Sunday, December 02, 2007

An exercise in futility: 3rd quarter Lions - Vikings thoughts

The FOX doofs are deservedly dissing the Lions during halftime, wondering why in the HELL they picked the Lions to win. Good question.

Jimmie Johnson: "I'm never picking the Lions again!"

We Lions fans learned that lesson LONG ago, Mr. Hair Helmet.

Stockton tells us the Vikes set a team record with 35 1st half points. Fuck me real hard. I deserve it for rooting for this joke of team.

The Vikings will start at their 34, thanks to the Lions missing a tackle on the 20. Just wave the God damn white flag.

4 rushing yard for the Lions? Can we fire someone, anyone? Martz? Marinelli? Millen? Throw us a bone! DO SOMETHING!

I can hear Marinelli now... "We're gonna teach, we're gonna work, we're gonna pound the rock, the season's not over, we're moving on." How about winning a God damn game, rather than pissing away what was a sure playoff spot! Fuck the teaching!

After a Peterson run converts a 1st down, Jackson looks deep...Incomplete. 2nd and 10 at the Vikings 45.

Peterson is making it look easy, gets 10 more on a draw. 1st down at the Lions 45. Peterson is at 96 yards on the game.

Jackson with play action...RICE IS WIDE OPEN at the 22. No one was within 10 yards of him. Luckily, his momentum carried him out of bounds.

2 more Peterson runs leaves the Vikings 3rd and 1 at the 15. Make it 3rd and6 at the 20, after a false start is called on Jackson.

BLITZ! Jackson is hit as he throws, but drills Rice at the 13! 1st and 10 Vikings.

This is just fucking sad. Peterson has a huge hole, Kennoy Kennedy comes up to stuff him. Peterson jukes, and makes Kennedy look absolutely silly, as he just waves weakly while Peterson goes by totally untouched. Talk about getting posterized...

TD Peterson. 42-10 Vikings.

Lions are are, for lack of a better word, a fucking joke. This game has turned into a laugher.

The Lions will start at their 29 after another meh Cason return.

Jones takes a short Kitna pass, gets 5. 2nd and 5. TV TO. As we cut to commercial, Stockton tells us Williams is not on the field. At this point, with the game already over, why risk his making the knee injury worse?

As we come back, turns out Roy is in street clothes. Wonderful. Fucking wonderful.

Kitna is back to pass...And is snowed under at the 25. The sack leaves the Lions a 3rd and 14.

Kitna's 3rd down pass is close to no one in particular, falls incomplete. 4th down. Lions will punt...Again.

Harris punt is out of bounds at the Vikes 25. The only 2 Lions playing well? The kickers, Harris and Hanson. That says it all...

Taylor on a stretch play right is stopped for no gain. I doubt we see Peterson from here on out. Not that Taylor is a bad option, he's better than anyone on the Lions. Then again, how would we know, considering the Lions run the ball 3 times a game.

Jackson to Wade gets 20 more yards. Taylor stuffed on a run. Lions still blow.

2nd and 9 at the Vikes 45. Make that 2nd and 4, Cody is offsides. Christ.

Jesus, Jackson to Rice on another slant. Ball at the Lions 40. Typical Lions, allowing an awful QB to play like Johnny Fucking U.

Taylor gets 5 more up the gut. He's got to be getting close to 100 yards on the day. Sure seems like it, but I stopped watching the stats quite a while ago.

Jackson completes ANOTHER pass, hitting the FB for a couple. 3rd and 3 at the Lions 34.

The Lions FINALLY get a stop, incomplete pass. 4th and 3, here comes Ryan Longwell for a 52 yard FG attempt.

FUCK! Vikes run a FAKE?! Dugan takes a shovel pass from the holder, and the backup TE rumbles to the Lions 6. They are just rubbing it in, shades of Bill Belicheck.

On 2nd and goal, Taylor rolls right...Halfback pass! It's incomplete.... I tune in the Lions radio guys, and color guy Jim Brandstatter is having a fit! "They'll remember these plays!" Fuck that, I don't blame the Vikings a bit.

Jackson rolls right, Travis Fisher with the pick. Too fucking little, too fucking late.

Brandstatter is still going off about running up the score, though the Fisher pick, and a pair of Kitna completions that have the Lions at their own 38, and 3rd and 5.

Kitna's back. tosses the ball to Furrey, gets the 1st down at the 46...Goes down...And tosses the ball away...NO WHISTLE! Vikes pick it up, take off down the field, and knocked out of bounds at the Lions 6. This is just embarrassing.

There's the challenge from Marinelli, as replays show that Furry was touched by a Viking foot.

Brnadstatter is STILL going off on the radio! "I'M MAD!"

To his credit, Dan Miller is saying the fans should be mad for such an awful performance. It doesn't calm down the homer that is Brandstatter, you can actually hear the steam coming out of his ears over the radio...

After what seemed like 20 minutes, Furrey is ruled down by contact, Lions ball. Christ, that took forever! On the radio, Miller is going off on the refs for taking so long. I think the years of calling Lions games has sent them over the edge...

And after all that bullshit, the clock runs out on the 3rd quarter. 42-10, Vikings are steamrolling the Lions.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Please tell me you're making this shit up.

  3. I wish I was, GTW, I wish I was... The "performance" we saw today is the sort that gets coaches fired...If he's coaching a team other than the Lions.

  4. How the hell does this happen? I understand that the Puddys are a September team (when they're a team at all), but they were actually getting it done for a while. They looked vaguely like an NFL team. Now, they look like the Washington Generals or something.

    Well, maybe we can get Jake Long in the draft. That'll fill one hole. Unless he turns out like another UM tackle who shall remain nameless.