Why all the fuss over "American Gladiators?" Oh yeah, I'm old...

I've read the mass hysteria that came over the blogosphere this weekend with the return of "American Gladiators." That hysteria made me feel God damn old...

As you might guess, I didn't watch the original incarnation, the version that it seems waaaay too many sports bloggers watched in their formative years. Personally, I was busy with other things. A job, a marriage, a house, drinking. You know, adult stuff. I wasn't in the AG demographic, thank God.

For example, at One More Dying Quail, I read that OMDQ learned who Larry Czonka was by watching AG. Fuck, am I that old? Christ, I watched Larry Czonka play for the Dolphins, in the WFL, and with the Giants. I thought his appearing on AG was the bottom of the barrel for a once great running back.

My only blurry memories of the original AG was that it was usually on Saturday mornings, when I was either working, or nursing a hangover. Often, I was doing both...

I figured I should see what the fuss was all about, so I tuned in to see what was up with the AG of the double aughts.

Coud this be any more phallic?
"Is that a giant Q-Tip, or are you just happy to see me?"

Hulk Hogan, another icon of an era I was too old/busy to embrace, was hosting. I guess he needs the extra cash to pay his dipshit moron of a son's legal bills. Hulk Hogan as host is a huge turnoff right there. He was an awful wrestler, a worse actor, and blows as a host. (Now BoBo Brazil, The Sheik? THOSE were wrestlers, not that cartoon shit of the WWF/E)

Hogan being on AG told me exactly the group NBC was targeting. You 20 and 30 somethings nostalgic for the 80's-90's. That ain't me...

As for Laila Ali? A total non-entity who was worse than Hogan. That's saying something!

Then I heard the beyond awful Van Earl Wright do the play by play. Jesus, that know nothing asswipe sucked so bad on Detroit TV and radio, he was run out of town on a rail over a decade ago. He was one of the original sports talk hosts when WDFN hit the airwaves in the mid 90's. Trust me, it was worse than you could imagine. Wright's joke of a mid-day show lasted less than a year on DFN.

That hack making a good living on the air in SoCal tells you all you need to know about sports and California. In other words, they don't give a shit about sports on the left coast...

As I was watching the Hell unfold, all I could think of was, "This is what the writers strike has brought upon society? We're fucking doomed."

I got my fill of the made for the lowest common denominator suckfest after 15 minutes or so. Watching Tulsa slap around Bowling Green on the 4 letter was less painful than American Gladiators. A root canal without anesthetic would be less painful than American Gladiators. A bullet to the brain...Well, you get the idea.

I hope to God you youngsters learned something last night. After watching the debacle that is American Gladiators unfold on NBC, you now know that the stuff you remember fondly from your childhood is best left in your memories. Because once you see it through adult eyes, you see just how bad it really was.