Monday, February 20, 2006

February is the bane of a sports fan

It's been a very quiet few days on the Detroit sports scene since the "Darko Situation" came to a resolution. Now that the Lions channeled their inner Lloyd Dobler to woo Mike Martz successfully, the Wings are on Olympic break, Darko has gone to live with Mickey and Minnie, and the Pistons on the All-Star break, there has been not much to comment upon.

Detroit Tigers pitchers and catchers did report, but save for word that Dimtiri Young lost a "Substantial" amount of weight, there's been no news out of Lakeland. When the weight loss of an overweight, overpaid, headcase DH is a big (Pun intended) story, things are sloooow. Wake me when the glorified exhibitions called the World Baseball Classic begin in a couple of weeks.

You can tell we are in the dog days of sport when the local radio talking heads are struggling for topics. Last week on WDFN, Mike Stone took a valuable half hour of radio time to discusss...How long to you keep your shirts? Did you know Stoney has golf shirts that are 15 years old? Dead air would have been more informative and entertaining.

So what's left to discuss? NFL mock drafts? Just kill me now...

Lord help us, but the NFL draft isn't for over two months. Which leaves plenty of time for EVERY website, TV network, and wannabe self promoting draft wonk to do several incorrect mocks. You do realize that none of the draftniks have a clue, right? Mock drafts are like high school homework. One guy, that being uberwonk Mel Kiper, does the first mock, then the rest copy it while changing a couple of names here and there so their teacher editor won't catch on. How do you think Jay Cutler to the Lions got started? Because of that damn Kiper and his minions. Now I'm absolutely dreading the the "Lions need a QB so they'll draft Jay Cultler" gossip we are guaranteed to hear for the next 8 weeks. And that's what mock drafts are, pure gossip and speculation. Nothing more...

With the NBA trade deadline a week away, just as bad will be the trade speculation.

You know the drill. Some doof on a message board will post some bizzare rumor he claims he heard from the dominatrix of some team's assistant to the assistant. Let's say he heard something like this: The Pistons will send Rasheed Wallace and Alex Acker to NOOCH for for David West and Speedy Claxston.

What happens next? Some lazy beat writer will run across my made up trade while doing Technorati searches. He will cut and paste print my faux proposal in some lame notes column. Next thing you know, the internet is ablaze, the AP is all over it, Peter Vescey prints the story as fact, Sam Smith denies the veracity of the story, Screamin' A. Smith opens his show with his breakdown of the proposal, Charles Barkley will make a snarky comment about Rasheed and Oklahoma City, Joe Dumars issues a denial, 'Sheed tells the media, "You bandwagon cats are crazy!" and hours are spent debating the non-issue on message boards and sports talk radio. And if it isn't this rumor, you know five others will rear their ugly head.

Remember you heard it here first: The Pistons will send Rasheed Wallace and Alex Acker to NOOCH for for David West and Speedy Claxston. I'll give you 2-1 odds that we see my BS posted somewhere in the next 24 hours...

Another evergreen for beat writers are spring training roster battles. Not that spending a month in Florida or Arizona is a bad gig, but the scribes run out of subjects two weeks into March.

It's so quiet in Lakeland that we've already heard of two regarding the Tigers. Nook Logan or Curtis Granderson in center and Verlander/Zumaya/Colon/Cordero/Name a waiver wire pickup for the fifth starter. These are total non-stories. I truly think managers throw this crap out there for their own amusement. Sparky Anderson was the master of pimping candidates for the 25th man on the roster. Remember Chris Pittaro? Torey Lovullo? Scott Livingstone?

I'm sure this is happening in every big league camp. Some manager or GM will make an off hand comment about how well a bench player is looking early in the spring. The next day we will see every beat writer reporting, "A controversy is developing at name-the-position," which sends saber-geeks into debating the merits of said player in 10 page long message board flamewars.

Three weeks later that player is either traded for a bat bag, sent to AAA, or cut, never to be heard from again...

March Madness cannot start soon enough.


  1. Feb has been a strange month in sports, alas, but like you said it is almost over and better things are on the horizon.

    I don't get into March Madness as much as I used to, maybe a combo of lack of time and interest, but I agree at least it is something to talk about. The only downfall is it means more face time (or should I say mouth time?) for Dickie V, he is gettting as played out to me as Madden.

    All your points ring true and I agree, if I could do it all over again, I would go back and be a "Mock Drafter" or a weather man, you get paid to guess and be wrong most of the time.

    Oh, and your mock trade thing there with Sheed, trust me, I will be "googling" the rumor wires shortly to see how quickly it starts up. LOL

  2. I am one of those self-promoters that does not have a clue. My Mock Draft will likely be proven to be incorrect. However, I did have fun making it, and it is free to view. So if it happens to peek your curiousity, feel free to visit the aforementioned mock draft at
    Thank you.

    DR U

  3. Don't forget the "mock" controversy about Amadou Ba pushing a drunk Michigan State fan who wandered out on the floor of the Breslin Center.

    I'm sure they're burning couches in that kid's honor at MSU.

    Nice security there in East Lansing. Not only letting visibly intoxicated students who can barely walk into the arena, but also letting them onto the floor. Well done.

  4. Until this post, I had totally forgotten about Chris Pittaro. A spring training battle that will live in infamy. Thank you.