Detroit Lions @ Minnesota Vikings - Pregame thoughts

Game Information: Lions @ Vikings

Kickoff: 1 p.m. EDT

Stadium: Hefty/Homer/Baggiedome

Television: WJBK-TV FOX Ch.2

Play-By-Play: Ron (Lions are the) Pitts

Color: Tony Boselli

Sideline: Charissa Thompson

Lions Radio Network Flagship: 97.1 FM The Ticket (WXYT-FM)

Play-By-Play: Dan Miller

Color: Jim Brandstatter

Sidelines: Tony Ortiz

2008 Records: Lions, 0-4; Vikings, 2-3

The 5 things I'm watching, GODDAMMIT!

(Why only 5? Thinking about the Lions for any length of time sends my blood pressure to dangerous levels. The last thing I need is copious amounts of blood spurting out of my orifices...)

QB Bingo: Supposedly, the playing status of Jon Pickna Shitna Kitna will be a game time decision, though most observers think there's will be no "miracle" recovery from whatever is ailing his back. Thus, we shall see the first NFL start for Dan Orlovsky. From what little I've seen of Dan-O the past few seasons, my expectations are lower than the completion percentage of Michigan's QB's. In other words, I don't expect Pickna Shitna Kitna to be Wally Pipped.

I'd like to see Drew Stanton play, as would everyone who considers themselves fans of the Lions.  But knowing Marinelli is stubborn to the point of insanity, and is loathe to play inexperienced players, I doubt Stanton sees the playing field.

The schemes aren't working: The Lions' offensive coordinator has been an EPIC FAIL up to this point of the season. His no-huddle offense gambit last Sunday was, as has everything else Colletto has tried this season, an EPIC FAIL. What do I expect from the Lions offense against the Vikings? You guessed it! More EPIC FAIL.

As for Joe Barry's league worst defense, EPIC FAIL is only a starting point. The defense began the season badly, and is getting worse.

If Wayne Fontes were coaching this team, he would have replaced Colletto and Barry twice over by now. Say what you will about the Big Buck as a coach, at least he had the confidence (or the sheer sense of desperation) to cut bait on schemes that weren't working. Can't say the same about Rod Marinelli, he's going to ride Colletto and Barry right to the unemployment line.

One more thing...EPIC FAIL!

Adrian Peterson: He's going to have a monster game against the Lions lousy front 7. You can book it. 200 yards on the ground may only be the starting point...

21-0: Will the Vikings be the 5th straight team to take a 3 score lead on the Lions in the 1st half? Hell, the Lions couldn't stop immortals like Kyle Orton and Matt Ryan, so why expect anything different with the Vikings' Gus Ferrotte under center? Blowouts will be the norm, instead of the exception. The Lions are a BAD team.

The odds I'll have a conniption fit by 4PM Sunday afternoon: 2-5. It's a sure bet, folks.

See you in the live blog Sunday at 1PM! Be there for the drama, stay for the profanity, and watch the sparks (and maybe a little blood) fly!