Flip Saunders: Dead man walking

Is the end of the Flip Saunders era nigh? Yahoo lead columnist and Detroiter Dan Wetzel believes Flip has lost the Pistons locker room, and barring a miraculous resurrection against the Heat, deserves to get the ziggy...

And unless Flip Saunders immediately regains control of the spiraling Detroit Pistons, he should be fired just one season into taking over what seemed to be the ultimate coaching job – in charge of the most selfless, self-motivated team in basketball.

The failures of Detroit, which trails the Miami Heat in the Eastern Conference finals 3-1 heading into Wednesday's Game 5, aren't all Saunders' fault, but he will be the fall guy. He has to be.

The most coachable team in the league doesn't turn into the Portland Trail Blazers for no reason.

Comparing the Pistons to the Jailblazers? Who would have thought of anyone making such a comparison as little as 3 weeks ago? Unfortunately, that is how complete the playoff collaspe of the Pistons has become. Everyone is looking for a scapegoat. Considering that there has been only one significant change in the Pistons' makeup since last season, that being Flip Saunders, blaming the implosion on Flip is easy. But is it correct?

When you walk into a winning situation, as Flip did with the Pistons, where expectations are almost unreasonably sky high, you best have your eyes wide open. If you don't meet those sky high expectations, expect the ripping to commense. And it has with earnest. The media has been almost gleeful in their rush to judge Flip Saunders and the appearent locker room unrest. But it isn't the media that counts, it's the players. Judging from everything we've read, Flip has lost the respect of the Pistons roster, if he ever had it to begin with. Most importantly, the face of the Detroit Pistons, Ben Wallace, seems to be the ringleader of the "Throw Flip under the bus" club.

It's more than obvious that Flip has lost Big Ben. Looking back, Wallace's refusal to re-eneter the Orlando game was the beginning of the downward spiral. Flip's offense ignores Wallace to the same extreme point that Rick Carlisle's did, and we know what happened to Carlisle. Wetzel has the ugly numbers.

This postseason, Wallace is averaging a meager 3.9 shots a game and his numbers have dropped across the board – just 4.3 points, 10.9 rebounds, 1.2 blocks and 1.4 steals.

As Ben Wallace goes, so goes the Pistons. But Wallace is in a huge funk, and so are the Pistons. He's struggling mightily on offense, it's affecting his defense, and for that matter, his locker room demeanor. And right or wrong, Ben blames Flip. Again I ask, is that the correct thing for Ben to do? Maybe not, but it's the easy thing for him to do.

Thus, the rest of the team piles on. As does the media. And the fans. It's now getting ugly while rumors of Flip's job security run rampant.

So we have a Pistons team in turmoil, even though they have not yet been eliminated from the playoffs. That seems like a formality at this point, be it tonight or Friday. There's some crazy talk of blowing up the team after the playoff debacle ends. That's not going to happen. The Pistons are too good and still relatively young, so we'll see tweaks in the roster. As to what those tweaks will be, it's way too early to determine, as the Ben Wallace contract situation needs to be sorted out.

But...We all know what does happen after a locker room uprising. Just ask Alan Trammell. It's an easy solution to fire the coach. It's instant gratification for both the fans and media. The Pistons have been known to have an itchy trigger finger in regards to head coaches. If I'm Flip Saunders, I'm prepping the resume and figuring out how to invest my buyout.

Much as Miami of Ohio is known as the "Cradle of Coaches," The Palace has become a graveyard of coaches. Coaches of all calibers. Hall of fame (Daly, Brown), good (Carlise, Collins), and bad (Rothstein, Chaney, Gentry, Irvine). If Saunders is given the ziggy, and odds are good that it could happen, with the Pistons track record, what quality head coach in their right mind would want the Piston job?

Does Flip Saunders deserve to lose his job? Seems like an overly extreme reaction. Will he lose the head coach job? If you connect the dots and consider the Pistons' past history, let's just say I wouldn't bet the rent money on Flip staying.

Do you root for the player, or the jersey?

I don't make it a point to read the ESPN Insider blogs on a daily basis, as it is the evil dot com entity of the so-called WWLiS, and it's a pain in the posterior to seperate the wheat from the chaff. But The Daily Fungo pointed out Buster Olney's latest post that mentions the Tigers prominently. And he's not talking about the Tigers torrid start.


Instead, Olney peers into a crystal ball and predicts the future of Barry Bonds. First, he assumes that Bonds is not walking away from the game. Going with that premise, and knowing that Bonds is a total and absolute liability in the field, he'll move to the AL and DH. Olney, thru the process of elimination (Need, fit, intangibles, so on), says there are two AL franchises that fit Bonds' needs, and vice versa. One team is obvious, the Yankees. The other, not so obvious. That other team is...wait for it...the Detroit Tigers. (For what it's worth, The Daily Fungo beat Olney to the punch and pondered this same scenario a few days ago.)

Here's Olney's reasoning:

No person in baseball has been more supportive of Bonds than his former manager, Jim Leyland, and it may be that no person in the game will have more influence than Leyland in this offseason, if the Tigers make the playoffs. You have to believe that if Leyland wanted Bonds, and asked for Bonds, he would get him. And Leyland is a strong and stubborn man who would give Bonds a chance if he thought it was good for his team.

It does make a ton of baseball sense. Bonds would fill a huge hole in the Tiger lineup. That being the their desperate need to balance out the batting order with a left handed bat that has some pop. Barry Bonds fits. Almost too perfectly. Bonds, even though he's no longer an otherworldly presence at the plate, is still an OBP machine with tremendous power. I hate to say it, as the term was used in the past on stiffs like Greg Jefferies and Bip Roberts, but Bonds is a professional hitter. He is the professional hitter.

After this season, the Tigers will be losing the anchor that is Dmitri Young, the last professional hitter signed. They will also jettison his 8 million dollar conract, so the DH position and a contract slot will open up. Considering that Bonds will be looking for a short term deal, the Tigers can afford him.

So, we have these facts:

Bonds fits a Tigers lineup need.
They have a manager, in Jim Leyland, that Bonds respects.
Leyland isn't afraid of, or is imtimidated by, Bonds.
The Tigers should be, at the very least, wild card contenders.
The Tigers will have the money to spend.
Mike Ilitch has been willing to take chances, see the Juan Gone contract offer, and the signings of Pudge Rodriguez and Magglio Ordonez.

So a hall of fame (That's a debate for anoher time) caliber hitter would be a perfect fit for the Tigers. What's not to like?

Well...where do you start? Pure and simple, Bonds is a despicable human being. He treats everyone, media and and fans alike, with utter contempt. It's all but certain that Bonds used 'roids. He didn't break any baseball rules, but Bonds was skirting on the edges of the law and morality. He would bring along a media circus, and the closer Bonds gets to Henry Aaron's record, the bigger that circus would become. Bonds isn't exactly known as a good teammate, just ask Jeff Kent. His creaky knees are in awful shape, how many games would Bonds be able to play? Did I mention that Bonds is an abhorrent cad of a human being?

Which brings me to the question I posed at the start. Say the Tigers do sign Bonds. Do you cheer for him, forgetting the bile one may have spewed about Bonds in the past? It's the conundrum Jerry Seinfeld famously brought up in an episode of "Seinfeld," are you rooting for the player, or the jersey they wear?

I'm positive going to hate myself or saying this, but if acquiring Bonds makes the Tigers a playoff contender, I'd be all for their signing him. Call me a slut for winning. Feel free to call me a hypocrite as well, I deserve it. Sell the Tigers soul for a World Series title? Damn straight.

Lets get real, no team is made up of 100% boy scouts, and it's never stopped we fans from cheering our teams on. We loved and encouraged Bob Probert's craziness, probably to the detriment of his physical being. We think Rasheed Wallace is the shiznit, but Portland fans would tell a diferent story. Bill Laimbeer is a God in Detroit, and considered the anti-Christ in every other NBA city. Denny McClain was a miserable teammate and a worse human being, but his excesses were tolerated till he lost his fastball. If you want to go back decades, Ty Cobb was cheered, and he was a racist and (unconfirmed) murderer. Matt Millen was quoted saying every team needs a "Rat." To go the other direction, it was thought that Grant Hill and Joey Harrington were too much the boy scout type.

For me to say that I wouldn't cheer Barry Bonds as a Tiger, I'd be lying. I'd be like every other fan, cheering for the Tigers to win. Does that make me a bad person? No, but it makes me a honest fan.

The Pistons are broken. The question is, are they fixable?

Honestly, I'm not sure what to make of the Pistons ongoing implosion. I'm not just talking about the on court issues, but in the locker room. Something is desperately wrong, and no one can seem to put their finger on exactly what is broken. It's appearent that in the minds of the players, Flip Saunders is the cause of their problems. The majority of the roster is more than happy to throw their coach under the proverbial bus.

From the tone of comments from the players, you'd think we were talking about the cluster that was the Tigers locker room of the past few seasons, rather than the defending eastern confrence champions. Player quotes have been thrown about from all directions in the media, sniping in regard to scheme, strategy, substitution patterns, and pretty much anything that deflects blame from themselves.

Am I pining for the days of Larry Brown and his steamer trunk full of neuroses? No. Far from it. Becuase Flip Saunders isn't the root of all evil, and there is plenty of blame go around. Has he made all the right moves? Of course not. But is Flip to blame for the dissapearance of Rasheed Wallace and Tayshaun Prince for long stretches? The sudden teamwide aversion to making free throws? The absymally low shooting percentage? How about the lack of effort on defense? Or the shift from a motion offense to one on one isolation basketball? Again, is Flip to blame? Some, but not in total. If the players are looking for a scapegoat, maybe they should take a look in the mirror. If they are honest with themselves, they won't like what they see.

Ben Wallace sounds like a man that has already made his mind up as to whom the blame should fall upon. And it isn't himself. From his comments about the lack of defensive practice and dislike of Saunders' strategy, to his season long complaints about the lack of touches on offense, and his willingness to bring all this up in the media, Big Ben is laying the groundwork, in my mind anyway, for an offseason ultimatum. His outspokeness in regard to Flip and his coaching accumen says, "You want to sign me to a new contract? Then either Flip goes or I go." That, and the thought that Wallace may be looking for max money, the Pistons' front office may just be willing to say "Thanks for the memories."

But Wallace and his contract demands are something that is simmering on the backburner. Ben's simmering anger in regard to defensive effort and the sacrifice of defense for offense is what may be stirring the pot of dissention in the locker room.

Joe Dumars has been Matt Millen-esque in his silence since the start of the Miami series. The locker room sniping has to be eating him up. Dumars built this team in his image. To see that team seemingly self destruct has to have him wondering if the time has come to make changes in his vaunted starting 5. Ben Wallace's contract demands may do that for him.

But we may be getting ahead of ourselves. To totally write the Pistons off is hard to do. Many of us thought the Pistons were going into the tank during the Cavs series, and were happily proved wrong. Considering past history of the Pistons abilty to rebound from adversity, and the fact that the series is not yet over, can we hope of a Lazarus-like ressurection of the Pistons? Despite the current disarray, I wouldn't put it past the Pistons to win the next two games. As they like to say, "It's what we do." But is the confidence tank empty?

The playoff difficulties has raised questions that we thought wouldn't have to be brought up for a year or two. The Pistons may win the next game, this series, or even the championship. But it's still obvious that there are cracks in the foundation, and there are important decisions to be made in regard to the Pistons' future.

The Pistons have played more games than anyone over the past four seasons, and they are not getting any younger. There is a current chasm between players and coach that needs to be closed. There are some touchy contract situations coming up with Ben Wallace and Chauncey Billups. You have the blown Darko pick, which makes the decision of allowing Wallace to walk or not an even harder one. There's no first round pick this year, and with the bench thin as it is, where is the needed depth going to come from? How long do you ride out a championship level team, before age, complacency, and ennui take over? There may be a player or two joining Flip Saunders under that bus.

No matter when this playoff run ends, be it tomorrow, or 2 weeks from now, fans and media alike have to be concerned about the future. Have the Pistons, as we currently know them, arrived at the crossroads?

Inside Dick Bavetta's brain...

Hmmm, there's quite a bit of commotion going on, lots of tall guys running around. Kinda loud in here, though. Can't hear a God damn thing. You'd think there was an important game going on or something. Any hot chicks in the stands that might like to meet a balding octogenarian? I'm on TV quite a bit, you know. I should be on all the shows tonight after I showed that guy wearing the funny mask how to block out earlier. He didn't look too happy. I wonder why? He acted like he got bopped hard in the face. Kids and their stories, what are you going to do?

What was THAT? Wow, how did that bald guy in the white jersey end up on the floor? I think that bald dude bounced a couple of times when he hit. He looks like he was run over or somesuch. That had to hurt! I should see how he is, might have a floor burn. Nah, that guy standing over him wearing the red jersey will check. Not my problem, anyway.

What the...Now WHAT? I thought I heard that tall lanky dude holding the ball say something. Time? Time...something? Why on earth would he want to know the time? Seems strange to be asking for the time. Nah, couldn't be all that important. That lanky kid would probably bitch about something or other if I acknowledge him anyway. Kids and their stories, they got a million of them.

Hey, it's been around 5 seconds! I should blow my whistle and say something. But say what? Oh, I know...

TWEEEEEET!!! TWEEEEEET!!! "5 SECONDS! HEAT BALL! TIME OUT? WHAAAAT? TIME MY ASS! NO, YOU DID NOT ASK FOR TIME. YOU HIGH OR SOMETHING? I HAVE FRIENDS IN NEW YORK THAT COULD MAKE YOUR LIFE MISERABLE! YA HEAR ME, PUNK? MISERABLE! NOW CAN THE LIP OR I'LL 'T' YOUR SKINNY ASS UP. GET OUTTA MY FACE, I'M KNICK...UH...DICK BAVETTA!!!"

Damn kids and their stories.

An open letter to the Pistons

From: The Wayne Fontes Experience
To: The Detroit Pistons
Re: Enough with the "If it ain't rough, it ain't right" already. Every series doesn't always have to be so damn gut wrenching, you know?

Ben Wallace: What in the Hell is up? Are you pissed at Flip? Unhappy with the offense? Joe D look at you the wrong way? Guarding Shaq making you grumpy? Get up on the wrong side of the bed? Your R/C cars on the fritz? I know you gave the best effort of any of the Pistons during game 1, espcially on the defensive end. But something is wrong, everyone can sense it. I mean, 22% from the line? You make Shaq look like the next coming of Rick Barry and Calvin Murphy. No one has ever been this awful. Your shooting has reached a historic level of brutality. So...What's your beef? The more this feeling lingers, the more the idea of you leaving via free agency doesn't seem as unthinkable as it once did. Please, feel free to convince me otherwise.

Rasheed Wallace: Would it hurt you all that much to stay down on the blocks more than once every ten posessions? You're unstoppable when you put your mind to it, which has tended to be every other playoff game. Or would you rather channel your inner shooting guard and bomb treys all night? If so, you aren't going to beat the Heat, much less win the NBA championship.

Lindsey Hunter: Please. Stop. Shooting. Love the D, hate the O.

Chauncey Billups: Enough of the LeBron-esque pounding of the ball at the top of the key till there is little time left on the shot clock. Stop worring so much about matchups and just run the Flip's damn offense.

Rip Hamilton: Stop trying to create your own shots. It's not your game. Never has, never will. Go back to taking mid range jumpers coming off of screens. You're unguardable when running those curls off of picks. Plus, all those screens will beat up Dwayne Wade.

Antonio McDyess: No complaints. Just keep doing what you've been doing. Oh yeah, please watch the foul trouble, K?

Tayshaun Prince: Things were hunky dory till you pulled a 'Sheed and disappeared for long stretches on offense the other night. Just to remind you, you were the best Piston on the floor against the Cavs. I find it hard to believe that Antoine Walker can even think of stopping you. Get back to it.

Tony Delk: Hit your shots in your limited minutes, that's all I'm asking. Instant offense is why you're here, and we know you're capable, so channel the Microwave, if need be.

Flip Saunders: You want all the questions in regard to your teams underachieving in the playoffs to end? Get a handle on whatever ails the offense. Now. Post haste. Immeadiately. In case you didn't know, the rules do you allow you to make adjustments during the game.

You kicked Heat ass during the regular season. I could care less if Wade and Shaq get theirs, within reason, of course. Just don't let Williams, Walker, Payton, and the rest of the ringers Riley brought in beat you. OK? OK.

Sincerely,

The Wayne Fontes Experience

The Tigers are in first place? Best record in baseball? Who knew?

Just as Steve McCroskey said, "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue," the Tigers sure picked the wrong week to become the best team in baseball.


Looking back at my posts over the last month, with the majority being NBA and Pistons related, you'd think TWFE was strictly a hoops blog. I've also posted several times about our favorite functionally retarded Pesident and GM, Matt Millen, a couple of stories bitching and moaning about ESPN, a handful of Red Wings rants, and I even mentioned the Fab 5. But what of the best team in baseball? The first place team in the AL Central? I mentioned the Tigers once. Only once? Why is that?

I could think of a few reasons...

Monday night Justin Verlander threw a complete game 4 hit shutout against the Royals, but did anyone see it? I would have loved to watch. But I ended up switching between "24" (Jack Bauer stopped nuclear armageddon, killed his mentor, kidnapped the President and took him down, saved Democracy as we know it, and was capured by the Chineese government, all in 2 hours! I can barely write 1 blog post in 2 hours.) and the NBA playoffs. Why? There was no TV. None. Zip. Nada. Even the ESPN "Baseball Tonight" guys said that the lack of local TV was criminal.

Well, what about radio, you say? Don't make me laugh... I can barely tune in WXYT during the day, let alone after sundown, and I live only 25-30 miles out of the city. It's asinine, when you think about it, that in order to hear a locally broadcast game static free, I'd have to either move next door to the transmitter, subscribe to satellite radio, or buy the MLB internet audio package. I live in the freaking suburbs for chrissakes! The Tigers broadcasts used to be on the blowtorch of the Midwest. Now they are on the Bic lighter.

I think there was more than a little disbelief involved as well. If there is a team in town that we have a total and utter lack of faith in, it's the Tigers. 2 decades of bad baseball does that to a fanbase. It was never "Hope for the best, but expect the worst" when talking Tigers. It was just "Expect the worst." The Tigers have been so bad for so long, we kept waiting to the other shoe to drop. We all expected the Tigers to come back down to earth, thinking a 10 game losing streak was around the corner. Except a losing streak never happened.

Maybe they would give away games late. Not have the ability to come back from behind. That's been the Tigers modus operandi for a generation. Then we see backup catcher Vance Wilson, of all people, hit a game winning home run against Johan Santana. Johan Santana? Over the weekend, Joel Zumaya proved he is actually human, and gave up a backbreaking grand slam to Ken Griffey Jr, giving the Reds a late game lead. Game over, right? Wrong. Curtis Granderson hits a 2 out game tying home run, and the Tigers win in the 10th. That was the sort of game the Tigers have been unable to win for what seems like an eternity. Games like those are making believers out of all of us.

There's that, and the fact that if they only play .500 ball from here on out, the Tigers will win 90 games. That will have them in the wild card hunt all summer. A pennant race. Wow. I've forgotten what those are like. If I remember correctly, a pennant race is , quite possibly, the coolest thing in all sports.

But still, all this has been happening under the radar. I'm as guilty as anyone. I've been obsessing over the Pistons. We all have. Unfortunately, when the Tigers miraculously have a TV game, the Pistons seem to be playing at the same time, last night being a prime example. I was able to catch brief glimpes of the Tigers during TV timeouts, but I was totally focused on the Heat - Pistons game. In most households, a Piston playoff game will trump an early season Tigers - Royals game every day of the week. I mean, come on, the 2006 Royals are the next coming of the 2003 Tigers, God bless 'em. It's a fact of life the Tigers are going to have to live with till the Pistons playoff run ends. Which we all hope isn't for another 3 weeks, give or take.



So here's a tip of the cap and an apology to the best team in MLB. The Detroit Tigers. They deserve...No demand, our attention. They have mine.

Miami 91 - Detroit 86. What, me worry? Maybe...

A few quick thoughts on tonight's loss before I call it a night...

The Pistons looked like a team coming off of an emotional 7 game series, as they were gassed. There wasn't much in the tank tonight, physically or emotionally. That goes for the fans as well. The 11-0 start for the Heat quickly took the Palace right out of the game. The Heat were smoking from the field, shooting the lights out damn near all night, while the Pistons siezed.

I saw a Pistons team that was getting more than their share of open looks, but couldn't drain their shots. Again, as in the Cleveland series, the opposition played decent D, but it just felt like it was more what the Pistons weren't doing, rather than vice versa. Even still, the Pistons hung around all game, even took a the lead a couple of times in the 2nd half. But they couldn't ratchet up the offense or defense enough to pull away. You'd eapecially think that when Dwayne Wade had to sit for the majority of the 3rd quarter with foul trouble, the Pistons would make their run. We thought wrong.

The offense did not look sharp. Hamilton and Billups couldn't throw the ball in the ocean tonight, let alone the hoop. You look at their scoring, 22 and 19 respectively, and you'd say they played well. You'd be wrong. Shooting 15-41 isn't going to cut it. On the other hand, Wade pretty much did what he wanted offensively, when he wasn't in foul trouble. Shaq was Shaq, but really didn't have a huge impact. He got his early, but didn't do much in the 2nd half. Which shows how badly the Pistons played. With Wade off with foul trouble and Shaq having an average game and foul issues himself, the Pistons still couldn't take advantage. Pat Riley's 3 ringers, Walker, Williams, and Payton, all had productive games, picking up the Shaq/Wade slack.

Lindsey Hunter threw up some ugly shots, going 0-3, and there was one drive to the basket in the 3rd quarter that was paticularly awful. Just a badly wasted posession in a tight game. It was another game where the bench scoring, save for McDyess, was non existent.

'Sheed had one of those games where he just seemed to float around on both ends of the floor, and had a minimal no impact on the game. When 'Sheed goes for 7 and 3, it's near impossible for the Pistons to win. Was it the ankle, or just a very bad game? Either way, it doesn't bode well.

So here we go again. The Pistons making things hard on themselves. Game 2 has now become the next closest thing to a must win. Might as well come out and say it, Thursday's game is a must win...

The Pistons have come up with a rallying cry, "If it ain't rough, it ain't right." Personally, it's one I could do without.

Another playoff round, another 7 game series?

It starts all over again tonight. A rematch between 2 teams destined since day 1 of the season to meet deep in the playoffs. The Pistons vs. the Heat in the NBA Eastern Confrence Finals. We have matchups galore...

• Shaq vs. anyone the Pistons have over 6'8".
• Dwayne Wade vs. the entire Pistons backcourt.
• Jason Williams vs. the english language.
• Rasheed Wallace vs. his loquaciousness on and off the court.
• Antione Walker vs. the 3 point line.
• Flip Saunders vs. the Pistons fan's expectations.
• Pat Riley vs. the referees.
• Ben Wallace vs. the rim.
• Gary Payton vs. his worst nightmare, Chauncey Billups.
• Miami writers vs. Southeast Michigan. (What are the odds that Dan LeBatard files a boilerplate Detroit sucks hard column? I expect to see it before game 2, considering today's column bashes the Pistons.)
• Arnie Kander vs. 'Sheed's sprained ankle.
• Pistons Fans vs. Heat fans in regard to who would have won the series last year if Wade doesn't hurt his ribs.
• The eyes and ears of the nation vs. ESPN, who'll broadcast all but 1 game of the series, unfortunately. (Why does the western confrence get TNT, Charles Barkley, and "Inside the NBA" while we have foisted upon us ESPN, "NBA Shootaround, Tim Legler, and Sreamin' A. Smith? It's not fair!)

The Pistons do have some advantages going for them. During this playoff run, the referees have taken away Shaq's best offensive move, which is catching the ball in the low block, putting his shoulder down, and bumrushing the basket. After a decade, the NBA is finally calling it for the offensive foul that it's always been. Considering the the refs never called King James for using his off arm the way same Barry Sanders used a stiff arm on conerbacks, it'll be a refreshing change.

There is the Heat rust factor. It's one thing to have a 2 or 3 day break between series, but 6? You have to believe that it will take some time for the Heat to get back their game legs. I'd expect to the Pistons to be much sharper than the Heat in game 1. But one positive thing for the Heat is that I'm sure Pat Riley was furiously taking notes as to what the Cavs head coach, Mike Brown, gameplanned that ended up frustrating the Pistons. And Riles has 50 times the experience of Mike Brown, so expect plenty of wrinkles.

Can Antoine Walker stop Tayshaun Prince? Walker is more skilled at doing shoulder shimmies after 3 pointers than playing defense. Can White Chocolate handle Chauncey Billups on the defensive end? For that matter, can Gary Payton? Williams is another Heat role player (Like Walker) who thinks defense is a 4 letter word, and we all remember how Billups used and abused "The Mitten" in the 2004 Finals.

This series is not going to be the cakewalk we all thought it would be before the playoffs began. Wade is Wade, and he's not injured. Shaq is still Shaq, he's good for at least a 20 and 10, no matter who plays him. It's a matter of when Shaq puts up those numbers, as we've all seen him run out of gas late in games against the Pistons. Let him get his early, but shut him down late. Walker's shooting skill can be scary, and he has played well in the playoffs, to this point. I wouldn't be surprised if either Udonis Haslem or James Posey have some good games, as energy guys can give the Pistons fits. See how well the Cavs' Sideshow Bob played in the last round, for a prime example.

The Pistons should win this series. I'm not saying they will win, but should win. As long as they don't decide to take a few games off. Or shoot 50% from the charity stripe. Or let Wade drive the lane unfettered. Or fall in love with long jumpers and ignore the low post. Basically, don't fall into the bad habits we saw in game 3 against the Bucks, and games 3-4-5 against the Cavs. I'm guessing the Pistons lose a game or 2 that we fans feel that they could/should have won. It has happened in every series, why should this one be any different?

So buckle your seat belts, keep your arms and legs inside, and hang on, as I think we're going to see another 6 or 7 game rollercoaster ride.

"It's gonna be bananas, yo"

It had been a long time since I watched a game so intently. Pistons - Cavs game 6 was mentally exhausting for everyone, even the fans. But that was only the precursor for today.

Like everyone else in SE Michigan, save for those lucky souls who'll be at the Palace, I'll be glued to my TV this afternoon. We have a Pistons - Cavs game 7.

When this series started, (Seems like a month ago, doesn't it?) I first thought there was no way the Pistons would be stretched to the limit. It was a physical impossibility for the Cavs, a speedbump on the fasttrack to the confrence finals. Then, after 3 games of sheer torture for the Pistons and their fans, I was hoping against hope that we would have a game 7 today. Thanks to (Seemingly) 50 offesnsive rebounds in the last minute, some uncharacteristically iffy (I'm being generous) foul shooting, a tap that didn't bounce in, and a little help fropm the hoop Gods, we do.

We didn't expect them to need it so soon, but this is why the Pistons wanted the best overall regular season record and secure home court advantage. I know we all thought that home court wouldn't be an issue till the confrence finals, at the earliest, but it sure comes in handy today.

Still, the pressure is on. We've all know, according to the MSM, that the legacy of the Pistons is at stake. That LeBron James is desperate to shorten his Jordan-esque learning curve. That the Mistake on the Lake has latched on to the Cavs as a Titanic survivor would grab life preserver. Clevanders are longing to forget the Drive, the Fumble, and the Shot, and believe LeBron is their Moses, and will lead them to the promised land of the Eastern Confrence Finals.

As a shout out to the conspiracy theorist in all of us, Nike, the NBA, David Stern, ESPN, ABC, TNT, most of national media, and pretty much anyone who is not a Piston fan, looked to have jumped on the "I am a Witness" bandwagon headfirst.

So when you look at it that way, the Pistons may have the Cavs right where they want them. In their mind, everyone wants to hop on the Cavs' shoulders, and all desire a series that the NBA scrpit writers and star pimpers can get behind, LeBron James vs. Shaq and Wade. That large chip on the Pistons disrespected shoulder will reappear.

No predictions from this fan. I'm confident that the Pistons won't be cocky and underestimate the Cavs. Again... As I've said in the past, the Pistons have earned the benefit of the doubt. But today's battle is far from a gimme, not with Michael Jordan's true heir (Sorry, Kobe) leading the oppositiion.

All I'm hoping for is that I'll be able to make "Witless" jokes after the game.

Karma. Bizzaro World. Luck. Call it what you will, but it's getting weird in the D

I'm confused. More so than normal, anyway. It feels as if the earth has spun off it's axis, or Hell has frozen over. Why? Because we are currently residing in "Bizzaro World."

The world has turned it's head and I'm getting scared. Up is down. In is out. Black is white. Dmitri Young lost weight. The Clippers are playing a game 7 in the 2nd round of the NBA playoffs. The Little Fella is writing about sports. Larry Brown is going to be paid 40+ million dollars not to coach. Reggie Bush wasn't the 1st pick of the NFL draft. Wobb Parker is making sense. Kobe Bryant wore a sweater vest on national TV that would have made Cheatypants McSweatervest proud. Gil Grissom slept with Sara Sidle. The Cincinnati Reds and the Milwaukee Brewers are over .500. Steve Nash won consecutive MVP awards. Shaq looks human. Matt Millen didn't draft a wide receiver. SNL has been funny. The Spurs are on the verge of elimination. John Daly lost $50+ million dollars playing slots. The Red Wings lost in the 1st round. What? OK, scratch the last one...

Despite all the above evidence of an upcoming apocalyspe, why am I feeling so discombobulated?

The Tigers have had the best pitching, and thus the best record, in baseball. They've won 7 straight games. They've had 4 winning streaks of 5 games or more. This is the 4th best season start in the Tigers long history. Jim Leyland is being hailed around MLB, and is thought to be the next coming of Casey Stengel, Yoda, and the Marlboro Man combined.

On the other hand, the Pistons have become tenative on defense, a turnover machine on offense, and suddenly look like underdogs to the Cavs. They will be scrambling tonight to keep their season alive for 1 more game, desperate to force a game 7. Flip Saunders is getting roasted, and now considered the next coming of Ron Rothstein, Alvin Gentry, and George Irvine combined.

When did the Pistons become the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked and the Tigers a model franchise? M. Night Shyamalan couldn't come up with a more surprising twist. (Don't get me going on him. Take "Signs." Please. If you were an alien and water was lethal to you, why in the Hell would you invade a planet that is 95% covered in what would be your kryptonite? Why? But I digress...)

Is this juxstaposition an anomaly, or have the sports Gods decided that the Tigers are overdue for some good karma and the Pistons have used their karma up? Ian, channeling Earl Hickey, sure thinks so. Did Dave Dombrowski find a 4 leaf clover? Did Joe Dumars break a mirror? Why the sudden change in luck?

My head hurts just thinking about it.

Maybe I'm reading waaaay to much into this. The Pistons have been in this position before, and come thru with flying colors. 3 weeks from now we could be celebrating a NBA Championship. It's only been a bad 3 game stretch, and the series is not yet over. Their reputation preceeds them, and the Pistons will get the benefit of the doubt from me, no matter how dire the situation.

The Tigers could come back to earth. Even though they are playing as well as any Tiger team has (Save for the insane '84 start), the White Sox are only a game off the ir torrid pace. It's almost impossible to go from worst to first in MLB. It's been done, but not for 15 years. I so want to believe in the Tigers, but in the back of all our minds, we are wondering if they are truly contenders, or just pretenders. I was just hoping for a .500 Tiger season, but 14 games over at 40 games is just plain unreal. They haven't earned the benefit of the doubt yet. They are have earned some, but not nearly at the level the Pistons get.

But I'm going to go to my happy place, and I'm not talking about my La-Z-Boy where a hot chick is serving me pitchers of beer. You know the one. The Pistons get their equilibrium back, and steamroll to the title. The Tigers stay in contention all year and we see our first pennant race in 2 decades. Would karma would allow us to have that much joy? Can't both teams have good luck, good karma, and good results?

We'll know more about our karma status, and see if we are still living in Bizzaro World, around 9:30 tonight.

We have an elimination game. But it's not the team we expected that's on the brink

I'm not sure what to say. I thought the Pistons would come out with guns blazing. I thought they would dodge the bullet. Instead, they shot blanks and were hit by a howitzer.


Chauncey Billups didn't show up till halfway thru the 3rd quarter, but had to leave early. (Dick Stockton when Billups fouled out: "What a smart foul!" Uh...what?) Billups did not play smart at all, the most egregious example being his fouling Damon Jones, of all people, on a 3 pointer. Antonio McDyess finally arrived in the 4th, but where was he for the past 4 and 3/4 games? The rest of the bench still hasn't decided to show up, unfortunately. Big Ben Wallace was there, but his awful awful awful free throw shooting finally came back to bite the Pistons on the ass. Big time. That's a bullet that the Pistons have dodged for years. Till tonight. Tayshaun Prince was good for the majority of the game, but not good enough to hit a shot in the clutch. Rip could not hit the big shot when needed. He's had chances over the past 2 games to drain game changing shots, but couldn't sink them. 'Sheed was hampered with his bad ankle and hounded with constant foul trouble. And throw in a badly timed tech for good measure. (Reggie Miller on Sheed's T: "He's gone for Friday's game!" Uh...what?)


Flip Saunders? I'm not sure where he's been. He's getting out maneuvered and out coached by Mike Brown, a rookie head coach. Let alone Flip managed to get himself T'ed up during a tight game. For some reason, Flip can't get the Pistons a good shot coming out of time outs, evidenced by the cluster that was the final 2 posessions. Maybe Billups fouling out had something to do with the lack of execution. The Pistons had opportunities, but they just couldn't capitalize with a good look. Maybe there was something more than a lack of talent causing Saunders to lose all those 1st round series with the Timberwolves. Expect Flip Saunders to be pilloried by the Piston faithful and the media to scorch the earth around him if they blow this series.

What happened to the smart disciplined ball the Pistons played during the regular season and 1st round of the playoffs? That game has disappeared over the past 3 losses. Turnovers are killing the Pistons, and that had not been a problem all season. Suddenly, they can't protect the ball.

I still don't feel like the Cavs won, as much as the Pistons lost. Sure, LeBron had 32 points, but it took him 30 shots to do so. How Allen Iverson-esque of him. But give James credit, as he fed Drew Gooden for a much too easy basket that ended up being the game winner. A layup by a role player, who was only in due to Z and Sideshow Bob fouling out, for the win. That's not how I'd expect the Pistons to lose a playoff game. James hitting a big circus shot? I could somehow live with that. But a Drew Gooden uncontested bunny? Not so much...

Maybe the Pistons need to face the firing aquad, have their backs against the wall, with blindfolds on, to play their best. We all remember the Nets going up 3-2 in that heartbreaking 3OT loss in 2004. But the Pistons staved off elimination then, and have done so several times in the recent past. Against the Magic in 2003. Against the Nets in 2004. Against the Heat in 2005. The Pistons nutted up and came back to win those series. They won an elimination game against the Spurs in game 6 of the 2005 finals. The Pistons seem to play their best in elimination games. They are capable of doing so again.


The series is not over. It takes 4 W's to move on. The Cavs winning on Friday is not a given, far from it. The Pistons have always clawed out of the playoff holes they've dug for themsleves. That's what I keep telling myself, anyway. But the question remains.

Have the Pistons finally dug themselves into one hole too many?

When did the Cavs become the favorites? Did I miss the memo?

Oh good God damn Lord. Calm down everyone. After last night's loss, you'd think the Pistons had already lost the series if you listened to sports talk radio, read the MSM, or watched the Worldwide Leader at any time today. Again, all I can say is good god damn Lord. It appears Pistons fans and the Pistons themselves are the only ones who aren't having conniption fits today. Who'd a thunk it, a fanbase staying composed while the media goes off half cocked.

For example, Bob Wojnowski, normally an island of relative calm in the local nedia, sounds the alarm.

The Pistons also have to wonder if the Cavs are growing up a bit too quickly, before Detroit's disbelieving eyes. That sound you hear? Cleveland stretching and testing its youthful limits, and making the Pistons sweat.

The Little Fella, somehow finding time to write about sports rather than My Space, jumps in with more than a hint of dread.

Ugh. This was the last thing the Pistons needed. Of course, they still can win this series. No one doubts that. But did they really need to reduce it to a best-of-three series against a team playing with house money? Did they really need to risk a possible seventh game and -- even winning that -- having to go right to work against a team as tough as, say, Miami?

Detroit's true "Nattering Nabob of Negativity," Drew Sharp, throws in his 2 cents, bemoaning the Pistons lack of killer instinct.

It's this team's frustrating passive nature when the opponent's jugular is in sight that still might not cost them a title, but will deny them the opportunity at the NBA playoff immortality that supposedly was a motivating force.

The pressure is solely on the Pistons now. This series should have been a cakewalk, but it's Rasheed Wallace wearing the egg on his face this time -- guaran-Sheed.

The pressure is on Flip Saunders now. He has an overmatched foe now imbued with confidence, feeling as though they have nothing to lose the remainder of this series. And they're right.

Keith Langlois thinks the Pistons may just win the battle but lose the war.

They might still win this battle - they should still win this battle, given Cleveland's shaky road history - but they're putting themselves in position to lose the war. This is the precise point where they got themselves in trouble a year ago.

Using a stunning lack of perspective and going slightly over the top, Chris Mannix of SI claims that the Pistons lose their home court advantage is Rasheed Wallace can't play Wednesday. Has he been watching the same series as the rest of us?

But there are warning flags popping up all around the Motor City. Rasheed Wallace -- his Guaransheed coming up short -- was severely hobbled by the ankle injury and will probably be limited when the series resumes on Wednesday (unless Pistons recovery guru Arnie Kander can work some of his magic). Wallace's potential absence effectively nullifies any home court advantage the Pistons might have. Should Wallace be limited or unable to go, the calcified Dale Davis would likely be pressed into action.

The Worldwide Leader dot com's Daily Quickie rips the Pistons and adds this bon mot...

There's a big difference between 3-1 and 2-2.

Really? Brilliant deduction. The WWLiS must have brought in Stephen Hawking to figure out that math.

Amazingly enough, Wobb Parker comes off as a voice of reason? He says it wasn't anything special the Cavs did, the Pistons just didn't hit their open looks.

For sure, it wasn't any special defensive formula by Cavaliers coach Mike Brown. The Pistons just didn't make shots. Hamilton missed a point-blank layup with 43 seconds to go.

You simply have to hold your nose and move on. The Pistons have no choice.

You know it's getting weird when a huge Parker basher like myself agrees. Next thing you know, dogs and cats will be living together.

It looks to me that the local bloggers have a better perspective as to what happening in this series.

Eno, over at Out of Bounds, showing his age and wisdom, compares this series to Pistons - Celtics circa 1985. He finds all kinds of parallels and see a similar ending.

I remember in 1985, when the Pistons went up against the vaunted Celtics in a second rounder, and after dropping the first two in Boston, the Pistons returned home and, playing in Joe Louis Arena, won both games in Detroit to square the series. In one of those home games, Terry Tyler was unconscious in the fourth quarter. In the other, Vinnie Johnson burned the Celts in the fourth. So much so, that Danny Ainge coined the "Microwave" nickname.

"If that guy in Chicago [William Perry] is the Refrigerator, then Vinnie Johnson is The Microwave," Ainge told the press afterward.

The Celtics dumped the Pistons out in six games -- the underdog being a team who was cutting its playoff teeth.

The sweaty man, Ian, still thinks the Cavs will not win this series, but reads the Pistons the riot act (specifically 'Sheed) in the process.

'Sheed. Enough of this $#!+, okay? Not when you shoot 3-for-13. Not when you were outscored by Sideshow Bob. Sprained ankle or not, if you're going to show that much disdain for the opponent, you have to go out there and wipe 'em off the bottom of your shoe. If you're going to thump your chest like that, don't put it on your teammates to carry it off for you.

You believe there's no way Cleveland will win this series. Fine. I feel that way, too. So do all Detroit fans. But there's no reason to let the Cavs get this close. You can't let them tie the series at 2-2 and extend it to six or seven games.

Matt at Detroit Bad Boys, who's been all over this series like a wet burlap sack, ponders the total disappearance of McDyess, the crunch time appearance of Evans, and why Flip Saunders is letting Mike Brown dictate the matchups. Those are things we've all been questioning.

Part of the reason McDyess hasn't been scoring lately is because, well, he hasn't been shooting. In the first six games of the playoffs, Dyess averaged 7.5 field goal attempts per game. In the last three games, he has a total of 10: two in Game 2, six in Game 3 and two in Game 4. The starting five likes to refer to McDyess as the team's "sixth starter," but when a starter goes into a rut, the team usually keeps feeding him the ball so he can shoot his way out of it. Here's to hoping that someone on the team, be it a coach or a fellow player, pulls McDyess aside and insist he become more assertive in Game 5.

On a sidenote, I'm not entirely comfortable with that last Flip Saunders quote. Sure, it's mostly just coachspeak, but why does a team always have to match up with what the other team is doing? The Cavaliers have only one player that's good enough to consistently give the Pistons problems, and that's LeBron James. If the Cavs want to go small, the Pistons should be going big, especially in the final seconds when they're desperate for a rebound or a tip-in. I like Maurice Evans as much as the next guy, but can you remember a single instance in the regular season where he was on the court during crunch time of a big game? Yeah, neither can I.

Nat at Need4Sheed, (Congrats on all the love from the MSM, by the way) is the most confident and level headed of all.

Still no worries from this Pistons fan, although I would have liked win on Monday, I still have no doubts about this series. Take a look at any 7 game stretch of the Pistons season, they have not lost 4 out of 7 all year long.

Considering all the gnashing of teeth and hot air emitting from the media, we can thank God that the series is now on an every other day schedule. I don't think I could handle a 4 day break in the schedule and the resulting media blather like the one we had between games 3 and 4.

The last 2 games have been worst case scenario. I still think it's more an aberration than a trend. The Pistons swaggered their way into Cleveland reeking of overconfidence, and left still talking a good game, but not close to playing one. I doubt that's the case tomorrow. The Pistons will be pissed over their own play and have something to prove. They will play well, and should stomp the Cavs into a black hole.

I've had enough of all the damn drama. End the series on Friday. Please?

The Pistons...lose?

74-72 Cavs. The series is now tied 2-2. Not cool. Not cool at all. The Pistons gave a pair of very frustrating performances in games 3 and 4. But I'm not uptight about it either. Not at all. It still takes 4 wins to take a series, right? The Pistons still have home court, am I correct? So I'm not going to rant, rave, bitch, and moan over a couple of close losses. As they say, it's not a series till someone wins a road game. We Pistons fans have seen this time and time again over the past 3 years, they never ever do it the easy way. They just don't. It's not the end of the world, by any means. The Pistons have been in similar situations in the past against better teams and prevailed.

On the other hand, the way Cleveland has celebrated their wins, you'd think they just won the NBA Finals.

The Pistons' achilles heel showed up tonight. 7 points from the bench, with a big fat goose egg for Antonio McDyess. The Cavs bench put up 21. There's your game.

McDyess has been, to put it mildly, awful. Worse than awful. With 'Sheed dinged with a rolled ankle, the inability of McDyess to stay on the floor for any significant amount of time has been killing the Pistons. He's a low post presence that the Pistons have sorely lacked the past 2 games. With 'Sheed out and McDyess playing like McDunce, the Pistons were playing 3 on 5 while on offense, as Maurice Evans was on the floor during crunch time. Maurice freaking Evans. 'Nuff said. 'Sheed's inside/outside game and deft passing makes the offense go. Without him, it made running the offense that much harder.

At times the offense, with ugly looking several minute long scoreless stretches, looked as it did under Carslie and Brown. Stagnant. Long jumpers taken late in the shot clock. It's obvious some offensive tweaking is needed. Now is when Flip Saunders earns his keep.

It still feels to me as if the Pistons did more to lose that the Cavs did to win. The Pistons have not played their best over the past 2 games while the Cavs were playing with determination, desperation, something to prove, whatever you want to call it. But can LeBron and his minions win at the Palace? That's the question for which I don't think the Cavs yet have an answer.

I said earlier that this series was over. I also said that I would not be surprised if the Cavs won a couple of games. Nothing has happened that would cause me to change my opinion. But a rebound game from McDyess and a relatively healthy 'Sheed would have me feeling even better.

Pistons in 6.

Inside Millen's brain: The breakup

I'm so sad. So sad. I'm almost incosolababble. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I finally traded Joey this morning. My pal Joey. There's his empty locker. There's his picture on the cover of that old media guide. Everywhere I look, I see Joey. Maaaaannn. You're my boy, Joey...You're...my...boy...

Where's my Kansas CD, I so want to sing along to "Dust in the Wind."


I close myyyy eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone. All my dreams, pass...JOEY!

I close my eyes and I see JOEY! Why? Why did you have to leave me? What happened? Why did you blow so badly? Kiper said you were good. That Theisman guy said you could play, and I hear he's a genius like Norman Einstein. Joey, you were supposed to be a sure thing. You were supposed to be "The ONE," like that dude in those Bill & Ted movies.

You know who I blame? Mooch. It's Mooch's fault. It's all Mooch's fault. I told him you were coachable. I told him you were talented. I told him that your Jeff Tedford coaching meant you were a lock to be good. I told him you were smart. S. M. R. T. Smart. But he didn't have faith in you like I had faith in you. But what do you do, Joey? You leave me. All alone.

When Joey gave that ultimatium that he would only play for the Fish, I was damn upset with him. So upset I could have sacked him with a bull rush. Given him a head slap, knock some sense into his Oregon loving ass. But that bean counter Lewand said that the union would come down upon me with the Hammer of Thor if I even threateneded Joey. Who knew that comic book dude was so powerful within the union?

The fact that I was able to fleece the Fish though, well, it warms my cockles. Saban said that he was going to wait me out, that I was going to have to cut my pal Joey anyway. But I was able negoatiate from a 7th to a guaranteed 6th round pick instead. Yes, guaranteed! But the kicker is that, get this, there is the possibility that it could be a 5th round pick! YES! A 5th round pick! All Joey has to do, for us to get that 5th round pick, is to be good. G. U. D. Good. I know talent, so it's a sure thing. Saban didn't know what hit him when I asked to make the pick condtional. But why did I hear giggling in the background whenever I was talking to Saban? Whatevs.

Willie C. will be soooo proud of me when I tell him that I played hardball and the deal is done. As we all know, a 5th round pick is only 5 less than a 1st round pick. So I'm sure I'll still get a good player next year with that 5th round pick. Kiper says the wide reciever class is really deep in 2007.

I'm gonna put my Kansas CD back on and put "Dust in the Wind" on repeat.

I'll miss you, Joey. I'll miss you.

What's the best fiction book of the past 25 years? TWFE has the answer

Over at that blog where people think about fried rice, Ian gave his thoughts about the NY Times Book Review article that says Toni Morrison's "Beloved" is the best work of American fiction over the past 25 years. Ian, in a thoughtful dissertation, agrees with the pick. Personally, I think they are all on the drugs. Or under the influence of the Oprah. I let Ian know as such.

So what, in my humble opinion, is the best American fiction of the last 25 years? Believe me, it's not "Beloved." Or even "Penthouse Forum." Definitely not the reports that there were weapons of mass destruction. The best, and my all time favorite, pure fiction book has got to be Mitch Albom's "Fab Five: Basketball, Trash Talk, the American Dream."

It's a riveting story about a major college basketball team that was on the out and outs, a program that was a thorn in the side of the athletic director. It was a team brought together by pure happenstance, lead by 5 naive freshmen, a wise auto worker with a love of cakes, envelopes, and numbers, and a coach with a heart of gold who sees only the best, and nothing else, in his prize recruits. They overcome all odds to shock the world, and play in 2 NCAA Final Fours. The recruits play, not for money, but only the love of basketball, each other, and their university.

Why Hollywood hasn't jumped all over this heartwarming story is beyond me. It'd be 10 times the movie compared to those other college hoop classics, Gabe Kaplan's "Fast Break" and Robby Benson's "One on One." This movie needs to be made, so today's up and coming hoopsters can be suitably inspired.

Tilting at ESPN windmills

I currently have Sportscenter on the TV next to me. Why? The hell if I know, as I've bitched plenty about the steaming pile of teeming awfulness that the Worldwide Leader in Sports has become.

Speaking of that steaming pile, it's time for a multiple choice pop quiz. Thinking caps on, everyone?

What did the self-named Worldwide Leader in Sports have as their lead story tonight on their 6pm flagship program known as Sportscenter?

A. The NBA Playoffs
B. The NHL Playoffs
C. Mark Cuban's $200K fine
D. Delmon Young's 50 game suspension
E. Albert Pujols' 18th home run
F. Indy 500 practice
G. 15 minutes of commercial free hyperbole covering every conceivable angle and piece of minutia, interviewing every ESPN baseball talking head, and general breathless faux excitement in regard to the God Damn Yankers playing the God Damn Red Sux playing a meaningless early regular season game.
H. Stuart Scott poetry

If you picked G, you are one of the 99% of the nation that doesn't live and die with the 2 most egrigious examples of baseball excess. But that doesn't stop ESPN from cramming the Yankees and Red Sox down our unwilling throats. I actually think they take pleasure in our pain. Why else would the Wolrdwide Leader inflict such (sarcasm alert) blinding ginormous brilliance as Chris Berman, Joe Morgan, John Kruk, Stephen A. Smith, and Stuart Scott, to name just a few, upon an unsuspecting nation?

Then tonight, when I tune to ESPN News to see the scores during NBA/NHL playoff downtime, which normally is an island of decency amidst the immense suckitude that is the ESPN family of networks, the Barry Bonds home run watch slobberfest will begin anew. God. Damn. It.

I don't know how much more I can take. Maybe I should give up. Stop tilting at ESPN windmills. Just let ESPN assimilate me, much like the pod people in "Invasion of the Body Snatchers." Give up and accept the mediocrity that spews from from the bowels of Bristol.

Never.

The Cavaliers have realized the inevitable result. This series is over

"We are all witnessin’ somethin’. We’re witnessin’ an asskickin’."

We all heard Charles Barkley's latest nugget of wisdom last night. I haven't heard truer words spoken since...well, since Charles' laughed about the total and absolute lack of defense in the Cavs - Wiz series. Hell, Barkley is doling out his pearls of hoop wisdom on a nightly basis. And many of those pearls and nuggets are confirming the fact, something we in the D already knew, that the NBA Eastern Confrence Playoffs have become the Pistons Invitational.

You know why the Pistons lost that big lead last night? They became bored. It wasn't that the Cavs suddenly got better, but the Pistons started to coast. Did anyone seriously think that the Pistons would lose? Even when the Cavs cut the lead to 5? Nah, me neither. Pure and simple, the Pistons know they are better than the Cavs, and so do the Cavs. So does the rest of the world at this point, and Charles Barkley has been pounding that fact home nightly.

I can tell you exactly when this series, for all intent and purposes, ended. When Cavs head coach Mike Brown lowered his team to the point of implimenting the contemptible "Hack-a-Ben" strategy in the 1st half of game 2. Laughable. Brown was desperate and grasping at straws. Talk about showing an utter lack of confidence in your team's ability to stop the Pistons. The lack of faith from your head coach must have been damn inspiring to LeBron and his minions. All Brown did was anoint juggernaut status upon Detroit.

How could this still become a competitve series? All the following has to happen. If Mike Brown raises his basketball IQ by 10 points every game. If Z gets 10 years younger. If Flip Murray gets 10 times better. If Drew Gooden becomes 10 times more consistent. If Larry Hughes scores 10 points more than what he's currently averaging against the Pistons. If LeBron James plays defense for more than 10 seconds at a time. In other words, don't expect this to become a competitive series.

Am I saying that Celveland won't win a game? It wouldn't surprise me at all if the Cavs won a game. Even 2. When Detroit falls too much in love with the jumper, as they did in the 4th quarter last night or game 3 against the Bucks, they show one of the few chinks in their armor. That, and the occasional lack of focus due to their sometimes playing like the game is already over when they walk on to the court. But the Pistons are smart enough to realize their folly, and get back to basics in the next game.

I'm getting the same feeling about this Piston team that I had about the '84 Tigers, the '89 Pistons, and the '97 Red Wings. That nothing is going to stop them. That it's their championship to lose.

Any team other than the Pistons winning the NBA title would have to be considered a massive upset.

One more thing... I can't express enough the man-crush I currently have on TNT's "Inside the NBA." ESPN, or any other network that broadcasts sports, could learn a thing or 20 on how to have an entertaining and informative studio show from watching the chemistry between Barkley, Kenny Smith, and Ernie Johnson.

Things that currently amaze me to no end

The fact that Steve Nash has won consecutive MVP awards while Shaquille O'Neal has won only one. Just one. Yet Steve Nash has 2? Look at this list of consecutive NBA MVP winners. Michael Jordan, Oscar Robertson, Wilt Chamberlain, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Steve Nash, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, Tim Duncan, Moses Malone, Bill Russell. Remember the old "Sesame Street" song?

One of these things is not like the others,
One of these things just doesn't belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?

Did you guess which thing was not like the others?
Did you guess which thing just doesn't belong?
If you guessed this one is not like the others,
Then you're absolutely...right!

Pretty easy to see which name fits the lyrics. Hell, if Steve Nash has 2 MVP's, Isiah Thomas deserved 5.

That Stuart Scott remains gainfully employed. On multiple TV networks. Stu probably thinks the same thing as he laughs his ass to the bank every week. David Blaine and Stu Scott on the same broadcast? I'm surprised my TV didn't implode from the massive amounts of suckitude.

That ESPN thinks the veiwing public needs/wants to see every single Barry Bonds at bat, and then analyze them in agonizing detail. You'd never know the Reds are in 1st place, the Padres and Phillies are on a long winning streaks, the White Sox are proving they were no 1 year fluke, and the Tigers are off to their best start in 2 decades. Yet "Baseball Tonight" will lead with anything involving Barry Bonds. "This just in from the Emergency Broadcasting System. Barry Bonds is not in today's starting lineup. I repeat, Bonds is not starting. Please stand by for more details from your local EBS station."

That Mike Maroth is 4-2 with a 2.55 ERA. Mirage or trend? I tend to think mirage.

That Jack Bauer didn't make a dozen copies of the recording that implicates President Logan in the assinataion of President Palmer. Think Jack, think! How hard is it to record the message on to voice mail? Or have Chloe dump it to a hard drive? Or several hard drives? Or even a floppy disk! For that matter, I've worked in office buildings that have better security than CTU seems to have. Chloe and Robocop both escaped, and now it looks like Bierko will be on the loose again soon. I loves the "24," but that show has plot holes big enough for Corey Schlesinger to run thru.

That when the Tigers signed Todd "Rollercoaster" Jones, they forgot that Tigers fans didn't forget the first time around with the 'Coaster. So they shouldn't have been caught off guard to hear the huge anti-Jones/pro-Rodney outcry from fans after the blown save in Minnesota. It wasn't a matter of if fans would become upset with Todd Jones, but just a matter of when.

That the News and Free Press are attempting to increase their weekend content, improving their respective sports pages in the process. Considering the JOA made the weekend papers useful only as a birdcage liner, I was plesantly surprised. But did that content have to include a half page of Wobb Parker's "Clubhouse Confidential?" If I hear or read, "Word from my CWPF's, that's my close warm personal friends..." one more time, well...no jury would hold me responsible for the carnage that results...

That some people actually believe it when the Pistons say they aren't motivated by the playoff scheduling snubs.






That desperate Cavaliers fans think this "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" reject, the center they call "Z," is the answer to the question called Wallace X2 and McDyess. 10 foot surgeries ago, they may have had an arguement. Now? It's laughable.

Inside Millen's brain: Whodunit

Boy, it's quiet around here today with the players being off. You could throw a football and not hit a single person. What am I saying? That's no different than Joey throwing the ball in practice. Hee!

Willie C. is sooo pissed at Sgt. Marinelli, considering how the Ford's feel about unions. To have to give the players 2 days off with pay is killing him. Just killing him. It was all I could do to keep Willie C. from bringing in the kneebreaking union busters his graddaddy loved. Seriously. He wanted blood. I haven't seen him so upset since we got that $250K fine for not interviewing a minority. I got confused, I thought they meant talking to a majority of old white dudes and a minority of everyone else. Who knew? Whatevs.

So I best lay low for a couple of days. Hide from the media, cause you know they are always looking to cause trouble. Like that story about crazy ass Martz going apeshit and leaving the building getting leaked. Good thing Sgt. Marinelli just threatened to kick the beat writers collective asses and to go screw themselves, that the story was not true. I gotta remember what the Sarge always says in regard to talking the writers, "Deny, deny, deny!"

Too bad I can't tell Willie C. the truth about working the players too hard, the poor babies. It was Sgt. Marinelli's idea to make the players look soft as vanilla custard. The fact that the union grievance makes the sheeple that is our fans think Sgt. Marinelli is the next coming of Sgt. Rock, Bill Parcells, and Vince Lombardi combined makes his master plan all the better. And factor in the fact that Mooch now comes off as a softer Wayne Fontes, well, that just kills me to no end. Hee! Enjoy your gig on the NFL Network Mooch, cause you aren't getting a good coaching reference from me! Hee! Just like the Sarge says, just give name, rank, and serial number.

Even still, to keep the old man happy, he wants a list of who may have filed the grievance. He want me to cut their ass. Think Millen, think. Who goes on the shit list?

Who I Think is a Union Rat

By Matt Millen
Detroit Lions President and CEO, #55

1. Mike Williams: Sgt. Marinelli threatened to make Williams an offensive tackle if he didn't start to lose weight. Sarge has a point, as his 40 during mini camp was 5.8 and his vertical was 3". Remember when you asked why we didn't take a lineman till the 2nd day of the draft? That's why.

2. Dominic Raiola: I think Raiola holds a grudge because Sarge told him off after getting blown up during one on one blocking drills. Sgt. Marinelli told him his arms were so short and stubby that they were about as useful as a T-rex's arms were when masturbating.

3. Jon Kitna: When I signed Kitna, I didn't know that he was a Born Again Christian. I thought that fish insignia thingy on his car bumper meant he liked to bass fish. So I don't think Kitna liked it when Martz kept yelling "Jesus fucking Christ" every time he threw a bad pass. I'm told you aren't supposed to use His name in vain, but Martz could give a shit. Kitna said something about repenting and the rapture, but I told him I didn't need to pent again and that I don't like the rap music.

4. Charles Rogers: He's a druggie, I think he's back on the marihuana. When I thought I saw a doobie in his mouth, Chuck told me it was actually a clove cigarette. But I don't believe him. Martz said he thought he saw a hookah in Chuck's car. But why would Chuck have to pay for sex?

5. Ernie Sims: He says he doesn't remember attending mini camp, but I think he's faking another concussion.

The End

I AM A WITNESS...

...to a complete and utter humiliation of the Cavaliers on national TV. The Detroit Pistons embarrased LeBron and the Cavdaverliers. Sorry, NBA, ESPN, ABC, TNT, Nike, and all the others that hitched themselves to the "King James" bandwagon. That bandwagon now empties at the Palace.

Please watch your step when exiting the Cavs bandwagon, and upon hopping on the Pistons'. 'Sheed was his prophetic self, as usual, when earlier this season he said, "We'll see them bandwagon ass-cats come May and June."

The Cavs will say that they were playing off a short turnaround after an emotional 1st round win. That they were gassed physically, spent emotionally. That the Pistons couldn't play any better. those excuses doesn't change the fact that LeBron and the James Gang's defense is so awful that they couldn't stop Gary Coleman on the perimeter and Emanuel Lewis on the low post, let alone the best team in the NBA. I hear Webster does have a mean ass drop step...

I'll say that the rest of the series may be a little closer, just because the Cavs couldn't play any worse on both ends of the floor. But if the Cavs put up another weak ass effort like today's, this series is over in 2 weeks, tops. (A 4 day break between games 2 and 3? Nations have been conquered in less time than it takes to complete a NBA series.)

Pure and simple, the Pistons are on a mission while playing with, not just a chip, but a large boulder on their shoulders. The comments about their games not being broadcast on the national networks but on NBA TV, while comparing their 1st round scheduling to playing JV ball, intentional snubs or not, shows their motivation. The Cavs are just happy to be in the 2nd round. If they are going to continue to play this badly, the Cavs would have been better off just buying tickets. It'd be easier on their pysche and save the city of Cleveland from the embarrassment.

Pistons or Cavs? Norman Einstein does the math

The scourge of the Association isn't Dick Bavetta. The true evil is...Neck beards

You want to know what happens when you have a professional league dominated by young hipsters with more money than brains to burn? You get bad facial hair. Wicked bad facial hair. There's too much in the way of bad facial hair in the world, and you'll see it all on display in the NBA.

Porn 'staches. Take a look at Wiz head coach Eddie Jordan, who looks like he just walked out of an 80's porn shoot, or possibly a Rockwell video. Jordan can't coach a LICK, but he just rocks the moustache.


Wannabe 'staches. You'll see those on the early entry high schoolers and on the soon to be in the NBA Adam Morrison. I hate to say it, but that's what I looked like in high school, rockin' the wannbe 'stache. But I looked cool, unlike Morrison. Yep, I was cool........Yeah.

Both scraggly ass and well groomed goatees and van dykes. The Pistons Rip Hamilton's goat fits both desciptions, much like a mullet. Well groomed and business like on the face, a party going on below the chin. Yes, sir...






Full on Grizzly Adams beards. Usually on centers and/or Euros, see this wonderful picture of the Cavaliers Zydrunas Ilgauskas for a great example. The fact that Ziggy looks to have walked right out of "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" just makes the beard that much better. We'll get to Ziggy's partner in crime shortly. LeBron has much to answer for...

The fearsome Fu Manchu, favorite of bad asses, Discovery Channel reality stars, and gay men everywhere. James "Buddha" Edwards had one of the best old school 'staches ever. If he wasn't a 6'11" power forward with an unstoppable fall away jumper, Buddha Edwards, with that bad ass Fu, would have been a "Blacksploitaion" movie star. He'd be another Jim Brown or Fred Williamson, with a better 'stache.


Hell, in the Association, you'll see combinations of all of the above. But what's the latest on display when you see the hippest of the hip NBA player?

Neck beards. Yes, neck beards. An absolutely shameful use of one's neck and facial hair.

Pau Gasol of the Grizzlies. The first player I noticed wearing the worst type of beard ever. And he seems very happy with that ugly ass thing hanging off his jowels. Someone needs to tell Gasol that that he gets the chicks because he's sinfully rich, not because of that abortion of a beard.




Nenad Kristic of the Nets. He must have seen Gasol, and said,"The beard, I must have."









And here's the man-child that's will take this bastardized beard from Hell to the mainstream and beyond, the Cavaliers LeBron James. You'd think someone at Nike would have taken James aside. "Uh, Bron-Bron, the neck beard? Doesn't work. Can't ever work. Phil Knight would prefer you shave or grow a man's beard before we start pimping you and the shoes. Couldn't you talk to your center, Ziggy? Get a few tips? K?"

Trust me, in the next few weeks, you'll see all the twentysomethings reveling in their so-called coolness looking like utter doofuses in their neck beards. So now you know who to blame. Consider yourself warned.

Sgt. Marinelli: Hit! Hit! Hit! Players: Uh, coach? We need to talk to our union rep

Why talk bother talking about the current excellence of the Pistons and Tigers? Where's the fun in that? Especially when the Lions consistently give us our daily dose of melodrama. Will the hilarity ever cease with the Motor City Kitties?


Seems that our favorite football team has grown brass balls. Shown some big time gumption. Taken matters into their own hands. They are using the chain of command properly. Normally you would think these are great things. Unless you are showing up your rookie head coach...

Killer Kowalski reports that Detroit Lions players are upset over, in what they see as overly agressive mini camp practices, and have gone all Howard Beale on Sgt. Marinelli.

Lions players file grievance against Marinelli
According to sources close to the situation, the Detroit Lions will lose two Organized Team Activities practices during the off-season because they were in violation of minicamp rules. A couple of Lions players filed the grievance against head coach Rod Marinelli because they believed the minicamp practices were too physical.

"We're mad as hell and we're not goning to take this anymore!"

Good Lord. Has the mutiny already started in Allen Park? Is Sgt. Marinelli channeling Capt. Queeg? He probably opened drills with, "There are 4 ways of doing things on the Lions. The right way, the wrong way, the military way, and my way." I bet it was all downhill from there... Maybe the players made a crack about strawberries and it set Queeg Marinelli off. Maybe their shirttails weren't tucked in? Were the players denied liberty? As the Lions lose Monday and Tuesday workouts, the players probably just wanted a long weekend.

Players complaining about hard workouts? Wow, that's never happened before. But a filing a grievance with the league that camp was too tough? You'd have to think that George Halas and Vince Lombardi are spinning in their graves. If Bobby Ross hears about this, he'll throw his clipboard, whack an Army cadet in the helmet, and rant about a lack of discipline in today's players.

If the Lions players wanted to get the fanbase behind them, they are going about it in a strange way. 5 straight double digit loss seasons doesn't get you the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately, this latest salvo from the players will give Matt Millen plenty of ammunition in deflecting blame from himself. Millen has deluded himself, and the Fords, into thinking that the culture of losing isn't his fault. They prefer to believe that the constant losing is due to soft players and coaching, and that Sgt. Marinelli is the solution. Players filing a grievance over the toughness of the new regime makes Steve Mariucci look like he was running a resort for wayward football players.

Think Millen is smiling under his porn 'stache tonight?

"From now on, gentlemen, there will not be any further mistakes on the part of the players and coaches of this ship...Let's all straighten up and fly right."

King James? Not yet...

Much of the world is falling all over themselves in regard to the LeBron James buzzer beater over the Wizards last night. I've heard it called a "Pantheon" performance. That LeBron is truly "King James." That "King James" is playing at a Jordan-esque level. I've heard James called the best player in basketball. Better than Wade. Nowitski. Billups. Nash. (OK, I'll give you that, he's better than Nash.) Even better than Kobe Bryant. (Yes, as a charter member of the "Kobe Haters Club," he's making me eat my words with his play against the Suns. But that's another post.)

James is going to be great player, no question. But he's not there yet. Why? Defense. Did anyone anywhere see any defense being played in Quicken Arena last night? Any at all? By the Wizards or the Cavaliers? If you say yes, you are lying thru your teeth. Or delusional, which is most likely the case in Cleveland today. The 2 best players on the court, James and Gilbert Arenas, sure weren't. No one one on either team put any effort into even remotely playing a semblance of defense. Come on, defense is a 4 letter word to both the Wizards and Cavs. Neither team can play help defense, instead they play "Ole'" defense.

Thank God there are a select few that are keeping their heads. The great "Inside the NBA" crew saw the big pitcture. That degenerate gambler, Charles Barkley, God love him, was all over the defensive play of the Wizards, and the Cavs for that matter, after the game. He was absolutely flabbergasted that James was given the opportunity to catch the ball, let alone make a baseline drive. I'm sure any fan of a team that can play lockdown defense had the same thoughts as Barkley.

Sure, that last second drive to the hoop was a nice play. A hell of a shot. But does James even get the ball on the in bounds play against the Pistons? The Spurs? Miami? Dallas? The ball gets denied. If James does manage to get his hands on the ball, it's going to be in a place that good teams will funnel him. The Pistons or Spurs get him in the corner, he's trapped. He gets doubled, and has to pass off or take a very tough shot.

James never gets down the baseline, untouched, against a championship caliber team. The Wiz aren't a championship caliber team. Far from it.

You also can't forget that Gilbert Arenas (44 pts) had just as good a game as James (45 pts) on offensive end. If the Wiz win, are we raving about Arenas in the same reverential way as "King James?" I highly doubt it. That's not in the NBA approved "Script." You now the one, pimp the predesignated stars at the expense of those players and teams whom aren't endorsed by the NBA starmaking machine.

Was the game entertaining to watch? Hell, yes. Was it well played? Sure, if you like video game style basketball or layup drills. Otherwise, it was a primer on how not to win championships. You have to try and stop the other guy occasionally.

As for LeBron James? I hope that he's playing somewhere else in a couple of years, preferably in the Western Confrence. The Pistons won't want to face James in a playoff series once he grasps the fact that you need to exert effort on the defensive end. Much like Michael Jordan, LeBron James is going to have to be schooled in the playoffs by better all around teams before he can take the next step.