Marcus Thames or Chris Shelton, TWFE makes the call

There has been very little in the way of roster battles this spring with the Tigers. But there are a few worth watching, such as who will back up Sean Casey at 1st base?

Lets take a closer look at that the position battle that is...

Marcus Thames

vs.

Chris Shelton

Thames: Can play multiple positions, both corner outfield spots and 1st base, but none particularly well.
Shelton: Average defensively at 1st base. Was once a catcher in the Pirates organization, and we all know how well the Pirates do at making personnel decisions.
Winner: Shelton, as Thames plays defense at a Dr. Strangeglove level of awfulness.

Thames: Had a bad 2nd half of the 2006 season.
Shelton: Had a horrific last 3/4 of the 2006 season.
Winner: Thames. Even though his production declined, Thames still contributed in the post season. After his monster April, Shelton turned into Dr. Strangebat, known as a rally killer, and a double play waiting to happen.

Thames: Has prodigious amount of power.
Shelton: Has a prodigious amount of red hair.
Winner: Thames, who had a Ruthian AB/HR ratio in 2006. Still, red hair is a plus...

Thames: Hits for power, with a low average.
Shelton: Hits for average, with less power.
Winner: Thames, as Shelton hit for low average and no power after his insane April.

Thames: Named after a river.
Shelton: Has been compared to both E.T. and Sloth from "The Goonies."
Winner: Shelton, because everyone liked E.T. and Sloth.

Thames: 30 years old, may have maxed out his potential.
Shelton: 26 years old, has yet to reach his potential.
Winner: This season Thames, but the future could belong to the younger Shelton. Let's call it a draw.

Thames: Out of options, he cannot be sent down without being exposed to waivers, in which case Thames is sure to be picked up by another team.
Shelton: Still has a minor league option left.
Winner: The Tigers, as Shelton can be stashed in Toledo for another year.

Thames: Has an athletic build.
Shelton: Has the build of a ballplayer. That ballplayer being John Kruk.
Winner: Shelton, as John Kruk wasn't a half bad ballplayer. Even with an athletic build, Thames still can't play defense.

Thames: Traded by the Yankees to the Rangers for a washed up Ruben Sierra, who then released him. Was signed by the Tigers as a free agent.
Shelton: Left unprotected by the Pittsburgh Pirates, was then selected in the Rule V draft by the Tigers.
Winner: Thames, as it's always a good thing to stick it to the Yankees, even if it's once removed. Everyone just feels sorry for the Pirates, and giving up on Shelton was just one of numerous personnel gaffs made by Pittsburgh.

Thames: Has the potential to hit 35-40 home runs, if given 500 AB's.
Shelton: Has the potential to hit .300 with 100 RBI's, if given 500 AB's.
Winner: Let's call it a draw, as the perfect 1st baseman would be a mixture of the 2 players. Say Mark Teixeira of Texas?

The final tally:
Thames - 4
Shelton - 3
Draw - 2
Mark Teixeira - 1
Detroit Tigers - 1

Thus, by using my own unscientific method, TWFE endorses Marcus Thames to be the backup at 1st base for the Detroit Tigers.

Coming soon, TWFE answers the question that has all Tigers fans concerned. Who will be the 25th man on the roster? Ramon Santiago or he who will not be named, The Black Hole of Suck.