Detroit Lions @ Minnesota Vikings - 1st quarter: I do not believe in now

A few pregame thoughts before I become a raving, incoherent loon...

There was talk during the WXYT Lions pregame that Drew Henson was going to be the backup to Dan Orlovsky, and not Drew Stanton. My blood pressure immediately SPIKED.

The inactives have been announced, and as we all expected, Jon Pickna Shitna Kitna is out. But I'm feeling better, as Henson is the number 3 emergency QB, and not Stanton. Thank fucking GOD the coaching staff still has a little common sense!

From PFT:

Lions inactives: QB Drew Henson (3rd), QB Jon Kitna, LB Gilbert Gardner, G Stephen Peterman, DT Damion Cook, DT Andre Fluellen, DE Ikaika Alama-Francis, DE Landon Cohen.

Vikings inactives: QB John David Booty (3rd), WR Sidney Rice, DB Madieu Williams, FB Thomas Tapeh, T Drew Radovich, OT Marcus Johnson, FB Jeff Dugan, DT Letroy Guion.

During the FOX 2 pregame, Killer Kowalski claimed Kitna's back injury may not be a short term thing. He may be out next week as well. If it takes an injury to Kitna for the Lions to FINALLY find out if they have anything in either Dan O or Sparty's finest, so be it.

One other question is raised by whom the Lions have on the inactive list.  Can we now make it official? (if we haven't already) Ikaika Alma-Francis is a MASSIVE bust, a total waste of a 2nd round pick. Christ, the inactive list is littered with Rod Marinelli approved d-linemen. Christ almighty, I HATE the Lions.

A quick pregame note from the Oakland Press' Dave Birkett:

(Roy) Williams is a free-agent-to-be and the Lions' likely will look to franchise him in the offseason with the intent of trading him for players and/or draft picks. The Chiefs did it last year with Jared Allen (to Minnesota for a first-rounder) and the Packers with Corey Williams (to Cleveland for a second).

If I was running the Lions I'd take the Miami approach — the Dolphins traded Chris Chambers to San Diego at last year's deadline for a second-round pick. But I'm not, and those who are still believe they can turn the season around.

What I just said about the Lions and common sense? Never mind. Forget I ever said it...

Game time!

We join FOX's Ron Pitts and Tony Boselli, who are live from the house of horrors known as the Hubert H. Humphrey/Hefty/Homer/Baggiedome. I'm live from my living room in midst of the financial ruin that is SE MI!

The Lions win the toss and defer? HUH? I guess they wanted Dan O to be even more nervous by waiting even longer to take his first snaps as an NFL starter.

The Vikes start on their 22. On 2nd down, Gus Ferrotte looks DEEP! And it's obvious pass interference on Leigh Bodden! Here we go again... Jesus Chirst.

Ferrotte is back to pass on 1st down...and it's a blitz? SACK! A big loss! Wow, the Lions pressuring the QB?  I'm at a loss for words.

Oooooo! Big hit by Daniel Bullocks on Peterson! Bullocks is one of the few young Lions playing anything worth a damn. One of the VERY  few.

Amazingly, the Lions get a stop on 3rd and long, but the Vikings punt is downed at the 1 yard line. Hell of a position for Dan O to take his first starting snaps. I expect 3 Rudi Johnson runs...

And the Lions start with Rudi, gets a couple. Rudi again, up the gut, gets zip. Come on, no way the Lions can run against the Vikes D. Not gonna happen.

Dan O is back to pass, rolls right in the end zone as there is pressure...dumps it off to Kevin Smith, well short of the 1st down. A very inauspicious start for Orlovsky.

Vikes get a nice punt return, will start in Lions territory. FIRE KWAN! What? A flag, personal foul on the Vikings! The Lions get a break. Still, I have to do it...

FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN!

I feel better.

Vikes start at their 33 after the penalty. On 2nd and long, ol' Gus looks deep...LOTS OF TIME...It's Berrian WIDE FUCKING OPEN on a corner route! He's all the way down to the Detroit 35. FIRE MARINELLI!  I want Joe Barry's head on a stick! Son of a bitch.

Well, at least the Lions have done a good job against Adrain Peterson so far. Doe it make a difference when GUS FUCKING FERROTTE is picking the d-backfield apart?

The Lions D gets a break, as Peterson drops a screen pass on 3rd down. That might have been a big play... The Vikes have yet to score, but they are winning the game of field position.

After a punt just misses the coffin corner (I love the coffin corner, it's not done near enough). the Lions will start at their 20.

The Vikings D is going after Dan O, big rush pressure on a 1st down incompletion. I bet we see Stanton sometime today, as I have a feeling Orlovsky is going to take a pounding.

Dan O is back to throw on 3rd and long...Has to check off to Smith...short of the sticks. Orlovsky doesn't look too overwhelmed on the field, but the team around him BLOWS GOATS. He won't get much help from his teammates, to say the very least.

Vikes take over on their 27 after a Nick Harris punt.

The FOX guys are going on about Marinelli not quitting. Of course he's not quitting. If Rod quits, HE DOESN"T GET PAID. Duh.

We have our first big Peterson run of the day, getting 12 on 2nd down. He's going to explode, I just just know it. It's not if he blows up, but when.

Ferrotte continues to look like a All-Pro, picking the Lions' D apart. 2 completions have the Vikes at the Detroit 41.

Gus is back to throw on 2nd down, BLITZ! Ernie Sims buries Ferrotte! WHOOO! But Jared Devries is shaken up. Not a biggie, the Lions have 35 d-linemen on the roster, right? Oh yeah, most of them are inactive...

Hey, the next "House" episode looks good. Better than watching the Lions, anyway.

It's 3rd and long...Ferrotte finds Chester Taylor crossing the middle, find the corner, 1st God damn down.

Ferrotte throws again, 1st God damn down. Vikes at the Lions' 20.

2 Peterson runs leave the Vikings a 3rd and 1. I'm not confident we'll see a stop here...

Peterson up the gut...1st dow...BALL! Lions recover at the 1 yard line! Bullocks put his hat on the ball! Lions have someone making plays? Will wonders never cease?

"24" has a 2 hour movie coming up. I'm so fucking there...

1st and 10 from the 1, Dan O fades back...And throws the ball into the turf. Actually a good play by Orlkovsky, as there was NOTHING there. A screen pass would have been blown up...blown up good.

Dan O just misses Roy Williams on a long pass. Williams might have been able to make a play, though it would have been tough. You expect big money, you need to make those plays.  Good as he is, Roy doesn't make those plays.

And we have a time out, Lions. 0:21 left in the 1st.

3rd and 99 to go...NONONONONONONONONONONO! Fucking NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Orlovsky fades back, rolls right...and runs right the fuck out of the end zone! He had NO FUCKING CLUE where he was in relation to the end line. Stupid, stupid, stupid, mistake. Safety Vikings.

2-0 Minny. And so it goes...

Harris will punt...It's a monster kick...But Gordon breaks a nice return, and is down at the Lions 44! FIRE KWAN! RIGHT FUCKING NOW!

Gus is back to throw...SACK! At least the Lions are pressuring the QB today.

That's the 1st quarter. 2-0 Vikings. I'm still not bleeding from any part of my body...yet.