Thursday, February 14, 2008

It's Valentine's Day...

...but I didn't get what I wanted. No, I'm not in a relationship right now, so I'm not talking about that sort of romantic Valentine's gift. Love is a battlefield, and all that... (Though a box of chocolates or a Vermont teddy bear would be nice)

I want a heart shaped box for Valentine's Day!

What would be the perfect Valentine for the Detroit sports blogger? More hits? That's cool, but not necessary. A giant flat screen TV? I'd die and go to Heaven, but let's be realistic, it's not happening. A keggerator? Nah, they are way cool, but I wouldn't drain a pony keg fast enough. A laptop? It's on the "get one someday" list, but I can survive just fine without it.

So, as a Detroit blogger and sports fan, other than the chocolates and teddy bear, just what do I want for Valentine's Day?

Matt Millen's moronic, unemployed head on a fucking platter.

For the senile old coot William Clay Ford, you know what I mean.

Miguel Cabrera to have a 1.000+ OPS.

Justin Verlander to win 20 games.

The Tigers bullpen to be decent. They don't have to be great, decent is just fine.

Rasheed Wallace named NBA Finals MVP. (Wouldn't that be FUN?)

Nick Lidstrom to win the Hart Trophy.

Dan Cleary to come back from his broken jaw without missing a beat.

Not a single wide receiver to be taken by the Lions in the NFL draft, or signed in free agency.

For Jim Leyland to never change.

Rod Marinelli to come up with a new platitude to replace "pound the rock."

Flip Saunders to not be out coached in the playoffs.

Mike Babcock to stop talking in circles.

Rich Rodriguez and WVU to both move the Hell on already.

Matt Millen's moronic, unemployed head on a fucking platter.

The Wings to kick some Ducks ass.

The Pistons to kick some Celtics ass.

The Tigers to kick everyone's ass.

The Lions not get their asses kicked.

Terrelle Pryor to sign a LOI. At this point, I really don't care where, even join forces with CheatyPants McSweaterVest, just fucking sign with someone already.

Tom Izzo to get Sparty's act together in time for the NCAA's.

Rob Parker to leave Detroit. I don't care about the destination, but the farther, the better.

Bernie Smilovitz to go with Parker.

Mitch Albom to give up writing about sports, and to join Parker and Smilovitz .

Matt Millen's moronic, unemployed head on a fucking platter.

I'd ask for more, but I'm no Valentines Day gift pig! But if I could have only one thing for my Valentine's Day gift? I'd want Matt Millen's moronic, unemployed head on a fucking platter.

You couples out there enjoy what's left of Valentine's Day, I'm going to drink my loneliness away. (I'm kidding, I'm going to watch Lost! Then I'll drink...)

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