Wednesday, December 20, 2006

An open letter to Detroit Lions fans, from William Clay Ford

From: The Throne of William Clay Ford
To: The Lions ticket holding communist rabble
Re: A word of warning

Let's get one thing perfectly clear. I could care less about you, and you despise me. But I'm richer than God, so what you think, to be blunt, means dick. But that's neither here nor there.

I'm hearing from my moles that some of you lower class, blue collar, union sympathizing socialists are planning an attempt to embarrass me and my football team with a so-called "Protest." I'm told some sort of walkout is scheduled for this Sunday, in hopes of sullying my good name.

You aren't the first to take on we Fords, you know. We had plenty of experience handling walkouts by the likes of you back in those glorious union busting 1930's. Have a look, and take heed, you socialist heathens...

To be honest, I wish my footballers hit as hard as Ford's union busting goon squads. But never you mind. Just remember, when you dare to take a stand against a Ford, or my Detroit Lions, you are asking for trouble. I can dish it out, believe you me.

Plan on displaying a "Fire Millen" sign? Wearing a bag over your head? Leading anti-Lions chants? Organizing the crowd in protest? All in a stadium with MY NAME above the entrance?

Not on my watch!

I'm not some doddering, clueless, alcoholic, senile old fool, as some dumb ass blogger might have you believe. You do not want to piss me off. If you do, expect to be greeted as warmly as those unamerican, communist UAW organizers were in those wonderful pictures above.

You know, we don't have to be enemies. Please, quietly enjoy your time at Sunday's game. Root for the Lions, buy lots of trinkets, drink plenty of beer. That makes me happy. But don't you poor son of a bitches dare take me on with a walkout. You'll live to regret it...

Buy American! Go Lions!

William Clay Ford

PS: You want me to fire Matt Millen? Over my DEAD BODY! Now go die in a fire.

No comments:

Post a Comment