Sunday, July 01, 2007

Think the Tigers will be the death of you?

As I was flipping through my latest issue of "Baseball Digest" magazine, which is the rose colored glasses view of MLB, I ran into something that wasn't quite so rosy, especially for the 12 year olds that read the digest for it's not all that insightful info.

While flipping through my digest, and perusing the quite normal ads for games, books, posters, and collectibles, one abnormal advertisement stood out. Mostly due to it being in color, but also thanks to it being kind of grim. But even "Baseball Digest" needs to pay the bills...

The ad did bring a question to mind. Just how big of a baseball fan are you?

Think you are a Tigers fan? A real Tigers fan? A Tigers fan both in life, and in death? Well, there is now a way to prove it, and it's officially licensed by MLB to boot!

I told you the Neifi Perez signing would be the death of me! Did anyone believe me? Nooooo!

When that next Todd Jones blown save, Craig Monroe strikeout with runners in scoring position, or Neifi appearance, is that last straw, and like the Norwegian Blue, you kick the bucket, shuffle off this mortal coil, run down the curtain, and join the choir invisible, you can now grace the top of your big screen TV with your ashes in your Detroit Tigers Urn!

Your remains couldn't end up in a nicer piece of MLB memorabilia. How could you not want to be cremated, then be put on display with such style?

Eternal Image gives you the lowdown, while reminding you that "Rooting for that special team was a lifelong commitment..."

Each Major League Baseball™ urn is hand-designed using die-cast aluminum with proprietary clear coat finish and sits atop a Home Plate-shaped base outlined in black. Each also features a baseball display dome at the top in which a favorite collectible baseball can be displayed. (Please note: the urn comes with a baseball, which the purchaser or family can replace with a special ball from their own collection.)

It comes with a baseball? Hot damn, I'm sold. Give me 2! (Why 2? In case of reincarnation, of course. With my luck though, I'd come back a...//shudder//Red Sox fan.)

You say cremation isn't your style? Think you have chance to become a zombie, thus prefer to keep your body? Eternal Images has you covered buried, in your very own Detroit Tigers casket. (MLB licensed, of course. Even in death, it's advisable to stay on Bud Selig's good side...)

Be you Count Dracula, or Count Chocula, you couldn't ask for nicer digs...

But don't get all excited just yet. Not all teams get the honor of being set on mantles, or interned in mausoleums. Only a select few get the death treatment.

If you are a fan of either the St. Louis Cardinals, Atlanta Braves, Boston Red Sox, Chicago Cubs, Detroit Tigers, Los Angeles Dodgers, New York Yankees and Philadelphia Phillies, you are set in your deathly fandom.

Unfortunately, if you are a fan of the likes of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays or Kansas City Royals, there's no casket or urn for your poor soul. Not you would want to broadcast that fact in death, or in life, for that matter.

Personally, I'm waiting for a Detroit Tigers MLB licensed cryogenic chamber...


  1. I'm waiting for the Todd Jones-endorsed lethal injection kit for then next time I feel like ending it all and "getting sent down to Toledo".

  2. wow. Baseball Digest sure brings back memories. I can't believe they still publish. I think I still have every issue from 1988-1993.

  3. Alright, enough already. I'm taking your advice and signing up for the Baseball Digest. What's that freebie site called again?

  4. The writer says only a few teams will be offered, but he's wrong as can be. Eternal Image will indeed offer every MLB team, so don't worry Tampa fans.

    NFL next???