Saturday, October 21, 2006

The Tigers - Cardinals World Series, as seen thru the blatant bias of TWFE

I did this for the Tigers - Yankees ALDS. It's again time to whip out the old writing chestnut that is comparing lineups, and see which team has the advantage in the 2006 World Series. As any Cardinals supporters that may stumble upon TWFE might guess, I'm a Tigers fan, so keep that in mind...

Catcher: Pudge Rodriguez vs. Yadier Molina - Pudge has a statue of himself in his yard, despite decling some at the plate, he's still one of the best catchers in the history of baeball, and is going to the Hall of Fame. Yadier is the worst of the Molina brothers catching mini-dynasty. 'Nuff said. That the Molina's are a catching mini-dynasty shows how much the catcher position has fallen in MLB over the years. Advantage Pudge, beacuse "Pudge," or Ivan, for that matter, is a cooler name than Yadier.

First base: Sean Casey vs. Albert Pujols - Casey has a bad calf, but it shouldn't make any difference, as he can't run when healthy. He's a slap hitter with Neifi Perez-like power, not exactly what you're looking for at a power position. Pojols will not be a factor, same as in the NLCS, as he'll NEVER get a pitch to hit. Why should you give him anything close to the plate when you have Juan Encanarcion hitting behind him? It's a no brainer. It BETTER be a no brainer. Advantage Casey, as he has a cool ass nickname, "The Mayor," and because Pujols will never get a chance to take the bat off of his shoulder.

Second base: Placido Polanco vs. Ronnie Belliard - The Placidome has the largest head in MLB, which he needs to keep the massive amounts of baseball knowledge inside contained. Which he put to good use while winning the MVP of the ALCS, with (What seemed like, anyway) a 1.000 batting average. Belliard, which Andrew put so well, is the first 300 lb 2nd baseman in the history of baseball. Advantage to the all knowing Placidome, as the Cards have a bigger boned Eric Cartman playing 2nd.

Shortstop: Carlos Guillen vs. David Eckstein - Guillen is the most underrated SS, if not player, in all of baseball. He out Jeters Jeter, in that the New York pretty boy gets all the MVP talk in the MSM, while Carlos Guillen puts up amazingly similar numbers, with none of the fanfair, at a fraction of the salary. David Eckstein is the next coming of a lighter hitting Freddie Patek. Or it's the batboy wearing an Eckstein jersey, I'm not sure which. Advantage Guillen.

Third base: Brandon Inge vs. Scott Rolen - Did you know that Binge can dunk a basketball? Hit a driver 300+ yards off the tee? May be the best overall athlete in MLB? Should win a gold glove? That his manager will ACTUALLY talk to him? Can you say any of that about Scott Rolen? Didn't think so. Advantage Binge, as he has 2 good shoulders to Rolen's one. (Warning to Cardinals fans, expect daily stories on the freaky athletic ability of Inge, as it's already been done to death in the D)

Left field: Craig Monroe vs. Preston Wilson - Craig Monroe is clutch. How clutch is he? He's the clutchiest clutch to ever clutch. He's clutchriffic! Clutchtastic, even. Under clutch in the Wikipedia, you'll see Monroe's picture. (Once I edit it) As for Wilson? He was waived by the Astros, after being one of their big off season free agent signings. That's NOT clutch. Far from it. Advantage Monroe, because he's clutch. Did I say he was clutch? Cause he is...

Center field: Curtis Granderson vs. Jim Edmonds - To steal a FARK cliche, Edmonds is old and busted, Granderson is the new hotness. Granderson has stepped up his play in the postseason. If you noticed, and it's hard not to, when Granderson is playing well, so do the Tigers. Both are smoking hot. Edmonds was once a great player, but is now the poster boy for what happens when you run into one too many outfield walls. Advantage Granderson, as he doesn't need a walker to patrol the vast distances in Comerica's center field.

Right field: Magglio Ordonez vs. Juan Encanarcion - Maggs, a prennial All-Star, just hit one of the biggest home runs in recent MLB history. He'll never have to pay for a meal in the state of Michigan ever again. Encanarcion sucked so bad when he was a Tiger, he was made to pay double in restaurants, on general principle. Encanarcion was run of out Detroit on a rail, even though the Amtrak service is spotty. Advantage Ordonez, even if I am getting just a tad tired of hearing the home run call on local sports rant radio.

Designated hitter: Marcus Thames/Omar Infante/Sean Casey/Anyone but Neifi Perez vs. The Hell if I know, they are a NL team, so So Taguchi? - Let's call it a push, as everytime I see So at bat, he so hits a home run.

Bench: The Tigers have the black hole of suck, Neifi Perez, on theirs. Advantage Cardinals.

Bullpen: The Tigers have a 103 MPH fireballer (Zumaya), a short man with a change up to die for, when he's not walking batters, that is (Rodney), one of the most effective LOOGY's in baseball (Walker), solid middle relievers (Ledezma and Grilli), and a closer (Jones) who scares the Detroit fanbase more than Thom Brennman's pronounciations of Tiger player names. As for the Cards, any staff that has Braden Looper in the mix can't be all that good. Advantage Tigers, due to the Looper factor.

Starting pitching: The Cards have a past Cy Young winner in Chris Carpenter, a solid John Suppan, and then have to hope for long stretches of rainouts. That didn't work for the Yankees, by the way... The Tiger fanbase had plenty of nicknames for Jeff Weaver, "Cheech" being one of the more popular, due to the bust involving the Fed Ex'ing of the chronic with Rob Fick, the "Chong" to Weaver's "Cheech." A brain surgeon, Weaver is not. When Weaver got his ass kicked from foul line to foul line by Mike Sweeney in a brawl with the Royals a few years ago, no tears were shed in the Tiger clubhouse. The Tigers were "Team Dysfunction" back then, and Weaver was one of the main reasons why. Pinning your hopes on Jeff Weaver, whom the Tigers, Yankees, and Angels all had their fill of, is heartbreak waiting to happen. The Tigers may have the best pitching staff in baseball, led by the reborn Gambler, who has fascinatingly become uber clutch and damn near unhittable. Advantage Tigers, due to the Weaver factor.

After comparing rosters, the Tigers look like overwhelming favorites, which is scaring the bejebus out of me. But you have to favor the Tigers, if only due to the fact that the Cards have Encanarcion and Weaver on their roster. Honestly, we in Detroit were hoping to never see either of them in the D again. Damn the luck...

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