Don't "pick on" Sheff: The worst columnist in America strikes again

I'm sorry. That's it. I can't contain myself anymore. I have to say it. The majority of the MSM are fucking morons.

They are lead by the densest media whore around, the functionally retarded Rob Parker. Why did I score through "functionally? Because I've just read one of the worst God damn columns ever. And what was the subject that has me so riled up?

Parker decided to defend Gary Sheffield.

Leave Gary Sheffield alone. It's kind of silly now to want to blame Sheffield for the disaster that is the Tigers' season.

Let me clue you in Parker, there is no defending Gary Sheffield. You can't do it, the 2 home runs hit last night regardless.

Sheffield decided to burn bridges in Detroit with his blaming everyone but himself when he bitched and moaned to an out of town writer about being a DH. A highly overpaid, unproductive, in the lineup every day, stuck in Detroit for another season thanks to an albatross of a contract, DH. Sheffield out and out said he doesn't want to be here.

Instead of leaving poor, misunderstood Sheffield alone, as the worst columnist in America suggests, I have a better suggestion. If Sheffield doesn't want to be in Detroit, then fucking retire. You'll hear cheer from all over Tigerdom. But he won't do it because he's getting paid $14 MILLION in 2009!

If Sheffield wants fans to take the bullshit he slings seriously, then back it up with actions. Don't go whining to an out of town fish wrap how bad you have it with the Tigers on one day, then happily cash the extremely large checks the team you don't want to play for unfortunately has to hand over to your .220 hitting, glass shouldered ass, the next.

So Parker says we shouldn't scapegoat Sheffield for this awful season.

You have got to be shitting me.

First off, I can boo, rag on and scapegoat whomever the Hell I want. Fans don't take kindly to being lectured as to who they should root for and who they shouldn't. We can make up our own minds, thank you very much.  I don't need a pea brained, so-called writer who spends more time in Bristol and New York than Detroit to tell me jack shit.

Sheffield is caught on film preparing to throw 
the Marlboro Man under the bus...

Sheffield is being booed is because he's hitting .220 and being paid $14 MILLION to do so. The reason he's being roasted by the fans is thanks to his throwing Jim Lelyand under the bus, the one person who has fully backed his .220 hitting ass all season, yet just had to bitch about playing time. Sheffield is so fucking clueless, well, he's as clueless as the dumb ass defending him in the Detroit News.

That's pretty damned clueless.

Then Parker has the GALL to say...

It's just easy to pick on Sheffield because he's outspoken and usually tells you what he's thinking when asked a question. 

It feels like Parker's thisclose to playing the race card, doesn't it?

It easy to pick on Sheffield not because he's an outspoken black man. It's his constantly sticking his foot in his mouth. There's always a size 13 Nike stuffed in Sheffield's rarely closed maw. How about thinking for 30 seconds before blurting out something so stupidly controversial you have to spend the next week explaining yourself?

By the way, did I say Sheffield's hitting .220?

Point Two Twenty.

Because that's the biggest reason he's being "picked on." Hit like Brandon Inge, you're going to catch your share of shit. If God himself spent the majority of the season batting in the number 3 hole, and hit .220, He'd be getting roasted too!

Then Parker writes something flabbergastingly stupid...

Coincidence or not, Sheffield was put on waivers Tuesday by the Tigers. Hopefully, the Tigers didn't do it for the words he spoke.

Huh? If Parker believes Sheffield was put on waivers because he said something the Tigers didn't like, then he's even more clueless than I thought, if that's even possible.

Sheffield was put on waivers because he's an always injured DH with a monster contract that has the Tigers financially hamstrung going into next year. I could also be due to the fact he's HITTING .220!

Hell, I'd bet the entire team was put on waivers just to see if there was a sucker team interested in making a deal. I can guarantee if you are over 30 and have a large contract, the Tigers placed you on waivers. It's not due to feelings being hurt because of some imaginary DH platoon.

I think I need to make up a T-Shirt for Tigers fans. It'll have "FREE GARY SHEFFIELD!" plastered across the front.




Myspace Tshirt Generator

Unfortunately, media types like Parker wouldn't get that it's supposed to be ironic...

It's no wonder the Detroit News is in such financial deep shit. They employ morons. 

Answering the Detroit Tigers burning questions: Asshattery in Tigertown edition

Garcia's on board, Sheffield's bitching, Verlander is being abused and the Tigers are slowly fading into the sunset when it comes to the pennant race. You know what that means, right? Burning questions? I thought you'd never ask!

In news that broke this afternoon, free agent pitcher Freddie Garcia signed with the Tigers. Garcia, who not long ago was at the top of the White Sox rotation, is recovering from arm surgery and hasn't pitched in the majors in over a year. Smart signing or wishful thinking?

Smart signing. It seems like a solid move on the Tigers' part to me. Garcia signed a minor league deal, and will going to Lakeland to build up his arm strength. We'll know soon enough if Carlos Guillen's BFF has anything left.

It's worth taking a flier on a solid starter who averaged 15 wins a season before he got hurt. All Garcia cost Detroit was time and money. When you consider the holes (now, and in the future) in the rotation, the former White Sox ace could easily fill one quite capably...if healthy. And that's the caveat.

Caveats or not, this is a no risk signing. If Garcia shows he has big league stuff and joins the rotation, the Tigers could decide to lock up Garcia for next season, taking care of the spot likely to be vacated by Kenny Rogers. If he shows he can't cut it, the Tigers are only obligated to pay a relatively small amount of cash, as the current contract only runs through the end of this season. When you've already dropped $138 million this season, what's another few thousand?

Gary Sheffield, bitchy prima donna or...

There is no reason to finish the question, as Sheffield is proving to be a petulant, bitchy, prima donna whiner.

"I don't wanna be DH and you can't make me! I wanna be a REAL baseball player"

Real baseball players hit more than .230. I might take his complaints seriously if Sheffield had a legitimate complaint. He doesn't, so please shut the fuck up and play ball, both at the plate and in the locker room.

Really, what does taking his petty complaints to an out of town reporter accomplish? It undercuts his manager, it pisses off the fans who've looking for a scapegoat (They have one now!) and makes Sheffield look fucking clueless. He knew coming into Detroit he would be a full-time DH. All playing in the outfield did was ruin the next 1 1/2 seasons for everyone involved.

I've been as big of a defender of Sheffield as anyone in Detroit, but I've reached my limit with Glass Shoulder Joe. You're being paid $14 million to go to the plate 4 times a game, and be successful 3 out of 10 times. When you can't even do that, let alone stay healthy enough to swing a bat, yet still complain about not playing in the field and some non-existent platoon?

I can now understand where the people saying Sheffield was an ass were coming from.He's a hall of fame talent with a bigger talent for pissing people off.

So what do you do with the glass shouldered one?

Not much, actually.

The $14 million Sheffield is owed for next season makes him essentially baseball kryptonite. You can't trade him, as no one in their right mind would take Sheffield off the Tigers' hands with that much guaranteed money left on the table. You can't release him, even though fans have been screaming for it, as Mike Ilitch would gag at the thought of paying someone $14 million to just go away. As much as Sheffield bitches, you can't risk playing him in the field, as his shoulder would turn into so much hamburger.

All you can do is keep your fingers crossed, hoping Sheffield stays healthy and regains his hitting stroke. You pick your spots with him, and hope he's successful. You also keep putting out feelers for any takers in a trade, and hope to God some desperate GM finally says, "Sure, we'll be happy to take Mr. Sheffield off your hands." (Hey, it could happen!)

You then get him out of town ASAP, before he gets hurt again, nullifying the deal.

In Justin Verlander's last start, Jim Leyland left him on the mound to throw 130 pitches. (My arm twinged just writing about it) Last night, in his first rotation turn since that marathon outing, Verlander had nothing, looked for all the world that he had a tired arm, was shelled by the Blue Jays, lasting only 4.1 innings. Thoughts?

I actually have a question. Who in the HELL is advising Leyland? The young pitcher killer and all around clueless fuckhead, Dusty Baker? Someone needs to grab Lelyand, AND SLAP HIM SILLY!

As rough as a season Verlander is having, his right arm is the future of the Tigers franchise. To leave him on the mound for 130 pitches is on the bad side of abuse. It's fucking moronic. Hell, it's stupendously idiodic and I'd have the Tigers' manger checked for signs of mental retardation.;

Pitch counts have been an issue with Verlander all damn season. You'd think Leyland (or Chuck Hernandez, Dave Dombrowski, even the God damn batboy!) would have realized it, and prepared for it. They could have called someone up from the minors. Leyland could have put in a position player to pitch if he was so motherfucking adamant about not using the bullpen. He could have forfeited, for all care. Anything but leaving your franchise pitcher on the mound till his arm is hanging by shredded tendons.

I could give a shit about winning a MEANINGLESS game when it comes to keeping the Tigers' current and future ace healthy. Asshattery abounds in the Tigers' dugout.

I don't want to give anyone nightmares, but...I'd hate to look back in a few years, and say, "Remember that year the Tigers let Veralnder throw 110+ pitches a game? 2008? When Leyland "Mark Prior'ed" him? That's the season he was ruined."

Am I overstating things? More than a little. But wouldn't it be smart to err on the side of caution when handling young starters?

//Al throws hands into the air, walks away muttering to himself//

Gary Sheffield has something in common with Mark Twain

That being the reports of Sheffield's demise, just as Samuel Clemens', were greatly exaggerated.

Since his return from the DL, Sheff has been an offensive force of nature, a masher of prodigious proportions, and the reason the Tigers took 2 of 3 from the Cardinals.

A .462 BA, 2 home runs, game winning and tying hits the last 2 days shows he is once again healthy. Small sample size, I know. But this is the weapon I expected to see this season, much in the way Sheffield's bat carried the Tigers from May through July in '07.

Sheffield to Cardinals pitching:
"See those left field seats? I'm taking your poor ass shit deep!"

Seeing a pain free Sheffield rake has you wondering why the Tigers waited so long before placing him on the DL. Before he FINALLY went on the disabled list in late May, it had gotten to the point you could predict Sheffield's at bats. A 10 hopper to the left side of the infield had become his M.O. When the Tigers needed a big hit, Sheff would hit into a big double play. It was sad to watch a great player struggle like an overmatched rookie.

I realize Sheffield thought he could play with the pain, but he was hurting the Tigers more than he was helping. Actually, he wasn't helping at all, but ballplayers want to play, no matter what. And if there is one thing Sheffield is, he's a ballplayer. A God damn good ballplayer...When he's healthy.

I place more blame on the Tigers for allowing Sheffield to struggle with the pain in his shoulder for far too long. I know it's tough to tell a hard-headed, strong-willed, hall of fame caliber athlete he needs to sit and rest. Especially when that athlete is pushing his 40's.

No team should ever let a player call the shots. From all accounts, Sheffield was calling the shots in regard to playing everyday, despite his obviously damaged shoulder. If there is one flaw in Jim Leyland's managing style, it's letting the veterans have a little too much rope in those sort of situations.

Better late than never, I guess. I just wish the Tigers had been more proactive in "handling" Sheffield, and his balky shoulder. A little "tough love" would have gone a long way in getting him healthier, sooner. It would have gone a long way in improving the Tigers' record as well.

I have a question for the Tigers' front office...

Jim Leyland announced before tonight's loss Gary Sheffield would no longer play in the outfield.

"His shoulder isn’t right, and I don’t think it’s made any better by playing the outfield, because he can barely lob the ball in," Tigers manager Jim Leyland said today. "So I don’t think that makes any sense."

So my question to the Tigers brass is as follows...

If Sheffield's "shoulder isn't right" and "he can barely lob the ball in," why on earth isn't he on the DL?!

Common sense tells me if your shoulder is so God damn sore you can't throw a baseball, it is also going to affect you when swinging the bat. Am I right?

It's obvious Sheffield isn't 100%, hasn't been for quite some time, and won't be any time soon. Yet the Tigers continue to live in denial, hoping Sheffield's shoulder, and with it, his bat, will come around. He's had multiple cortisone shots, to little effect. It's mid May. The season is 1/4 over. Sheffield's average is barely over the Mendoza Line.

The shoulder is not coming around.

The Tigers have enough problems being 8 games under .500, and falling. Sheffield playing through his shoulder pain is only adding to them.

I'm sick and tired of watching Sheffield ground weakly to short. It's time to sit his ass down, put him on the DL, and get his shoulder healthy. Don't bring Sheffield back till he's proven in a rehab stint he can hit like we know he can.

A healthy Sheffield is a weapon, capable of carrying the Tigers offensively. Right now, he's nothing more than a liability.

(The better late than never ) Detroit fishwrap comment of the day - If Sheff's mad, it must be baseball season

Love him or hate him, you can't deny the Tigers Gary Sheffield is a tad outspoken. You could even say he's quite free in giving his opinions.

Freep commenter chrisdallas mines Sheffield's tendency to speak his mind for humor, getting a giggle out of me, when he sticks tongue deep in cheek, and posted the following...

Boy. Gary should really say what's on his mind more often. He's too timid...

Why the Sheff snark? Well, Sheffield is angry. In fact, it's safe to say he's extremely pissed off. At what or who, you ask? Well, there's a certain agent looking over his highly compensated shoulder tonight.

Sheff spoke his quite angry mind today in regard to past transgressions against him, as he let the world know his plans to confront his former agent, Mr. Evil Incarnate, Scott "Next question" Boras.

“It's going to be the ugliest thing you've ever seen because certain people you don't mess with,” he said. “And I guarantee you, I'm one of them.”

If I'm Boras, I wouldn't want to be in the same hemisphere as Sheffield, let alone the same country.

I have some advice for Mr Evil Incarnate. If I were in your (now quaking) $1000 shoes, I wouldn't hesitate to update my last will and testament, pay up my life insurance and hire a couple extra bodyguards. Get your affairs in order ASAP, as Gary Sheffield is not a man to be trifled with...

As a Tigers fan who now knows Sheff plays his best when he has a chip the size of the rock of Gibraltar on his tender shoulder, to see him so utterly PEEVED at the totally unlikeable asshat Boras pleases me to no end. There will be no April slumps this season.

It's a thin line between love and hate for Sheff

Why all the flip-flopping over the Tigers' Gary Sheffield?

The hate is in thanks to his childish tantrum that showed up both the home plate ump and Jim Leyland, got him tossed from Thursday's Indians game, and has earned him a 3 game suspension. (Currently on appeal, so he's still in uniform)

The Tigers are already short Brandon Inge and Carlos Guillen for the weekend. Most think that this is, well, sort of an important series. Yet Sheff decides to get his anger on, and will sometime soon leave a short handed Tigers team less one of their most important bats. To call his stunt stupid is being kind to stupid folks all over.

But it also made me smile. After the fact, anyway. Thanks to his statement after the game in response to the umpire's claim that Sheffield threw his broken bat at him...

"Umpires do lie, too, He just told a bald-faced lie. He's a bald-faced liar."

I'm sorry, but that's just hysterical! Could Sheffield be anymore blunt? Hell, no.


It's going to be one interesting summer with that crazy SOB in town.