Thursday, November 22, 2007

BRETT FAVRE'S TOUCH CAN CURE CANCER: 1st quarter Lions - Packers thoughts

If you watched any of the FOX pregame show, today's game is all about Brett Favre. You wouldn't have known that any other team was playing today. Because no single team is the equal of Brett Favre, as he is...well, BRETT FAVRE, //sarcasm on// the greatest player in any sport, of any generation, the greatest ever. //sarcasm off//

You know why sports fans are disgusted with the MSM? It's due to their blatant hero worship of players like Favre. They ignore all else, which allows them to create game storylines that revolves solely around 1 player, today's being Favrve's turn to be fluffed to full stiffness.

Fuck Brett Favre. Fuck FOX. Fuck the MSM.

Now that I have spewed my MSM bile, and is out of the way, let's watch some Turkey Day football in downtown Detroit. We join the FOX A-list team of Joe Buck and Troy Aikman at that gem of a dome, Ford Field.

After some American Idol chick (It is FOX doing the broadcast after all, I'd expect nothing less than complete corporate synergy) sings the national anthem, it's time for BRETT FAV...Uh, time for Lions vs Packers.

The Packers will kick to the Lions. As the awful Aveion Cason is the Lions returner, I'll say he gets to the 17 yard line. I was close, he's down at the 19 yard line...

To the surprise of everyone, the Lions start with a Kevin Jones off tackle run! Mike Martz is a genius! It gets all of a yard. But the 2nd Jones carry is good for 13 yards, and a 1st down. I now expect 10 consecutive passes.

The Jones show continues, as a screen pass goes for another 1st down! Lions are moving the ball!

There's a flag, and it's not a George Foster false start! He's on the bench, thank God for small favors. The Pack are offsides! Brett Favre wouldn't commit a penalty, you know...

Yes! 2 TJ Duckett runs give the Leo's a 1st and 10 at the Pack 34. Then it's Duckett for 5 more. It's the bizarro Mike Martz making the playcalls!

Why in the HELL is Cason in the backfield!? His stuffed for a yard gain, 3rd and short.

We have a Calvin Johnson sighting! Kitna hits CJ for 10 yards and a 1st down! It truly is the bizarro Martz today.

Red Zone time! Bizarro Martz calls 2 more runs, which sets up a 3rd and 5 at the Pack 7.

Kitna has time...It's Shawn McDonald at the goal line! But there's a flag...FUCK! It's coming back, Raliola is called for a chop block. 15 yard personal fucking foul. God damn son of bitch Lions.

Of course, Kitna is sacked on 3rd and forever, so Jason Hanson will try to convert a FG from 47. Which he nails! The Lions lead, disappointingly, 3-0 over the BRETT FAVRES!

The Lions do their best to try and allow the Pack's return man to break the kickoff for a long run, but after many missed tackles, Williams is down at the 33.

YES! Farve makes a mistake? NEVER! But he's tripped up on the handoff, drops the ball on the turf as he's going down...LIONS RECOVER! 1st and 10 at the Pack 25!

Of course, it's not Favres' fault, according to the FOX mouthpieces, as he stumbled over a lineman's foot. Hey, he could have just gone down with the ball, but he tried to complete the handoff as he was going down. so be it, this is the sort of thing I saw from Favre for years at the Silverdome.

A Jones run gets 1. Kitna is looking for CJ in the end zone...ARRRGH. He just misses making a great catch... On 3rd and 9, Kitna just plain misfires, and overthrows Johnson on a slant. 4th down, here comes Hanson. 41 yard try, a chip shot for the Lions greatest kicker ever.

It's good, 6-0 Lions! But the Pack have the superhero at QB, so we'll see if it stands up.

The Pack will start at the 26. A slant is broken up, the Pack wants a flag. No call, 2nd down. Lions are fired up, Boss Bailey stuffs a run for no gain. Joe Buck is impressed...

Favre does his best Peyton Manning impersonation, furiously changing the play...It's all for naught, as a slant is stopped just short of the 1st. Farv...Uh...The Pack will have to punt! The Lions defense is playing damn well on the 1st 2 series.

The Lions will start at their 26 after the kick.

We have a shot of the Fords, with Ford Jr making threats to pull all Ford advertising if the NFL even thinks about moving the Thanksgiving Day game.

UGH! Kitna hits Johnson in stride crossing the middle...And it's dropped. GOD DAMN IT!

A short run called by the bizarro Martz gets a yard, but a Kitna hits McDonald for the 1st down!

It's a handoff to Jones...bounces it outside...He's off to the races...It's a Madden PS2 style spin move? HA! 23 yard gain for KJ!

Bizarro Martz is on a playcalling roll...It's Duckett following his blockers for 8 more yards. Lions at the Pack 32!

That was too damn close, a Kitna pass is tipped at the line, near pick...Falls incomplete. 3rd and 2 at the Favre 32.

FUCKFUCKFUCK! Kitna back to pass...Holds it....Holds it...Holds it...SACK. Lions will punt,Christ.

It's Woodson...He has a seam...STOP HIM! Alex Lewis saves the TD with a diving horese collar tackle!

ARRRGH, 34 yard retrun, ball at the Pack 46. God damn, the Lions special teams absolutely BLOW! I can't emphasize it enough, they suck with the strength of a black hole!

But the Lions D stiffens, a short pass and 2 incompletions later, the Favres have to punt! Nice...

The Lions will start at the 20 after a touchback,

It's Jones off tackle for a couple, and that's the 1st quarter.

Lions lead the Favres, 6-0. It should be a bigger lead though...


  1. Kitna looks about as effective as using a sandwich bag and twist-tie in lieu of a condom.

  2. Did I mention how much I fucking hate Scruffy?That fumble on the first play from scrimmage was pure enjoyment for me.Farve should hit the pill bottle again.