Sunday, September 14, 2008

Green Bay Packers at Detroit Lions: Final thoughts - That SUCKED

I try not to write my final thoughts about any Lions game till I've had a few hours to let my emotions simmer down a tad. Otherwise I'd post, in an insane rage, nothing but "FUCK THE LIONS," over and over and over, in 72 point font, till I blew up Blogger's servers.

Now that I've reached a mellow state again, I can sum up my thoughts about another FUCKING LIONS DEBACLE! I HATE THOSE GOD DAMN SON OF A BITC....Deep breaths, Al. Simmer down, blogger boy. It's only a game, it's only a game, it's only a game.

Christ, the Lions sure can harsh my mellow.

1. Jon Shitna Pickna Kitna put the FU in AWFUL today. His 4th quarter was as ugly as it gets with 3 picks, 2 returned for TD's. Overall, Kitna was only 50% on the day, ending with a QB rating of 58.6. I don't know how the NFL comes up with their convoluted beyond belief or common sense QB ratings, but bad is bad, and Kitna was B.A.D.D., BAD.


He wasn't the only reason the Lions lost, but he was a BIG reason why. The Evangelist is also one of the main reasons why the Lions find themselves where they are tonight, at the bottom of the standings with fans at the end of their ropes. All due to Rod Marinelli hitching himself to Kitna's backside, Hell or high water. When it comes to Mr. I'm Going To Heaven And You're Not, Marinelli's wearing blinders. Kitna's the guy, period.

Before the start of the season I thought Kitna might have a decent year because the Lions' offensive plan was to run the ball more, and not ask Kitna to do near as much as Mike Martz's offense demanded from him. With the Lions going down 21-0 in both games, that strategy has gone right out the proverbial window, and into the shitter. Kitna had to become the main focus of the Detroit offense, and win games with his arm. Asking Kitna to win games is like asking me to sing the praises of the the porn 'stached goon Matt Millen. It's not going to end well.

The hue and cry is going to come from the fanbase to bench the God Warrior, but I have to bring up the question those fans forget to ask. Replace Mr. It Was A Miracle with who, exactly? Dan Orlvosky is still untested after being in the NFL what seems like a decade. (Actually, it's 4 seasons) In very limited garbage time against the Packers, he didn't show much. He never has.

What about Drew Stanton? He's not healthy (HA! Stanton hasn't been injury free since elementary school), and he's not ready anyway. He's at least a year away, maybe more. The day the Lions moronically placed Stanton on the IR last season is a day they will long regret. Losing of year of football is never a good thing.

Hell, it's all moot. Changing QB's won't happen anytime soon, as it would mean the Lions would have given up on the season. Even though we may feel the season's over, I'm sure Millen and Marinelli don't. Not after 2 games. 2 ugly, embarrassing games.

One question was answered today. We know for sure who's the best QB in the NFC North. Jon Shitna Pickna Kitna = Old and busted. Aaron Rodgers = The new hotness.

2. As the losses begin to pile up (1-10 in their last 11 regular season games), you have to begin wondering about Marinelli's job status. His post-game pressers are becoming high drama, with the media pressing him for answers he doesn't have, and what answers Marinelli does give are dripping with anger and condescension.

 I'm a defensive guru! The master of the Tampa 2!  
Listen to me, dammit!

The honeymoon is over. Marinelli's now catching heat from all sides. The media, the fans, and ownership (that's not a given, though it should be). Unfortunately for Marinelli, there is no one else he can scapegoat. It's all on him. He canned his defensive coordinator after year 1, and his offensive counterpart after year 2. He's had talented players considered malcontents (Dre' Bly, Shaun Rogers) traded away, getting little in return, and brought in several former Buccaneers to preach the Marinelli way.

The result? A team with a 10-25 overall record, caught in salary cap Hell, one of the oldest rosters in the NFL with a league worst defense, and a fanbase ready to revolt (again). At this rate, I can't see how Marinelli gets another season. But when William Clay Ford is involved, for all we know, he's having an extension readied as I write this...

I can't wait to hear how Marinelli spins this loss in the Monday presser. People are fed up with hearing bullshit like "pounding the rock" and "we'll go back to work" after every loss. God forbid he goes on and on about tackling "angles" and "playing high" like last week. Marinelli sounds like a position coach in so far over his head he reverts to using the only thing he really knows, defensive jargon. It's all bullshit to me.

3. Despite all the pain, there were a couple of bright spots for the Lions.

Gosder Cherilus finally got to play, replacing George Foster after half time, and had an uneventful 2nd half. That a GOOD thing for an offensive lineman, as you can't say the same about the other tackles. Foster gave up a pair of sacks, and Jeff Backus had a pair of extremely untimely, drive killing, holding penalties.

Why it took the coaching staff halfway through the 2nd game of the season before they realized Cherilus was their best lineman is another one of those bizarre mysteries (Why Leigh Bodden wasn't starting last week, the disappearance of Jordon Dizon, their insistence on "rotating" inferior players into the lineup rather than keep their best players on the field) that never get answered.

There's only 2 of you to try and stop me? As if!

As for Calvin Johnson, there's aren't enough superlatives to describe his vast talent. His season has been no less than excellent. 2 games, 236 yards receiving, 2 TD's. Magatron is as close as there is to an unstoppable force in the NFL. If only he had someone like...say...Aaron Rogers throwing to him.

It's not stretching the truth to say Johnson alone carried the Lions to their short lived 4th quarter lead. The first 7 minutes of the 4th quarter were essentially the Calvin Johnson Show. Johnson wasn't perfect, as shown by his dropping a pass, but he was the best player on the field...for both teams.

We may finally have our Barry Sanders replacement. In other words, Calvin Johnson is our only reason to watch the Lions, even though they blow, and blow hard.

4. The Lions' claiming the Atlanta Falcons just may have been better than originally thought proved to be as lame as their performance against them. Tampa Bay soundly beat last week's one win wonders, 24-9.

The 2 Falcons who had career days against the Lions came back down to earth when facing a legitimate NFL team. No Sportscenter highlights this week...

Matt Ryan: 13-33-158-0 TD's, 2 INT, 29.6 rating.
Michael Turner: 13 carries, 43 yards, 1 catch, 6 yards.

I'd laugh if I weren't stifling back the tears...

It's official. It's confirmed. Stamp and date it. It's done. Book it. The Detroit Lions are the worst team in the NFL.

5. I'll have more tomorrow. Right now I'm fed up with everything Detroit Lions.


  1. They'll be "fighting" it out with the Rams for the first pick next draft.


  2. another lovely note - the lions have even had the most points scored against them out of the entire league....the rams have 78, the lions have 82. good times, good times.

  3. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 51 times...

  4. Even Screamin' A. Smith blasted Matt MaGoon today on First Take and on tape on First and Ten. When Screamin' A. gets on you, you must be toast. The only thing worse would be if Tim McCarver finally came out and blasted MaGoon.