Monday, October 02, 2006

How do I hate the Yankees? Let me count the ways

Is there a more hated team in all of sports than the New York Yankees? It's not even close. The Yankees represent all that is wrong and evil with professional sports. They are the Goliath to the Detroit Tigers' David. Here's a few personal reasons why I hate the Yankers. Let's start dishing out the Haterade...

Jason Giambi: Admitted cheater and steroid user. He's hitting again, because he's most likely now on HGH. Yankeee fans could give 2 shits, as long as the "Giambino" is hitting 300 foot pop ups into the Yankee Stadium right field porch. The "Giambino?" What the Hell? The Bambino is spinning in his grave.

Derek Jeter: Obnoxious pretty boy, odds on MVP only because he plays in the world's biggest media market, and more than happy to toss Alex Rodriguez under the bus to make himself look better. Idolized by Yankee fans, loathed by the rest of nation.

Alex Rodriguez: A slap-happy pussboy.

Randy Johnson: Bad hair, bad back, worse complexion. His fastball is no longer an intimidating force, but still scares hitters shitless with his less than handsome, to put it mildly, looks.

Johnny Damon: Sold out a BoSox fanbase that literally idolized him for the few dollars more that the Yankees offered. No longer the likeable "Unfrozen caveman centerfielder" and "Baseball Jesus," now just another overpaid, and clean shaven, New York ballplayer.

Bobby Abreu: The Tigers trade for him, they win the division easily. But that was never going to happen. The only reason he's in New York is that the Yankees were the only team willing to take on Abreu's insane contract. Would you be willing to pay one of MLB's poster boys for fiscal insanity $28.5 million in '07 and '08? $28.5 million? For 15 home runs? Christ almighty, I don't think so.

Chien-Ming Wang: Heh. His name is "Wang" Heh.

Melky Bubba Cabrera: The latest in a long line of overrated stiffs Bubba's to play outfield for the Yankees, following in the footsteps of such immortals as Bubba Crosby, Bubba Trammell, and Shane Bubba Spencer.

Cory Lidle: The Phillies made a wild card run after they unloaded Lidle on the Yankees, 'nuff said. For that matter, the only reason he's a Yankee at all is due to the fact that the Phils demanded that they take on Lidle's hefty contract in the Abreu deal.

Hideki Matsui: There's only one true "Godzilla," and Matsui isn't it. He's not even comparable to that flying turtle.

Bernie Williams: He should have been a Tiger. Hell, he was going to be a Tiger. Bobby Higginson was all but traded to the Yankees for Williams, then the Yankees backed out of the deal at the last possible moment. Williams goes on to win multiple world championships, we get to watch Higginson hit on more strippers than home runs for the next 5 years.

Michael Kay: The Yankees radio play by play man, who's only known for coming up with the most nauseating tag line in all of sports, "The Yankess win, thaaaa Yaaaaaankeeees WIN!" Kay is no Ernie Harwell, to say the very least. To even mention that hack in the same sentence as Harwell's is blasphemous.

Yankee fans: An obnoxious bunch, they believe that World Series championships are a birthright, and that the entire sports world revolves around the Yankees, and thus, themselves. Unfortunately for the rest of us, FOX, the Worldwide Leader, and the rest of the MSM are under the same impression. They are the only fanbase that makes Red Sox Nation look reasonable. The Yankess and their fans are the most glaring example of the well known East coast media bias. To them, we are just bumpkins in fly-over country.

George Steinbrenner: Making the world a much worse place for over 3 decades.

The Tigers can do the world at large a huge favor by taking out the Yankees. If there is one, and only one, bright spot in their backing into the playoffs, is that everyone will be rooting for the Tigers.


  1. I love the purse picture!! Made my day....and Lord knows I need it...STUPID JOB!!


  2. Not alot of substance or serious basebal analysis here. HEH! Too bad Kenny Rogers won't get a chance to pitch in New York. Oh yeah, and Michael Kay hasn't done radio play-by-play since 2001. Do your homework man!!

  3. John Sterling does the "Yankees win" call. The Yankees are the best team in baseball. Get used to it. Anyone who thinks Red Sox fans are more tolerable than Yankees fans probably has his Wayne Fontes nighty on tonight.