Turns out Tatum Bell only had sticky fingers OFF the field

The National Midnight Star of the pro football websites, Pro Football Talk, has posted the most bizarre story involving the Lions tonight. Tatum Bell stole Rudi Johnson's bags.

Johnson left his bags outside CEO Matt Millen’s office while he met with team officials and, ultimately, worked out a deal with the team.

So when Johnson came back to get his bags, they were nowhere to be found. Johnson and Millen were stumped.

Enter the eye in the sky.

The team checked the videotapes generated by the team’s in-house surveillance system, and they quickly identified the culprit.

So who might it have been? None other than Tatum Bell, who lost his gig with the Lions after Rudi arrived.

What. The. Fuck? Seriously. What the fuck?

The story gets even weirder, if that's even possible.

Per the source, Bell took the bags to the house of a female acquaintance. When confronted on the matter, Bell offered up some cockamamie story that he thought the bags belonged to someone he knew. The girl, however, said that she hadn’t seen Bell in several months and he showed up out of the blue and asked her to keep the bags for a while.

Johnson has retrieved the bags, and it’s our understanding that charges won’t be pressed.

Again, this bizarre story is "alleged." Interesting and odd, but still only alleged. It's likely to remain that way.

But the whole story boggles the mind. You steal the luggage of the man replacing you? What in the living Hell was Bell thinking? He can only hope to get a gig with another team, as it's obvious he has shit for brains. A criminal mastermind, or a capable running back, Bell is not. A moron, on the other hand...

I'm at a loss, folks. True or not, all I can say is, only the Lions. Only the God damn Lions...

The 2008 Detroit Lions draft = FAIL

As I was scrolling through my RSS feeds, I ran into the following headline at Scout.com's Lions site, Roar Report.

Analysis: Johnson Coming to Detroit to Start

As everything at Scout is pay to read, and I'm a cheap ass bastard who believes the internet should be free to all, not subscription based ($7.95 a month? You gotta be kiddin' me! I think I'm a well enough informed Lions fan without having to pay for Scout's regurgitated info), I couldn't read why they came to this conclusion. All I know is the preview lede...

Lions fans, forget what you've seen from Kevin Smith. Rudi Johnson didn't cancel his appointments across the league on Monday so that he could sit behind a rookie running back.

It's not much, but it's more than enough to raise a red flag.

Think about that for a second. Really think about it. I bet you came to the same conclusion as I did. It makes no fucking sense.

In 2007 Johnson was a productive as Notre Dame's Rudy than the Bengals' Rudi who ran for 1400 yards a season from '04-'07. But as we are talking about the Lions, run by a head coach who has an outright fetish for veteran players, it wouldn't surprise me in the least.

The Matt Millen era in a nutshell

It also means the Lions' top 3 draft picks would be backups. On most any other team in the NFL, the top 2 or 3 draft picks should be expected to start. It's especially true when those players were drafted at positions the Lions have little or no depth, on a team that hasn't had a winning season since 2000.

Gosder Cherilus is backing up George "What's The Snap Count?" Foster. Thanks to the Kool-Aid and cornbread coming from the coaching staff, and the MSM taking it as gospel, supposedly the Lions' dumbed down offense has cured Foster of his nasty habit of jumping the snap count faster than John McCain vetted Sarah Palin. Too bad dumbing down the offense hasn't given Foster the ability to actually block someone.

Jordon Dizon, whom we were told was the model Tampa Two (or as I'm seeing the Lions D called, Tampa Too) middle linebacker. Instead, he spent most of camp as the number 3 MLB, and is backing up the below average Paris Lenon. The next time Lenon makes a big time play, it'll be the first. He is what he is, a journeyman. But Lenon is a veteran, which makes him golden in the eyes of Marinelli.

As for my opinion of Rudi Johnson over Kevin Smith, just see the post below. But it bears repeating, the Bengals let go of Johnson in order to make the immortal (and former Wolverine) Chris Perry their starter. Yet Scout believes the Lions signed him to start? God, I hope the Lions aren't that damn stupid.

So here we are on the verge of a new NFL season, and if what Scout.com says is true, the Lions' draft netted them not one single solitary starting player. Even if they're wrong, and Smith is the starting RB Sunday, the draft only gave the Lions one top of the depth chart guy. That may change, but as of today, for a team lacking quality players at several positions, the Lions were unable to find them via the draft.

The Lions needed more than just a bunch of depth guys. They needed to find a few impact players, whcih we've yet to see. When you go by that metric, you have to consider the Lions' 2008 draft to be an epic fail.

Rudi! Rudi! Rudi! Wait a second...There's no reason to be excited

There's a new Rudi in town! (No, it's not one of my favorite MLB players from the 70's, Joe Rudi) Wait, there was never a Rudi in town. Anyway...

The Detroit Lions signed free agent running back Rudi Johnson yesterday, after his being released by the Cincinnati Bengals.

 Rudi! Rudi! Rudi! Oh, just stop it already...

If you listened to callers on The Fan and The Ticket, or held your nose long enough to wade into newspaper comment threads (I'm looking at you, Killer's acolytes at Mlive. Talk about mob rule, or the blind leading the blind...), you'd think the Lions just signed the next coming of Rudi Johnson...of 2005.

There's a reason Johnson was available on the waiver wire, folks. Johnson was AWFUL last season. He was a shadow of the back who averaged 1400 yards and 343 rushing attempts a season from 2004-06. In fact, his stats have been on a downward trend since his career year of '05. Even in '06, when Johnson ran for 1309 yards, he only averaged 3.8 YPC. That wasn't a good sign. Neither is his 340+ carry workload over those season, as backs only have so many in their bodies before they begin to breakdown.

The breakdown hit warp speed in 2007, as Johnson was just another guy, not a franchise back. He fell from 7th in the NFL in rushing to 49th, with 497 yards, and an alarming 2.9 YPC. Yes, he was hampered by a hamstring injury, as shown by his only appearing in 11 games. But that 2.9 YPC is an alarming stat.

After hobnobbing with the likes of Steven Jackson and Brian Westbrook in the 2006 stat book, Johnson was out rushed by the likes of of Adrian Peterson (not the Vikings' All-Pro, but the bad one with the Bears) and Najeh Davenport, who's better known for his hygiene practices (or lack thereof) than as a running back.

Is Johnson an upgrade over Tatum Bell, whom the Lions released last night? (And isn't the Dre' Bly trade looking better and better...for the Broncos?) Of course, but being an upgrade over Bell is faint praise, at best. Christ, most any running back in the NFL, AFL, NCAA, NAIA, and in the pickup game down on the corner sandlot, would have been an upgrade over Bell.

It's worth taking a flier on Johnson, as it didn't cost the Lions anything but money. (And not much money at that, as we all know the Lions are in cap Hell) The Lions are now a little better at a position that had absolutely no depth. But knowing Rod Marinelli's odd thought processes (11 defensive linemen? Leigh Bodden isn't starting? What the fuck?), my worry is Johnson will take carries away from Kevin Smith, who deserves to get the majority of carries this season. Now? I'm not so sure.

Before getting all excited over Rudi Johnson wearing the Honolulu blue and silver, just remember this...He was beat out by Chris Perry in Cincy. If that isn't a red flag as to what Johnson has left...