Friday, February 02, 2007

The "Worst Columnist in America" reaches a new low

Things have been quiet on the Wobb Parker front recently. Me thinks mostly due to the fact that the "Worst Columnist in America" was busy trying to hitch his sorry ass to "Cold Pizza."

Now that he's done, and most likely failed, with his social climbing, Wobb comes back swinging with his most asinine and utterly insipid column since his attempt to slander the Tigers' Dave Dombrowski, by calling him the worst GM in Detroit.

In fact, I think Wobb has reached a new level of ineptness. Parker reached for the brass ring of stupidity, and has grasped that stupidity with a death grip.

Why am I waxing rhapsodic over the cluelessness of Parker? Wobb turned in a column, printed in today's Detroit News, that has even the most rabid Michigan basketball fan saying, "What the fuck?"

I quote...

Tommy Amaker shouldn't be fired.

Not today. Not next week. Not after this season.

Every blogger, newspaper columnist, Michigan apologist, and fan had long concluded that the Amaker era has been a spectacular failure, and that his coming back for this season was most undeserved. So the thought that Amaker "Deserves" even more time as the face of Wolverines hoop must come from... 1) A lunatic who should be committed 2) The functionally retarded or 3) The worst columnist in America.

About the only line in this entire column deep, sloppy French kiss to Amaker that makes any sense is, "The program truly is clean."

Other than that, there should be no defending the results of Tommy Amaker. But how Parker tries...

He continues to land A-list recruits.

Who either plateau, or actually regress, rather than improve during their careers.

Parker uses Daniel Horton as a shining example of Amaker's coaching acumen. Horton was a great freshman, unfortunately he was never better. Michigan fans know that Horton never truly lived up to his potential. He was basically the same player all 4 years. Horton came to Michigan as a good player, who after a Big Ten Freshman of the Year award, looked like a NBA 1st round pick. Horton left Michigan as a good player, who wasn't even drafted.

The other example Wobb uses is DeShawn Sims. He of the 3 points, 2 rebounds and 33.8% shooting, all in 9 minutes a game. If you go by Amaker's MO, judging by how players like Horton and Courtney Sims have turned out, DeShawn Sims is not going to get all that much better.

The column takes a turn for the bizarre with this paragraph...

Those who say Amaker hasn't done anything are grossly misled. With Amaker at the helm, Michigan won an NIT title in 2004 and lost to South Carolina in the NIT final last year. That doesn't sound like players who don't want to play for a coach. In fact, it's the opposite. It tells you what kind of a motivator he honestly is.

To defend Amaker by using his "Success" in the NIT Michigan Invitational Tournament, is ...Well, I don't have a word that describes the absolute idiocy of that paragraph. Michigan does well in the NIT, a losers bracket whose only reason for existence is to fill time on the Worldwide Leader, and give the mediocre teams that go some extra practice time, so that proves he's a "MOTIVATOR?"

That's jaw droppingly dumb.

The college basketball world revolves around one thing, and one thing only. Making the only tournament that matters, the NCAA's. For a school of Michigan's stature, with a history of good to excellent basketball teams, to not even sniff the true basketball postseason for the entirety of Amaker's tenure, is unforgivable. Unless, of course, you're Rob Parker.

Wobb really begins to stretch for reasons to keep Amaker with this nugget.

Amaker, who took Seton Hall to the NCAA Tournament in 2000, probably would have made the tournament twice by now if injuries didn't ravish his team two years in a row. It's not an excuse, it's just plain fact.

So Amaker has made the NCAA's in the past? 7 YEARS AGO?! Whoop-de-God-damn-do! Look closer at his record, and it shows that in his previous 9 seasons coaching in both the Big East and Big Ten, 2000 is the only NCAA his teams have made. And to blame injuries? Considering the Wolverines' creampuff scheduling, they were NCAA bubble teams at best, injuries or not. Last season's Big Ten tournament collapse, a fiasco against an awful Minnesota team that kept them from consideration for a lower seed at-large bid, is conveniently ignored.

At this point, it appears that Amaker making the NCAA's was nothing more than a fluke. 4 of his teams were .500 or worse, another was 1 game above break even, and one was 4 games above. If you include this season, that leaves only 4 teams that could be even considered remotely successful. And it's common knowledge that Michigan built their winning records under Amaker thanks to an embarrassingly easy out of conference schedule, playing the likes of community colleges, directional schools, orphanages, intramural teams, and Ann Arbor Pioneer high school. Pardon, me, I got carried away. Michigan's schedule wasn't even THAT tough...

Still, Parker continues to praise Amaker, by comparing him to...Gary Williams at Maryland?

Maryland gave coach Gary Williams time to fix its troubled program. Williams took over in 1989. Five years later, the program's first season off probation, the Terrapins received their first NCAA bid since 1988. Williams led Maryland to a national championship in 2002. Hence, it wound up taking Williams 13 years to accomplish his ultimate goal.

Hold it. Sure, Williams had to take over a probation hindered program, as did Amaker. But Williams took over a program that is in what is generally considered the toughest basketball conference around, the ACC. Before you compare Amaker to Williams, let the stats talk. Williams - 11 consecutive NCAA's, became a perennial Sweet Sixteen participant, two Final Fours, one championship. Amaker - One NCAA appearance, 7 YEARS AGO.

Saying that Michigan should keep Amaker because he MIGHT turn out to be as good as Williams, despite massive evidence to the contrary, is comparable to saying the Lions should keep Matt Millen as GM because he might be as good as Ron Wolf. Both are laughable comparisons.

The entire column is laughable. As laughable as one of Parker's Joe Dumars' mandated Pistons love-ins. It never ceases to amaze me that a big market fish wrap continues to print such non thought out, ill researched, slanted, crap.

Addendum 2/3/07: Ian has a great take on Wobb's column as well...

1 comment:

  1. I read this article and had the same reaction. I don't think Rob Parker could get a job at the Michigan Daily, let alone an 'adult' newspaper.