Friday, June 15, 2007

As a sports fan, I can only go so far...

I tried to watch game 4 of the NBA Finals last night. Really, I did. I'm a sports fan, I should be able to watch a championship clinching game, right? Wrong.

The game was unbearable to watch. Entertaining moments were few and far between. It was boring beyond belief. I couldn't watch any more of something that was fait accompli. I gave up, but it also got me thinking.

If I couldn't being myself to sit through the drudgery that was the NBA Finals, what else can't I being myself to do?

1. Sit calmly though a Todd Jones save - It's impossible to not have your blood pressure rise during a Jones save. As soon as you see Jones on the mound, your gut begins to churn. The vein in your forehead begins to pulsate. You break out in a cold sweat, and become short of breath. The last thing you are when Todd Jones is on the mound is calm. Even though Jones somehow converts the vast majority of the time, a save is never easy for him to accomplish, or us to watch.

2. Bet on the Detroit Lions - Period. Not to cover the spread. Not to win outright. Not as part of a parlay. Not if they're favored. Not if they're the underdog. Even in the seasons where they were decent, the Lions would lose to teams that never should have been on the same field with them, and on the flip side, beat elite teams that should have run Detroit off the field. (That was the Barry Sanders era in a nutshell) We've all been burned too many times by the Lions, emotionally and financially. The Lions are a sucker bet. Always have been, always will be.

3. Bet on Michigan Wolverines football - Much of what I said for the Lions applies to the Wolverines. Unlike the Lions, they do win a lot, but never by a lot. They rarely blow anyone out. Too often the Wolverines play to the level of the competition. Unlike most big time schools, Michigan doesn't have a massive home field advantage that almost guarantees a win, thanks to the quietest 110,000 fans you'll ever not hear. It's not worth the emotional anguish, or the punishment to your wallet, to bet on the Wolverines.

4. Not get frustrated with the Detroit Pistons - I've said it several times, and I'll say it again. The Detroit Pistons are the most infuriating team to root for in all of sports. They seem to think that they can turn on and off their effort at will, and still win. The Pistons have the NBA market on hubris cornered. The thought that some teams aren't intimidated by the "PISTONS" across their chest never occurs to them. Their attitude in believing that they are never out of a series, no matter how far down, or not worried by an inferior opponent keeping a series close, drives fans to utter distraction. I love the Pistons, yet they piss me off to no end.

5. Stay awake for a full NASCAR race - I've admitted in the past that I'm a fan of stock car racing. But I can also admit that many of the longer races, especially the 400-500 mile races run on cookie cutter 1.5 and 2 mile tracks, can be quite uneventful. To put it bluntly, they can be boring snoozefests. This weekend's 400 miler at Michigan International Speedway is one of them. MIS is a fast, wide track, with plenty of room for passing. All of which makes for loooong stretches of green flag racing, with the only thing breaking up the monotony are pit stops. But a long race that is won thanks fast pit stops and good fuel mileage isn't what I call compelling racing. You can't help but doze off around mile 150, then snooze for 150 plus miles. Normally, all you have missed is a few pit stops. Cut these sort of races to 300 miles, and they become much more interesting. Since NASCAR couldn't sell as much advertising time, it'll never happen.

6. Keep myself from watching any NFL game - Since we haven't had a legit NFL franchise in Detroit for several years, how else do you expect me to get my NFL fix? The fact that I watched the worldwide leader's version of Sunday Night Football, despite the brain cell killing duo of Theisman and McGuire, speaks volumes.

7. Watch Sportscenter - I just can't subject myself to the abject torture that is Sportscenter anymore. At one time, Sportscenter was a joy. Every night, I'd eat dinner with Charley Steiner and the 6pm Sportscenter. The Big Show was a nightly ritual. Sportscenter was one of the smartest and hippest shows on TV. But now? It's nothing but anchors and reporters yelling at me, former players whom are now unintelligible analysts arguing nonsensical talking points, what few highlights that are shown are dumbed down by the constant spewing of lame catch phrases, and a constant barrage of worldwide leader branding. If they don't have the rights to a league (NHL), it gets the short shrift. But if they do happen to acquire rights (Arena football), it gets an inordinate amount of undeserved attention. It's criminal what the powers that be at the worldwide leader have done to their flagship broadcast. They have managed to make something that was once great, unwatchable.

1 comment:

  1. Outstanding post. I will have the pleasure of sweating through what will hopefully be a Todd Jones save tonight at RFK Stadium. They better have plenty of ambulances on hand as it's a good old fashioned DC heat advisory day.