Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Turns out Tatum Bell only had sticky fingers OFF the field

The National Midnight Star of the pro football websites, Pro Football Talk, has posted the most bizarre story involving the Lions tonight. Tatum Bell stole Rudi Johnson's bags.

Johnson left his bags outside CEO Matt Millen’s office while he met with team officials and, ultimately, worked out a deal with the team.

So when Johnson came back to get his bags, they were nowhere to be found. Johnson and Millen were stumped.

Enter the eye in the sky.

The team checked the videotapes generated by the team’s in-house surveillance system, and they quickly identified the culprit.

So who might it have been? None other than Tatum Bell, who lost his gig with the Lions after Rudi arrived.

What. The. Fuck? Seriously. What the fuck?

The story gets even weirder, if that's even possible.

Per the source, Bell took the bags to the house of a female acquaintance. When confronted on the matter, Bell offered up some cockamamie story that he thought the bags belonged to someone he knew. The girl, however, said that she hadn’t seen Bell in several months and he showed up out of the blue and asked her to keep the bags for a while.

Johnson has retrieved the bags, and it’s our understanding that charges won’t be pressed.

Again, this bizarre story is "alleged." Interesting and odd, but still only alleged. It's likely to remain that way.

But the whole story boggles the mind. You steal the luggage of the man replacing you? What in the living Hell was Bell thinking? He can only hope to get a gig with another team, as it's obvious he has shit for brains. A criminal mastermind, or a capable running back, Bell is not. A moron, on the other hand...

I'm at a loss, folks. True or not, all I can say is, only the Lions. Only the God damn Lions...


  1. I have this picture in my head of him disguised in a top hat and a Snidely Whiplash mustache.

  2. This is by far the weirdest story coming out of a Detroit team ever.

  3. MW, that's all I could do too, once I got my jaw off the floor.

    I wish I had the mad photochop skillz, Paavo. That's a perfect analogy.

    GTW, this one takes the top spot, indeed.

  4. Wait -- is this weirder than asst. coach Joe Cullen driving thru a Wendy's buck naked?

    Or Joe Don Looney telling Harry Gilmer to "call Western Union" when Gilmer wanted Joe to send in a play?

    Or Bill Ford hiring Darryl Rogers?

  5. At least Cullen has the excuse that he was drunk. This was stupid while sober.

    Did he not know that there were security cameras? What a moron.