Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Put away the pitchforks and torches, people. Cedric Benson is NOT a Lion

Calm down everyone. The Lions are NOT signing a running back. I repeat, the Lions are NOT signing a running back...Not yet, anyway. I'm sure you've heard by now, and lowered your own defenses, but here's what the Freep had to say...

Benson visited the Lions on Tuesday along with former NFL most valuable player Shaun Alexander and Vernand Morency. But the Lions were just looking at running backs in case they need one in the future.

The Lions often do their homework on free agents on Tuesday, the players' off day.

Between you and me, when reports claiming the Detroit Lions were on the verge of signing a running back were running rampant, specifically the bust known as Cedric Benson, I was ready to raise the Lions Alert Level.

I know what your next question is going to be? Not "There's a Lions Alert Level?"  I'm sure you were going to ask, "Raise it to what, dumbass?"

Pray the Lions Alert Level NEVER reaches Rush's "Moving Pictures."

As someone who believes deeply in the Phil Ken Sebben alert system, I was on the verge of raising the Lions Alert Level from "Blackwatch Plaid" to the cover of Rush's seminal album "Moving Pictures." But as it turned out, there's no need. So we're back to "Blackwatch Plaid." (Hey, the Lions are 0-2, and sinking. I have to keep the alert level heightened!)

If you see this, it means the Lions didn't screw the pooch...

There you have it. They were window shopping, doing their due diligence. No running backs will be joining the Lions' roster today.

Phil Ken Sebben would be relieved. I know I am.

Ha HA! Loins...I mean, Lions!


  1. I'm far to lazy to search for it, so do you have a listing of all the Lion's alert levels somewhere?

  2. "Homework" and "Lions" in the same sentence makes Paavo giggle.

  3. Watch the episode "Blackwatch Plaid" of Harvey Birdman for the rest, Dr. Huxtable.

    An unexpected Harvey Birdman reference always puts a spring in my step.