Sunday, December 16, 2007

The beginning of the end of the Detroit Lions season: 1st quarter Lions - Chargers thoughts

Here in SE MI the weather is absolutely brutal. There's close to a foot of snow on the ground, high winds, temps in the mid 20's. Unfortunately, it's going to get even worse, as the Lions will be appearing on our TV screens shortly.

We are watching live (I'm alive!) from Qualcomm Stadium in sunny Southern California! It's the Detroit Lions vs. the San Diego Chargers. We'll be hearing the play by play from FOX C-listers Sam Rosen and Tim Ryan, and the hair helmeted Chris Meyers on the sidelines.

The Bolts have everything to play for, a division title, and playoff spot, while the Lions have...Well, they have a game to play. The NFL says so.

Avieon Cason takes the kick for the Lions, and is de-cleated by Siler at the 28! OUCH! That'll leave a mark...

2 Kevin Jones runs get a whole 3 yards, and we have out first 3rd down conversion try. Kitna drills a pass to Calvin Johnson, but but bounces off his hands. Fucking figures. The Leo's will punt. Their MVP, Nick Harris, punts the ball out of bounds at the Bolts 37. That's one way to not worry about coverage!

A Tomlinson run and a short pass give SD a 1st down.

Holy SHIT! The Fish have beat the Ravens! No 0-16 this season! The Buccaneers' record stays safe for another season!

Another LT run, and a Chambers end around has the Bolts at the Lions' 27. It's already looking like it's gonna be a long day!

FOX 2 ALERT! "Snow is coming to an end in SE MI! Accumulations will be from 8-10"." No more snow! WHEE!

Fuck the Lions! LT takes a handoff, bounces left, and takes the ball 20 yards down the Lion 6. Yep, it's gonna be a fucking long afternoon. Where's my Anchor Steam? I may have to drink some to get through this game...

Aw, fuck. LT with an EASY score around left end. Cake. Just fucking cake. 42 yards for LT on that drive, he's going for big numbers today.

With the PAT, 7-0 Bolts lead. I'm getting a beer...

Damn, that Anchor Steam is good stuff. Back to the game.

Cason takes the kick, and is tripped up at the 20. Boy, sure didn't expect that... //rolls eyes//

It's a 1st down pass, and Kitna badly misses Jon Bradley. The 400 lb FB was wide open...More wide, than open, to be honest.

A Kitna to Owens pass gets 8, and Shaun McDoanald DROPS what would have been a 1st down catch on a crossing pattern. Harris will again punt, as Rod Marinelli dies a little more inside.

Harris shows his MVP skills by booming a punt that is downed at the SD 18. MVP! MVP!

DeWayne White jumps offsides! The comedy of errors continues! 1st and 5 Bolts.

Big run for Turner, 1st down at the 33. It's LT, and Shaun Rogers stacks him up for a yard. Rosen makes a snide comment that "Rogers is listed at 340," with emphasis on "listed."

I'm a Pulitzer Prize winner if Rogers is 340.

2 Rivers passes down the middle have the Bolts at the Lions 38. A false start moves them back 5, then 2 LT runs set up a 3rd and 6 at the Lions 33. Will the Lions get a stop?

Hell, no. Chris Chambers leaps over CB Ashanti-Deshanti-Avanti (Hell if I can spell it) Edwards, making a nice catch at the Lions 6!

HUH? Rod Marinelli throws a challenge flag? WORST CHALLENGE EVER! It was a clear catch. The Lions radio guys are blaming FOX for being slow on the replay, rather than bitching at Marinelli for blatantly wasting a time out.

And as we all knew would happen, play stands as called. Wonderful game management, Rod.

SHOCKING! LT loses 3 and 1st down, as the Lions string out the play. But DeVries gives it right back, jumping offsides on 2nd down. 2nd & goal from the 5.

Rivers misfires on a pass, 3rd and goal. Can the Lions save some sort of face?

Rivers is in the gun, throws...But Edwards breaks up the pass in the end zone. Bolts will kick the chip shot FG.

Nate Keading nails it from 22. 10-0 Bolts, with 3:06 left in the 1st quarter. I die a little more inside...

It's Cason from the 41 Wait for it...He's down at the 20. OX show us a shot of Rivers' naked legs. Hell, if you are going to show some leg...Screw it.

A Duckett run gets a yard... Kitna drops, looks for CJ...He gets BOTH hands on the ball...Ball goes thru BOTH hands...PICK! The Bolts return it all the way to the Lions' 17. Good coverage, but Kitna put it right in Megatron's hands. That pick is all on CJ. No, I'm not going to call him a bust...Yet.

A 1st down run goes for a yard. 2nd and 9.

Rivers looks for Gates in the end zone...He leaps..No catch! He bobbled it while going down! Bolts have a 3rd and 9 from the Lions 16. Time out SD.

Rives with the 3 step drop, it's a fade...FLAG! Interference on Edwards. 1st and goal Bolts on the Lions 2. Fucking wonderful. With LT on the field, this is a done deal.

It's LT of left tackle...Burrows thru a crease... Touchdown.

With the PAT, it's 17-0 Chargers! They are kicking the Lions' ass all over the field. The Lions look fucking done.

Cason takes the kick all the way to...The Lions 26. w00t!

That's going to be it for the running game, being down 17.

Kitna drops, finds McDonald st the 40! 1st down! Then it's Kitna to...What is Cason doing in the damn game?! Anyway, he's down at the 42.

Kitna with a quick pass to Furrey gets the 1st down near the 50.

And that's the 1st quarter, folks! Boy howdy, did that suck or what?

17-0 San Deigo after quarter number 1.

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