"From here on in, I rag nobody"

To those who aren't of a literary bent, that's the famous final line from the late Mark Harris' book, the great "Bang the Drum Slowly." There's a reason I bring it up today.

The line came to mind last night. Thanks to the undeniable fact that Justin Verlander's no-hitter doesn't happen without the highlight reel 8th inning double play started by The Black Hole of Suck Neifi Perez. Yes, Niefi Perez.

It's hard for all of us to swallow, but TBHoS Neifi Perez saved the no-no.

In honor of TBHoS Neifi Perez's no-hit saving play, TWFE is calling for a moratorium on the use of "The Black Hole of Suck" nomenclature in place of Perez's name in blog posts.


So let me paraphrase Harris' line, and say, "From here on in, I no longer rag Neifi."*

*At least until he reverts back to his normal Neifiness.

The 5 most hated men in Detroit sports

5. The Detroit Lions QB - Currently Jon Kitna: No matter who quarterbacks the Lions, he makes the list. There is no such thing as a free pass given to a Lions QB. The honeymoon between Lions fans and whomever becomes the Lions QB lasts only a matter of minutes, or until the first turnover. Jon Kitna was no exception.

His 4th quarter implosions snatched defeat from the jaws of victory several times in 2006. Sure, Ktina did throw for over 4ooo yards, but it was the emptiest, least effective, and least celebrated 4000 yard season in NFL annals. Yet the Lions brass continue to insist that Kitna was the QB of the here and now, and will be for the length of his contract, which is for another (Gulp) 3 seasons.

Not that the Lions aren't hedging their bets. The next man to be on this list was drafted in the 2nd round of the 2007 NFL draft, the Lions QB of the future, Drew Stanton. He claims to be excited to have been drafted by his hometown team. Ah, the sweet naivete of youth. He chooses to ignore what a buzzsaw of hatred he's walking into.

Stanton will learn soon enough.

4. Robert Lang: Lang is unquestionably uber-talented, but is also uber-lazy. Not since the days of Keith Premeau, another notorious underachiever, has a Red Wings player frustrated fans to the point of such hatred.

Robert Lang was acquired with much fanfare in 2004, and was expected to carry a big part of the scoring load. He turned out to be just a load.

iwoCPO at Abel to Yzerman tagged Lang as "The Enigma," for good reason. You never knew what Robert Lang you were going to see on any given night. Unfortunately, the longer his tenure in Detroit, the less we saw of the "Good" Lang.

Lang's 2007 playoffs may have been his crowning underachievement. His lackadaisical effort was only topped by his playing much smaller than his considerable size, bringing not just his line, but also the entire Red Wings team, down to his level.

The screams for Lang's benching were heard long and wide, but ultimately ignored, this past spring. During the Calgary and Anaheim series, he was public enemy number one. In most fan's minds, the Red Wings won despite of Lang, and lost because of him.

3. Neifi Perez: The Black Hole of Suck is the worst offensive player in the major leagues. Let me qualify that... The Black Hole of Suck is the worst offensive player in the history of baseball.

TBHoS is the 25th man on the Detroit Tigers roster, but he's numero uno on every Tigers fan's hit list. TBHoS may just be the most hated Detroit Tiger since the one-two cock punch that was Bobby Higginson and Juan Gone.

What of Jose Mesa, you ask? The hate for Joe Table burned with a white hot intensity, but it was mercifully short lived. The bubbling hate for TBHoS has been a constant Tigers fan companion since his senseless acquisition by a temporarily insane Dave Dombrowski in August 2006.

TBHoS has made enemies everywhere he goes. The fact that TBHoS somehow has a multi-million dollar contract riles every fan's ire to the point of becoming irrational. There isn't bigger proof of baseball's fiscal insanity than TBHoS, and his 2.5 million dollar per season contract.

Fans rejoice whenever TBHoS gets shipped unceremoniously out of town. Every fan in Detroit eagerly awaits the moment when we get our chance to rejoice the departure of TBHoS. Those tears of joy cannot happen soon enough.

2. Flip Saunders: Flip is number 2 with a bullet. He managed to generate a shitload of fan hatred in an impressively short period of time, thanks to his unfathomable decision making against the Bulls and LeBron's.

Starting the 4th quarter of a win or go home game with your offensively challenged backup guards, while your All-Star backcourt watches the season go down in flames on the bench, was the final straw in most fan's minds. By coaching game 6 of the NBA ECF like it was game 50 of the regular season, Flip pegged the hate meter right then and there.

Flip has become the poster coach for those who do less with more. He might be the best regular season coach around, but unfortunately for Flip, playoff basketball is his kryptonite. He somehow manged to burn up all the goodwill built up over a decent 2007 regular season.

With the news today that Flip was somehow keeping his coaching gig, and will come back for a 3rd season of cluelessness, we just may have Matt Millen's heir apparent as the most hated man in Detroit.

1. Matt Millen: Placing the incompetent boob in the number 1 spot was a no-brainer, much like Millen himself. Do I really need to say anything more? So I'm just going to use something I wrote earlier this year as to why Millen is hated with such burning, scathing, all-encompassing rage by the long suffering Detroit Lions fanbase...

Millen is historically bad. Legendarily bad. The sort of bad that will be talked about for generations. When you look up bad in the encyclopedia, you'll see Millen's picture. Millen will be the comparison used when talking about how low a GM can take a franchise. Millen is so bad, that no other GM will ever be allowed to surpass Millen's ineptness, as they would have been canned long before they could do Millen-esque damage to a franchise.

That's why Millen is the most hated man in Detroit.

Ramon Santiago or The Black Hole of Suck, TWFE makes the call

Another of the roster battles that has the Detroit Tigers fanbase on edge is the competition for the last position player spot on the bench. Just who will be the 25th man?

Their responsibilities aren't exactly overwhelming. This is a player who will rarely see the field, save for late inning garbage time, pinch running, a pinch hitter of last resort, or (God forbid) injury.

Lets take a closer look at that the position battle that is...

Ramon Santiago

vs.

He who will not be named, aka The Black Hole of Suck

Santiago: Can play 3rd, short, and 2nd, all fairly well.
TBHoS: Sucks at all 3.
Winner: Santiago, as his suckitude is only at the plate, not on the field.

Santiago: Good bat control, making him a skilled bunter, but only hit .225.
TBHoS: Sucks so hard, TBHoS is the basis for a stat indexing ballplayers by how much better off a team is when they are not on the field, the "Neifi Index."
Winner: Considering that both will flirt all season with the "Mendoza Line," there are no winners here, but the Tigers do lose.

Santiago: Happy to just be on a major league roster, won't bitch about a lack of playing time.
TBHoS: Sucks so badly, he should be nowhere near a major league roster.
Winner: Tigers again lose, fans hope that the closest TBHoS is to Detroit is Toledo.

Santiago: Was traded by the Tigers, along with the other Juan Gonzalez, to Seattle for Carlos Guillen, in one of the most lopsided deals in MLB history. The Tigers then reacquired Santiago once Seattle cut him.
TBHoS: Sucks so badly, that the fanbase of every team TBHoS has played for in the past have heartily celebrated his moving on.
Winner: Santiago, as he was essentially traded for himself. If TBHoS was traded for himself, would the immense of amount of suckage cause the world to collapse inside a back hole of pure suck? We should all pray that we never find out.

Santiago: Hits for a low average, with no power.
TBHoS: Sucks to the point that he doesn't hit, period.
Winner: Tigers lose, fans pray to the Baseball Gods that Carlos Guillen's knee, Placido Polanco's shoulder, and Omar Infante's elbow stay healthy.

Santiago: Only 27 years old, young enough to think that there is still some upside.
TBHoS: An old 33, so he will continue to suck, and odds are TBHoS will suck even worse as he ages.
Winner: Santiago in a landslide, as youth trumps suck.

Santiago: Makes an affordable $500K this season.
TBHoS: The Cubbies signed TBHoS to an awful contract worth an unfathomable 2.5 million per year. Guaranteed. The last year of which the Tigers are now stuck for, which sucks, HARD.
Winner: Santiago, as 500K is a drop in the payroll bucket. That 2.5 million may be just enough to keep TBHoS on the opening day roster. Tigers fan lose. And weep...

The final tally: Does it really make a difference?

Thus, by using my own eyes, my biases, and a very unscientific method, TWFE shakily endorses anyone but The Black Hole of Suck to be the 25th man on the Detroit Tigers opening day roster. If that means Ramon Santiago, I can live with it...

How do you know you have a good baseball team?

When spring training is boring.

Has there been anything at all exciting, controversial, or unexpected during the first weeks of the Detroit Tigers spring training? Think about it. What have been the biggest spring stories up to this point?

Magglio's lovely long locks has Jim Campbell spinning in his grave...

Magglio Ordonez's hair.

Gary Sheffield's interviews with the national, New York and Boston press.

Andrew Miller being sent down.

Marcus Thames learning to play first base.

Boston pitching beans 3 Tigers, pissing off the Marlboro Man.

Who will be the back up infielder, Ramon Santiago, or the Black Hole of Suck?

Who wins the one position open in the bullpen?

That's been about it. For the most part, there hasn't been all that much to talk about when it comes to the Tigers. There is very little competition for roster spots, as the lineup was set last winter once Sean Casey signed and Sheffield was obtained. The same goes for the pitching staff, once Jose Mesa was picked up.

Remember the bad old days? It wasn't long ago that spring training was the highlight of the Tigers season. Damn near every position on the team was up for grabs. Competition was fierce between the wannabe's, never-were's and used-to-be's for roster spots. Who would be this year's AA ball spring phenom to make the trip north to learn at the big league level? How many "Rule V" pickups would remain on the roster? Which non-roster invitees would play their way on to the big club? There were all kind of plot lines to follow...

It made for some fascinating March stories, but God awful Tigers teams.

This spring, for the first time in well over a decade, is nothing like we used to witness. The players are going about their business preparing for the season. Jim Leyland has been experimenting with different batting orders, but he knows who will be going north, and what they are capable of accomplishing.

There's an aura of confidence around the Tigers. They now have the swagger that contending teams have, the same swagger that the Marlboro Man said was missing from the Tigers last spring.

Just a year ago, I was concerned that the Tigers would still be what they were for damn near 2 decades. the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked. I was hoping against hope that they would take a baby step and play .500 ball.

Just 1 year later, the Tigers are one of the favorites to win the American League again, and have a championship team's swagger. It's amazing how quickly things have changed for the better.