Why do the Tigers hate me so?

I was in a good mood, till I read this...

Outfielder Timo Perez has elected to remain with the Tigers, by signing a one-year major-league contract worth a maximum of $525,000.

The deal is similar in structure to those signed by Detroit infielder Ramon Santiago and relief pitcher Francisco Cruceta earlier this off-season. It includes a partial guarantee – $150,000, in Perez’s case – and a spot on the 40-man roster.

I thought that was it for Timo Perez in Detroit when the Tigers DFA'ed him a few weeks ago. Well...Shit.

I think Dave Dombrowski signed Timo just to piss me off!

Come on Tigers, you know that Timo's hot bat in September was nothing more than a mirage. He's never hit that well in his entire life, and I think I'm safe in saying he'll never hit that well again.

It's bad enough they signed the man Rod Allen calls "TEE-MO!," but to give him a big league deal? That means he's in the mix to make the opening day roster! Could this also mean that Marcus Thames may not be offered arbitration, allowing him to walk, opening a spot for...GACK...Timo? Well...Double shit.

Give me Thames' immense power coming off the bench over Timo's Punch and Judy hitting ass every time. Because we all know if Timo is on the 25 man roster, Jim Leyland is going to give him waaaay too many at bats. The Marlboro Man is funny that way.

The only other reason I can come up with for Timo's signing is the Tigers have a "Perez rule" somewhere in their team charter...

Paragraph 34, subsection D, addendum 3T - The Detroit Tigers must have a Perez on the roster at all times, or else!

There's only one positive to this news. With The Black Hole of Suck picking up his greenies, and going home, TWFE needs a new punching bag. Timo is it.