Wednesday, October 24, 2007

TWFE's World Series predcitions

If you ask a non-baseball fan who's playing in the World Series, they'll say, "The Red Sox and Yankees, right? I do watch a little ESPN, you know!"

If you ask a non-baseball fan about the "Colorado Rockies," and they'll say, "Isn't that the team that guy who's in the Circuit City ads with Mike Ditka played for?"

Tim McCarver will continually pull imaginary "Facts" out of his ass.

The blogosphere will call McCarver out over every one of said "Facts," raking him over the proverbial coals.

McCarver will call Matt Holliday "Underrated" at least twice a game.

After a liner off the left field wall goes for only a single, McCarver will blurt, "Manny Ramirez plays the Green Monster as well as Yaz did!"

McCarver will use "Big Papi" and "Clutch" in the same sentence any time David Ortiz is at the plate from the 7th inning on.

The MSM will say McCarver is "Great!"

Joe Buck will sound irritatingly smug.

The state of Colorado will be fed up with all the "Red Sox Nation" talk halfway through game 1.

The rest of the nation be fed up with hearing about the "Red Sox Nation" by the end of game 3.

David Ortiz will not start any of the games in Denver. Thus, the next day every columnist in the nation will bemoan the fact that MLB never gotten the 2 leagues to agree on the DH rule.

Manny Ramirez will hit a home run, pose for pictures at the plate, then take 5 minutes to round the bases. McCarver will growl, "That would never happen when I played!" He'll then claim Bob Gibson would "Make him think twice about doing that again" the next time Manny's at the plate.

Bill Simmons will write 25,000 words about the Red Sox over the next 2 weeks, and make 22 "This is our country" jokes. If it somehow happens (A possibility, if weather delays cause a game 7 to be played on November 4th) that the BoSox win the Series, and the Patriots beat the Colts on the the same day, his head will explode in an orgasmic fervor.

The umpires will butcher at least one call so badly that it costs someone a win. There will be a mass call for instant replay in MLB the next day.

There will be an arrest for an attempt on the life of Dane Cook. The wannabe killer will say in his defense, "FOX played one Dane Cook "October" commercial too many. Something had to be done!"

2 games will end after 1:00 AM EDT.

The day after the first extremely late finish, every columnist in America will write something about kids not being able to watch the games.

At least 1 game will be played in below freezing weather.

1 game will be snowed out.

Josh Beckett will win 2 games, be voted World Series MVP.

BoSox win in 6.


  1. As a loyal reader of both you and Bill Simmons,I really think you should email him that paragraph you wrote. You may get some national attention for the Wayne Fontes Experience, and it would be damn funny.

  2. Nah, Simmons would never acknowledge a sports blog having anything funny to say.

    Also according to ESPN, it's no longer "Red Sox Nation", but simply "The Nation".

  3. Is it possible that someone will finally tell the butt-heads of "Red Sox Nation" and the WorldWide Leader and Buck and McCarver to get over themselves?

  4. My boss already made the "kids can't watch!" remark, and we're on the freaking west coast here. So, actually, even his kid who is all of 6 could watch the part of last night's game that was competitive since that was, uh, possibly the first three innings? Which started at 5:35 for us.