Wednesday, July 23, 2008

What could be more surprising than the emergence of Armando Galarraga?

Armando Galarraga continued to impress today against the hapless Royals, pitching 6 perfect innings, and going 7 full, in winning his 8th game of the season. Arrrrrrrrrrrmando (As Samara likes to call him, give or take a few R's) is now 8-4, with a 3.27 ERA. He leads Detroit's starters in ERA, is tied for the team lead in wins and looks for all the world to be on his way to becoming a long-term fixture in the Detroit rotation.

To say the performance of Galarraga has been one of 2008's biggest surprises is an understatement. But there could be Tigers news even more surprising than the emergence of Arrrrrrrrmando.

Such as...

Jim Leyland cuts back to 3 packs of smokes a day. (Hey, it could happen! Sure it will....and Kwame Kilpatrick will stop sleeping with any amd every woman he meets.)

Joel Zumaya gives up Guitar Hero, tats and keg stands. (Well, maybe not the keg stands.)

Fernando Rodney straightens his cap. (Throw a bone to the reactionary mouth-breathers who think it's not "respectful." They also think players wear their pants too long and their socks not high enough.)

Miguel Cabrera keeps his weight under two and a half bills. (Yeah, right. And Leyland will quit smoking altogether.)

Magglio Ordonez cuts his luxurious mane of  Samson-esque hair. (Chick Tiger fans would erupt in anger! There'd be tears! Mass protests! And even more tears!)

Placido Polanco's head stops growing. (I know, but it's so easy to joke about! It's like being pitched a big, large, giant, lumpy, Latino softball...OK, I'll stop now.)

Todd Jones has a 1-2-3 inning. (Never, ever going to happen. Hell, MI would freeze over first.)

Edgar Renteria becomes a productive player. (We miss you Jair, ooooooh yes we do...)

Brandon Inge keeps his mouth shut about his "situation" for more than a day. (Shaddap already. We might actually care if you got your BA above .220)

Kenny Rogers gets Mark Grudzielanek out. (OK, now that's really something that's NEVER, EVER gonna happen.)

Pudge Rodriguez takes a 4 pitch walk. (A man can dream, can't he? Ehh, it's more like a nightmare.)

Ryan Raburn gets to actually play. (I realize this is just wishful thinking.

Zach Miner is consistent. (By now you realize I'm pulling this never gonna happen stuff out my ass!)

And finally...

When asked for his opinion on...well...anything, Gary Sheffield doesn't go off an a 15 minute long daiatribe, and says "No comment." (Now I'm just being delusional!)


  1. I know it's hard to believe, but Jonesy has had TEN 1-2-3 innings this year.

  2. You're making that up MW32! Jones always allows baserunners!

    I know, I know, Jones does get 1-2-3 innings on occasion, but not often enough for anyone's taste. A man can dream about the Tigers having a closer who actually slams the damn door shut than allowing the opposition to constantly sneak thru the door, can't he?.