Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Detroit Tigers - Texas Rangers kinda sorta live blog, game 2

I'm back for game 2 (Game 1 snarkage is here) for the Detroit - Texas doubleheader, and it's getting to be desperate times for the Tigers. Even the normally stalwart Mario Impemba just admitted as much, as Rod Allen's sidekick just said the Tigers need a win to stay in the wild card hunt.

Before we begin, the Tigers ask for a moment of silence in honor of the victims of 9/11.

A Miss Amber Grand sings the national anthem, and let's just say she has nice "Pipes."

Amber has nice "Pipes!" She can sing, too...

The Tigers are taking their good old time getting the game started, the 1st pitch is still 5 minutes out, as of 7:10, according to Rod and Mario. Hey, just more time for the Detroit blogging elite to get their swerve on tonight. I'd love to be there, made it last year, but here I am... So be it.

Jiar Jurrjens is on the mound, and a former Tiger, the Cat, leads off for the bad guys... Catalanatto with a flare to left that drops in front of TEE-MO!!! Off to a wonderful start, I see. I blame the Detroit blogging elite in attendance tonight. I bet it was their fault the game started 10 minutes late too! //shakes fist at the blogging gods, cursing them that I'm not there!//

After a short pop caught by Ordonez in right, Michael Young lines a shot off the wall in left...For a single? Yes, a single. Who does Young think he is, Jason Thompson? Anyway, Rangers on 1st and 3rd, 1 out. This game is sucking already...

Marlon "Who?" Byrd, who dominated Tigers pitching in game 1 is hitting cleanup again, and hits a liner to Ordonez on a 3-2 count. The Cat scores, mark a sac fly for "Who?"for those scoring at home, and it's 1-0 Rangers. Shit.

Brad Wilkerson to the plate, and strikes out swinging on a 2-2 count. Jurrjens pitches out of trouble, but the Tigers are in an early hole again. 1-0 Rangers after 1/2 inning. For what it's worth, no score in the Yankees game, and the Tribe starts in an hour.

Brandon McCarthy on the mound, Curtis Granderson leading off. Rod says McCarthy has a "Good metabolism," thanks to being 6'7' and 200 lbs. The kid could use a couple of pounds, he's built closer to Manute Bol than David Wells.

Granderson works a 3-2 count, and gets the base on balls. Polanco at the plate, Leyland has the #1 lineup in tonight.

Granderson steals 2nd, without a throw! He's now 21-22 in stolen bases. I don't think we'll truly realize how good a season Granderson is having till we have time to look back and see how freakish he stats really are...

Placidome works a 3-2 count, then flies to center. 1 on, 1 out.

The slumping Gary Sheffield up. Mario informs us he's 0-25 since coming off the DL. He's still hurt, it's damn obvious...Granderson steals 3rd! Gets in just under the tag. Grandy is a GOD in spikes!

We now see highlights of a healthy Sheff destroying Texas pitching. He immediately drives a liner to center for a single, and God Granderson scores! 1-1 game!

The AL MVP is up. Rod informs us, well, I should say informs those who lack basic math skills, that Maggs' average won't go up or down much as he has "So many at bats." Duh, okey dokey, Rod...

Sheff gets a massive lead, and steals 2nd easily! I'm still amazed by how good an all around ballplayer Sheff is, even at pushing 40.

In the meantime, McCarthy has his 3rd 3-2 count, and on pitch 7, Maggs yanks it to left for a single, and his 129th RBI! The AL MVP does it again. 2-1 Tigers, still only 1 out.

Carlos Guillen to the plate, and Texas as relievers warming up. Mario and Rod wonder if McCarthy can get out of this inning, as he is on a strict pitch count. Guillen gets underneath one, and flies out the right. 2 out.

Pudge is up, seemingly recovered from his dizzy spell. Rod and Mario praise Pudge's work ethic. Whatever, I'd prefer that he just continue to hit. Amazingly enough, Pudge keeps the bat on his shoulder, and works another deep count, 3-2. That the 4th 3-2 count for McCarthy in this inning! Patience is virtue, even to Pudge...

Patient Pudge with the a liner down the left field line! Maggs scores, score Pudge a double. McCarthy is toast, and will be pulled. 3-1 Tigers.

Jamey Wright in to face the Tigers' Mr. Excitement, TEE-MO Perez! Rod says, "He's havin' fun!" Well of course, he's Mr. Excitement! Unfortunately, a dribbler to 1st by Mr. Excitement ends the inning. 3-1 good guys after 1 inning.

Mario: "It's incumbent on the young man (Jurrjens) to have a good inning!" The "Young man" is off to a good start by shattering Sammy Sosa's bat, grounding out to Ramon Santiago. Poor Rod was worried sick about the bat hitting Santiago!

Rod: "That young man (Santiago) has not made an error since 2005!!!" Rod is fired up tonight!

Jurrjens gets the 2nd out on a can of corn to left, and the 3rd on a dribbler to Inge, a play he fucked up horribly in game 1. Easy inning for the "Young man," as Mario hoped. No, DEMANDED! 3-1 Tigers, middle of the 2nd.

Inge is leading off, and runs another full count from a Rangers pitcher. Inge works a walk...

Santiago is going to bunt, and has squared around on the 1st 2 pitches. Rod goes on and on about signs... Perfect sac bunt from Santiago, Inge strolls to 2nd, with Granderson coming up.

Quick 0-2 count on Granderson, and while Mario continues singing the praises over Grandy, it's a pop fly to center for the 2nd out. That brings the large headed one to the plate with Inge still in scoring position.

Shit! Mario lets us know that it's 3-0 Yankees over the Blue Jays! Shit! Shit! shit!

In the meantime Inge takes 3rd on a wild pitch. The Great Gazoo then hits a dribbler in the hole, Jerry Harrison Jr. makes the diving stop, but the Dome beats it out! Inge scores easily, 4-1 Tigers! WHOOO! Oh yeah, the Yanks are winning. Fuck me...

Sheff K's swinging, and that's it for the good guys, who lead 4-1 after 2.

Guillen (Playing 1st tonight) flags down a foul pop from the number 9 hitter to start the 3rd, bringing up the Cat! The Cat has been missed by this Tigers fan. Despite the mist of my tears, the Cat grounds easily to 1st, an unassisted putout for Guillen, for those of you scoring at home. Does anyone keep score at home anymore? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

The number 2 hitter, Kinsler, keeps the inning alive with a single to left. Young is up, who did his Jason Thompson "Gets a single on a liner off the right field wall" imitation in the 1st. A 1 hopper to the "Young man" on the mound ends the inning, 1-3. Middle of 3, and it's still 4-1 Detroit!

We have the AL MVP leading off for the Tigers, and he hits a SHOT to center, but it's directly at the center fielder for the 1st out. Maggs is hitting EVERYTHING hard, even his outs.

Mario lets us know that's it's now 4-2, Yankees. Fuck the fucking Yankees! Damn Yankees...

The Tigers' future 1st baseman Guillen strikes out, swinging. Mario says he's just happy to be calling meaningful games in September. Me too, Mario, me too...

The impatient one is at the plate, and while Rod and Mario marvel over Andy Van Slyke's physique while coaching 1st (Why? I have no fucking idea!) , Pudge lines a single to left.

It's TEE-MO!!! time, and he finds the hole on the right side for a single, Pudge to 3rd. That's the 4th hit of the day fro TEE-MO!!! God damn, If keep ragging on him, and TEE-MO!!! keeps on hitting! Go figure!

Bah. Inge grounds weakly to SS, 6-4, ending the inning. 4-1 Tigers, end of 3.

Back from a phone call, and I see Jurrjens is zipping through the Rangers lineup. I spoke too quickly, Wilkerson draws a 1 out walk.

The HGH and 'roid riddled Sammy Sosa is at the plate, and Rod informs us that Sosa left the Cubs "On bad terms." Really? No shit? Come on, Rod, you're better than that...

The "Young man" gets out of the inning easily, as Sosa grounds into a tailor made 6-4-3 double play. 4-1 Tigers, middle 4. By the way, have I said fuck the Yankees yet? Well, to be safe...Fuck the Yankees!

Santiago leads off the bottom of the 4th, and he quickly strikes out. Very quickly.

Granderson at the plate, with a filthy uniform from sliding all over the diamond in the 1st inning. Damn, pop up to short left, 2 out. The Great Gazoo comes to the plate. ARRGH, liner to 2nd, caught for the 3rd out. A very quick 1-2-3 inning, 4-1 Detroit through 4.

Rod and Mario are marveling over the "Young man's" performance tonight. Hell, after the BP thrown by Durbin and Capellan in game 1, Jurrjens looks like Cy fucking Young!

No change in the Yankees game, and the Tribe are leading the White Sox, 1-0. Grrr.

A pop fly to short center is gathered in by Placidome, 2 out. By the way, Jurrjens just shattered another bat... Jerry Harriston Jr., son of one of the most hated players in Detroit history, who was a known Tiger killer, (I think you can figure out his name. If not, just ask Milt Wilcox) flies out to TEE-MO!!! After 4 1/2, still 4-1 good guys.

Sheffield leads off the 5th with a 4 pitch walk. Makes sense to walk the slumping Sheff to face the AL MVP... Rod: "Rawlings been taking care of him!" But Rod jinxes Maggs, as he hits into the easy 6-4-3 double play.

Guillen up, and batting from the left side. Liner to right for the single, as it starts to rain in the D. HA! Rain on the bloggers, just like it did last year!

Pudge nearly kills Young with a one hop shot to short, but he still manages to get the force. 4-1 Tigers, going into the 6th.

Hell, Jurrjens is done for the night. Oh, shit. It's Grilli... Yes, I'm aware he's pitching better recently, but it's still Grilli.

The Cat leads off against the gas can, and grounds meekly to 2nd. WHOO, White Sox tie the Indians, 1-1 in the 3rd!

Grill shatters another Texas bat, gets the 5-3 ground out. Young to plate, and he's quickly in a 0-2 hole. Shitfuck! Mario lets us know that the greasy, long haired juicer went deep with a grand slam that puts the Yankees up 8-2. Dammit!

At least Grilli gets the K to end the inning. still 4-1 for the home team, middle of the 6th.

WHOOO, it's TEE-MO!!! time. Routine 6-3 ground ball. Game's moving quickly now, been dominated by pitching for the past 4 innings.

Binge up, Binge out on a fly to right. Ramon Santigo up. He's gonna at least square around once, I know it. Figures, he swings away, missing badly. Aww Hell, Cleveland's up 3-1. Shitfuckdammit!

Santiago is an easy out on a nubber to the pitcher, 4-1 Tigers after 6.

Marlon "Who?" Byrd leads off the Rangers' 7th. Seay and Rodney are both warming up, as Grilli takes "Who?" to a 3-2 count. Steve Tasker's Helmet goes back, and catches a looper in short right for the 1st out of the inning.

Brad Wilkerson to the plate, and we have a beach ball delay! Beach ball on the field! I bet it's those damn bloggers causing trouble!

Wilkerson takes Grilli deep, but TEE-MO!!! runs it down for the 2nd out. Shoot, Sosa singles to center, 1 on, 2 out. Rod calls Sosa a "5-tool player?" Maybe before all the 'roids kicked in...

Shit, Grilli's in trouble, single to center by Cruz! Men on 1st and 2nd, still 2 out. Here comes the Marlboro Man, and that's it for Grilli. Leyland has the right hand up, so we will see Rodney.

First, we get the relive last night's drama of Joel Zumaya's torn fingernail, as we see the highlights. Or is it lowlights?

It's Gerald Laird facing Fernando Rodney. Sounds more like a political debate than a batter vs pitcher matchup. 1-2 count on Laird, and now Rodney shatters a bat, but the ball goes foul. Are the Rangers using balsa wood bats tonight?

That's more like it, Rodney blows Laird away with a mid-90's fastball! 4-1 Tigers, 7th inning stretch.

Time for more of Amber's "Pipes" as she sings "God Bless America."

Granderson, first pitch swinging, grounds out to Wilkerson. Lumpy just as quickly grounds out 4-3, 2 out. But Sheff heads to 1st, shooting off a look at Wright, as he gets plunked by a curve. And Ron Washington strolls to the mound to make a pitching change. Jamey Wright leaves, after doing a nice job bailing out the Rangers since entering the game in the 1st inning.

The righty sidewinder, Wes Littleton, is in to face the AL MVP. Maggs takes Littleton to deep right, but it stays in the park for out number 3. 4-1 Tigers after 7 full.

Hank Blalock, who hit a ball about 900 feet to dead center in game 1, is pinch hitting for Hariston to start the 8th. He's not so lucky this time, as Rodney gets Blalock on a can of corn to TEE-MO!!! 1 out.

The Cat comes to the plate to face 'Nando. A slight delay, as there is a plastic bag on the field that no one wants to grab. Finally a bat boy gets it, as Rod giggles uncontrollably... The bag is probably from one of those trouble making Tigers bloggers!

The Cat loops one to center for a single, then Rodney breaks another Rangers bat, but Kinsler's duck snort drops in front of the AL MVP, who didn't play the ball all that well. Shit, big time trouble brewing, especially with Young coming to the plate.

Not so fast, Inge converts a very nice 5-3 double play to get Rodney out of the inning! 4-1 good guys, middle of 8.

We see action in the Tigers' pen, the Rollercoaster is warming up. Guillen K's swinging, 1 out in the bottom of the 8th. This game has become a snoo

The impatient one is up, and rips a shot off the 3rd baseman's glove, base hit. Pudge drilled that ball, I think his slump is officially over. Vazquez took that ball off his wrist, half the Rangers' dugout seems to be checking him out. Christ, rub some dirt on it, and get the game moving!

It's TEE-MO!!! time! Time for a 4-6-3 double play, actually. 4-1 Tigers, after 8 full. Let's close out the game, and my day of live blogging. Do not blow this save, Jones! Don't fucking do it!

Buckle up, as it's white knuckle time! There's a save to be had, so here comes the Rollercoaster! Todd Jones is on the mound, and we'll see some smoke and mirrors game saving! That's it for TEE-MO!!! time as well, Brent Clevlen is now in left.

Rod: "Jones pitches to contact." I swear he says that every time Jones enters the game.

Jones get out number 1 on a grounder to Inge. Wilkerson is up, Jones is throwing strikes tonight, and quickly gets up on him, 1-2. Jones nearly K's Wilkerson on a 60 MPH curve, and finally gets him on a ground ball to Guillen. 2 out, no one on.

Sosa up, gets booed roundly by the Comerica faithful. 1st pitch swinging, Sosa pops up to Placido Polanco in short right! Tigers win, 4-1!

Game over! Unfortunately, the season's probably over as well...

With the fucking Yankees currently winning big over the Jays, the Tigers really needed a sweep today. Instead, thanks to some ugly pitching in game 1, the Tigers get a split, and basically tread water in the playoff race.

Well, it's been fun! But a man can take only so much of Rod and Mario, let alone Durbin and Capellan, and I've reached my fill for 1 day. I'm calling it a night. That's the story from TWFE HQ.


  1. A couple of things...Granderson is having a fabulous year. He's also 27, if I remember correctly. As Bill James opined and I researched several years ago, players generally have their best years at 27. Look at Al Kaline and Bobby Higginson for two examples--Al's was shortened by a freak injury and Higgy took rich under the Smith administration as a result of his big year. Still, if you're on the same list with Willie Mays you ain't doing bad. Second, Amber Grand--is that a porn star's name or what? And with those pipes she might have a leg up, so to speak, on that sort of career.

  2. Ms. Grand is indeed very talented.

    No, really - she can sing. What did you think I meant?