Tuesday, October 03, 2006

The Tigers - Yankees ALDS, as seen thru the blatant bias of TWFE

Catcher: Pudge Rodriguez vs. Jorge Posada - Pudge is a Hall of Fame catcher on the downside of his career, and never takes a pitch. He is the poster boy for the Tigers notorious lack of plate disipline. Even with his flaws, Pudge is still better than 90% of MLB backstops. No one runs on him. No one. Posada average defensively, and very good with the bat, but his stats can be deceiving. He is in such a star studded lineup, even Neifi Perez could get 90 RBI. Advantage Pudge, as he has a statue of himself in his yard.

First base: Sean Casey vs. Gary Sheffield - Casey is a slap hitter playing a power position, clogs the basepaths when he does manage to get on base, would be great coming off the bench, but the Tigers don't have a better option at his position, and will not be a Tiger next season. Sheffield is a despicable head case playing out of position, rumored to have been on the juice, who can hit like stink when healthy and not in one of his "Moods." Advantage Casey, because because he sucks without having to cheat, plus Sheffield is a total jerk off.

Second base: Placido Polanco vs. Robinson Cano - Cano is a solid second sacker that hits for a high average. Polanco is a slick fielder who has the biggest skull this side of the Elephant Man. Polanco is a smart player, the glue in the Tigers lineup, and possibly the best hitter in the order with RISP. Cano hit .342, and is damn near an afterthought in the Yankee star studded order. Advantage Polanco, as he has massive amounts of baseball brain power in his Gazoo-like noggin, and is the girlfriend's favorite player this side of Shane Halter. So if I don't pick him, I'll catch some grief.

Shortstop: Carlos Guillen vs. Derek Jeter - Guillen is the Tigers best overall player, is virtually unoticed and criminally underrated outside of Detroit, despite his being one of the top 5 shortstops in MLB. Sounds just like another all-time great Tiger SS, Alan Trammell, doesn't it? Jeter is miffed if he isn't fluffed on a daily basis by the New York and national MSM, the odds on MVP because of his being a Yankee, and criminally overrated because of his Yankeeness. Advantage Guillen, as I hate pretentious pretty boys who throw third basemen under the bus.

Third base: Brandon Inge vs. Alex Rodriguez - Inge has a surprising amount power for a number 9 hitter (No Tiger fan expected 27 HR's from a player who used to have season long flings with the Mendoza Line), plays gold glove quality defense, and the ability to pull off the most boneheaded of plays anytime, anywhere, as seen by the game defining error he made on Sunday. A-Rod is a great player (When there is no pressure on him...), makes more money than the entire GNP of the third world, is on the Yankee fan shitlist because he hasn't made a clutch play since...Well, A-Rod has never been clutch. He probably owns a clutch, though... Advantage Inge, because you get gold glove defense, 27 HR's, and 83 RBI's for 1/64 the money Steinbrenner pays that clutch carrying pussboy A-Rod.

Left field: Craig Monroe vs. Hideki Matsui - Monroe is an average outfielder, unless it's the 7th inning or later. From then on, David Ortiz wishes he was as clutch as Craig Monroe. The biggest, most important hits the Tigers had this season were courtesy of Monroe, specifically the grand slam against the ChiSox, and the game winning HR that saved the Yankee series, and the rest of the Tigers' season for that matter, from turning into a debacle. As long as Monroe stays out of Bloomingdale's belt department, he'll be fine. Godzilla is a good player, but give me Mothra, Gamera, or Monster X over him anytime. Advantage Monroe, becuase he defines the word "Clutch," rather than carry one...

Center field: Curtis Granderson vs. The Sell Out Known As Johnny Damon - Granderson may have been the Tigers first half MVP, but has cooled in the second half. Grandy plays stellar defense, has good power, strikes out WAAAAAY too much, and will only get better. Damon sold out Red Sox Nation for a few extra pieces of gold from their sworn enemy. I hope Damon can live with himself as he drives his solid gold Brinks truck to his personal Fort Knox. Advantage Granderson, because he's not a traitor who stabbed an adoring fanbase in the heart. Multiple times. With malice.

Right field: Magglio Ordonez vs. Bobby Abreu - Maggs isn't the same hitter he once was before he blew out his knee, but is still to be feared at the plate. He has lost much of his home run power, but takes advantage of the vast gaps in the Comerica Park outfield. Ordonez has an insane contract, but overpaying him was the only way Detroit could get anyone approximating an impact bat. Abreu is an OBP machine who stopped hitting home runs a year and a half ago, with almost as insane of a contract as Ordonez's. Let's call this one a push.

Designated hitter: Marcus Thames/Omar Infante/Anyone but Neifi Perez vs. Jason Giambi - Odds are that Thames will get the majority of at-bats as the Tiger DH. Thames has big time power, but has been slumping badly as of late, let alone fighting off the flu. Infante absolutely kills fastballs, but is also the main backup infielder, so he'll more likely be seen as a pinch hitter or god forbid, an injury replacement. On the other hand, you have the Giambino, who has a lame ass nickname, and admitted his cheating under oath. I'll give you 2 to 1 that he's back on the HGH, roids, creatine, cream and clear, or a combination thereof. Advantage Tigers, because Thames is not a cheater, he's happy to hit his tape measure bombs without chemical help.

Bench: The Tigers have the black hole of suck, Neifi Perez, on theirs. Advantage Yankees.

Bullpen: The Yankees have a sure fire Hall of Famer in closer Mariano Rivera, who scares the shit out of the oppostion. The rest of the pen is nothing more than noted loon Kyle Farnsworth, and a bunch of no name stiffs. The Tigers may have the deepest bullpen in baseball, lead by the sound barrier breaking fastball of Joel Zumaya. But the Tigers also have noted rollercoaster closer Todd Jones, who scares the shit of the Tiger fanbase everytime he waddles out to the mound. Another push, thanks to the greatness of Rivera, and the shakiness of the Rollercoaster.

Starting pitching: The Tigers' starting pitching is young (Save for the Gambler), feared by cameramen everywhere, deep, and very, very good. Save for the last week of the season, that is. (The Royals lit 'em up like bald tires on a muscle car) The Tigers may be on the verge of having a 1990's Braves type of rotation, the long-term potential is obvious. The Yankees staff is old as the dirt Yankee Stadium is built upon (Save for Wang), and looks better on paper than in reality (Save for Wang), and is the Yankee weak spot in this series (Save for Wang). This is where the Tiger have a chance of taking the series. I can see Robertson and/or Verlander winning their matchups. If that happens, the Tigers have a legit shot of taking out the Evil Empire. Advantage Tigers (Save for Wang).

Seriously, I just don't see a sweep. One of the Tiger staters will win a game. If it's Robertson or Verlander in NY, then we may have a barnburner of a series. The Tigers HAVE to come back to the D 1-1. If the Yankees win the first 2 games, then the ALDS goes 4 games, max.

1 comment:

  1. You chose well, Grasshopper...you chose well....