Friday, November 10, 2006

Everything I know about the Lions, I learned from Foghorn Leghorn

Last Sunday, DeAngelo Hall cheap shotted Jon Kitna with a forearm to the head will Kitna was in mid slide. Now Dominic Raiola wants Hall's head on a stick. Hall has given beat writers his phone and address to give to Raiola in response.

I can see why Hall is laughing about the whole tempest in a teapot. It wouldn't be much of a fight, as Hall would just have to put his hand against Raiola's head and let him flail away with his T-Rex like arms. Raiola would windmill away, arms flailing like Henery Chickenhawk going after Foghorn Leghorn, and would never touch Hall.

As Foghorn himself might say about our favorite alligator armed center, "I say, I-I-I say that boy's strong as an ox, and just about as smart..."

Then again, that quote could cover most of the Lions roster. In fact, Foghorn Leghorn could be considered a sage, a wise prophet, when it comes to football (With that accent, he HAS to be a fan of the SEC), and especially the boys in the Honolulu blue and silver.

For example, here's Foghorn on...

Matt Millen: "That dog's got just the head for it. Pointed, that is..."

Matt Millen deciding to can Steve Mariucci: "I'll just have it out with the boss! It's that kid or me! One of us has gotta go!!"

Fernando Bryant: "Hey boy, you cover about as much as a flapper's skirt in a high wind."

'Dre Bly: "Boy, your lips are movin' but you ain't saying nothin"

Roy Williams: "If that kid don't stop talkin' so much he'll get his tongue sunburned."

Roy Williams, redux: "Gotta mouth like an outboard motor, All the time puttputtputtputtputtputt!"

Mike Williams: "The boy's about as sharp as a bowling ball."

Mike Williams ability to lean the offense: "I don't think this kid's got all his marbles. Shakes his head when he means yes and nods when he means no."

Mike Williams' role in the offense: "Boy! Where'd you go, boy? You plum vanished!"

Mike Williams' build: "His muscles are as soggy as a used tea bag."

Ernie Sims head: "I have my BANDAGES to keep me warm!"

Shawn Rogers: "I'm just a loud mouthed schnook."

Naked fast food eating drunken driving coach Joe Cullen: "That dawg is strictly G.I. -- Gibbering Idiot!"

Sgt. Marinelli: "That dog's as subtle as a hand grenade in a barrel of oatmeal."

Marinelli being named Lions' head coach: "I WON! I WON! I WON! Hey...There must have been some way I coulda lost."

Marinelli cutting Charles Rogers: "Well, we got rid of that fox, and that's only the beginning"

Marinelli installing the Tampa 2 defense: "This is gonna cause more confusion than a mouse in a burlesque show!"

Mike Martz's thoughts about possible head coach openings: "Someone - I say - Someone mention my name?"

Martz to Joey Harrington's during their infamous QB meeting: "Eh...any of this gettin' through that little ol' blue bonnet of yours?"

Martz's thoughts about Joey Blue Skies after that meeting: "A sensitive mind won't stand being picked on."

The receivers learning Martz's offense: "That boy's got his signals mixed. He's going the wrong way!"

Jon Kitna talking of the WR's tendency to drop passes: "The fast ones go over your head. Ya got a hole in your glove. I keep pitchin' 'em and you keep missin' 'em."

Learning Az-Akim had lost his speed: "Boy's like a dead horse...Got no get-up-and-go!"

The correct way to play DB: "I-I-I say, you gotta keep on your toes."

The lack of talent on the Lions' roster: "As bare as a cooch dancer's midriff."

The lack of Lions cheerleaders: "I don't see no hula hula girls."

A Lions fan's thoughts on the hiring of Millen: "We have been flim-flammed."

A Lions fan's attention span during the the Tigers' run: "Go away, boy, ya bother me!"

A Lions fan after another loss: "Every day it's the same thing."

The Lions season: "Oh doggy, you're gonna get your lumps, Oh doggy, you're gonna get some bumps!"

About the Lions futility in general: "Two nuthins is nuthin'. That's mathematics son. You can argue with me but you can't argue with figures. Two half nuthins is a whole nuthin'."

Could it be any more obvious that Foghorn Leghorn is a life long Detroit Lions fan?

1 comment:

  1. God help me, I miss Russ Thomas. If you gave him a few years, Russ could always put mediocre on the field. Sometimes- during the Monte Clark/Billy Sims years, or the Mel Farr/Lem Barney years- he could even do tantalisingly close, "one or two players or calls and we're there". The old skinflint new you had to put together something approaching quality to rake in the bucks. But Millen is just directionless.

    What's the damned plan? I almost feel sorry for WC Ford. He could have hope in the past, but now in certain moments he must realise that he has been a public failure for 40 years. Ouch.