Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Joey Harrington: The thing that wouldn't leave

After spending much too much time over the past week discussing Robert Esche's helmet, Kurt Cobain being a world class luger, the inherent evil of Mel Kiper, Gretsky = Jesus, and the unholy alliance between the media and chick sports, let's talk some sports in the D.

To be specific, Joey Blue Skies. Yes, more Joey Harrington and the Lions. Bitching about our favorite soul crushing team has one feeling much like Michael Corleone in "Godfather III."

"Just when I thought that I was out, they pull me back in..."

Latest from the beat writers over the last couple of days has them reporting that our favorite QB since Scott Mitchell is in line to remain the starter.

Matt Millen: "I think we have our starter, wouldn't you say?"

Millen again : "We do like him and I do think he'll be our guy and that's how we're going to approach it. We're going to approach it that Harrington's our starter and we move forward and coach the heck out of him and we get him into the system and we start the process."

Rod Marinelli: "We all sat down and watched him. He (Martz) sees a lot of really good, positive things from this guy -- a lot of skill, a lot of things that we like."

Is Joey the answer to the QB question? The Hell if I know, but at this point, how many more chances is he going to get? No matter what happens, the Lions just can't get bear to rid themselves of Harrington. Be it hubris, pride, stupidity, hope, loyalty, cap hit, the lack of a clue, general principle, or to just keep we fans pissed off, there's something that won't allow the Lions to move on. So you know what that tells me?

When the world comes to an end, all that will remain are the cockroaches and Joey. It won't be the meek that inherit the earth, it'll be Joey Harrington. Who will survive the apocalypse? Mr. Harrington of the Lions. Whom will Conan O'Brian predict to be the Detroit signal caller "In the Year 2000?" Harrington. Who will Marty McFly find under the Lions center when he goes "Back to the Future?" Mr. Blue Skies himself. Joey Harrington is Dorian Gray in Honolulu blue and silver.

You might be familiar with the Zager and Evans song "In the Year 2525." What you didn't know is that the song originally was not about an apocalyptic future, but actually based upon the career of Joey Harrington. Zager and Evans' original lyrics follow...

In the year 2525
If Joey is still alive.
If the Lions can survive, they may find....

In the year 3535
Ain't gonna need to tell the media, tell them no lies.
Everything Joey thinks, does and say, is in the game you lost today.

In the year 4545
Ain't gonna need your helmet, won't need your eyes.
You won't find a football to throw.
Nobody's gonna trade for you.

In the year 5555
Joey's arms hanging limp at his sides.
Your legs got nothing to do.
Some backup doing that for you.

In the year 6565
Ain't gonna need no receiver, won't need no o-line.
You'll pick your running back, pick your tight end too.
From the bottom of a long glass tube. Whoa-oh

In the year 7510
If Millen's a-comin, he oughta make it by then.
Maybe he'll look around Allen Park and say.
Guess it's time for the cut-down day.

In the year 8510
Millen is gonna shake his mighty head.
He'll either say, I'm pleased where Joey has been.
Or tear the Lions down and start drafting again. Whoa-oh

In the year 9595
I'm kinda wonderin' if Joey is gonna be alive.
He's taken everything this old NFL can give.
And he stil ain't won nothing. Whoa-oh

Now it's been ten thousand years
Lions fan has cried a billion tears.
For what Ford never knew,
Now Joey's reign is through.

But through eternal Detroit night.
The twinkling of Ford Field starlight.
So for every game thrown away.
Maybe it's only...

In the year 2525
If Joey is still alive.
If the Lions can survive, they may find....

In the year 3535 {Fade to another 6-10 season...}


  1. I knew he was going to be back because of the economics, but this is clearly Millen telling Marinelli and Martz "you guys ARE going to give him one more chance!" That is crap, but what are you suppose to do!

  2. I don't have a real beef with Joey starting the season given that the other options out there are pretty grim. I'm not convinced signing Drew Brees is the right move. I honestly think the Lions could have drafted Peyton Manning and he would have been run out of town by now. The curse is that pervasive.