Detroit Lions @ San Francisco 49ers: 1st quarter - Martz's revenge

We join Dick Stockton and Brian Baldinger from the City by the bay, where people leave their hearts. As usual, I'm live from my living room...for the 1st half, anyway.

From the Killer...


All four of the Detroit Lions defensive rookies are inactive for today's game. That includes linebacker Jordon Dizon (neck) and linemen Cliff Avril, Andre Fluellen and Landon Cohen.

On the flip side, not only are all three offensive rookies active for the game, but they're starting. They include right tackle Gosder Cherilus and running backs Kevin Smith and Jerome Felton.

 FOX  is busy pumping the "Martz wants REVENGE" plotline before the kickoff.

Some things never change...such as the Lions' special teams. Middleton takes the kickoff to the 16. PLEASE! FIRE! STAN! KWAN! NOW! TODAY! ASAP!

 Kitna scrambles for 6, and then we have our first flag. Cherilus false start. Christ, even the rookies are catching whatever George Foster has! Quarantine him, stat!

Wonderful, the Stick is having clock issues. The stoppages in play seem to help the Lions, as Kitna finds Roy Williams for 9 and a 1st down at the 30. At least they keep possession. Baby steps, people. Baby steps.

Kevin Smith, quoted in the fishwraps he was disappointed in his production, gets 4 yards on 2 carries. So much for that...

A 3rd down pass falls incomplete, as Baldy tells us Kitan had happy feet. Lions will punt.

A nice return for the Niners has them at their 37. Time for Martz TO GO FOR THE JUGULAR!

It's Lions' reject JT O'Sullivan under center, with Frank Gore behind him. I think it'll be JT for the blog, O'Sullivan is a PITA to type.

Martz is being sneaky, calling 2 rushes to start. Leaves them a 3rd and 6. That's 2 runs, his quota for a quarter with the Lions.

JT is back to pass, and the middle is wide open! He takes off, stumbles along, gets the 1st down, and is into Lions' territory.

Ooooo, JT misses a wide open receiver deep down the middle on 1st down. Martz is going to remember that for later in the game, ya think?

Well, what do you know! The Lions front 4 gets penetration on 3rd and short, stuffing Gore and forcing a punt. Wonders never cease.

But the Niners win the battle of field position, as Furrey fair catches the punt at the 10. So far, pertty quiet 1st quarter between a pair of teams realistically not going anywhere but down.

And we have ANOTHER false start, on Gaines, the TE. 2 drives, 2 flags. I guess that's the consistency Marinelli keeps talking about.

A Smith run sets up a 3rd and 8 at the 12. I'm almost missing Martz's offense. At least it wasn't boring.

KKitna is back to throw...SACK! BALL! Lions dodge a bullet, as the Lions recover at the 2. Kitna is still playing as if he's in quicksand. Heeeeee'ssss ssssllllooooowwww ttttoooo rrreeeaaaaccccttttt. Up to this point, the Lions offense is a no-show...

A nice Harris punt give the Niners the ball at the 50. They are winning the field position battle, let's see if the batshit insane Martz and his offense can take advantage.

Lions offsides on 1st down. So much for Marinelli's vaunted discipline. 3 flags so far.

Paris Lenon stops Gore on 1st down. That's likely the only time we'll hear Lenon's name today. Did I mention Dizon is inactive? Cause he is...Some draft, huh?

It's a 1st pown at the Lions 39...Gore has a hole on the left...HE"S OFF TO THE RACES! He's dragged down at the Lions 6. The Detroit defense has been a no-show aqs well. Shit.

A short run and incomplete pass leaves the Niners 3rd and goal at the 6. Need a stop, DAMMIT!

JT rolls right....Isaac Bruce is open in the corner of the end zone..Touchdown Niners! Fucking Lions.

I have a couple of questions. Isaac Bruce is still playing? And how does a 50 year old receiver get so open? 7-0 bad guys, and Mike Martz giggles maniacally.

The Lions return team barely gets the kickoff to the 15. It's comforting to know there's consistency in this world. FIRE KWAN!

Rudi Johnson is the backfield, and IS HIT AS SOON AS HE TOUCHES THE BALL! To rub salt in the wound, the Lions are called for an illegal formation. Rudi has to be wondering why on earth he signed a contract with the Lions. Hell, I'm wondering myself. He loses his luggage, and now any respect as a running back he may have had left.

Kitna rolls right on 3rd and long...Looks deep down the sidelines for Johnson...broken up. Lions will punt, again.

Niners take over at their 47, Stockon calls Nick Harris, the punter, the Lions most effective player. Quoted for truth. Word to your mother.

Niners with the...double reverse? It fools the Lions, as Battle takes the ball to the Lions 33! The Lions blow on both sides of the fucking ball.

It's JT to a long-haired hippy fullback, gets 12 and the 1st.

That's the 1st quarter, folks. The Lions must be jet lagged, as they are a step slow compared to the Niners. Or they could just blow goats.

7-0 Niners after 1 quarter. Bring the pain!