Tuesday, April 17, 2007

TWFE talks draft strategy with Matt Millen

Detroit Lions NFL draft rumors are flying around the internet. We are hearing that the Lions will trade down with Atlanta, with Tampa, with Cleveland. You name a team, and the Lions are supposedly in trade talks with them.

If they stay put at 2, all the top names have been talked about in one mock draft or another. Calvin Johnson, JaMarcus Russell, Brady Quinn, Adrian Peterson, and Gaines Adams have all been mentioned as the Lions pick.

Trade down, or stay put? No one can say for sure what the Lions front office is currently thinking.

TWFE wanted to quell the draft rumors, once and for all. So in search of answers, I went right to the horse's ass mouth. I spoke with the Lions GM and President, Matt Millen.

What follows is a transcript of our "Conversation."

TWFE: I appreciate your speaking to me. Uh...You haven't read my blog, have you?

Matt Millen: What's a blog? I do have a question for you, though. I hear that you think we will take JaMarcus Russell. Is that true?

TWFE: I participated in a bloggers mock draft over the weekend. I did pick Russell, if that's what you're talking about.

MM: Who told you we would take Russell!?

TWFE: Uh, it was just a mock draft. Sure, I do think that the Lions need a QB. So I took the best available. No one has told me anything. As Sgt. Schultz used to say, I know noth-think!

MM: I loved Hogan's Heroes! That Schultz! Remember the one where Hogan pretends to be a Natz...HEY! You trying to distract me?! Cut that out! WHO TOLD YOU?! If there is a leak in my front office, I need to know!

TWFE: What are you talking about? I was going to ask you who the Lions would draft. If you think I have contacts in the NFL, you are sadly mistaken. I'm just a blogger.

MM: What the Hell is a blogger?

TWFE: Uh...I write for my own...

MM: You're a writer?! So you do have connections! Now I know you know what I know, you know? Tell me what you know! KNOW! Uh..I mean, NOW!

TWFE: Huh?

MM: Don't play dumb. Only a few people knowed we were taking JaMarcus Russell. Just my inner circle. Me, Howie Long, Mr. Ford, Ford Jr, Tom Lewand, Sgt. Marinelli, Mike Martz, Dan Miller, the naked drunk driving Wendy's eating coach, my wife, Mel Kiper, Mel's hair stylist, Joe Paterno, my bowling team, Joey Harrington, the guy who trims my 'stache, and Al Davis. I don't think Mr. Davis even remembers when he last went to the bathroom, so he'll claim otherwise, but I did tell him. Now it seems that you know too.

TWFE: I don't know jack.

MM: Jack? I'm not asking you about Jack! How did you find out?

TWFE: This is bullshit.

MM: I'm not talking about cows, either! Talk!

TWFE: About what?

MM: You tryin' to confuse me?

TWFE: Confuse you? Perish the thought.

MM: Wha...Paris? Did someone named Paris tell you?!

TWFE: Hilton?

MM: I'm not taking about hotels! Who's Paris?

TWFE: Not Paris! I said peri...Screw it. I give up. This is just getting silly. I think it's time to end this conversation. I'm getting dumber just talking to you.

MM: Was that an insult? I think was just insulted. Why I oughta...

TWFE: I gotta go. Here's a shiny penny, that should keep you occupied.


1 comment:

  1. "Come back here you devout coward! Where are your testicles?"