension, and he never won a God damn thing! I take a team to the the World Series, and get...a handshake and a pat on the back. It ain't right.

8. Have you priced a carton of Marlboro Reds lately? I had to take out a payday loan to get my Reds! Seriously, it's criminal.

7. You try dealing with Pudge Rodriguez for an entire season! He's the prima donna's prima donna. The extension should be considered retroactive hazard pay.

6. Did you see the so-called "bullpen" Dombrowski gave me?! I've seen better bullpens in the California Penal League! Christ, I deserve some extra coin for pain and suffering!

5. With my current deal, when you factor in my nicotine habit, I'm actually losing money. Criminal, I tell ya.

4. Remember the contract extension you offered me after last year, and I...I..OK, I admit it, I turned it down. Well, I changed my mind. It's a girls and a managers right to change their minds. So what's 12 months between friends?

3. Think the Wall St. meltdown is a mess? Wait till you see my lame duck ass meltdown mid season! But if I extorted...uh...had an extension, maybe, just maybe, it won't happen.

2. I'm being bent over by big tobacco! I needs my fix! Give me some money!

1. I have to listen to Brandon Inge piss and moan every God damn day for 6 straight months. "I'm not a catcher! I wanna play 3rd!" If that's not worth an extra few million, nothing is. Plus smokes are damn expensive...