As a sports fan, I can only go so far...

I tried to watch game 4 of the NBA Finals last night. Really, I did. I'm a sports fan, I should be able to watch a championship clinching game, right? Wrong.

The game was unbearable to watch. Entertaining moments were few and far between. It was boring beyond belief. I couldn't watch any more of something that was fait accompli. I gave up, but it also got me thinking.

If I couldn't being myself to sit through the drudgery that was the NBA Finals, what else can't I being myself to do?

1. Sit calmly though a Todd Jones save - It's impossible to not have your blood pressure rise during a Jones save. As soon as you see Jones on the mound, your gut begins to churn. The vein in your forehead begins to pulsate. You break out in a cold sweat, and become short of breath. The last thing you are when Todd Jones is on the mound is calm. Even though Jones somehow converts the vast majority of the time, a save is never easy for him to accomplish, or us to watch.

2. Bet on the Detroit Lions - Period. Not to cover the spread. Not to win outright. Not as part of a parlay. Not if they're favored. Not if they're the underdog. Even in the seasons where they were decent, the Lions would lose to teams that never should have been on the same field with them, and on the flip side, beat elite teams that should have run Detroit off the field. (That was the Barry Sanders era in a nutshell) We've all been burned too many times by the Lions, emotionally and financially. The Lions are a sucker bet. Always have been, always will be.

3. Bet on Michigan Wolverines football - Much of what I said for the Lions applies to the Wolverines. Unlike the Lions, they do win a lot, but never by a lot. They rarely blow anyone out. Too often the Wolverines play to the level of the competition. Unlike most big time schools, Michigan doesn't have a massive home field advantage that almost guarantees a win, thanks to the quietest 110,000 fans you'll ever not hear. It's not worth the emotional anguish, or the punishment to your wallet, to bet on the Wolverines.

4. Not get frustrated with the Detroit Pistons - I've said it several times, and I'll say it again. The Detroit Pistons are the most infuriating team to root for in all of sports. They seem to think that they can turn on and off their effort at will, and still win. The Pistons have the NBA market on hubris cornered. The thought that some teams aren't intimidated by the "PISTONS" across their chest never occurs to them. Their attitude in believing that they are never out of a series, no matter how far down, or not worried by an inferior opponent keeping a series close, drives fans to utter distraction. I love the Pistons, yet they piss me off to no end.

5. Stay awake for a full NASCAR race - I've admitted in the past that I'm a fan of stock car racing. But I can also admit that many of the longer races, especially the 400-500 mile races run on cookie cutter 1.5 and 2 mile tracks, can be quite uneventful. To put it bluntly, they can be boring snoozefests. This weekend's 400 miler at Michigan International Speedway is one of them. MIS is a fast, wide track, with plenty of room for passing. All of which makes for loooong stretches of green flag racing, with the only thing breaking up the monotony are pit stops. But a long race that is won thanks fast pit stops and good fuel mileage isn't what I call compelling racing. You can't help but doze off around mile 150, then snooze for 150 plus miles. Normally, all you have missed is a few pit stops. Cut these sort of races to 300 miles, and they become much more interesting. Since NASCAR couldn't sell as much advertising time, it'll never happen.

6. Keep myself from watching any NFL game - Since we haven't had a legit NFL franchise in Detroit for several years, how else do you expect me to get my NFL fix? The fact that I watched the worldwide leader's version of Sunday Night Football, despite the brain cell killing duo of Theisman and McGuire, speaks volumes.

7. Watch Sportscenter - I just can't subject myself to the abject torture that is Sportscenter anymore. At one time, Sportscenter was a joy. Every night, I'd eat dinner with Charley Steiner and the 6pm Sportscenter. The Big Show was a nightly ritual. Sportscenter was one of the smartest and hippest shows on TV. But now? It's nothing but anchors and reporters yelling at me, former players whom are now unintelligible analysts arguing nonsensical talking points, what few highlights that are shown are dumbed down by the constant spewing of lame catch phrases, and a constant barrage of worldwide leader branding. If they don't have the rights to a league (NHL), it gets the short shrift. But if they do happen to acquire rights (Arena football), it gets an inordinate amount of undeserved attention. It's criminal what the powers that be at the worldwide leader have done to their flagship broadcast. They have managed to make something that was once great, unwatchable.

While I was away...

Bear with me, as I wanted to add my 2 cents to some of the topics that made news while I was away from TWFE...

Dre' Bly wants a trade, and the Lions are willing to listen to offers: If things couldn't get any worse for the Lions, we learn that Dre' Bly wants out of Detroit. Why couldn't it be Matt Millen making that demand? Damn...

If that wasn't enough of a hoot, I then read that many fans are saying, "Don't let the door hit you on the ass, Bly!" The one question I want to ask those fans is, "Just who do you think is going to replace Bly?" You hear any manes, other than "Bueller?" I sure don't.

Bly isn't the prototypical Tampa Two corner, but he is still the best (When Shawn Rogers is taking the play off, that is...) defensive player on the Lions. If Millen lets Bly go, they best have a replacement under lock and key, let alone under contract, and get more for him than what they got in return for Joey Blue Skies from Miami. (That being a 2nd day draft pick, Ricky Williams' bong, a gift certificate to Shula's Steakhouse, and a Betamax copy of the pilot to "Miami Vice." Millen sure played hardball with the Fish...)

I doubt Bly isn't the only veteran, on either side of the ball, who wants out of Detroit. He is damn near the only one worth anything in return. Put Fernando Bryant on the block, and the silence from other NFL teams would be deafening.

To put it simply, the Lions are a joke, wrapped in a clusterfuck, surrounded by a fiasco.

Tomas Holmstrom signs an extension with the Red Wings: Good, good, good! In my mind, this is another nice move by Ken Holland.

Since the Wings renaissance over a decade ago, there has been one constant with their roster. That being the lack of players who are willing to do the dirty work of pissing off opposing goaltenders by working the front of the net. Save for Homer, of course.

I was thrilled to see that the Wings will have Homer for another 3 seasons. He's sacrificed his body for the greater good more times than any other Red Wing this side of Steve Yzerman. I'd bet that Psycho Eddie Belfour alone has carved up the back of Holmstrom's legs to the point of leaving them looking like a road atlas. I'm happy to see a blue collar player who does whatever is necessary to win get rewarded.

Scottie Pippen contemplates a return to the NBA: Migraine Boy wants to come back to the league? Amazing! Even more amazing was reading NBA writers were actually taking Pippen seriously, thinking he could actually contribute to a playoff team! Who in the NBA would want a 41 year old used-to-be, who has never won a damn thing unless he was acting as Michael Jordan's caddy? Well, other than Pat Riley. I know there are a boat load of incompetent GM's in the NBA, but there's no GM that certifiably stupid.

40-somethings don't improve your chances of winning a NBA title. Players who retire, then con someone into giving them a shitload of money to return a few years later don't improve your chances either. Jordan couldn't do it. Magic couldn't do it. And Pippen is nowhere near as good as those two. (Don't get me going on Pippen being on the "Top 50 NBA players of all time" list. A travashamockery of the highest order) It's sad to see players tarnish their careers by attempting to come back, even though they are only a shadow of their former selves.

Michigan is still in the hunt for a (very) low NCAA seed: Honestly, I'm not all that thrilled about it. What does the fact that U of M is still on the NCAA bubble prove? Just that the Big 10, save for Wisky and tOSU, is God awful. (Considering that God awful state of the Big 10, just how good are Wisky and tOSU? Probably not as good as their records) Say the Wolverines do somehow manage to sneak into the NCAA's as a double digit seed. I'll give you odds that Michigan gets knocked out in the first round, and it won't be in a close game.

It's sad to see how far the program has fallen, hoping against hope to get one of the last at-large bids. It's obvious that Tommy Amaker is not the coach to make the Wolverines a NCAA tournament regular, and the sooner Michigan AD Bill Martin realizes as much, the sooner this embarrassing farce of a Big 10 program can move on.

NASCAR throws the book at Michael Waltrip's team for cheating: I thought that NASCAR was actually going to begin enforcing their rules with an enthusiasm they have never shown before. Get caught with an illegal car in the past? NASCAR will fine you 25K, and say "Tsk, tsk, don't do that again." When a top tier team spends 15-25 million a season, that's probably what they spend on baseball caps for one weekend. Big damn deal.

But they actually made an example of Waltrip, and Toyota for that matter, when inspectors found some sort of combustible substance (Jet fuel, Hank Hill endorsed propane, Micheal Jackson's hair, NASCAR's not talking) in Waltrip's intake manifold. Waltrip got a 100K fine, 100 drivers and owners points were deducted (That really hurts, his chance at a championship ended right there), indefinitely suspending his crew chief and team manager, and impounding the car. I thought, "Good for NASCAR, about time they started doing more than just giving slaps on the wrist for cheating violations."

Then Jeff Gordon's 24 car was found to be not quite kosher after his qualifying race. NASCAR's ruling? "You can keep the win Jeffy, you aren't disqualified from the Daytona 500, you just have to start next to last. 'K?" Same old same old. Then there was the fiasco on Sunday, when NASCAR just plain ignored their rule book at the end of the race.

I'm sorry, but if NASCAR wants to be taken seriously by more than the hardcore race fan, the series has to be consistent with how, and when, they apply their own rules. Get caught cheating? Make it hurt. Hurt the owner, the driver, and most importantly, the sponsor. If that means sitting a team for a week or more, so be it. Send home a team with a big dollar sponsor for a week or three, and you'll see cheating become the exception, rather than the rule.

For example, say Chad Knaus, the crew chief for defending Nextel Cup champ Jimmie Johnson, who has a long history of bending the rules, gets caught again. Do you think that their big time sponsor, Lowes, would be happy to hear that the 48 team, the team they give an enormous amount of money to, the team that is literally the face of their company to much of the public, was sent home for blatant rules violations? I think there would be Hell to pay in the boardroom of Lowes, and that Hell would roll all the way downhill to Johnson, Knaus, and Hendrick Motorsports.

Penalize the sponsor, and you'd see the teams follow the letter, not just the spirit, of the law in Nextel Cup. As it stands currently, the old racing adage, "If you ain't cheatin', you ain't tryin'" is still true.

NASCAR: A thin line between love and hate

As I've said in the past, I'm a NASCAR fan. And the Daytona 500 was a prime example as to why I'm a fan of stock car racing, and why it also makes me want to pull my hair out.

Hey y'all, look at this!

Even if you didn't watch the race, I'm sure you all have seen the finish, as it's the lead story everywhere today. It was exciting as all Hell, maybe the best Daytona finish since Richard Petty and David Pearson crashed in the final stretch of the 1976 500. Good Lord, armageddon broke loose on the final lap. Cars spinning everywhere, Clint Bowyer sliding across the start/finish line on fire while on his roof, and an amazingly close finish between the sentimental favorite, Mark Martin, and Kevin Harvick, who literally came out of nowhere to win.

Even the GF, who had been napping through the majority of the race, and as far from being a NASCAR fan as there is, watched the final laps on the edge of couch. When she is making comments asking, "What is Kyle Busch thinking?!" and "Why did Matt Kenseth push Harvick to the front like that?!", you know it was an exciting race. Just what NASCAR wants...

But, the finish was exactly why critics, and fans who are not blindly devoted to all things Earnhardt and NASCAR, think stock car racing is nothing more than a sideshow on "Real" sports landscape.

First off, you had both analysts calling the race, Larry McReynolds (Who should know better) and Darrell Waltrip (Who doesn't know any better, and needs to just clam up), openly rooting for Mark Martin. It was Waltrip at his overly verbose worst, and McReynolds was sucked in along for the ride. Hardly the impartiality you would expect from the announcers of what is supposed to be a marquee sports event. Even one broadcast on FOX.

Then you had the finish of the race. Thrilling as it was, if you watch any stock car racing at all, you got the feeling that NASCAR bent their own rules. Again.

Great finish, but was it fair?

As there was a big wreck with 6 laps to go, the race was red flagged. For those who don't follow racing, in other words, the race was stopped so the track could be cleaned up and after a couple of warm up laps under caution, the race could end as the "Rules" of NASCAR states. That being, the race ended on what is known as a "Green/White/Checker," which is basically a 2 lap sprint to the finish. The "Rules" also state that in that scenario, if there is a caution before the checkered flag is thrown, the field is frozen at the moment the caution comes out, and the race is over. Waltrip, McReynolds, and Mike Joy continually said as much during the final laps.

When the huge melee broke out on the final lap behind Martin and Harvick, Martin was still in the lead. Not by much, but he WAS leading. I expected the yellow caution flag to come out, ending the race. The GF, who as a non-fan could only go by what I, and the announcers as well, had been saying over and over, that the race would end at that exact moment, expected the yellow. (She immediately brought up the issue, by the way. She's a sharp cookie, that one)

You have to think that everyone watching expected the yellow. Joy, doing the play by play, was expecting the yellow. Mark Martin, being interviewed after the race, said he was expecting the yellow. Yet the yellow was NOT thrown till Martin and Harvick crossed the finish.

That's not enough carnage for a yellow flag? Only in NASCAR...

NASCAR decided to ignore their own rules, and the safety of the racers back in the pack, for that matter, to allow FOX to televise a photo finish.

It made for high drama, but what about their rule book? That same rule book that earlier in the week allowed the NASCAR France family powers that be the leverage to punish Michael Waltrip's Toyota team for cheating with a huge amount of malice.

Yet, when the rules expressly state, for reasons of safety, that the race ends when the yellow is thrown, NASCAR decides to be extremely slow on the trigger and wait for the 2 lead cars to race to the line before issuing a caution? That's NASCAR at its "We change/bend/ignore our own rules as we see fit" worst.

It's the equivalent of MLB allowing umpires to each have their own version of the strike zone. Whoops, bad example! But you get my drift. You wouldn't see the NFL literally change their rules in the middle of a game. But with NASCAR, it's their well known M.O.

I'm sure we'll get some lame ass excuse from NASCAR as to why the yellow wasn't thrown. And not to disappoint, NASCAR did come up with some outright vague BS to give the appearance that they follow their own rules...

"When the 07 [Clint Bowyer] went sideways on the track, the yellow came out," said NASCAR spokesman Ramsey Poston. "At that time, the 29 [Harvick] was ahead of the 01 [Martin] and was declared the winner. The vehicles that were involved earlier in the incident [the wreck that preceded Bowyer's] were already off the track and on the apron" and therefore didn't merit a caution.

I guess NASCAR wasn't watching the same race the rest of the WORLD was watching. If you believe that, then you probably also thought that the Worldwide Leader's film of Dale Earnhardt's life, "3," was a masterpiece of film making.

Unfortunately, there are enough those blindly devoted fans of all things NASCAR who don't care that the ruling organization of their favorite sport makes decisions based on what would be more dramatic, rather than what's in black and white in their own damn rule book! That's also why I'm just a tad balder today...