Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions - Final thoughts part duex: 12 more games of THIS?

I'll make my final thoughts quick, and to the point. By the way, I'm doing much better now.

Live blog links:

1st quarter: No hope, no hope at all

2nd quarter: Abandon hope all ye who enter here

3rd quarter: Fire Marinelli!

4th quarter: Seriously. Fire Marinelli

Final thoughts - part uno: I recommend a scorched earth policy

1. Today's loss to the Chicago Bears was a complete disaster. The Lions were ill-prepared, out coached and  overwhelmed in every single solitary phase of the game. Rod Marinelli's defense is amazingly bad, his offense ineffectual. Special teams, save for the specialists, Nick Harris and Jason Hanson, are a joke. The Detroit Lions are a BAD team. Though it's hard to believe, my eyes don't lie. They are getting worse. The Lions will be lucky to win 2-3 games, tops. A top 5 draft pick is a given. This franchise is at rock bottom. It's a bottom feeder. The dregs of the league. Bottom of the barrel. And we're only 4 GAMES INTO THE SEASON!

I think we all knew Matt Millen's firing wasn't going to change anything, but it did give us 2 weeks of hope. Hope that was shot all to Hell against the Bears. The destruction the moron wreaked upon the Detroit franchise came to a head today. Those were Millen's coaches, Millen's free agent signings, Millen's draft choices, all of the moves Millen made over the years, on the field.

And it was pure, unadulterated shit. Thanks for nothing, Matt.

2. I think we can safely put Rod Marinelli at the top of the "Coaches on the hot seat" list. If I were making the call, Mr. Pound The Rock would be looking for someone's defensive line to coach first thing Monday morning. It goes without saying Joe Barry would be joining his father-in-law on the unemployment line. They can take the drunk, naked, Wendy's hamburger eating line coach with them.

If you are free around 12:30 Monday afternoon, I suggest you tune into one of the sports talk radio stations here in the D. They broadcast Marinelli's weekly presser live. If the post game inquisition is any indication, as Marinelli was raked over the coals repeatedly, especially over the status of Joe Barry, Monday's presser is going to be even better...if you like extremely uncomfortable and pissy Q&A's.

The media smell blood, as Marinelli has all but admitted he has no answers. They will go in for the kill tomorrow.

3. It's beyond obvious Jon Kitna isn't the answer, and hasn't been for a very long time. His benching for "back spasms" may be the beginning of the end. Kitna hit a high point with the "miracle" concussion recovery, then coming back to win the game, against Minnesota last season. It's been all downhill, and fast, ever since. At this point of his career, 36 and showing it, Kitna should be a backup, not a starter.

As for Dan Orlovsky, he is what he is, a career backup, and I'm being generous.

Detroit has 3 options at QB. Old and busted, young and sucky, and the unknown. I'd try the unknown.

Which means the time to play Drew Stanton is near. As in next week. The Lions HAVE to find out if Stanton has the ability to be a NFL QB, if only as a favor to whomever takes over next season.

4. Roy Williams has already left town mentally. He showed up both his coaches and his QB's with his constant on field histrionics, making him look, to put it bluntly, like an asshole. Making Williams look even worse was the fact he continued to bitch and moan, even though he himself dropped passes, and was as much to blame for the loss as anyone.

It was a total prick move on Williams' part. Personally, I would have benched the asshole diva on general principle.

The Lions HAVE to explore a trade, as Williams will not be wearing the Honolulu Blue and Silver in 2009.

5. Seriously, Marinelli has to go. He's nothing more than a punch line.

Why did Rod Marinelli cross the road? He had to go pound the rock.

When Rod Marinelli sits around the house, he pounds the rock.

Knock knock. Who's there? Rod Marinelli. Rod Marinelli who? Let me in, I have to pound the rock.

How many Detroit coaches does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to screw it in while Marinelli pounds the rock.

Like I said, a punch line.

Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions - Final thoughts: I recommend a scorched earth policy

I try to give myself a few hours before I post my final thoughts, as the Lions so thoroughly piss me off, my only thoughts would be FIRE (name of coach here) for paragraphs at a time.

Today, it's happened. I've snapped. 3 hours after another Lions loss, one of the most lopsided and pitiful in memory, I'M STILL PISSED! PISSED BEYOND BELIEF!

So..

FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI!

Also...

FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW!

And...

BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA!

I'd add FIRE COLLETTO!, but someone has to coach the team. He blew as a head coach (ask any Boilermakers fan), but a head coach all the same.

Yes, I am fully aware my current feelings towards the clusterfuck known as the Lions are totally irrational. BUT I DON'T FUCKING CARE!

I ended my live blogging with the following, and I want to say it again, because it totally encapsulates my feelings tonight.

I don't care who, I want someone PUNISHED. With fucking malice.

I'll have more later, after the fog of HATE clears.

Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions - 4th quarter: Seriously. Fire Marinelli

As we start the 4th, the Bears are pounding the ball on the ground. They have driven well into Lions territory giving the ball to Jones and Forte.

Thew drive runs out of steam (as am I) at the Lions 27. The Bears will try a 45 yard FG. Gould nails it. 34-7 Chicago.

There is no defending the Detroit performance today. There is no excuse for coming out so fucking flat after the bye week. None whatsoever. For that reason alone, Marinelli should get the ziggy.  Let not forget the fact he's supposed to be a defensive savant, and his team has the WORST DEFENSE IN THE NFL!

The Lions are a fucking joke. Marinelli's a fucking joke.  It's all a bad fucking joke.

FIRE MARINELLI! 
FIRE MARINELLI!
FIRE MARINELLI!
FIRE MARINELLI!
FIRE MARINELLI!
FIRE MARINELLI!

The comedy on the field continues, as Dan O and Williams miscommunicate on a pass. The Bears don't have to defend the pass, as the Lions are doing a fine job of it themselves.

The Lions are driving, but it's in fits and starts. They find themselves 4th and 3 at the Bears 30.

Billick: "They gotta go for it here." REALLY? Fucking brilliant deduction! No wonder you're in the booth, and not on the sidelines...

Dan O is back to throw...And hits Furrey a YARD SHORT OF THE 1ST. A yard short of the 1st down on 4th and short. You fucking...ARRRRRGH! How..why...what...HUUURRRR.....................................

I need a drink.

Bears have the ball, are driving again. Under 7 minutes left, as they move into Lions territory.

How can Marinelli keep his gig after a 4th straight blowout? How?
34-21
48-25
31-13
Now today, with 5 minutes left, 34-7.

Every game was over by halftime. The offense is unimaginative, and the defense would be better served with 11 tackling dummies on the field.

Marinelli needs to go. Tomorrow.

The Bears have just rolled over the 400 yard total yard mark. Wasn't this supposed to be the year the Tampa Too really got to strut its stuff? I've seen better defenses on a sandlot. The Lions, after 2+ season with Marinelli at the helm, are the worst team in football. Period.

Lions cross midfield, 3:40 left.

A few notable stats:
Calvin Johnson, 2 catches, 16 yards.
Dan O 11-19-73 yards
Kevin Smith 7 carries, 29 yards.

There's the Lions' youth movement at work! It doesn't get fuglier than that.

4th and 7, 2:45 left. Gosder Cherilus gets beat badly, and Dan O is PLANTED into the Ford Field turf.

I guess I was wrong. It just got fuglier.

FIRE MARINELLI!
FIRE MARINELLI!
FIRE MARINELLI!
FIRE MARINELLI!
FIRE MARINELLI!
FIRE MARINELLI!

I don't care if there is no one capable of running the team. Marinelli has lost this team. He's not coming back next season. So just cut your losses, and can him. Fuck it, give Colletto the interim gig, he's got head coaching experience. Anything would be better than this shit.

The Lions get the ball one final time with 0:22 on the clock. It's a handoff to Smith, he gets nothing.

Game over. 34-7 Bears is your final.

Bench Kitna. Fire Marinelli. Fire Joe Barry. Especially Joe Barry. No other defensive coordinator would still have a job after 4 consecutive debacles.

I don't care who, I want someone PUNISHED. With fucking malice.

Blow it up.

Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions - 3rd quarter: Fire Marinelli!

I tuned in the Lions radio call for a second. Dan Miller: "Well, there's not much you can say..." No shit, Dapper Dan. Nothing you can say over the airwaves that wouldn't have the FCC on your ass in a heartbeat, anyway. 

FOX quoting Marinelli: "This is not the team I expected to see after the bye." Uh, what team have you been watching over the past month, Rod? I totally expected to see THIS team today!

The Bears will start the 2nd half with the ball.

Ooooo, Casey FitzSimmmons limps off after the kickoff, and curls up on the cart, holding his nuts. My nuts just went into my body cavity.

Of course, there was a flag on the Lions, so they will have to re-kick to Hester. He's down at the 29, the Bears gain about 10 yards on the exchange. Nothing is going right for the Lions.

On 2nd and 10 from the 40...Whistles? Great. Ernie Sims is hurt. Doesn't look serious, but it's just piling on to the Lions' woes.

Amazing. 3rd and 4, Orton hits Olson on a short pass, and he takes off for 26 yards. The Lions' defense is already gassed, being on the field almost the entire game.

FOX shows Orlovsky warming up on the sidelines. Just as I thought, we may see Dan O soon.

It's 3rd and 11 from the Lions11.  Orton's back...Looks for Booker deep...HOLY SHIT! Booker with a GREAT one handed catch with a Lion hanging all over him at the 3! And there's a FLAG! Marvelous play by the Bear WR!

Let's sort this out. Refs say no catch, but there is defensive pass interference. Either way, the Bears have 1st and goal. A red flag? What is Lovie challenging? The catch? Why bother? We'll find out after the commercial...

Hey, the Bears get the call, it's a catch. 1st down at the 2.  The Bears gained 6 yards, as the interference was at the 8.

ARRRGH! Kalvin Pearson drops a sure end zone pick! Shit. This is gonna cost them. 2nd down.

The Bears decide to stop fucking around, and give the ball to Forte right up the middle. TD Bears. With the PAT, 24-0 Chitown.

FIRE FUCKING EVERY...Hell, why bother? It doesn't seem to bother William Clay Ford. Nothing is going to happen. Marinelli will continue to run this team into the ground. I can't see this team winning more than 2-3 games, do you? It's gonna get real ugly in the D Monday.

To pour salt into the GAPING wound, the Lions are called for holding on the kickoff return! Way to go, guys. What a fucking embarrassment.

And here comes Dan O to the rescue! Lions ball at the 7. A handoff to Rudi gets zip. FOX infoms us that the team thinks Kitna is still da man!  Whatever.

Dan O is back...Just avoids a sack in the end zone...dumps it off to Felton...Who piledrives into a Bear tackler, getting an extra 5 yards, nice pla...BALL! It's a fumble! FUCK! Bears recover!

Red flag from the lame duck! It's a challenge by the Lions. I think this one they are goign to lose, but at 24-0, why the Hell not try. Nuttin' else to lose at this point.  Hey, Felton was down by contact, they keep the ball. WHEEEE! This is game changer! Right? Right? Hell, who am I kidding?

3rd and 3. Dan O is back...fires the ball towards Williams...TIP DRILL! PICK!  Tillman strolls into the end zone, and you'd swear the game was at Soldier Field by the roar of the crowd.

31-0 Bears.What else is there to say? The Lions are a God awful team. 

If I don't start laughing about this farce, I'll be crying.

The FOX guys are discussing the Lions. Baldinger: "This is a poorly coached team." 

FUCKING WORD, BALDY! Marinelli is in so deep, so over his head...Hell, I'm out of metaphors.

FOX now shows a clip of Williams screaming, waving his helmet around! He's showing up the coaches. Not that I blame him, but he's playing like utter shit too. Plenty of blame to go around, Roy.

Lions punt, Hester has the balll....FUMBLE! Lions recover at the Bears 22. Too little, too late.

A dump off to Felton gets a 1st down, Lions well within the red zone. 1st and 10 at the 11. Again, much too little, way too late. But we'll still hear Marinelli say some bullshit about not giving up tomorrow.

It's a handoff to Smith...nothing left, cuts right....finds a hole...TD Lions. woo.

31-7, Bears still up big. We hear "Gridiron Heroes" in the background, and it's kinda sad when no one is signing along. 

Lions do a nice job on the kickoff, stopping Hester short of the 20. Big fucking deal. FIRE KWAN!

The Bears will want to run clock, as there is still a ton of time left in the game, just over 6 minutes left in the 3rd.

It's Kevin Jones right, cuts back...has Orton leading him...1st down! Nice run by Jones. Good on ya. He had his problems with the Lions, but he left body parts all over over Ford Field. Can't say he was cut for a lack of effort.

3rd and long...Orton is back to throw...He takes off, as the outside is wide open, and he lumbers for the 1st down. Typical lack of fundamentals, as the contain was nowhere to be found.

Bears continue to grind it out, now 3rd and 6 from the 50. The long ball falls incomplete, but the Bears will be able to pin the Lions deep. They also ran over 4 minutes off the clock. I don't think they are too worried about Dan O leading a comeback.

Lions will take over at the 19. Say what you will about the previous head coaches during the Millen era, at least they weren't getting blown out in the 1st quarter. Marinelli is the worst of the 3. It's true, Moronwheg and Mooch, bad as they were, weren't near as fucking awful as Mr. Pound The Rock.

Back to the game. Lions at their 28. Dan O is back...looks for Roy...almost a pick! This offense under Dan O is still fugly.

Another ugly incompletion, and the Lions wull punt. Bears take over at their 31.

We get a long shot of the stands, and see fans leaving in droves. Only Bears fans are left. This was the last sellout of the season, save for Turkey Day, folks.

The Bears are giving Kevin Jones the satisfaction of beating the Lions, as he is still in the backfield. He takes a pitch...finds a hole...he's down at the 47! Nice run.

That's the end of 3. 31-7 Bears. 15 minutes to go. It can't end soon enough...

Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions - 2nd quarter: Abandon hope all ye who enter here

We start the 2nd quarter with Orton killing the Lions with essentially paper cuts, getting 6 on a short pass. He's nickel and diming the Bears down the field. But a Jones run loses 4, leaving 3rd and 8.

Orton misfires on 3rd, the Lions gets a stop. Cool. Another small victory.

But the Lions are losing the battle of field position, as they will start at their 10 after the punt.

It's Rudi left on 1st down, and there's a small hole! His down at the 25, the Lions get their first 1st down of the game. Another very small victory.

A pass to Roy gets 10! The Lions are on a mini-roll. 1st and 10 at the 35.

Kitna's back to pass...Blindsided! BALL! BEARS! TAKE! OVER! FUUUUUUUCK! Backus was badly beaten on a speed rush. Shit, the Lions offense is offensive.

The Bears start at the Detroit 24. 2 runs leaves 3rd and 1. Orton's back to pass, Orton wants to throw a fade of some sort, the WR is well covered, the play misses badly.

WHAT? The Bears are going for it on 4th and 1? HUH? Lovie Smith wants blood! It's Forte up the gut...STUFFED AT THE LINE! The Lions D makes a play! Well, what do you know? Miracles happen, I guess. Lions take over on downs!

Lions take over at their 15. Can the Lions do anything on offense? I doubt it.

A pass and run leave a 3rd and 4. Kitna with the short drop...Hits Calvin Johnson on a quick slant...Dropped. Hold on to the ball! Fuck me. It would have been a 1st down. Jesus, even Johnson is stinking up the joint.

Lions will punt, Hester dances to 50...And Ramzee Robinson throws Hester down 5 yards out of bounds! YOU DUMB FUCK! And there's the flag, 15 yard personal foul. This is the dumbest fucking team on the planet.

Bears will start on the Lions' 37, thanks to Robinson's brain cramp.

On 2nd and long, Lions BLITZ! Orton quickly finds a wide open reciever at the sticks, 1st down. So much for using the blitz to pressure the QB.

A short run and incompletion leave the Bears with another 3rd and long at the 24.

SCREEN! Dewayne White blows it up! Wait...FLAG! Lions offsides. Where's the God damn discipline Rod? HUH? HUH?

And of course, the Bears convert the 3rd down on a pass to Hester. Fucking Lions shooting themselves in the foot...again. FIRE SOMEONE!

On 2nd and 8 from the 9, Orton's back to throw...It's Forte at the 2...STRRRETCHES...TD! Fuck me, fuck you, fuck the Bears, and FUCK THE LIONS.

There's the red flag! Marinelli is going to challenge the call. Forte's knee might have been down when reaching for the goal line. Even if the Lions get the call, it's still going to be 1st and goal for the Bears. It's just delaying the inevitable.

And, as usual, the Lions don't get the call, play stands. Bears' TD. I have to agree, it was too close to change the call on the field.

10-0 Windy City. The crowd is heavy with Chicago fans, if you go by the LOUD cheering. I'm not at all surprised. Hey, more power to 'em. At least they have a decent team to follow.

Lions start at their 24 after another shitty return. FIRE KWAN!

What? Roy Williams makes a play! He takes a 5 yard pass, breaks a tackle, gets the 1st down! It's Roy again on a cross! He's over the 50! 1st down! As expected, the Lions have given up on the run.

Kitna to Megatron gets 7! They are moving the ball! Kitna's back to throw...He's sacked on a SCREEN? Jesus fucking Christ! How do you do that? Sacked on a screen?

The drive fizzles out, as Kitna throws behind Roy on 3rd and long. Lions will punt...AGAIN. ARRRRGH.

Touchback. Even Harris is getting into the sucking act.

Orton is back...Hester is WIDE OPEN on the sideline, brought down at the Detroit 48. Kyle Orton is chewing up the Lions' D. Kyle Orton?

A holding call has the Bears 1st and 20 at the Bears' 42. Another flag? This game is getting damn sloppy. Off-fucking-sides. SHIT!!! I'm getting mega-pissed.

Orton is back...lots of time...Davis is open down the sideline...down at the 19! Pretty pass by Orton, as he dropped it in nicely. It helps when the WR has 5 yards on the Lions corner.

A short pass has the Bears deep in Lions territory, and that is the 2 minute warning. THANK GOD! Only 32 minutes left in the game...

2nd and 3 from the 16. Orton drops back...no pressure...There's Hester at the goal line...Easy TD. Bodden gave him a 3 yard cushion. WHY? WHY? WHY? He's not going to run by you in the RED ZONE!

17-0 Bears. On the bright side, it isn't 21-0, right? RIGHT? Fuck.

Lions will start at their 22 with 1:50 left. A short pass and run, 1st down, but the clock is running. 1:15 left.

Kitna is back...bounces off of Furrey's hands...OOOOOH...Near pick. FLAG! Motion, Lions. Can Marinelli be fired at halftime? Please?

It's 1st and 15..Roy on a slant...DROPPED! JESUS! DIE LIONS, DIE!

Kitna is back to throw...Roy cuts in...Kitna throws deep. WHAT THE FUCK? It's like they are playing on 2 different offenses. BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Kitna dumps the ball off to Smith on 3rd and 15. Yeah, that's opening up the fucking offense. Bears will get the ball back with 0:33 left.

They will let the clock run out, happy with a 17-0 lead. Hell, I would too.

The BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS rain down from the stands throughout Ford Field, for good reason.

The Bears have out gained the Lions 251 to 67. The motherfucking Bears!

This really says it all...

Orton 16-20-217-2 TD's-145.2 QB rating
Kitna 8-16-74-0-63.0 QB rating

Hell, at this point I'd give Orlovsky a shot in the 3rd quarter. Kitna and his receivers are playing 2 different game plans.

Another joke of a 1st half for the Lions. Seriously, fire Marinelli after this game. Fire his pounding the rock ass! Blow it all the fuck up. Millen was jonly a start.

Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions - 1st quarter: No hope, no hope at all

We join Matt Vassavagina, and the Brians, Billick and Baldinger, live from fabulous Ford Field, and Big Al live from his not as fabulous living room!

Are you ready? Ready for what, you ask?  For another 3 hours of pain, suffering and really bad jokes? Then lets watch some NFL football...

First things first.


FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN!

With that out of the way, the Lions will be receiving the kick...

The Lions will start at the 23! Hey, anytime the Lions can cross the 20 on a return, I'm happy. Sad, isn't it?

Surprsie! Kevin Smith is starting, and gets the ball. Of course, he's stuffed foir no gain. A pass to Roy Williams isn't even close, leaving a 3rd and 10. Might as well be 3rd and a 100, as bad as the Lions are on 3rd down.

Kitna is back...SACK! He never has a chance. Kitna was snowed under. Punt.

Wonderful. Hester is back...He breaks a couple of tackles...He's Off to the races, and brought down deep in Lions territory! Shit.

FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN!

There's a flag, it's on the Bears, we'll do it over. Lions dodge a HUGE fucking bullet. 2nd tim is the charm, as Hester is stopped after a short return, Bears start just over their 45. Still, the Lions special teams show they are not so special. Christ, how hard is it to defend a fucking punt?

A short pass and Matt Forte run, and it's a 1st down. Forte is going to have a very nice day.

On 2nd down, it's a dump off to Forte...And a Lion just bounces off of him, allowing Forte to get close to the sticks. It should have been a loss. "Should have been" being the Lions' rallying cry.

It's Forte on 3rd and 1...He's hit short of the 1st...And still gets the 1st down . GOD DAMMIT! Fucking defense couldn't stop a one legged man with one arm tied behind his back from converting a 3rd down.

As the Lions approach the Detroit 20, we have a Kevin Jones appearance. He gets a 1st down on a hard run, joining in on the fun. After all that kid has been through, injuries and playing for the worst franchise in sports, I'm rooting for him.

It's 2nd and 15 from the Lions 20, and  Kyle Orton is back to pass...SACK at the 30! Jared Devries busted thru! Wonder of wonders, the Lions had a pass rush. I'm guessing it's the exception, rather than the rule, but I'll take it.

A Forte run gets the sack yardage back on 3rd down, setting up a 37 yard  FG attempt by Gault. Good.

3-0 Bears, and the Lions will be playing from behind for the 4th consecutive game. Fuckers.

What the HELL? Corry Smith takes the kick off, and as he going down at the 30...pitches it to Brandon Middleton?  Middleton is down after getting another 5 yards or so. Jesus Christ, that was God damn stoopid! Smith tossed him the ball in the middle of a ton of traffic. Sheer stupidity.

Kitna will throw on 1st down, throws towards the sidelines...and there's no one there. Blown assignment, someone went deep as Kitna threw short. Typical Lions.

Smith is blown up on 2nd down, 3rd and long. Kitna's back, under pressure, checks down to Smith, who's stopped short of the sticks. Wow, Jim Colletto has sure opened up the offense, huh?

Kitna and the offense walk off the field to a rousing and deserved chorus of BOOOOOOS!

Hester calls a fair catch on the Nick Harris punt inside the 10 .Whoops!

Orton's back to pass, looks deep...GREG OLSEN IS WIDE FUCKING OPEN DOWN THE MIDDLE! He's brought down at the Lions 41, 52 yard fucking gain! FUCKFUCKFUCK! Jesus, fire the defensive coordinator! NOW! Oh yeah, he's Marinelli's son-in-law. AWWWKWARD.

But after 2 Forte runs and an incompletion, the Bears have to punt. The Lions' D makes a stand. 3 plays too late, but a stand all the same.

The Lions will start at the 20, as the Bears just miss downing the ball at the 1. Small victory foer the Lions.

With 3 minutes left in the 1st, the Lions have -5 yards so far. FIRE COLLETTO!

Kitna's back to throw...Ball is batted high in the air! Falls incomplete. Christ, even the incompletions are scaring the shit out of me...

After a Bears offsides, we have our first Rudi Johnson run. Gets a couple. 3rd and short.

Kitna's back to throw...Holds it...Happy feet...Rolls right...Throws deep...and it's a good 5 yards short of Williams, who swats at the bouncing ball in frustration. I would too, this offense is FUGLY. FUGLY. FUGLY.

After the punt, Bears start at their 28. Get a quick 10 and a 1st down on a crossing pattern. The Bears are only up 3-0, but they are dominating the action so far. 

With under a minute left, a Jones run leaves the Bears 3rd and 4 at their 45. Orton with the 3 step drop, hits Hester on a quick slant, 1 st down.  This is a motherfucking joke. The Lions can't even stop the utterly below average Kyle Orton.

That's the 1st quarter. 3-0 Bears.

I HATE THE DETROIT LIONS!

FIRE MARINELL!

OK, I feel better. 

On the 2nd...

Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions - Pregame thoughts

Game Information

The Windy City @ The Motor City

Kickoff: 1 p.m. EDT

Stadium: Ford Field

Television: WJBK-TV FOX Ch.2

Play-By-Play: Matt Vasgersian

Color: Brian Baldinger & Brian Billick

Sideline: Laura Okmin

Lions Radio Network: 97.1 FM The Ticket (WXYT-FM)

Play-By-Play: Dan Miller

Color: Jim Brandstatter

Sidelines:Tony Ortiz

2008 Records: Lions, 0-3; Bears, 2-2

The 4 things I'm watching, dammit!

(Why only 4? Because the more I wrote about the Lions, the more pissed off I get! I need to save my fury for the live blog.)

1. 21-0!

Hey, there was a little improvement 2 weeks ago, as the Lions only went down 21-3 against the Niners. Baby steps, folks. Baby steps. The Bears may not have a great offense (19th overall compared to the Lions 26th), but they can grind out yardage and clock with Matt Forte. Who needs to pass the ball, when the Lions' front 7 couldn't stop (place any no-name RB who piles up stats against the Lions here).

2. Will Jim Colletto channel his inner Mike Martz?

Colletto told the media this week he would open up the offense, hoping to not spot the Bears 3 TD's. Good in theory, but it also means the turnover machine known as Jon Pickna Shitna Kitna will have that many more opportunities to throw a pick. Be careful what you wish for...

3. Rudi! Rudi! Rudi!

So much for my picking Kevin Smith as a fantasy sleeper. Rudi Johnson was named the starting RB by Rod Marinelli this week, part of his not-so-well thought out plan to play veterans over youth. (aka attempting to save his job). It's all in vain, as there is no way in Hell Marinelli remains Lions head coach after this season. Till he gets the ziggy though, we'll have to put up with old and busted Lions like Johnson, Kitna and Paris Lenon taking PT away from young players.

4. BLITZ!

Supposedly the Lions, desperate to get any sort of pressure on the QB, will deviate from Marinelli's pride and joy, the Tampa Too defense, and blitz much, much, much more than normal. I'll believe it when I see it. Will blitzing really make any difference when your LB's are such immortals like Lenon and Alex Smith? No.

See ya in the live blog!

Lions fans are so desperate, they believe incompetence equals a curse

The Lions have been not-so-loveable losers for 50 years, which means fans are going to look for any damn excuse they can find which could explain such a miserable half century.

Thus, the "Curse of Bobby Layne."

This coming week being the 50 year anniversary of the Bobby Layne trade, the "curse" has received an inordinate amount of attention recently. There's a website associated with Layne's mystical curse, the Freep ran a feature article on the heavy partying Texan mentioning the so-called hex, and even the News' Bob Wojnowski brought Layne's supposed muttering to light in a column.

There's only 2 pink elephants on the field, coach! 

I'm ready to go in!

We all know the story. When the best QB in Detroit history was traded to the Steelers in October 1958, for really no other reason than the team was tired of dealing with him, Layne supposedly said, though there's absolutely no record of it, the Lions wouldn't win "for 50 years."

What a load of BULLSHIT.

Layne was a great QB, but an even better drinker. The man is legend in Detroit drinking circles. He started boozing the minute the game ended, and didn't stop till the next Sunday afternoon kickoff. Meaning he was likely 10 sheets to the wind when he learned the Lions traded him to the then armpit of the NFL, Pittsburgh. So I refuse to believe Layne said the Lions would never win for 50 years. Now if legend had Layne slurring "Where's my gin?" That I could believe. 

I see 3 Hopalong Cassadys...I'll throw it to the one in the middle!

See, Layne never cursed the Lions. He was thirsty and boozing. "Lions will never win!" "Where's my gin." Honest mistake. But it's no curse.

Incompetence, delusion, idiocy and stupidity have run rampant through the Lions' franchise over the years. It doesn't mean the team was cursed, but it does tells you the Lions have been run by a series of sycophants, yes men and mental midgets, all hired by an inbred blue blood living off of grandpa's money, William Clay Ford.

Ford being a do-nothing rich SOB does not equate into the Lions being cursed. It's also letting the God damn do-nothing rich SOB off the hook for so many years of fan pain and suffering, and blaming Bobby Layne for something he never said.

Screw the curse. Just leave Layne, who did nothing but good things in Detroit (won 3 championships and kept bar owners in new Cadillacs) out of it.

It's not the "Curse of Bobby Layne." Never was, never will be. Actually, it's the "Incompetence of Wiliam Clay Ford." Blame Henry Ford's Richie Rich of a grandson all you want. Hell, even call it the "Curse of William Clay Ford" if it helps.

But don't blame the mythical mutterings of a hall of fame QB for 50 years of pure shit.

10 things you know I know I know, you know?

10. I'm not going to get overtly political here, but I have only one thing to say about John McCain's campaign pulling out of Michigan. If this now means we no longer have to suffer through an endless amount hateful, pushing the absolute borders of the truth, pound you over the head with the sledgehammer of spin, all out negative advertising from BOTH parties, then THANK FUCKING GOD! I've had more than my fill of political advertising, of any kind, thank you very much.

Michigan being considered a "battleground" state (till yesterday afternoon, anyway) meant both parties were pummeling we Michiganders about the head and face with with political ad after political ad during every local break on TV and radio. (you ex-pats should consider yourselves lucky!) Personally, I find these ads insulting. If you make your decision on which candidate to vote for based on TV ads, you're a moron. A fucking moron.

No matter if you are a Democrat, Republican or independent, please do a little research before you vote. I honestly think people invest more time into which new TV series they are going to watch, than whom is going to get their vote. It's shameful more people don't care about the political process, unpleasant as it may sometimes be.

That's as political as I'll allow myself to get... Let's talk sports.

9. You know the MSM is scraping the bottom of the barrel for ideas when you read the "bad team in one sport should talk to the good team's GM in another sport" piece. The Freep has gone over the top with this tripe.

First, Jamie Samuelson wrote the Lions need to hire Red Wings' GM Ken Holland. (though I do agree with his assessment that Holland is the best GM working in sports) Then Michael Rosenberg (who should really know better, as he's the best columnist in town) penned a piece saying the Lions should hire Pistons' GM Joe Dumars as the porn 'stached goon's replacement as Lions' president.

What? No love for Dave Dombrowski? Nah, I'm sure the Pizza Man has him on double secret probation after this fiasco of a season.

With the DD shout out out of the way, I have one comment for the both of them...

Get. A. Fucking. Grip.

Personally, I don't want the poisonous Lions, who destroy careers, not make them, anywhere near two of the best run franchises, in not only Detroit, but in all of sports. And who's to say their managerial skills would transfer over to another sport, anyway? We've actually had an example here in the D. Bo Schembechler's tenure as Tigers' president could best be described as an EPIC FAIL. Sure, he was handicapped by the insane ownership of Tom Monaghan, but Bo didn't distinguish himself, either. His years are best remembered only for the firing of God Ernie Harwell.

Yes, I know it wasn't Bo's decision, and he took the heat for both WJR and the Tigers. But no matter who made the decision, it was MASSIVELY bungled by everyone involved.

I'm a little off track, but the point is made. Should the Lions ask the Red Wings and Pistons for advice? Sure, it couldn't hurt. But attempting to hire a non football guy to run the team makes as much sense as a TV broadcaster taking over...

8. Speaking of Rosenberg, during today's interview with The Big Lead, he nails what is so good about living in the metro Detroit area.

Yet many of the people who live in southeast Michigan absolutely love the area. There is a ton of stuff to do, especially in the summer, and the cost of living is reasonable. There are two things you need to understand about Detroit. One is that it’s not a great place to visit, but it’s a great place to live. Once you know the landscape – once you know which bars to hit, where to catch a concert, where to sit outside and have a good meal – you’ll have a great time. The other thing you need to understand is that it is not cool to live here, so anybody who is preoccupied with being cool stays the hell away, leaving a vibrant, exciting part of the country for the rest of us. There are very few phonies in Detroit.

Word.

I love it when Rosenberg, talking about the time involved in writing his book about Bo and Woody, takes a back handed slap at local writers who spend more time spewing hot air on the radio, than writing a decent column.

But the difference is that I didn’t have to be in a radio studio for four hours every day when I should have been in the Tigers’ clubhouse or at Pistons practice.

Fucking word. He doesn't name names, but I will. The Little Fella, Wojo, Sharp, Foster, Caputo and The Worst Columnist in America.

As usual when TBL talks to MSM'ers, the interview is an excellent read.

7. I have to mention another columnist. Good friend of TWFE, and someone I consider a friend, though we've never met face to face (he's an internet buddy!), Mack Avenue Tigers' Kurt Mensching, was named top sports columnist (for his newspaper class as determined by circulation) by the Michigan Press Association. Here's the scoop from his newspaper, The Mining Journal:

The Mining Journal won three awards in the 2008 Michigan Press Association Better Newspaper Contest, including a first place for sports columns.

Mining Journal sports writer Kurt Mensching won the top award in the category for three columns on topics as diverse as the beginning of baseball season, Northern Michigan University football and high school sportsmanship at the Superior Dome.

Judges said Mensching's writing was "funny" and "stood out as very clean."

Unlike my writing, which is highly snarky and stands out as fucking filthy.

Seriously, job well done, sir. The Detroit blogosphere is as proud as punch!

But now that you're done winning awards and honors and stuff, get back to work on MAT, stat!

6. There are few sure things in life. Death, taxes, every Wobb Parker column will be awful, and the Wisconsin Badgers football team being total and utter frauds.

Last Saturday, I was thisGoddamnclose to writing off the Wolverines' season during what was possibly the worst half of football ever played on this, or any, planet.

To paraphrase The Comic Book Guy: "That was, without a doubt, the worst. Half. EVER. Rest assured, I was on the internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world."

But the Badgers, as is their wont, couldn't put an imploding Wolverine team away in the 1st half. Hell, Wisky should have been up 35-0, instead of only 19-0, at the half.

We all know what happened next. Michigan finds a rudimentary offense, the defense became scary good, and the Badgers ended up losing another heartbreaker to the not-so-mighty Wolverines.

Wisconsin was, is, and always will be, pretenders. Why should you think any different when they couldn't beat what still could be the worst Michigan team, in not only years, but in decades?

5. As for Sparty, they will go as far as Heisman candidate Javon Ringer takes them, maybe even the Rose Bowl. Really? Really! There's no juggernauts in the Big 10, so why not Sparty in Pasadena?

But if my math is correct, Ringer is on track for approximately 875 carries this season, so I expect body parts to be falling off of him by late October. That best not happen, as Ringer can win games. The only thing Spartans QB Brian Hoyer can do is lose them.

4. I have the White Sox-Devil Rays playoff game on at the moment. I sooooo thought it would be the Tigers representing the Central instead. Now that I've once again had the taste of October baseball, I need more. Christ, this season blew.

The Tigers won 88 games in 2007, which we all thought, well, sucked. But 88 wins would have won the division this year, so it's all relative. But there's no defending what happened this season. Which is why Jim Leyland better can his "I want an extension" bullshit, ASAP. He was as awful as his team in 2008. The Marlboro Man is on double secret probation, too.

3. What's the only thing worse than watching teams other than the Tigers in the MLB playoffs? Having to endure the ENDLESS promos for "FrankTV" during the MLB playoffs. For some stupid reason, TBS believes running a "FrankTV" promo every fucking half inning is going to make us want to watch.

Memo to TBS: At this point, after having Frank Caliendo shoved down my throat for two consecutive Octobers, I'd rather stab forks in my eyes than watch "FrankTV." Hey, it may be the funniest show on TV, but I don't care. Force feeding me more promos than McCain/Obama ads I see on a daily basis combined is only doing one thing. IT'S PISSING ME THE FUCK OFF! ENOUGH! STOP! NO MORE!

Please, no more...no more...I give up. I'll do anything. Just stop with the "FrankTV" ads.

2. There is one redeeming quality to TBS's broadcasts, though. Curtis Granderson. He's a natural broadcaster. Grandy's going to have the networks throwing big money contracts at him when his career is over. I hope that won't be for another 10-12 years or so...

As bad as it looks for the Tigers today, not many teams have as young and talented of a core to build around as Granderson, Miguel Cabrera and Justin Verlander. Which is why Dombrowski is getting a mulligan for this past season. But he's getting only one.

1. At the top of the Freep's online sports page is the following headline:

"Lions' Ramirez will get his first offensive start Sunday"

YESYESYESYES! Why the excitement, you ask? I can finally use "It's just Manny being Manny" during my live blog this Sunday. I can see it now...

The ref flips on his mic, and says, "Holding, number 63!" Then I get to write "Holding? Hell, it's just Manny being Manny!" Good times, good times.

Hey, what of it? I need stuff like this to get through what's going to be another Lions loss.

Chicago Bears at Detroit Lions is officially a sell out. Time to sharpen my poisonous wit...

This is not a drill. I repeat, this is NOT A DRILL! My Detroit Lions live blog this Sunday is a GO!  G.O.E. GO!

Thanks to a 1 day extension and the likely invasion of thousands of Chicago Bears fans, there will be no local blackout on Sunday. Meaning I'll be at my keyboard, full of piss and vinegar, ready to chronicle another Lions loss. 

I'm sure you can't wait to see another of my Sunday afternoon mental meltdowns. You'll see me swear at the Lions like a pissed off at the world John McCain! See me lose my shit as Jon Pickna Shitna Kitna throws another pick! See me bitch at Jim Colletto's unimaginative play calling. See me moan as Rod Marinelli butchers the clock! See a paragraph filled with nothing but "FIRE KWAN!" over and over and over! See all the self loathing that comes with being a life-long Lions fan!

So be here Sunday, at 1PM sharp, for the drama in 4 parts that is a TWFE live blog!

Jim Leyland: I want an extension, you SOB's! Detroit Tigers: Die in a fire!

OK, I admit it isn't quite as contentious as my headline, but there is definitely some tension between the Tigers and their manager.

Jim Leyland has gone public, letting everyone within earshot know that he deserves a contract extension, while conveniently forgetting he turned down extra years not all that long ago. The Tigers think differently, and refuse to give the Marlboro Man anything more. In their eyes, Leyland's going to have to earn a new deal.

Gimme my $2 extension!

Why is Leyland so adamant in demanding a contract extension? Why has he gone to media with his complaints?

As you might have guessed, I have his 10 reasons...

10. Smokes ain't cheap, you know. Criminal, that's what it is. Should be a government investigation!

9. That moron who used to work next door, Matt Millen, was able to get an extension, and he never won a God damn thing! I take a team to the the World Series, and get...a handshake and a pat on the back. It ain't right.

8. Have you priced a carton of Marlboro Reds lately? I had to take out a payday loan to get my Reds! Seriously, it's criminal.

7. You try dealing with Pudge Rodriguez for an entire season! He's the prima donna's prima donna. The extension should be considered retroactive hazard pay.

6. Did you see the so-called "bullpen" Dombrowski gave me?! I've seen better bullpens in the California Penal League! Christ, I deserve some extra coin for pain and suffering!

5. With my current deal, when you factor in my nicotine habit, I'm actually losing money. Criminal, I tell ya.

4. Remember the contract extension you offered me after last year, and I...I..OK, I admit it, I turned it down. Well, I changed my mind. It's a girls and a managers right to change their minds. So what's 12 months between friends?

3. Think the Wall St. meltdown is a mess? Wait till you see my lame duck ass meltdown mid season! But if I extorted...uh...had an extension, maybe, just maybe, it won't happen.

2. I'm being bent over by big tobacco! I needs my fix! Give me some money!

1. I have to listen to Brandon Inge piss and moan every God damn day for 6 straight months. "I'm not a catcher! I wanna play 3rd!" If that's not worth an extra few million, nothing is. Plus smokes are damn expensive...

The Knee Jerks: WTF with Eno and Al - Episode 1, Lions, Tigers and zombies, oh my!

Welcome to the first meeting of the Detroit sports blogging minds known as "The Knee Jerks." It's a weekly chat I have with Greg Eno, the man behind the blogging empire that includes Out of Bounds, Where Have You Gone, Johnny Grubb?, and Spoiled Sports.

During today's episode of TKJWTFWEAA, we discuss the ugly aftermath of the Tigers' season, the ongoing desperation with the Lions, a little Red Wings and Pistons, and zombies who fire head coaches with rambling, insane, rheummy-eyed soliloquies.

Let's jerk away...Uh, that didn't come out right. Just read it, OK?!

Eno: So, Big Al....lots to talk about in our first edition of The Knee Jerks, eh?

Big Al: For a couple of Detroit teams flailing about, the Tigers and Lions, they are making more than their fair share of news.

Eno: Let's start with Tigers manager Jim Leyland and his very public discontent with his contract status.....
I wrote on Johnny Grubb that I don't know where it says that a team has to keep a manager or a coach signed beyond the year that's current. What do you think of this "lame duck" stuff that everyone always wants to talk about?

Big Al: For a manager who has been around the block several times, and still appears to have the team's attention, claiming to be a "lame duck" is a bit much. The only thing this may affect is finding a pitching coach.

Eno: True that. But here's your "vote of confidence", which Mitch Albom says is lacking here: YOU STILL HAVE A JOB!! And a contract, through 2009. There's your confidence. I don't know why you need more than that.

(pause)

Big Al: I'm sorry, I was having a moment of silence for Chuck Hernandez... To continue, it's also worth noting the Marlboro Man turned down a longer-term deal a year ago. I thought he wanted to go year by year? Maybe the price of smokes has cut into his budget for 2010.

Eno: Well, I KNOW that you're old enough to remember Walter Alston....and Walt signed 23 straight one-year contracts to manage the Dodgers. Didn't seem to bother him, or the team.

Big Al: Not one bit. It's not as if the Tigers are an overly young team either. Most of the current roster has seen all this posturing before. If Leyland's contract status bothers the team that much, then they weren't all that mentally stable to begin with.

Eno: So what do you make of Leyland going public like this? Do you think it'll fracture his relationship with (GM) Dave Dombrowski, and/or (owner) Mike Ilitch?

Big Al: For it to have blown up into the mini-controversy it's become, there had to have been tension brewing for quite some time. I'd bet most of the pressure is coming from the Pizza Man, as Dombrowski and Leyland have been tight for years. If I dropped $138 million, I'd be wanting a little accountability too.

Eno: Yeah, that's a lot of dough to finish in last place. If they ever gave out an award called The SO NOT Executive of the Year, DD would win, hands down. What do you think Frick and Frack's future are with the Tigers under Mr. I ?

Big Al: I honestly think they are BOTH in hot water. I'll say this: Leyland didn't do a thing to EARN that extension, and the only move Dombrowski made that paid off was Miggy Cabrera. Ilitch is giving them a mulligan, and making '09 their do or die season. Another year like this, and Frick and Frack are applying for unemployment.

Eno: Agreed. Granted, there were things out of their control, but that works the other way, too. Lots of execs and managers who win awards get lucky, too. So it evens out -- if you last long enough. Before we leave this, were you surprised that Mr. Hernandez got the ziggy?

Big Al: Not at all. The struggles of Justin Verlander pretty much guaranteed Hernandez was toast. Someone was going to have to pay...uh, rather, be the scapegoat. The pitching coach is always first in that line. Ilitch wanted blood, and got it in Hernandez. It may have been time for some of the (pitching) staff to hear a new voice, anyway.

Eno: Isn't it funny how smart you can be when people do their jobs, and how dumb you become when they don't? I wasn't surprised, either, but nobody gave Chuck any props for the emergence of Armando Galarraga. Someone like Verlander -- he just needs to mature. Wasn't Leo Mazzone a genius when he had Glavine, Smoltz, Maddux, et al? And he wasn’t so smart in Baltimore, was he?

Big Al: Good point. Verlander said as much when asked about Hernandez getting the ziggy.

Eno: If you could describe the Tigers' season in ONE word, and you couldn't use "disappointing", what would it be? And Al, make it a word that I can use in front of my daughter.

Big Al: &*%>*#$@&;;

Eno: Funny.

Big Al: Seriously? Overhyped. We all bought into the media hype, so to speak. Hell, I thought the playoffs, to mix metaphors, were a slam dunk. Shows what I, you, and the rest of the world knows.

Eno: Hey, I bought into it, too. But if you remember, there were the naysayers out there who were worried about the pitching. I gotta take those folks to the casino with me next time!

Big Al: No kidding. And you didn't give your one word description. I'm waiting...

Eno: Ahhh....OK....Disjointed.

Eno: I never dreamed they'd be this out of whack. I mean, finish behind the freaking Royals??? Christ almighty!

Big Al: There's no defending finishing behind the Royals. Which leads me to this: to fix what has become literally a mess of a team, can the Tigers correct themselves in only one off-season?

Eno: Wow....
Well, they are leaking -- gushing, really, in two areas: pitching (bullpen, especially) and defense. Baseball defense is kind of like football defense; the Tigers don't have very many "playmakers" -- guys who rob other guys of hits.....it's not just how many errors you make, but how many scores you deny by making plays. And I don't know if you can just go out and get guys like that. As for the bullpen, it'll make you gag how many games they blew. You gotta go outside the organization there


Big Al: With the Pizza Man likely to at least cap salary, it's going to be hard to find that bullpen fix. It'd be nice to just throw money at K-Rod (Francisco Rodriguez), but I don't think it's in the cards. The Tigers are going to have to find a cheaper set-up guy who can step up to closing. As for defense, I hear that Brandon Inge is the GREATEST DEFENDER EVER! I'm still not sure I want a .200 hitting 3rd sacker, even if he's the next coming of Brooks Robinson in the field. And who in the Hell is going to play short? I don't know, and I don't think the Tigers do either.

Eno: Or, hey, how about catcher? And when will the Tigers find a position that Carlos Guillen CAN play?

Big Al: If only Gary Sheffield would retire, it would open the Tigers to all kinds of shuffling, and give Guillen a permanent home. Catcher? I thought Inge was the catcher of the future only a couple of months ago? So much for that plan, and most anything else Leyland "proclaimed" as set in stone this past season.

Eno: Leyland had no clue most of the year. The shuffling was embarrassing. But watch what you say about my guy Sheff. Plus, why would you shut it down sitting on 499 HR, Al?

Big Al: I know, it's just wishful thinking. I was totally a Sheff guy, but this past season really soured me on him. I'm not sure how much he has left. With 500 HRs and $14 million on the line, the Tigers have no choice but to find out.

Eno: OK, enough about that. What else is on your mind?

Big Al: What grinds my gears? Ticks me off? Well, there's the three-ring circus going on in Allen Park. We finally got our pound of flesh, Matt Millen, or as I like to call him, the porn 'stached goon. Millen is no longer running the team. But now what? The Lions are still the Lions.

Eno: Well, you know what the Eno Plan says. And so far, the Lions are following it. But they have a golden opportunity here. From what I know and have heard, there are a LOT of GOOD football people out there chomping at the bit for this job.

Big Al: Only the Lions would can a GM after three games, with no real plan as to what to do next. Your plan would be a good one to follow; even Drew Sharp thought so. But who wouldn't want to work for William Clay Ford? He pays well, has the patience of Job and will give you enough rope to hang yourself three times over. It's just a matter if Ford finds the RIGHT man for the job. His track record screams "NO!"

Eno: Floyd Reese has all but begged for an interview thru the papers and the radio. What do you think of someone like that, the former Tennessee Titan GM?

Big Al: I like his track record as a personnel guy with the Titans, but anyone who openly panders for the gig through the media would raise a red flag in my book. I'm sure it has with WCF too. If Reese wants the job, he would have been much better served to go through channels, so to speak.

Eno: You're shrewder than I thought -- good point! Hey, before we go, what did you think of the OTHER worst owner in the NFL -- Al Davis, and his ham-handed firing of Lane Kiffin?

Big Al: That was entertainment of the HIGHEST order. I was surprised Davis didn't break out the TPS Reports, phone logs and videotape. He wanted Kiffin not only fired, but blackballed. Think the Lions are dysfunctional? They have nothing on the Silver and Black.

Eno: Davis has been losing it for years now. He just does it more publicly than Bill Ford Sr. does. I thought they were going to fit him for a straitjacket when he dusted off Art Shell!

Big Al: Just wait for when he hires Matt Millen! Hey, it could happen! It's sad to see a once great owner who was instrumental in making pro football the juggernaut it is today so...so...pitifully zombie-like.

Eno: Just Pee, Baby!

Big Al: Millen's new job will be piss boy for Al Davis! I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.

Eno: Nice.
OK, your uber-quick take on the Red Wings and Pistons, and make it snappy -- we're running out of room and our readers' attention spans!

Big Al: Red Wings and Pistons? Wake me when the playoffs start! Honestly, the Red Wings are the best team in hockey. The Pistons are in the top 2-3 in the East., and they'll fall short again. I doubt adding Michael Curry as coach and Kwame Brown up front will get them over the conference finals hump.

Eno: I think it's amazing that the Wings not only kept everyone in tact, but ADDED a Marian Hossa. How DO they do it? The Pistons, I think, will make it back to the ECF again. Talk about a mulligan -- the Pistons are on their fourth one by now.

Eno: Oh, by the way, I forgot to tell you: if The Knee Jerks are a success, it was my idea. If it doesn't work out, you talked me into it.

Big Al: I'm just hopping on theEno bandwagon., and going wherever it takes me.

Eno: See ya next week, oh Al of Bigdom....

Big Al: I'll be here, Mr. Eno. Later.

It's all in the timing, Mr Ford

The Fords thought they were doing the right thing in the long long long long long long long overdue canning of the porn 'stached goon, Matt Millen. For the long-term future of the franchise, the firing was the right thing to do. But for the remainder of this season? Well, there's a reason NFL GM's aren't normally shown the door a whole 3 games into a season.

What is that reason?

It leads to coaches making cockamamie decisions like benching a promising rookie running back for an on the down side veteran on a one year deal who won't be on the team in 2009.

That's the reason.

If Rod Marinelli thinks sitting Kevin Smith for Rudi Johnson is going to give him a couple of extra wins, and thus, save his job, he's sadly mistaken. And totally delusional. With Smith's benching, Jordon Dizon's inability to get on the field, the other defensive rookies deactivated every Sunday, could this past draft look any worse? But I digress...

Despite Marinelli playing coy (or being amazingly sheltered and football possessed to the point of pop culture retardation) by claiming he didn't know what being a "lame duck" meant, his recent lineup moves tells us he knows exactly what it means, he's a "dead man coach walking." Why else would Johnson be in the lineup? Sure, he played decently against the Niners. But he's not the future.

Lame duck? Is that some sort of Chinese dish?

Same reasoning goes for Marinelli's complete refusal to even consider replacing Jon Shitna Pickna Kitna. The Lions may win a couple of more games with Kitna under center than with Drew Stanton. But what's the difference between 5-11 and 3-13, other than a draft slot? Kitna won't be the QB when this team turns the corner. (It could happen!) Hell, even the so-called intangibles Kitna supposedly brings to the team are quickly going out the window, with his quite visible petulance over the direction of the Detroit offense.

Starting Johnson and not starting Stanton are the moves of a quickly running out of time coach desperately trying to keep his job. Which is a bit of a conundrum, as Marinelli is out of a job when a new GM is hired. The idea that any GM Ford hires will have to keep Marinelli is ludicrous. Any GM worth hiring will want his own man on the sidelines, not the porn 'stached goon's retread. Actually, any GM willing to keep Marinelli as head coach as a condition of employment is a GM I don't want running the team.

Want another reason?

It leads to short-term thinking, shorter than Gary Coleman's pecker. This forward-short thinking leaves the coaches and front office personnel who survived the purge little choice but to do anything and everything possible to keep their jobs, even it means the team will be worse off in the long run.

An example of this is the Lions saying they will not even entertain trading Roy Williams, even though the odds of his signing a new contract with the team is 99.9995% against. That's taking the franchise tag out of the equation, as it would be idiotic to tag Williams. Which probably means the Lions are seriously considering doing so. But I digress...again.

I'm soooo out of here... Franchise tag me at your peril!

The Lions could quite possibly get a first day pick (or multiple picks over the 2 days) for Williams. With a roster full of more holes than the plot of a Micheal Bay movie, adding draft picks would be a much better idea than letting Williams play out his deal, then getting nothing when he walks. But if keeping Williams means the Lions win an extra game in a season that is already lost, though the franchise is stinking of desperation seeping from it's every pore, they won't trade him. Makes sense...if you're fucking insane!

Yes, firing Matt Millen was a good thing. But the timing couldn't have been worse. It's led to the Lions making me first, team last, the future is now sort of decisions that will only serve to make the job of the next GM that much harder.

In managing to get his incompetent ass fired when he did, Millen screwed over the fans one last time.

Thanks for nothing, you ass.

Housekeeping: I'm still kicking

A little bit of housekeeping before things go back to normal at TWFE.

I had the talk with my doctor Monday, and he's found out...well, not much.

It's confirmed that I'm bleeding internally, but they still don't yet know why, where, or how. I'm anemic, as the blood loss is causing a big time iron deficiency. I'm also feeling quite run down (thanks to the iron deficiency) and I'm losing weight, about 15 pounds in the last 4+ months, which is also somewhat concerning my docs. I'm kind of happy about that, (I'm thisclose to the weight I played high school football! w00t! I'm at my fighting trim! If I was fighting, that is...) of course the caveat being as long it's in thanks to me watching what I eat (which I try to do, but not to any extremes), and not a symptom of something else. Just add it to the list of things I need to monitor.

At least I have a good idea as to why I get so God damn exhausted sometimes, and don't even feel like writing, let alone doing anything else. Now we just need to figure out the actual reasons behind it all. Should be fun.

So the next step in figuring out the internal bleeding is seeing a Gastroenterologist next week, where we'll discuss my having an (ugh) colonoscopy. At least we're now taking baby steps towards a solution.

But the fun doesn't end there. The next week, I'm headed to Ann Arbor to meet with an orthopedic surgeon at U of M. We'll see if I'm a candidate for having my spine surgically straightened with an osteotomy. I was able to find the following about the "procedure" in attempting to do my due diligence better than Matt Millen ever did...

While rare, a procedure such as an osteotomy may be an option. This involves cutting through the spinal column so that it can be realigned to a more vertical position in order to significantly improve the posture of a patient. After the bone is realigned in a more vertical position it will be allowed to heal in that new position. Typically, spinal instrumentation (such as pedicle screws) and a spinal fusion are combined with an osteotomy to stabilize the spine during healing and foster growth of new bone to fuse the spine in the new position.

The area of the spine that is operated on will vary depending on the type of deformity and symptoms, and for some patients several sections of the spine may need to be surgically corrected. For example, for severe chin-on-chest deformity, surgical correction in the area where the neck meets the upper spine is typically done.

Boy, that sounds fucking pleasant. Carving up my spinal column, straightening my back, then wearing a halo and/or dealing with a hardware store in my back, for who know how long while the bone fuses together. Jesus...

But it's nowhere near being a done deal. I'll know much more about the surgery, and if this is something I may go through with, in a couple of weeks.

Anyway, my personal melodrama should be quieting down, with things returning to its normal, boring routine at Casa De Big Al . In other words, my father has left SE MI. With it confirmed that I'm doing OK for the time being, my dad and step-mom took off for Florida this morning, hoping they'll be able to find gas once he drives past the Mason-Dixon line. He wants to make Atlanta tonight, where my step-sister lives. She let him know the gas tanks in Hotlanta are as dry and barren as the Arizona desert...on a good day. My fingers are crossed they have an uneventful trip.

So that's the latest. I'll be back to writing about life's toy store, sports, shortly. One of my first priorities will be The Knee Jerks, as Eno and myself are hoping to get our little weekly chat up and running soon. As for TWFE's move to MVN, the latest from the MVN Grand Poohbah's is they are shooting for mid October. They are having issues with their new platform, delaying our plans. But it will happen.

By the way, I want to thank everyone who touched base, and were thinking good thoughts during all my medical bullshit.

Thanks for reading, and allowing me to vent a tad. We now return to your regularly scheduled programming. How about those Lions and Tigers, huh?

Chuck Hernandez is now a true Michigander. He can file for unemployment...

If you had bet on Tigers' pitching coach Chuck Hernandez to be the first casualty in response to what's been a God awful 2008 season, you can now collect.

 The unemployment office is that way?

The Tigers have decided to fire pitching coach Chuck Hernandez, the Free Press has learned.

Detroit manager Jim Leyland said prior to this afternoon’s game that the team was not ready to make any announcement related to its coaching staff, but club officials have indicated for several days that general changes were imminent. The dismissal of Hernandez appears to be the first of them.

I'm sure there will be more scapegoats to come. This is only the first move of many, as I'd expect the Tigers to react to the most disappointing season in Detroit sports history very swiftly and with extreme malice. Heads will continue to roll. Hernandez was just first in line.

I'm still around...

I apologize for the lack of content recently. Between having family in town, and a medical issue cropping up, sports have taken a back seat at Casa Del Big Al for the last few days.

Today was typical. I was pondering what I might write about today, and there's a knock at the door. I happily surprised to see it was my dad, wanting to hang out, then get some lunch. He, being a typical parent, is worried about me. Why?

Let's go back a few weeks... I see my rheumatogist at U of M every 4-6 months, depending on how I'm feeling. Part of the 3-4 times a year drill is to have blood tests, to make sure the numerous meds I take for arthritis and pain aren't doing more damage to me than the disease itself. During my last visit a couple of weeks ago, my rheumatologist told me my blood counts are down, amongst other things, and believes I may be bleeding internally...or something. He's not sure, and tells me to see my GP soon, and have him delve further into what's going on inside me.

So I went to my GP, who looked over the info sent down from A2, and he immediately scheduled me for more tests. I had blood drawn, and several tests performed, this past Tuesday afternoon. I was supposed to call a couple of days after the tests, and then see the doc over the next couple of weeks. But my doctor's office called me first thing Wednesday morning to schedule an appointment to talk about the results. It caught me totally off guard, as it deviated from the original plan. So it seems they may have found something. What that something may be, I don't know yet. I'll find out Monday afternoon.

I'm just trying not to worry about it, as this may be something minor. But as you also might guess, my parents are alarmed. Instead of heading back to Florida Sunday, my dad even decided to stay in town an extra day or 2 till we know more.

So that's what's up. I'll get something posted on TWFE over the weekend, and I'll go from there...

As always, thanks for reading, and FIRE MILLEN! Wait...

WTF? That's the name...

I'd like to make an announcement. No, it not about the move to MVN. (That will be happening in October!) It's in regard to to new feature at TWFE.

A pair of Detroit sports blogging titans (too much?) are undertaking a new venture. I've joined forces with Greg Eno of Out of Bounds. The result?

The Knee Jerks: WTF? With Eno and Al.

The Knee Jerks, (or as I like to call it, TKJWTFWEAA) will be a weekly chat, the two to us talking all things sports, both Detroit and national. Eno brings to the discussion his decades of experience as a legitimate journalist and his ability as a wordsmith. Me? I"m just a smart ass fan who's not afraid to drop the occasional F-bomb. I'd compare our meeting of the minds to the likes Frank Deford talking with the sports obsessed dude at the corner bar. (I'd be Frank Deford, by the way)

It'll be like this, but with WORDS!

TKJWTFWEAAwill hit the tubes of the internet every Thursday, both at TWFE and OoB. I hope you'll enjoy reading the chats as much as we'll have doing them!

Millen made how much?

I'm back from a day spent with the folks and away from the PC. I'm catching up on the latest...

The numbers involved in paying off the porn 'stached goon are absolutely flabbergasting...

Insanity, thy name is William Clay Ford.

Millen, who was 31-84 in his seven-plus years in Detroit, could walk away with as much as $50 million.

Millen has already made more than $38 million in the first seven-plus years of his contract. Millen originally was given a five-year contract at $5 million per season, but he was granted an extension in 2005 for another five years (ending after the 2010 season) at the same salary. Millen's record was 16-48 when he was given the extension.

Uh...WHAT. THE. FUCK?!

The bane of my existence is going to end up walking away from the franchise he completely destroyed with $50 million? That's just plain wrong.on all sorts of levels.

It's not only the fact that the porn 'stached goon is going to stroll back to Pennsylvania with "fuck you" money, it's the fact that his wide swath of destruction included taking the Ford family fortune down a few pegs. The Lions would be valued at far more than the $800+ million Forbes currently estimates the franchise is worth if Millen hadn't spent the last 8 years systematically destroying the team from the inside out.

Anyone else who threw such an insane amount of cash at a dumbass so fucking clueless, any moron plucked off the street could have done a better job for a fraction of the money, would be involuntarily committed for psychiatric observation. No wonder Bill Jr. dropped a dime on Millen, as his incompetent father was pissing away his inheritance.

Ford's only defense can be "not guilty by reason of insanity." Unfortunately, that's not good enough when the same man is going to have final say in hiring Millen's replacement.

The Who's great song, "Won't Get Fooled Again," has lyrics amazingly appropriate to the Lions' situation.

"Meet the new boss, same as the old boss."

If William Clay Ford has too much say in the next hire, those lyrics will be all too fitting. He will get fooled by the new boss...again.

It's over. It's all over. Millen is no more.

I never thought it would happen. Never. Not in my wildest, wettest dreams.

The man I've long called a porn 'stached goon, a moron and the bane of my existence, the worst general manager in sports history, the most hated man in Detroit, Matt Millen, is no longer running the Lions.

My first thoughts? I'm not a religious man, but...

THANK YOU, LORD! THERE IS A GOD!

My second?

IF HE KNEW THIS WOULD BE THE RESULT, WHY DIDN'T BILL FORD JR DROP THE "I'D FIRE HIM" BOMB IN PUBLIC 4 YEARS AGO? WHY? WHY? WHY?

My third?

If that same God I thanked is a vengeful God, I hope Millen gets put through the same Hell he put us fans though these past 8 years. An eye for an eye, I always say.

Now that the Millen era is finally over, I have to reiterate just how disgustingly bad Millen was as a GM. I wrote the following over a year ago. I feel the need to reprint why is Millen hated with such burning, scathing, all-encompassing rage by the long suffering Detroit Lions fanbase...

Millen is historically bad. Legendarily bad. The sort of bad that will be talked about for generations. When you look up bad in the encyclopedia, you'll see Millen's picture. Millen will be the comparison used when talking about how low a GM can take a franchise. Millen is so bad, that no other GM will ever be allowed to surpass Millen's ineptness, as they would have been canned long before they could do Millen-esque damage to a franchise.

That's why Millen is the most hated man in Detroit.

As of Wednesday, September 24, 2008, Matt Millen is history...literally and figuratively.

More later...

Edit 11:30 AM: WDFN, which has been on fire this morning, is reporting there a rumors of a 12:15 PM presser at the Lions' Allen Park HQ. COO Tom Lewand and assistant GM Martin Mayhew are expected to be taking over duties from the porn 'stached goon. 

I'm not exactly thrilled by the news of Lewand having more responsibilities, as he's not a "football" guy, but a money man. He's the Lions' version of Pistons owner Bill Davidson's right hand man, Tom Wilson (We all knew how badly it went when Wilson had more say in basketball issues). But Mayhew is a wild card, though anyone even remotely associated with Millen brings all sorts of caveats. But at this point, a blind, senile, shit flinging chimp would be an improvement over the porn 'stached goon.  

By the way, for you Michigan ex-pats, I suggest you get your asses online, and listen to either The Fan (WDFN) or The Ticket (WXYT). The mood of the callers is joyous. This is one of the best days in Detroit sports history. Seriously.

I have some other committments today, as my dad and step-mom are up from Florida, so I'm going to be away from my PC all afternoon. Please feel free to comment and email away, and I'll be back later today.

Now what?

I'm sure that's the question everyone is asking after Bill Ford Jr, dropped the "I would have fired the general manager” bomb yesterday. Fans and local media jumped on Junior's statement with the same glee and vigor Madonna humps 25 year old studs.

24+ hours later though, is anything different? Which is why I can tell you exactly what's going to happen with the Lions.

So I'll repeat the question...

Now what?

Nothing.

That's what.

Why? Because that's William Clay Ford's M.O. Always has been, always will be.

Ford is either... 1) so afraid to make the wrong move, he'd rather make no move at all, 2) a chickenshit who refuses to do what needs to be done because he's afraid to piss off someone he likes, or 3) he's so rich and above it all, he just doesn't give a flying fuck.

No matter what the reason may be, any or all of the above, none of them are good enough to have let the situation linger for years. Ford's inaction has allowed a moron named Matt Millen to literally DESTROY a franchise by alienating what had been a beyond loyal fanbase to the point where they feel open revolt is the only way for their voices to be heard. All because Ford "likes" the God damn SOB in the GM's chair.

There's a reason William Clay Ford was never given any real power in the family business. You only need to see how he's run the Lions since 1964 to know what the Ford family knew from the outset. The youngest of Henry Ford's grandsons is an incompetent buffoon.

You can see the evil in a young William Clay Ford's eyes

as he plots against one of the best coaches in Lions' history, Joe Schmidt.

If William Clay Ford had taken helm of Ford Motor, we'd have been talking about a Big 2 for the last 25 years. There would be no Big 3, as FoMoCo would have never made it through the "Malaise era."

William Clay Ford couldn't be trusted run...run...Hell, anything, let alone a Fortune 500 corporation. Thus, to the keep the neer-do-well, none-to-bright Ford baby brother (When compared to older, smarter brothers Hank the Deuce and Benson) from meddling in the day to day operations of FoMoCo, he was given his own little toy to play pretend boss with, the Detroit Lions.

The rest is history.

Considering the consequences of WCF ruining one of the nation's biggest and influential corporations, allowing little Willie Ford to run the Lions into the ground was necessary collateral damage. Better Ford's "brilliance" causing the Lions to piss us off decade after decade, than allowing millions to lose their way of life. It's the price we have to pay.

I know what you're going to say. "Big Al, you can't believe the bullshit about William Clay Ford you're spreading, do you? Ford can't be running the Lions like a rudderless ship for the greater good?"

I say, "Whatever gets you through the night, it's alright, alright."

So that's where it stands. The prodigal son, Bill Jr., wants a scorched earth policy when it comes to the Lions' front office, while his dumbass dad would rather stay the course, common sense be damned. Typical, as William Clay Ford's franchise is the NFL's version of the Titanic. The Lions have hit their iceberg, and it's name is Matt Millen.

In other words, same shit, different day, same old Lions.

Christ, I can't believe this fucking team...

Worse, I can't believe I'm a FAN of this fucking team...