Thursday, September 18, 2008

Matt Millen speaks to the media, still delusional as ever

Matt Millen crawled out from underneath the rock he's been hinding since training camp started, and broke his season long silence by speaking to the media suring today's practice.

After reading what the dumb ass had to say, I wish Millen never would have spoken...

Mlive has transcribed much of what the bane of my existence said to the Lions beat guys. My thoughts follow...

On the state of the team:

Millen: "I believe in the guy I hired (head coach Rod Marinelli) and I believe in the staff we put together and I believe in the players we have on the field. If you want to point a finger at anybody for that stuff, it's on me. I'm fine with that because I believe in what's out there."

Big Al: Millen also believes in the stability of the US financial markets, underpants gnomes, "The Office" is a "for reals" documentary, Britney Spears is talented, the New Kids on the Block reunion was a good idea, Rod Marinelli knows what he's doing, Cedric Benson was worth working out and is totally confused by the fact Goofy walks upright and can speak proper English, while Pluto, apparently of the same species, acts like a "for reals" dog.

So given those examples, of course Millen still believes in Marinelli's staff and the roster they've put together. Morons have beliefs too.

By the way, I'll give you one guess at to just what finger I'm using to point at Millen...


In retrospect, did you have too much confidence in the ability of the defensive players:

Millen: "Do what you're coached to do and play to your capability and we'll be fine. I still believe that and that's not going to change."

Big Al: They'll be fine?! FINE?! Millen and his oh so crazy beliefs!

If you go by the overall record since Marinelli became head coach, then you have to think Millen is beyond clueless. I believe the coaching must be awful, and no one is playing to their capabilities. Why? The Lions are 0-2 this season, and 12-24 overall, since Marinelli took over. Nothing has, or is going to, change.


About irate fans after the team's 0-2 start:

"I guess I wouldn't be surprised, I really haven't thought about it. I'm more concerned with this (pointing to the workout) than any other part.

"That's why I wasn't going to say anything in the preseason - come out and look for yourself. You'll like what you see because what you're seeing is the foundation that you have to have in any successful program. It's the way things are being done, the practice habits, all of that stuff. That hasn't left."

Big Al: If Millen EVER thought about the fans, had our best interests at heart, he would have resigned 4 years ago. In his case, ignorance is bliss.

To be honest, instead of pointing to the workout, I'm surprised Millen didn't point to his wallet. Why else would the square headed, porn 'stached moronic goon continue to shrug off the heaping amounts of abuse he takes from the fans and media? No one in their right mind would stay for so long, in a job they are so inept at, unless the massive piles of money made it worth the grief. Millen has to be laughing all the way to the bank.

What fucking foundation? The foundation is made of SAND! The team Millen and Marinelli have put together is one of the least talented, and even worse, one of the OLDEST, in the NFL!

If Millen considers the current Lions' clusterfuck a successful program, I'm scared to death to find out what he would consider an unsuccessful program. He's the type who would say an 0-16 season is only a speed bump on the way to respectability.


Has it taken too long to build that foundation?

"Since I've been here, sure. Obviously. Like I said earlier, I'm the one who hired the guy and I believe in him 100 percent, I believe in him now more than I ever have. That guy is exactly what you need.''

Big Al: I'm...I'm...Uh...WHAT? Holy Mother of God, Millen can't believe the bullshit he's spewing here...Can he?

How can anyone with even a few firing synapses left in their pea brains believe in Marinelli more than EVER? Does Millen even watch the fucking games?! Has he ever looked at the record? How about the scoreboard?

What a condescending asshole.



"Because he's consistent. You see that and it's not changing. He's a straight line. He'll do what he believes is the right thing to do and what he's doing is the right way. The players we picked we did for a reason, the same reasons still exist. The staff is in place for the same exact reason.

"That's why I'm fine with it. What we're doing is the right thing to do.''

Big Al: I actually agree with the porn 'stached goon. Really! Consistent and not changing? Damn straight. Consistently losing, and I don't see it ever changing.

As for the reasons Marinelli picked his players? I have a pretty good idea what they were...

  • They played for Tampa Bay.
  • They were drafted by Tampa Bay.
  • They once worked out for Tampa Bay.
  • They happened to travel through Tampa Bay.
  • They have flown over Tampa Bay.
  • They can point out Tampa Bay on a map.


Have you talked to owner William Clay Ford:

"Yeah, sure, all the time. You'd have to talk to him, but here's my take - he has high expectations. When you have high expectations, you also get frustrated, too, and there are answers you want, too."

I'm sure Millen talks to Ford often, and tells him exactly what he wants to hear.

  • Sure thing, Mr. Ford. The team is making money.
  • God's honest truth! We're winning, and winning big.
  • No Mr. Ford, you can't watch. I'm telling you all you need to know, anyway.
  • Would I lie?
  • Did you hear the one about the Pope, the President and Bin Laden? They all walk into a whorehouse...


Is he getting the same answers as the media, that the foundation is there?

Millen: "There's a little more detail. He asks all the right questions."

Big Al: I happen to have a list of the detailed questions the octogenarian Ford has asked Millen recently:

  • Who are you?
  • Do I know you?
  • Who am I?
  • Where am I?
  • Huh?
  • I really own a football team?
  • What's football?
  • Who are you again?
  • What?
  • Can you change my diaper?
  • Could you empty my drool cup too?
  • You want me to sign you to ANOTHER contract?
  • What's a contract?
  • Can I go back to sleep now?

Hey, senility is the only reason which would explain why Millen is still employed...


By the way, the banging noise you've heard is me beating my head against my desktop in frustration. It also helps me to forget why I remain a fan of the Detroit Lions.


My conclusion? We're doomed.



  1. Matt Millen gives the dreaded "vote of confidence" to Rod Marinelli..but unlike when other GM's give it to their coach, idiot Millen really means it.

  2. Glad you explained the banging - I was wondering if it was gunshots and you were trying to get Millen to dance. :)

  3. A, that's a scary thought. You're right, normally a show of confidence is the beginning of the end. Not in this case.

    Anon, I LOL'ed! Thanks!

  4. Doomed, hopeless, but weirdly entertaining. At least this time, the Lions didn't pull one of their patented 4-2 starts that generates false optimism and ticket sales. No, your 2008 Lions sucked right out of the gate. What a relief: no suspense, no worries, no dashed hopes or faded dreams. Just good ol' suckiness! That's consistency you can believe in.