Sunday, December 09, 2007

Like lambs to a slaughter: 1st quarter Lions - Cowboys thoughts

Shockingly, only because the Lions are involved, and it's not Thanksgiving, we join FOX A-listers Joe Buck and Troy Aikman from fabulous Ford Field in downtown Detroit. The Lions are 6-6, and sinking like the Titanic with a cargo of nothing but anvils, while the 'Boys are cruising along at 11-1. I expect them to be 12-1 in about 3 hours.

Obviously, FOX sent their A-listers to cover the Cowboys, the marquee team in the NFC, and I expect the broadcast to reflect that. It's gonna be a long, long day, folks... I could spew the usual inanities, "On any given Sunday," and "They don't play the game on paper," but would you believe them? I'd just be deluding myself. but there's a game ot play, and I'm going to blog the Hell out of it, even if it's a disaster in the making.

I'm warning you know, expect plenty of NSFW profanities...

The Lions will kick, and the 'Boys will start on the 25.

We see the inactives for the Leo's, Boss Baily has the flu, Roy Williams has the knee injury we saw happen last week, and Kalimba Edwards was sat as a coaching decision. They decided he sucks.

A run, and an incompletion, leave the Cowboys a 3rd and short. But Big Baby jumps offsides, and the mistakes start in earnest. 1st down, Cowboys. Fuck them damn Lions!

Runs by Barber and Jones give the Cowboys another 1st down, while Shaun Rogers limps off the field. Good Lord, he's out of God damn shape. FOX cuts to him on the bench, and he's breathing so heavily, you'd think he was a 5 pack a day smoker.

2 more Cowboys passes give them another 1st down! A Julius Jones run has them at the Lions 31. It's Jones again, losing 3, setting up a 3rd and 9. A stop would be nice...

Romo overthrows Sam Hurd, setting up a Dallas FG attempt from Nick Folk. He's wide left from 50! Lions dodge a bullet on the 1st drive. But is it just final reprieve before the actual execution?

The Lions will start at their own 40. A quick toss, Kitna to McDonald, gets 2. WHOOOOO!

WHAT? Kevin Jones RUNS up the git, and isn't brought down till he's at the Cowboys 43! Shitdamn! Alright, alright, alright!

Fuck, false start. Figures. 1st and 15 from the Dallas 48. Jones gets the 5 back on 1st down.

Kevin Jones is running wild, he picks his way for 10 more, 1st down Leo's at the 32!

TJ Duckett on the counter...He's clear of the line...WHAT THE FUCK?! HE'S GONE! Touchdown Lions! TD!TD!TD! Holy Mother of God, the Lions have the lead!

After the PAT, it's 7-0 Lions! I have a feeling this is just going to piss off Dallas, so let's not get carried away...

FOX tells us that Detroit had 63 yards rushing on that drive. That's 6 weeks worth of yards in Mike Martz's offense! Where's that part of the offense been over the past month? It being Martz, I fully expect nothing but passes from here on out.

After the kickoff, the 'Boys will start at their own 25.

Buck sounds stunned that the Lions lead, but he'll somehow carry on. Barber gets 5 on 1st down, here we go, another grind it out drive...

Romo is back to pass, Big Baby, with his big ass paw, bats the pass out of the air! 3rd and 5.

Romo's back again...BLITZ! Gerald Alexander with the safety blitz, and is untouched as he takes down Romo at the 14! nice defensive playcall! The Cowboys will punt.

Troy Walters takes the punt, and is thrown down HARD at the Detroit 39. You could see right away that did not look good, as his head hit the turf. Walters looks like he's out cold as FOX cuts to commercial... Let's think good thoughts...

As we come back, Walters is still down, but thank fucking God he's moving. Buck is using his "I'm a serious journalist" voice, as we go back to commercials.

We're back, and we see Walters walking off the field. Whew. I'd guess he's done for the day, as that hit has concussion written all over it.

Jones is stuffed for no gain on 1st down, but it's Kitna to McDonald on 2nd down, getting 15 yards, and a 1st down at the Dallas 48.

The Lions keep moving the ball, as a dump off to Jones gets 10! 1st down at the Dallas 38! Duckett gets 2 more, setting up 2nd and 8.

Kitna drops back, sees McHugh open for a 1st down...And he fucking drops it! Christ. 3rd and 8.

Kitna's back to throw again....He overthrows Calvin Johnson, but Furrey makes a diving catch, then crawls to for the 1st down...WOW! And it's a 15 yard personal foul on Dallas' Demarcus Ware, as he cheap shots Kitna, pile driving him to the turf well after the pass was thrown. That was an outright dirty fucking play!

2 Jones runs have the Lions 3rd and 3 from the Dallas 6. Kitna's back...It's McHugh, who hangs on to the ball this time, and gets the 1st down at the 2!

Jones is stacked up on1st down for no gain.

Play actions, as Jones dives into the pile, MCHUGH IS WIDE OPEN...And Kitna overthrows him. Fuck me, and fuck Kitna. Where is your GOD?!

On 3rd and goal, Kitna misfires on another pass. It would have been for naught, as the Lions were in an illegal formation.

Hanson drives the chip shot FG though, and it's, shockingly, 10-0 Detroit Lions with just 0:08 left in the 1st quarter.

Where in the God dam Hell has this Lions team been?

ARRRGH! Austin takes the kick for the Cowboys near the goal line, and the Lions special teams live up to their not very special reputation, as it's a 60 fucking yard return to end the quarter.

That was the best the Lions have looked in weeks, as the 1st quarter ends with the good guys leading, 10-0.

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