Words can't desrcribe how pissed I am at Todd Jones...

But "DFA his useless fucking puff ball throwing homophobic washed up ass immediately" comes close. Damn close.

I don't normally let bad losses get to me all that much. It's not worth it. I also try not to blog mad. But tonight's loss really struck the wrong chord. The wrong fucking chord. All because of the Tigers' "closer."(Term used laughably loosely) He's now the devil incarnate who happens to wear the Olde English D on his chest.

What little goodwill Jones may have had left with the Detroit fanbase evaporated the moment Jermaine Dye's fly ball left Comerica. In the biggest game of the season, a game the Tigers desperately needed to win, Todd Jones came up woefully short.

This one hurt. Hurt a lot. A combined gut/nut punch of a loss. You can't blow this game. You just can't. But Jones did, and did so in the most painful fucking way possible.

In the eyes of the fans, Jones is done. Fini. Toast. Kaput. An ex-closer.

I can only hope the Tigers feel the same way.

I hate the Minnesota Twins

Really, I do.

Extremely ugly, painful and outright bad things happen when the Tigers play the Twins, today's strange loss being just another of many heartbreakers. That burning hate was an underlying sentiment in the game thread at Bless You Boys this afternoon. Every few innings, a "I hate the Twins" post would pop up, to every participant's agreement.


My other thoughts about the Minnesota Twins?

I find the Twins abhorrent, abominable, anathematic, defamatory, despicable, detestable, execrable, fastuous, flagitious, hateful, heinous, invidious, loathsome, nauseous, objectionable, obnoxious, odious, opprobrious, outrageous, repellant, repugnant, repulsive and vile.

I also feel an abhorrence, abomination, antipathy, aversion, detestation, hatred, horror, loathing, repellence, repellency, repugnance, repugnancy, repulsion and revulsion towards the Twins.

In fact, get a strong feeling of utter disgust and anathema toward the Twins whenever they play the Tigers. The Twins are anti-American, anti-God and anti any and all things good and righteous.

I'm a Twins bigot. I'm opposed to everything Twins. The Twins should have been contracted when MLB had the chance. I hate the Washington Senators, because they became the Minnesota Twins.

Just how much do I hate the Twins?

I hate them more than Todd Jones. I think that says it all.

Jones, Jones, everywhere a Jones

After the news earlier today that the Tigers had acquired Jacque Jones, they must have felt that more Jones' were needed on the roster. Thus, the announcement late this afternoon that Todd Jones signed a 1 year, $7 million deal to return as the Tigers closer.

This news was not surprising, as the shoulder injury to Joel Zumaya made the re-signing of The Rollercoaster a near necessity. That's despite the fact that we Tigers fans love to bitch, bitch, then bitch even more about Todd Jones. That he's a smoke and mirrors closer, he can't enter games with runners on base, he is over-dependent upon his defense, and he's a blown save waiting to happen. The thing is, you can't bitch about Todd Jones' effectiveness in getting 3 9th inning outs to close out a win, even if you have your hands over your eyes the entire time.

I want YOU to have a 9th inning coronary!

Jones' 115 saves (75 of those with Detroit) over the past 3 seasons will end any argument against his being the Tigers closer for another season.

Now all I ask is that the Tigers put the cash saved in signing Jones for 1 season, rather than giving a multi-year deal to a Mariano Rivera or Francisco Cordero, towards more pitching. There's still a gaping hole in the starting rotation, and like many of you, I'm still not all that confident in a bullpen minus Zumaya. Though Dave Dombrowski claims (H/T to Billfer) that Fernando Rodney and Todd Jones solidifies the back end of the bullpen, I'm not totally sold.

The off season is just starting, and the Tigers are moving fast to fill their holes. But they aren't done yet. A front line starter is an absolute necessity, and I'd be one Hell of a lot more confident about their 2008 chances with another solid bullpen arm.

In somewhat favorable ancillary news to the Todd Jones signing, local retail outlets applaud the return of The Rollercoaster, and have already upped their inventories of Pepto Bismol, Tums, aspirin, Advil, Tylenol, and Alleve. Local hospitals expect to increase staffing, thanks to an expected April to October spike in heart attacks, indigestion, hypertension, migraines, stress, and foot injuries that result from the kicking of TV's. As always, the Detroit Tigers are doing their part to help the struggling Detroit economy.

Word is out in regard to other players Detroit may be targeting. It's been reported that the Tigers have expressed interest in the following players...

Adam Jones, Andruw Jones, Chipper Jones, Garrett Jones, Greg Jones, Beau Jones, Blake Jones, Brandon Jones, Christopher Jones, Daryl Jones, Desmond Jones, Fred Jones, Geoff Jones, Hunter Jones, Jason Jones, Joseph Jones, Justin Jones, Keltavious Jones, Kennard Jones, both Michael Jones', Mitch Jones, Nathan Jones, Travis Jones, and Tyler Jones.

If 2 Jones' are good, then 25 Jones' has to be great, right?

It figures...

I wax poetic about how good it is to be a fan of the Detroit Tigers earlier today, and they go off play an awful game tonight. That little voice I described in the back of my head must have been saying, "Not so fast, the bullpen still needs help."

Well, either that or, "Todd Jones blows."

I know how to fix the American health system crisis...

I'm sure that you have heard that the new Michael Moore documentary "Sicko" is being released this month. Not having seen it as of yet, I'm guessing Moore blames much of what ails the American health system on the US government, and the big HMO's. I wouldn't be surprised of he also blames our not so healthy lifestyle.

But I'm thinking he forgot 1 BIG reason for our health system crisis.

You want to live? Then this man must be stopped.

Todd Jones and the Tigers bullpen.

Last night Todd Jones continued his quest to cause headaches, ulcers, baldness, hypertension, erectile dysfunction, heart attacks, nervous breakdowns, involuntary tics, alcoholism, depression and any other malady that can be blamed on stress, to the Tigers fanbase.

Anytime Todd Jones, Jason Grilli, Fernando Rodney, and the rest of the usual suspects, comes in to pitch, you can bet that later that night the local emergency rooms are swamped by Tigers fans with stress related illnesses. The bullpen has become a threat to our well being.

Typhoid Mary has nothing on the Detroit bullpen. The bullpen in total runs down our body's defenses, then Jones comes in to finish us off. Todd Jones is a one man epidemic.

I found a few questions to ask yourself, to see if there is too much Todd Jones related stress in your life.

Do you find yourself sweating excessively when you're not exercising?

A. No
B. Only when Todd Jones pitches.
C. After the 6th inning.

Do you ever have trouble sleeping?

A. No
B. Only when Todd Jones pitches.
C. Whenever the Tigers bullpen blows a 2 run or more lead.

Are you experiencing any digestive problems, such as indigestion, IBS, or ulcers?

A. No
B. It flares up when Todd Jones pitches.
C. It flares up when Fernando Rodney starts to warm up.

Do you often find yourself with tension headaches?

A. No
B. Only when Todd Jones pitches.
C. After every Jason Grilli appearance.

Do you often feel fatigued at the end of a day?

A. No
B. I'm emotionally and physically drained after every Tigers game.

Do you find yourself smoking and/or drinking to excess as a way to deal with stress?

A. No
B. Only when Todd Jones pitches.
C. Whenever Jim Leyland brings in a reliever.

Are you easily irritated?

A. No
B. Only by Todd Jones.
C. Only by Jim Leyland pitching Todd Jones more than 1 inning.

I'm not a doctor, and don't play one on TV, but be assured if you answered B or C to any of these questions, then Tigers bullpen is trying to kill you.

Is there a cure? Yes.

It's not socialized heath care. It's not a new national prescription drug plan. It's not fixing the Medicaid and Medicare programs.

The cure is Dave Dombrowski FIXING THE GOD DAMN BULLPEN!!!

I think I need to lie down, I'm not feeling so good...

Is Joe Boever available?

OK, I'm not one to use TWFE panic button loosely. And I'm not saying that it's time to panic. Not yet. But the Tigers' bullpen situation has moved being a concern, and has bloomed into a full blown crisis.

Friday's 12-11 loss to the Indians, a game which Detroit gave up 3 different 4 run leads, it was the kind of loss that shows that something, anything, needs to be done with the Tigers' bullpen.

Right now, I wouldn't trust Jones, Mesa, Grilli, Seay, Ledezma, Miner, or Byrdak with any kind of lead. The lead in a play. As a lead singer. With a 1 lap lead with 2 laps to go at MIS. A job lead, which some of these stiffs are going to need soon. Let alone the lead in an a major league baseball game.

As I said in the game thread over at Ian's Bless you Boys, this loss is on totally on Jim Leyland's shoulders.

Jones is not a 2 inning pitcher. Hasn't been since like...FOREVER! Leyland knows that from LAST season. It was as if he left Jones out there knowing he was going to fail, but as no one else in the bullpen seems capable of doing anything, well...I just don't understand the Marlboro Man's thinking in hanging an obviously ineffective and laboring Jones out to dry.

Unless this was his way of telling Dave Dombrowski that it's time to do SOMETHING. ANYTHING. I don't care if you take a chance on losing some of the current bullpen pitchers if you send them down. So what if they are out of options? Who would even want them?

The Tigers supposedly have several more than capable arms in Toledo and Erie. It's time to use them. Dallas Trahern, Vic Darensburg, Virgil Vasquez, Eulogio De La Cruz, Jair Jurrjens, Andrew Miller, Andrew Miller, Andrew Miller, Andrew Miller, Andrew Miller, Andrew Miller, and Andrew Miller.

Did I mention Anderw Miller? ANDREW MILLER! Miller may not be the savior, but he's better than every guy currently in the pen, and would be their 3rd best starter. He's being wasted in the minors. Bring him up. Now.