Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Don't "pick on" Sheff: The worst columnist in America strikes again

I'm sorry. That's it. I can't contain myself anymore. I have to say it. The majority of the MSM are fucking morons.

They are lead by the densest media whore around, the functionally retarded Rob Parker. Why did I score through "functionally? Because I've just read one of the worst God damn columns ever. And what was the subject that has me so riled up?

Parker decided to defend Gary Sheffield.

Leave Gary Sheffield alone. It's kind of silly now to want to blame Sheffield for the disaster that is the Tigers' season.

Let me clue you in Parker, there is no defending Gary Sheffield. You can't do it, the 2 home runs hit last night regardless.

Sheffield decided to burn bridges in Detroit with his blaming everyone but himself when he bitched and moaned to an out of town writer about being a DH. A highly overpaid, unproductive, in the lineup every day, stuck in Detroit for another season thanks to an albatross of a contract, DH. Sheffield out and out said he doesn't want to be here.

Instead of leaving poor, misunderstood Sheffield alone, as the worst columnist in America suggests, I have a better suggestion. If Sheffield doesn't want to be in Detroit, then fucking retire. You'll hear cheer from all over Tigerdom. But he won't do it because he's getting paid $14 MILLION in 2009!

If Sheffield wants fans to take the bullshit he slings seriously, then back it up with actions. Don't go whining to an out of town fish wrap how bad you have it with the Tigers on one day, then happily cash the extremely large checks the team you don't want to play for unfortunately has to hand over to your .220 hitting, glass shouldered ass, the next.

So Parker says we shouldn't scapegoat Sheffield for this awful season.

You have got to be shitting me.

First off, I can boo, rag on and scapegoat whomever the Hell I want. Fans don't take kindly to being lectured as to who they should root for and who they shouldn't. We can make up our own minds, thank you very much.  I don't need a pea brained, so-called writer who spends more time in Bristol and New York than Detroit to tell me jack shit.

Sheffield is caught on film preparing to throw 
the Marlboro Man under the bus...

Sheffield is being booed is because he's hitting .220 and being paid $14 MILLION to do so. The reason he's being roasted by the fans is thanks to his throwing Jim Lelyand under the bus, the one person who has fully backed his .220 hitting ass all season, yet just had to bitch about playing time. Sheffield is so fucking clueless, well, he's as clueless as the dumb ass defending him in the Detroit News.

That's pretty damned clueless.

Then Parker has the GALL to say...

It's just easy to pick on Sheffield because he's outspoken and usually tells you what he's thinking when asked a question. 

It feels like Parker's thisclose to playing the race card, doesn't it?

It easy to pick on Sheffield not because he's an outspoken black man. It's his constantly sticking his foot in his mouth. There's always a size 13 Nike stuffed in Sheffield's rarely closed maw. How about thinking for 30 seconds before blurting out something so stupidly controversial you have to spend the next week explaining yourself?

By the way, did I say Sheffield's hitting .220?

Point Two Twenty.

Because that's the biggest reason he's being "picked on." Hit like Brandon Inge, you're going to catch your share of shit. If God himself spent the majority of the season batting in the number 3 hole, and hit .220, He'd be getting roasted too!

Then Parker writes something flabbergastingly stupid...

Coincidence or not, Sheffield was put on waivers Tuesday by the Tigers. Hopefully, the Tigers didn't do it for the words he spoke.

Huh? If Parker believes Sheffield was put on waivers because he said something the Tigers didn't like, then he's even more clueless than I thought, if that's even possible.

Sheffield was put on waivers because he's an always injured DH with a monster contract that has the Tigers financially hamstrung going into next year. I could also be due to the fact he's HITTING .220!

Hell, I'd bet the entire team was put on waivers just to see if there was a sucker team interested in making a deal. I can guarantee if you are over 30 and have a large contract, the Tigers placed you on waivers. It's not due to feelings being hurt because of some imaginary DH platoon.

I think I need to make up a T-Shirt for Tigers fans. It'll have "FREE GARY SHEFFIELD!" plastered across the front.

Myspace Tshirt Generator

Unfortunately, media types like Parker wouldn't get that it's supposed to be ironic...

It's no wonder the Detroit News is in such financial deep shit. They employ morons. 


  1. Thank god someone else read/ wrote about this column. I have never been more disgusted as A) last night sheffield was booed his first at bat and then cheered the next two after his home run,and B) this absolute garbage written by Rob Parker. I think Sheff deserves every single bit of criticism after his words to the Boston media. I wish we were able to boot him out of town ASAP, and if I was Leyland, he would be riding the pine the rest of the year.

  2. Anon, as I started to the read the "column" last night, my blood began to boil. I was FURIOUS!

    I'm with you, I couldn't believe the fans were cheering after the awful things Sheffield said, and I still can't believe someone, let alone a columnist, would try to defend his indefensible actions. Total bullshit.

    Then again, we're talking about Parker, whose columns continue to boggle the mind in their utter ludicrousness.

  3. My only beef is that Parker may not be the worst columnist in DETROIT much less the country. Is there a worse 1-2 punch than Drew Sharp and Parker?

    As for Sheffield I got some dirty looks@ CoPa this week when commenting to my companion that Sheff is garbage and should be pretty much put out to pasture or shot like Ol Yeller. Of course these same people defended Pudge and his 9 walks last season to the death too.

  4. I'm more familiar with the level of functional retardation in the political MSM world, it's good to see they're consistent across all categories.

    Is it irony, or just human nature, that the two worst hitters this season also just happen to be the biggest whiners? At least Thames doesn't seem to be blaming anyone else or lobbying for more PT. Really thought he was ready to take over LF after a stretch this summer.

    I do sometimes wonder if columnists crank out trash just because they have to say SOMETHING. Maybe they get bored at a certain point and need a challenge: "Let's see...What would be the most ridiculous position I could defend?"