Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Kwame vs. Kwame: Winners and losers

There's now a pair of Kwame's in Detroit. One is an overpaid, lazy disappointment. The other...Hell, I'm talking about both Kwame's, the Pistons' Brown and the city of Detroit's Kilpatrick.

Let's break down the winners and losers in a battle between an underachieving and immature NBA center and an unethical and under indictment big city mayor.

Welcome to the Kwame vs.Kwame showdown!

Kwame Brown: Skipped college, entered the NBA out of high school. Showed flashes of brilliance early in his basketball career, then backslid to the point of being considered one of the biggest draft busts in NBA history.

Kwame Kilpatrick: Played football in college, then went into politics.Showed flashes of brilliance early in his political career, then backslid into a cesspool of corruption.

Loser: Kwame Brown. Brown has managed to enrage the fans in Washington DC, Los Angeles, Memphis, and soon, Detroit. Kilpatrick is 2 cities behind, though you could argue he has an entire state pissed at him.

KB: Somehow got Joe Dumars to sign him to a 2 year, $8 million contract to sit at the end of the bench. I can only guess there was some sort of blackmail involved.

KK: Stuck the already broke city of Detroit with a $9 million dollar lawsuit verdict after the courts agreed Kilpatrick tried to ruin the careers of 2 Detroit policemen who were investigating his antics.

Loser: The citizens of Detroit, as Brown is an anchor on the Pistons, and Kilpatrick's legal bills are skyrocketing thanks to his perjury indictments. The city may not be footing all of the bills, but no businessman in their right mind would even think about investing in the city. Maybe Brown, and his freshly minted $8 million, will...

KB: While a Laker, Brown was accused of rape during the 2006 playoffs, but was ultimately cleared of all charges.

KK: A serial adulterer, having hit on/slept with strippers, hookers, his chief of staff and any other woman within the Detroit city limits. Basically sleeps with everyone BUT his wife.

Loser: Women everywhere.

KB: Threw Ronny Turiaf's birthday cake at a fan.

KK: Involved in the "alleged" murder of a stripper at the mayoral mansion.

Loser: Tamara Greene.

KB: During a tight playoff series against the Chicago Bulls in 2005, Brown told the Washington Wizards he had a stomach virus, and was too ill to practice. Brown was later seen happily having dinner at a Chinese eatery. As it turns out, Brown lied to the Wizards, later claiming he was too pissed off at Gilbert Arenas to play. He was suspended for the remainder of the playoffs, then traded to LA soon after the season ended.

KK: Testified under oath he was not having an affiar with his chief of staff. Mounting evidence, including 14,000 text messages, says otherwise. A jury found Kilpatrick's testimony totally unbelievable, and awarded $9 million in damages to the 2 police officers he willingly slandered.

Loser: The truth.

KB: Was one of the centerpieces in one of the most lopsided trades in NBA history, as the Lakers traded Brown, several of benchwarmers and a couple of draft picks for All-Star Pau Gasol. The Lakers, led by Gasol, went on into the playoffs, while the Grizzlies spun into irrelevancy, finishing 22-60. The Grizz thought so little of their prize pickup, they let him walk in free agency. Memphis essentially traded Gasol for a couple of low 1st round picks.

KK: Arrested on assault charges when he shoved a police officer who was trying to serve a subpoena on his good friend, Bobby Ferguson. This is the same Bobby Ferguson who received preferential treatment and confidential information regarding his competition when bidding for city contracts.

Loser: Justice and fair play.

KB: Brown's draft day attire...

KK: Kilpatrick every day of the year...

Loser: Good taste.

I think the decision is clear. The loser in the battle of Kwame vs. Kwame is...You, me, everyone in Detroit and it's suburbs.

Buckle up folks, as it's going to be a bumpy ride.


  1. Good stuff, Al. This is why I keep coming back.

  2. You mean "Kwames," not "Kwame's."

    LOSER: Grammarians everywhere

  3. This is dumb

  4. why dont you write about sports for a change